


A long road alongside fate

by Simirulz204



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't Like Don't Read, Drama & Romance, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Rejection, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:02:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 147,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simirulz204/pseuds/Simirulz204
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of serving together, one night together with her best friend changes Shepard's fate. Rejection is never easy, but perserverance in the face of that rejection is even harder. A good dose of fluff, angst and oh my word.. the drama.</p><p>This story has been discontinued due to a lot of hate and people who have unfortuneatley made me hate my own characters and this entire story. I'm leaving it up here to remind myself not to bite off more than i can chew and that the internet is a dark, scary place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A small light of hope

She had been in love with him for years. God, she was such fool. As she glanced at him from under her lashes, she took in the way he was casually leaning back against the bar; his elbows resting on the bar made his shoulders look broader than normal, accentuating his lean and toned physique even more than usual. He was animatedly chatting to Tali, his arms waving about as he no doubt explained in over dramatic sub harmonics, just how a great a shot he was with his sniper rifle and a pang of jealousy slithered down her spine as Tali placed a hand on his arm, subtly caressing downwards towards his hand. Whether he was aware of Tali’s flirting or not, didn't matter one way other to her. She glanced away, feeling her stomach muscles clench with a stab of pain. When did this infatuation with him start? Was it when they first started working together at C-Sec, fresh young rookies, straight out of the military, filled with dreams about how they would right all wrongs and rise through the ranks of C-sec?

She shook her head to clear her thoughts away, this wasn't getting her anywhere. Another drink was what she needed. As she all but slammed her glass down on the table she was sitting at, she stood up and had to brace herself for a second as the room spun viciously. Huh, maybe she’d had more to drink than she first thought. Well, if she was already on her way into a hangover from hell and a day of feeling sorry for herself, who the hell was gravity to tell her to stop. She stood up straight, intending to walk over to the bar to where HE and Tali were talking and act like nothing was wrong, like the two of them being so close to each other didn't make her fight an urge to put a very large crack in Tali’s helmet. Or a small puncture in her suit.

She shrugged subconsciously, whatever would cause the most pain, slowly. Immediately she felt a twinge of guilt settle in her stomach, Tali had been a good friend to her over the last year, it was her own fault that she was a coward and hadn't mentioned her feelings to _him_ or her.As she reached the bar and signalled to the bartender for another drink, she stood next to him, thankful the pounding music of Flux‘s would drown out her erratic heartbeat, a consequence of her close proximity to him. As he acknowledged her presence with a nod of his head, his brilliant blue eyes, met her own for a second, did a quick sweep up and down her body, most likely to check how drunk she was and then promptly turned back to carry on his conversation with Tali.

His abrupt movement caused the air around them to swirl and intensify the scents that clung to him. Shepard breathed deeply and bit her lip, feeling suddenly angry at the near blatant dismissal from him and yet fighting the temptation to bury her nose in his neck at the same time, briefly overwhelming her. Nudging her way closer she decided that interrupting this conversation was at least something she was capable of doing.

''Hey, guys. What’s going on?''

Tali tilted her head to side, none too pleased to suddenly have her attention from him being stolen and Shepard had to wonder if Tali knew that Shepard loved him and was going ahead with her flirting regardless.

‘’Not much Shepard, we were just talking about the latest mods that have come out for his gun and how, even if you do have the biggest sniper rifle, it doesn't mean anything if you don’t know how to use it. Maybe I should _teach_ him a thing or two?’’

Shepard stiffened, hands clenching as her eyebrows twitched from concentrating on keeping her face from betraying just how severely pissed off she was. Tali knew. She knew and was intent on being the one to walk away with him tonight.

‘’Oh, _ha ha_. I’ll have you know, that I know how my rifle works and I learned at a very young age how to work it and use it on my own. I prefer it that way actually.’’ he drawled, his subvocals thrumming with amusement.

Anyway, Tali, I promised Shepard here that we would finally have that drinking competition, since she lost'' – he smirked, mandibles splaying wide - ''spectacularly to our shooting contest we had last week.’’

He stepped away from the bar, and with one arm, looped it over Shepard’s shoulders in a manner which clearly stated to the world _THIS_ is my best friend. Shepard held her breath as his face came suddenly closer to hers, smelling the faint scent of brandy and spices on his breath, playing across her cheek.

‘’Ready to get your ass handed to you Shepard?’’ he mockingly purred into her ear. She shivered. Finishing her drink in one gulp she turned to fully face him.

Shepard snorted and said ‘’Bring it on tough guy.’’

Giving Tali a smirk, Shepard was fully aware that she had just spoiled whatever plan Tali had going. Tali stood there having taken all their banter between the two of them without interrupting, finally came to her senses and all but whined

‘’Wait, you’re leaving? I thought you were going to stay for a while and have a few drinks with me?’’ Her arms crossing over her chest as she looked up at him in what would have been a cute imploring way, if the mask she was wearing wasn't obstructing her face.

‘’No, sorry Tali. A promise is a promise and besides, you know where I work so just drop in some time and we’ll go find a place to have lunch.’’ he said as he started turning toward the exit with Shepard still curled under his arm.

Shepard couldn't resist slightly turning her head back and lifting an eyebrow as if to say _'Well that didn't turn out quite how you expected it to did it?_ '. Even if there were no romantic or sexual feelings involved he had still ultimately chosen her in the end. She smiled as she was ushered passed the other drinkers and gamblers, narrowly avoiding an elbow to the face as one of the over enthusiastic dancers got too close to her. She looked up as she heard growling and a deep vibration rolling through her arm where it was tucked close to his chest. He glared at the dancer as he all but bowled people over in his frenzy to get them both out of the club in one piece.

‘’Your place or mine?’’ he asked, as they stood in line for a skycar.

Shepard barked out a laugh and said ‘You do realise that is one of the cheesiest pick-up lines that men use on woman right?’’

She continued to laugh as he let his arm fall off her shoulder and stared at her in shock. He cleared his throat bringing his hand to the back of his head as his mandibles pulled tight to his face and looked down at the ground and Shepard once again was struck dumb, as she realised this was one of the things he did that made her fall in love with him.

‘’Well if I was into _soft and squishy_ , then yeah, you could take it that way but uh, you know I'm only attracted to, uh, females of my species… and … ‘’ as he stuttered she decided to cut him some slack because she knew, _she knew godammit_ , that he was not attracted to other species and it was entirely her bad attempt at flirting that made him this uncomfortable.

‘’Relax, I'm just teasing you. No worries tough guy. Could we head to yours? You still have some of my wine left over from last time and that sucker needs polishing off before it goes bad. And that would be a damn shame.’’

His mandibles flared out again in a smile as he visibly relaxed once more and reverted back to his usual confident stance. As they walked towards the skycar he climbed in first and turned his body towards her and held out his hand in offer of helping her get in. Shepard rolled her eyes at him, thinking it was cute that he sometimes treated her like a damn _damsel in distress_ when he had seen first-hand how she was perfectly capable of kicking ass while on duty and yet now, climbing into a skycar he thought she needed to be treated like a fragile doll. As she took his hand she lamented the fact that he had his gloves on. Sharp talons or not, after all these years, she was aching to feel what his bare hand felt like in her own. The emotion that came as that hand clamped around her own always took her by surprise, the secret thrill of that one moment that she held his hand and that split-second where she pretended that he was suddenly hers. Shepard settled into her seat with as much grace as she could manage in her half-drunk state and once again found her gaze being drawn back to his face.

‘’So… you and Tali, uh, seem to be quite _close_ these days. Should I be worried about my status as best friend?’’ she nervously joked, wanting to hear the answer yet dreading it as well.

‘’ _Never,_ Shepard. You know you’re my partner in crime…No, wait, we work in law enforcement, so, uh, _in law_.’’ He chuckled. ‘’Tali is a good friend and she comes by the office quite often these days so, yeah, I mean, I guess were close but she’ll never take your place.’’

As Shepard stared out the window she tried to think of a response that wouldn't immediately give away what she felt for him. In the end she opted to remain silent. The skycar quickly reached its destination and they boarded the elevator to take them to his apartment. The silence was palpable. Shepard was starting to get uncomfortable but luckily the ding of the elevator sounded and they strode to his door. As he put his combination in, she thought that maybe coming to his place wasn't such a good idea. He let her step in first as the door opened and she was immediately lulled into a false sense of security as the smells, dark and rich spices from the kava he drank, the strange plants from Palaven and the slight hint of glue from the model cruisers that he built in his spare time, all enveloped her. She loved his place. The turian style furniture with its sweeping backs and strange cushions to support their backs and necks, down to the carpets which ensured that if a turian walked around with no shoes, that no talons would get stuck in the threads. The overly large window that took up most of the lounge wall overlooked one of the Citadel’s arms and the lights of the presidium cast the room into lovely shades of blue, pink and white swirls.

She loved it here. _Safe, warm and comforting._ Strange how that was exactly how she felt whenever she was around him. He took of his jacket and she followed suit handing it to him to be hung up. Making herself comfortable on one of the chairs, slipping off her shoes and tucking them underneath her she waited patiently as she heard him rattle around the kitchen looking for her glass and bottle of wine. He sauntered back into the lounge with a wide grin on his face.

‘’Well, Shepard, this is supposed to be a drinking competition, however we did catch that bastard Saleon, so how about we drink to celebrate instead, a job well done?’’. As he poured her wine for her she accepted it from his outstretched hand and resisted the urge to brush her fingers against his.Taking a swig of the liquid, she felt the warmth spread down to her stomach and the previous feelings of jealousy and worry eased.

Clearing her throat she said ‘’You know you don’t have to keep your gloves on around me? Not like I'm going to run away after seeing the big, bad turians bare hands.’’ He quirked a brow plate and shrugged.

‘’Alright Shepard, but don’t say I didn't warn you when one of my talons accidentally slice into that pink skin of yours.’’ As he took off his gloves, Shepard watched with such _fascination_ that when he caught her looking she blushed bright red.

He laughed, subvocals making her tremble as the bass hit all the right spots on her body, leaving behind a tingling sensation when he eventually stopped.

‘’I did _warn_ you Shepard.’’ he said, still smiling and putting a hand behind his head as he sat down next to her with his feet on the table in front of them.

She looked down at his hands and saw the silvery plates, intercepted here and there by dark patches underneath, she imagined it would smooth but tough, almost like the finest leather and without conscious thought she picked up one of his hands and brought it close to her face. He stilled, looking at her with confusion until she started mumbling under her breath.

‘’Oh, you weren't kidding about the sharp claws were you? I still don’t see how they could be _scary_ , or well, at least not to me.’’ she turned his hand upside down and put her own on top his intending to compare the size of their hands and when she lightly rubbed between the three fingers to get them to part he growled softly.

Quickly letting go of his hand Shepard stuttered ‘’ _God, I'm so sorry;_ I didn't even think to ask. I didn't do something _majorly_ taboo did I?’’

She looked over at him, worry making her eyes crinkle in the corners and she prayed to whatever was out there that she didn't just mess this up for good.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and said ‘’No, it’s not that, it’s just that our skin between our plates is quite _sensitive_ …naturally because with our plates covering most of our skin underneath … ‘’ he was rambling again and Shepard laughed nervously.

‘'Well anyway, I just growled because it felt… _different_.’’ he said, avoiding her eyes and taking a large sip of his beer.

Stupid, stupid hope flared into Shepard and she tried in vain not to let her mind travel to the place where she could interpret his feeling _‘different’_ into _‘that felt good_ ’. She decided that she wouldn't touch him again, as she didn't want to push him and inevitably be rejected in some way. As the silence once again stretched on, they sipped their drinks and she huffed

‘’Thought we were supposed to be getting drunk? Put some music on will you or a movie full of explosions so that we can laugh at the crappy CGI.’’

He lifted his arm to fiddle around on his omnitool and selected a movie, the screen in the lounge lighting up as he dimmed the windows and lights to create the desired effects of a theatre and the sound rose as they settled in. While Shepard had no intention of touching him again, she couldn't help the fact that he was Turian, _larger and taller_ than her and therefore when he made himself more comfortable on the couch, their arms were touching and she could feel the heat through his shirt as it slowly seeped into her own arm. Halfway through the movie, she realised that she was indeed, quite drunk, the room spinning and her eye lids drooped heavily as she fought the urge to yawn. Half a bottle of wine and two beers and she had lost count of how many he had drank; she dared to look at him again.

Maybe she should tell him now. Just get on with it and say it. End this unrequited love that made her feel like a schoolgirl all the time. End the stabbing pain when she saw him with another woman. Just _end it._  
A loud moan suddenly filled the room and Shepard’s attention snapped back to the screen where a turian and a quarian were all over each other, petting and panting. The dramatic and hoarse moans from both the lead actors made the blood rush faster under Shepard’s skin and she swallowed her throat suddenly dry. She felt a prickle on her left cheek, like she was being watched and as she turned her head and body around she found him watching her, a look that she had never before seen in his eyes, a burning stare, his eyes narrowed and he chuffed out his breath.

She couldn't look away from him, the sounds of the movie escalating into a fever pitch and as she opened her mouth slightly and proceeded to take and release a small breath, she suddenly felt his three fingered hands wrap around her waist and lift her, like a feather, until she was sitting on top of him. Her knees rested on either side of his and as she stared at him, his fingers clenched around her waist, making her gasp. As she leant forward to bring her face closer to his, her hair fell forward and framed her face, she felt one of his hands leave her waist and come up to her hair. Entwining her hair between his fingers, he purred and tucked it gently behind her ear. Shepard’s face was so close to him now, an inch between their noses and their breaths huffing softly over each other’s.

She took her hands and placed them on top of his shoulders, slowly running them down his chest, his growling and purring intensified and as she slowly, slowly put her lips on his mouth, they both closed their eyes and sighed. Shepard loved the taste of him, a dark chocolate taste, and her tongue left her mouth to lick softly at his plates around his lips. He gave a jolt when he felt her tongue. He moved his hand to hold her head as he opened his mouth and she snuck her tongue carefully into his mouth avoiding his teeth and when he touched his tongue to hers, both of them moaned more wantonly than the actors in the movie. Breathing heavily as they kissed, she drew his tongue into her mouth and lightly sucked on it, nipping on the end when she let it go.

‘’ _Spirits,_ Shepard.’’ he said as she snaked her hand to the back of his head underneath his fringe, rubbing the soft unplated skin there in circles.

He tilted his head back and Shepard took the opportunity to trail wet kisses down his neck, softly biting her way around his neck while she massaged and scratched under his fringe. His growling was a constant vibration in her body as she sat on top of him and she squirmed as she felt it travel between her legs.

‘’What do you want Shepard?’’ he slurred. Whether from arousal or alcohol she couldn't tell, but as she stared down into his eyes, breathing hard and aching for him. She knew exactly what she wanted.

‘’You. I want _you_ Garrus.’’


	2. A dream is a wish your heart makes

She must be dreaming. Because it was only ever in her dreams, that she woke up wrapped in Garrus’s arms, his chin tucked into the crook of her neck and his hand splayed wide over her stomach. Her heart started fluttering so fast inside her chest she was sure that the sound was going to wake up everyone within a mile wide radius. She was facing away from him, her back snug against his chest and her legs intertwined with his under the blankets. She blinked, slowly realising that when Garrus eventually woke up, either he would look at this situation and laugh, calling it ‘blowing off steam’ or at worst reject her and tell her get out of his life. Shepard suddenly became very afraid of Garrus waking up.

***flashback***

‘’What do you want Shepard?’’ he slurred. Whether from arousal or alcohol she couldn't tell, but as she stared down into his eyes, breathing hard and aching for him. She knew exactly what she wanted.

‘’You. I want you Garrus.’’

As she traced his family markings on his face with her finger, she let out a startled squeak, as in one smooth movement he stood up, positioning her to wrap her legs around his waist.He groaned when she squeezed her thighs against his him, causing him to stumble as he tried to make his way to his bedroom. Shepard was frantically kissing Garrus everywhere she could physically reach. Raking her nails up and down his back and clutching his shoulders tightly as she felt his hand sneak under her ass and grip it with force. Before they could reach the bedroom she bit him hard on the side of his neck, making him roar and slam her back into the wall in the corridor leading to his room. His growl was almost vicious in nature as he leaned in lathed his tongue from under her chin all the way down her neck to her collarbone. She pressed her nails hard under his fringe, pressing his face down into her neck, encouraging him to continue licking her; she moaned and moved her body slowly against him, creating friction between her legs. When he traced his teeth down the other side of her neck and she briefly felt him clamp down, a shiver of excitement, lust and fear hummed through her body.

Shepard’s blood was throbbing under her skin and her breath was bursting out of her in small pants. Garrus groped her ass again and grinded his emerging cock against her as he held her still with his teeth upon her neck. The hand that wasn’t groping at her ass was reaching for her shirt. He brought his hand to her collar and with one sharp talon tore through the middle in one quick flick of his wrist, taking her bra along with it. Her already hardened nipples strained even more as they were suddenly hit with a blast of cool air and moments later covered with a large hand. The sudden cold and then warm sensation from his hand made her yearn for his tongue wrapped around them. She tugged on his fringe to get his attention, causing him to hiss out a curse of pleasure and directed his head downwards till he found her nipple.He flicked his long tongue out, twirling it around one before grazing her with his teeth. His hand started to pluck at her, harder and quicker until Shepard thought that she would surely lose her mind if she didn't get him inside her soon.

Some part of Shepard knew that they had had far too much to drink and could very well end up regretting this tomorrow. She knew she was bound to get scratches and cuts from tonight, but right then, at that precise moment, with Garrus rubbing himself against her clit, licking his way from her neck down to her breasts she decided that she didn't care. Pulling his face back up and towards hers she kissed him with all the love she had been keeping to herself all these years and when she glanced into his eyes she all but begged

‘’Garrus, please. I want you _inside me_. I don’t want to wait any more.’’

He looked back at her, eyes glassy and unfocused, his mind too far gone to form coherent sentences and nodded. He returned the kiss as best he could, tongue meeting tongue and hands roaming over each other as he half-walked half-stumbled into his bedroom. As they entered the bedroom he put her down on the edge of the bed and stood back to take off his shirt. Shepard slipped off her pants and underwear and as she looked at him she sucked in her breath as years of images and dreams about him, was suddenly standing before her. Real. This was real. She reached out, her hand slowly running over his stomach, watching the muscles on his waist contract as she scraped her nails across them. He let out a low moan and stood transfixed before her as she lowered her hand to the clasps on his pants and started to lower them slowly.

His sub vocals were pleading with her, his eyes never leaving her face as she leaned in to place a kiss on his waist while her hands pushed his pants to his knees. He lifted each leg so that his spurs could come free and when he had finally taken off his pants he stood in front of her, naked as the day he was born. God he was beautiful, Shepard thought, the silver plates gleamed in the room, reflecting the city’s lights shining through the window. Shepard finally allowed her eyes to travel down to his cock, a blue so vibrant, shaded here and there with white, reminding her briefly of clouds scattered across a summer’s day sky.

She took him in her hand, pumping his cock slowly, lingering with a faint squeeze at the curved head, watching his face for his reactions. Shepard increased her pace and he let his head drop as his mandibles grew slack

‘’Shepard, you’re, _ah,_ spirits…going to make…me cum.’’ he keened, eyes wide as he looked down at her.

Abruptly he pulled away and bent forward to loom over her. Shepard took the hint and they both started to crawl up to the top of the bed. She beckoned him with open arms and as he leaned over her, bracing his weight on his forearms, his hand swept from her collarbone, over her stomach and down to the juncture between her legs finding her clit. As he started rubbing against her, she brought one leg up and swung it over his hips, her hand under his fringe and one on his shoulder. She panted into his mouth as his finger suddenly entered her, his hand slightly rubbing against her clit with each thrust.

‘ _’Oh, fuck,_ Garrus.’’ she whimpered.

She was unashamedly bucking into his hand and her teeth latched onto the skin of his neck, she was so close. Just before her world shattered, he removed his hand, grabbing her other leg and bringing it to her chest. She gave out a choked gasp as his cock replaced his finger, and the tip entered her.Shepard was convinced that Garrus was trying to torture her, he had one hand underneath her supporting her back, making her arch of the bed and his other arm was braced on her side as he continued to dip his cock in and out of her, moaning softly every time he felt her heat and her slick wetness cover him.

Deciding that she had had enough she pushed off the bed with one arm and effectively pushed him back onto his knees and before he could utter one word of protest she sank down on him. Simultaneously they both leaned back and shouted out their pleasure. His hard cock was heaven to her, the ridges just prominent enough to drag against her walls as she started to ride him. Garrus grabbed her roughly around her waist and as she started to moan, he started thrusting, grunting with the pleasure she was giving him, meeting her halfway as he slammed into her.

He grabbed her by the back of the neck and brought his forehead to hers and bent both their heads down to watch how he was giving it to her and he, to watch how she was taking it. Raspy and throaty groans, growling and the sound of flesh slapping against plates filled the room, their breath a constant sound in each other ears. Shepard threw back her head and came. Her walls convulsing around his cock, so tightly that he grabbed onto her hips and with one last, final, hard thrust he emptied himself into her with a roar and bit down on her neck. His cum filling her and as his breathing started to slow he realised he had never felt so good in all his years alive. Shepard brought his head to hers and kissed him slowly, still feeling the aftershocks of her body’s release. She truly, truly loved him and supposed she always would. She lay down next to him on the bed and drifted off to sleep in his arms.

*****Present moment*****

As Shepard finished putting the bits and pieces together of their night in her head she felt him stir. Oh, shit. He was waking up. She was tempted to pretend to be asleep as she heard him groan and then suddenly twitch as he realised that he was not alone in his bed. She could hear the panic in his sub vocals and closed her eyes as the resignation set in. This was not going to go well.

‘’Shepard!?’’ He half shouted.

As he confirmed that it was in fact _her_ , naked and wrapped around various limbs on his body, he bolted out the bed, causing her to hiss as she felt the chafing on her skin no doubt left all over body from last night. As he hurriedly found his trousers from the floor and yanked them on, he stood with his back to her and held his head in hands. Shepard watched him breathe deeply, seeing the way his back and shoulders shuddered from the action.

‘’Garrus, I… I'm not sorry that it happened. It did and there’s no changing that. I can however, understand if you want to pretend that it didn't happen. But please don’t ask me to.’’ Shepard said softly. She sat up slowly in the bed, pulling the blankets up to her chest and folding her arms. She wanted him to look at her.

‘’Garrus, _please_ , look at me.’’

Garrus turned around but she found that it was impossible to make eye contact with him as he started pacing up and down at the edge of the bed.

‘’Shepard, what do you want me to say?’’he growled in frustration.

‘’This was never supposed to happen Shepard. I'm sorry if that hurts you… but _Spirits_ … I don’t even know how this happened. I've never been attracted to another species and this couldn’t have happened at the worst time. My father is setting up a match for me and expects me to get married soon to one of the Primarch’s nieces and if what happened between us ever comes to light, it will ruin my entire family’s reputation and degrade _any_ honour that I have brought to myself. ‘’

He suddenly stopped pacing as he heard her sharp intake of breath. Shepard felt as if though she had just been backhanded by a krogan. The previous fluttering of her heart caused by the excitement of being with him last night immediately dissipated and in its wake she felt her heart momentarily stop from pain, then sluggishly start beating again. Shepard fought for control. She would not let him see how much this hurt her. She _would not_ cry in front of him.

‘’Shepard… I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Shepard? You’re my _best_ friend. Please, don’t let us sleeping together ruin our friendship.’’

He sighed as he looked down at the floor, evidence of their sex all around, torn bed sheets and pillowcases, more evidence on the bed of her blood and their fluids. His eyes snapped up to her neck and he let out a small shout of shock. He had bitten her. Oh fuck, he had bitten her last night. She would scar and every time another turian saw that mark she would be considered as either a bondmate or as a whore. Spirits. He held onto his control and tried to even out his breathing. He started to walk towards her around the side of the bed but stopped in his tracks when she flinched from him and gathered the blankets up further.

  
He couldn't deal with this. Shepard was his best friend in the entire galaxy. The two of them went to the same boot camp together, got shouted at by the same drill sergeants and graduated together. All his good memories over the last eight years included her. Whenever he was struggling to speak to his father about his future and choices he wanted to make, she would be there to encourage and support him and eventually he would find the courage to speak to his father. She and his sister Solana were good friends, and Spirits, even his mother, who fought the humans during the war, approved of his friendship with Shepard. Said she grounded him and kept him from being reckless. It was only his father who couldn’t tolerate Shepard. No matter how much he pleaded with his father to give her a chance. He couldn't lose her.

_Not to this._

*******************************************

Shepard was still sitting on the bed, reeling and she almost had to laugh at herself because inside her mind if felt like she had one of those archaic movie reels playing in her head. His words constantly skipping around, but repeating often enough that she almost wanted to shout to make it stop. Lifting her head to look at him she saw him approaching her side of the bed and she flinched. She couldn't take him touching her. After so many years of longing for him, loving him, his touch right now would make her regret all those years. She stood up and took the covers with her, covering her body as best as she could. She straightened her spine and tried to stifle a moan of pain. She locked eyes with him, resolute in her decision.

‘’Would you mind fetching me my jacket, while I get dressed?’’ she asked him, her voice low but firm.

As he hesitated, seeming to want to reach out and touch her, he spun on his heels and left the room. While he was gone she tried to put her clothes on in a way that wouldn't aggravate her burning thighs or the shallow gashes in her waist from his talons. Her neck was a constant throbbing pain and she briefly wondered how long it would take before it got infected. As she stood with the sheet wrapped around her upper body, her pants and socks on, she waited for him to come back with her jacket. He had torn through her shirt and bra so she was lucky that she had something of her own to cover herself with as the thought of borrowing something of his which carried his scent, was out of the question for her.

He knocked on the bedroom door and entered, holding her jacket awkwardly. She felt a brief _stir_ in her heart at the sight of him being this uncomfortable, but quickly forced it down. No, she was _done_ with this. No more. She took the jacket from his outstretched hand and turned around. Dropping the sheets, she heard him hiss as he saw the damage he done to her back and the sides of her waist.

‘’Shepard, you need medi..’’ She cut him off with a glare as she zipped up her jacket.

‘’ _Save it,_ Garrus. I've had enough pity and regret for one morning.’’She walked passed him intending to leave this place which once brought her so much comfort, but he grabbed her wrist and spun her around to face him.

‘’We need to _talk_ Shepard.’’She took her hand and removed his fingers from her wrist.

She walked down the passage and to the front door. Putting on her shoes, she ignored the way he was huffing behind her. He followed closely and she could hear his subvocals screaming out with frustration at this entire situation.

‘’Shep…’’ only to stop as she opened the front door and stepped through.

‘’I think enough has been said don’t you?’’ She said as she closed the door in his face.


	3. Worlds Best Partner

As Garrus watched the door quietly shut in his face, he could do nothing but stand there. Staring at the door, he didn't know whether to be relieved that-despite the horrible situation he had just found himself in - it ended with a lot _less_ drama than he was expecting…or to race after Shepard and get her to come back and talk to him. What was he supposed to do? Irritated with himself for standing there like a lost, beaten pyjack, he turned around and surveyed the lounge.

He took note of all the beer bottles strewn around the floor, Shepard’s glass of wine still sitting on the edge of the coffee table. How did this happen? He and Shepard had been _inseparable_ since they first signed up to the military when they were fifteen years old. He had immediately been drawn to her calm, kind demeanour and the wicked sense of humour that he had found lurking behind the sparkle in her eyes and the way she moved like a predator on the field. Grace and beauty. It had never concerned him that she was Human and after a few training sessions together, he had found someone who shared the same ideals as him. _Honour, Virtue, Dignity and a strong sense of right and wrong._

If she were turian, she would be the perfect mate for him. Shaking his head and flaring his mandibles till they rattled against his face, he huffed. In his twenty-three years of being alive, and in all the time that he has known her, the thought of her – or anyone other than a female turian -being a perfect mate for him had never crossed his mind till now. His eyes widened as the realization hit him that he was strangely _okay_ with that thought. No, he shook his head again. His father, Veridian Vakarian, one of the most infamous C-sec officers, was known for his love of the military, his dedication to his duty as a Turian citizen and the Hierarchy would never, ever allow Garrus to smear the family’s name through the mud. His lessons and lectures on what was the right and proper thing to do for a turian was deeply ingrained Garrus.

He had always been accepting of the fact that he would work in a field his father approved of, marry a woman his father had chosen, as that women would elevate the Vakarian clan and provide more heirs to carry on the family name. Up until the exact moment Shepard left his apartment, he was perfectly fine with the way his life was planned out. Like any good turian should be.

As he started clearing the lounge, firmly burying all thoughts of mates, customs and what his father’s reaction would be if he did mention Shepard as a possible mate, he made his way to the kitchen, deciding that he would try handling one problem at a time. First was to get the house in order. The scent of their sex was lingering around the apartment, making his heart clench uncomfortably whenever he breathed through his nose. He walked down the corridor leading to his bedroom and noticed Shepard’s shirt and bra lying in an untidy heap in one corner where it had obviously been kicked. He caught faint scratch marks in the wall from the corner of his eye where his hand had obviously lost control. _Spirits,_ he sighed. Bending over to pick up her clothing, for one moment he fought the urge to bring the shirt to his nose and inhale deeply. He always did love the way she smelled. _Vanilla_ he remembered her calling it. He flashed back to how she tasted…his tongue trailing down her throat…

Shaking himself to get away from the memory, clothes in one hand he headed back to the kitchen. As he stood over the bin, he was suddenly conflicted. Why did throwing her clothing away, like trash make him feel so horrible? It wasn't as if she would need it again. It was in tatters from his talons. He stared at the shirt and bra for a moment longer before throwing the bra away, but deciding to keep the shirt. He didn't know why but he found himself walking to his bedroom. As he surveyed the damage to the bed and the stains from last night, he grew agitated. Placing Shepard’s shirt in one drawer next to the bed, he turned back to the sullied sheets, picked them all up and wrapped them in a tight ball, intending to throw to them away once he had a chance.

The scent was overpowering and he stumbled for a moment as he was hit with hazy memories again… _her moans, him kissing her… the way she felt around his cock. The emotion he had spotted on her face as she saw him naked for the first time. The way her skin gave way when he sunk his teeth into her neck._ He dumped the bedding into a bag and left it by the door. As he walked into the bathroom, he checked the time on his omnitool. 07:20 am. Plenty of time to get showered and report to Chellicks office for a debrief on his next case. He suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of seeing Shepard again so soon. Rubbing a hand down his face, he resigned himself to the fact that whatever happened would happen the way it was meant too and that he had no control over it. He cranked the hot water on in the shower and stepped under the spray, using the soap generously to take away Shepard’s scent. Curse his species for their innate sense of smell he thought as he passed over his body for a third time with the wash cloth. Garrus got dressed quickly for work and stepping out his front door he sighed. It was going to be a very long day.

 

********************************

  
Shepard was walking. She kept her eyes firmly on the ground. Thanking the makers of her jacket for including a hood as she pulled it lower over her head. Shepard thought to herself that if she concentrated on just placing one foot in front of the other she could avoid curling into a ball in the middle of the presidium and sobbing her heart out.

_One step._

_Two._

_Three._

Deep breaths Shepard, she spoke to herself. _Get yourself home and deal with your feelings then._ Her biotics, which she had thankfully kept in check in her current state, started to flare and leap off her skin in blue flames. Breathe Shepard, she repeated to herself. She didn't really know how she made it to her apartment, but as she stepped through her front door, walking into the middle of the lounge…she let loose.

She snapped. Years of emotions, of holding back, of being unfulfilled until last night hit her in waves. She let out a loud sob and she sank to her knees on the floor, her biotics pushed out from her. Picture frames and ornaments toppled off their hooks and shelves. Shattering into brilliant pieces with resounding cracks around the room. The vibrations of her biotic waves making the windows shudder and groan in protest. She caught her breath and with one final gasp the wave broke. The silence of the room was deafening. She hiccuped, sniffing and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. The tears just kept coming. She sat there for what to her felt like hours. Numbness creeping into her knees. She stood slowly, her mind working as if on autopilot. _Shower. Wash. Dress. Report for work._

That’s what she needed to do. That’s what she should do. She couldn't. Not today. Her body was _aching_ from the way he took her last night, cuts and bruises a dull aching roar inside her. She lifted her hand to her neck. She stilled as the implications hit her. She knew enough of Turian customs to know that she was in trouble. Deep, deep rooted trouble. She wasn't his mate for god’s sake and if his reaction was anything to go by this morning she never would be. _Oh, God. He’s getting married._ A cold flash of nausea rippled down her body nearly bringing her to her knees again. That bastard, she thought. Why didn't he tell me sooner? We've been inseparable for _years_ and only now, after they had had sex did he inform her of that fact. No, she shook her head, at least she should be grateful that he wasn't disgusted by the fact that he slept with her, another species. A human.

However that small ray of hope died quickly when she once again remembered what he said. She couldn't go to work today, yes, she admitted that it was cowardly. She was a grown woman and shouldn’t let her personal life get in the way of work. She couldn’t. Shepard flicked on her omnitool and scrolled through to find Chellicks number, knowing he would be in the office. She deactivated facecam and pressed call. As the phone rang, she realised she was still crying, her nose was blocked and her voice was hoarse from the scream she had let loose earlier.She cleared her throat as best as she could.

‘’Chellick here, what can I do for you Shepard?’’ came the response when the call went through.

‘’Hi Boss, remember that vacation that I skipped out on? I think I remember I still have two weeks to take off. I’d like to take that now if it wouldn’t be too much problem? I’ve come down with a very bad cold and I decided I might as well take some time off and get some R&R.’’ Shepard said quickly, before he could get a word in edgeways.

She prayed to God that he wouldn't pick up on her lifeless tone of voice.

‘’Well Shepard, this is _highly_ unusual. The proper way to do it would be to submit the correct forms for holiday and wait for approval, but I think just this once, I can bypass all that for you. You and Vakarian make a hell of a team and did excellent work in stopping Saleon. _Hmmm_ , yes, OK. You are effectively on vacation starting now. Is there anything I should know about or am I going to get a call from Vakarian asking for leave too?’’ He chuckled on the other end of the line and Shepard couldn't help wincing every time he mentioned Garrus.

‘’Uh, no Boss. All things with Vakarian are just the way they should be.’’ she said. ‘’So I’ll see you in two weeks boss? Thanks again.’’

Shepard cut the line after she heard him grunt in the affirmative. Her hand dropped limply to her side again and she took a deep breath. She needed to shower. Even with her human nose she could still smell his scent, as if though she had bathed in it and allowed him to soak into her pores. Screw the shower, she needed a bath. As she ran the water into the tub, zealously pouring in half her bottle of bubble bath, she reasoned that should be enough to get her smelling like she used to. She gently lowered herself into the steaming water, moaning softly as the water hit her thighs and she hissed as the cuts he had made stung like a hundred needles. She really ought to have put medigel on them she thought to herself. And yet, as stupid as it may be to some, she didn't want them to heal properly. In a _twisted_ sort of reasoning, to her those scars would be all that she could hope to ever receive from Garrus. Her face scrunched up and she looked up at the patterned ceiling of her bathroom, willing the tears to cease.

_Just let it end._

 

**********************

  
‘’Ah, Vakarian! I just spoke to your better half and she’s on holiday now for the next two weeks. Do you need me to get someone over to cover for her or can you handle the paperwork yourself?’’ Chellick asked as Garrus stepped through the office doors.

Garrus was rooted to the spot as his brain tried to process this information. Shepard had never taken a day off in her entire life, never mind a holiday. She would usually laugh at him if he ever mentioned it. She had told him that she hated sitting still, having no purpose or nothing to do with her hands. Spirits, how badly did he hurt … not just physically of course, but this was the strangest behaviour from Shepard he had ever seen. Guilt at how he handled the situation that morning slammed into him again. As Garrus finally clawed himself out of his stupor he saw Chellick was looking at him inquisitively, head cocked to the side and waiting for a response.

‘’Uh, yeah, I can handle it. No problem. Did she, uh, Shepard say anything about why she needs the time off?’’

Immediately he regretted the question and cursed himself. Stupid Turian. Chellick looked at him and his browplates furrowed.

‘’Shepard just said that she needed some rest and that at the moment she had a cold. I thought you two were attached at the hip? Did something change?’’ Chellick asked quietly, although his sub vocals were trilling with curiosity.

‘’No boss. Nothing’s changed.’’ Garrus said, not meeting his eyes.

He nodded at Chellick as he left his office and proceeded to walk down the hallway to his and Shepard’s own office. He walked in, not daring to look over to her desk, even though he knew she wouldn’t be in today. Or tomorrow. Or for the next two weeks. He sat down at his desk, picking up a datapad. Ten minutes later when his omnitool alerted him to an incoming call he realised that he had done nothing but read over the same information and not one word had sunk in. Cursing he checked the caller ID, his stomach fluttered hoping it would be Shepard, but he groaned instead when he saw his father’s name. Bracing himself for another lecture he answered the call.

‘’Hi Dad, how are you?’’ He asked.

Veridian Vakarian stared at his boy through the facecam, noticing the way his mandibles fluttered, picking up the nervous vocalisations in his voice.

‘’Fine, Garrus, I just wanted to keep you updated on your engagement to the Primarch’s niece’’ Garrus withheld a groan.

Like he was able to forget that very important detail, what with his father reminding him every time they spoke of what an honour it would be to successfully negotiate a marriage contract into the Primarch’s family.

‘’In two weeks you will be meeting her there on the Citadel for the first time and I need to know that you will conduct yourself with the proper turian behaviour and behave accordingly. None of those human customs and ways of speaking that you’re so fond of are allowed.’’ Veridian said, glaring at his son.

‘’Where is your partner?’’ He spat. ‘’Surely she should be in the office by now?’’

Garrus tried not show his father how riled up he was getting and simply bit out

‘’She should be here shortly. Dad, I have to get back to work. Ping me with the details of the meeting. I’ll speak to you later.’’

He sighed. His father looked at him for a moment longer and cut the line.Two weeks? Spirits above.Did he even want to get married? He loved his job, the way his life currently was, he rolled his neck to the side and glanced over at Shepard’s desk. Her datapads were neatly packed into a pile and her coffee cup that he bought for her seemed to mock him as he read the words on it. World’s best partner. He rolled his eyes, after last night the word partner was taking on too many new definitions for him. He leaned over his desk, head in his hands. Why was he agonising over this. It was just sex, sex with his best friend. Good sex, no, great sex he admitted. He had had many sexual encounters over the years and never once had he had any problems with any of the woman afterwards. Was it a human thing to tie in emotions with sex? Maybe if he talked to her and let her know that he didn’t regret it per say but that it couldn’t happen again, they could sort it out and go back to the way things were. Was it wishful thinking?

Standing up he came to a decision that he would call her and arrange to meet her at Apollo’s over lunch. Somewhere that if it did end in a shouting match she would make an effort to not knock his ass over with a biotic shockwave if things didn’t go well. Sprits know that he had never seen anyone , other than himself, fight like she did and he wasn’t afraid to admit that she could kick his ass into next week if she felt like it. He pressed a hotkey on his omnitool and the call was automatically put through to Shepard. The line cut out. He tried again. Same thing. For spirits sake, why wasn’t she answering? He briefly contemplated going over to her apartment to check on her but a nagging feeling told him not to be an even bigger idiot. If Shepard wasn’t answering his calls, the likelihood of her giving him a warm welcome was about as big as his dad suddenly painting his clan markings on her face.

No, what he had to do now, was bury all his personal crap and get on with his job. Doctor Michel, over in Zakera ward was having trouble with a krogan who kept harassing her for free medical supplies and had asked him to take a look into solving that problem. He sat back down at his desk. He glanced down again and pressed call.

  
It just kept ringing.


	4. Problematic Indeed

Two days. That’s how long Shepard had holed herself up inside of her apartment. She had carefully screened all incoming calls only answering if completely necessary. How strange that the more she tried to get away from anything Garrus related, the more he would call her. The temptation to pick up the call was torture, the incessant ringing making her grit her teeth. Once she had calmed down enough to think logically, she was glad that things had worked out the way they did, because for better or worse, in her eyes it was progress. Even if it did feel like heart was a dry, cold, barely-beating lump of flesh in her chest.

The pain from his rejection and the fact that she had most definitely ruined their friendship by sleeping with him was a consequence that she wasn’t prepared for. As she thought back to the night where he was buried inside of her, her core involuntarily clenched. Shepard groaned. How was it possible that her body could still ache for him but that her heart had firmly decided that enough was enough. She was twenty-three years old. She needed to get a grip on her life. Maybe start looking around for a nice human man to take her on dates, instead of spending the next few years, like she did over the last eight years. Pining for an alien man who up until two days ago had never even considered her sexually, never mind romantically.

She once again, brought her hand to his bite mark. It was healing slowly and she tried to keep it as clean as possible. Shepard admitted that she should definitely put medigel on it now to heal it without scarring. It was one thing to keep the scars on her back and waist, but it was a terrible idea to keep the one on her neck. She could easily become a social pariah and Garrus would be the first one to be affected by all the rumours and as much as she was hurt by him, okay , she grimaced, devastated would be a more accurate term, she did not want to hurt him. Should she answer the next time he called? She really didn’t want too.

Walking into her kitchen, she peeped into her fridge to find it bare. When was the last time she ate a decent meal she wondered. Deciding to be brave, she threw on a hoodie, zipping it all the way up and letting her hair cover his mark on her neck. She looked in the mirror and thought to herself that as long as she didn’t run into anybody she knew she would have no reason to take off the hood. She chucked on her shoes and made her way out the apartment and took a slow walk to the corner shop where she could find some local earth ingredients for a lasagne. Comfort food. That’s exactly what she need Shepard mused. Or maybe a gallon of coffee ice-cream. Either way Shepard reasoned that a home-cooked meal, maybe a bottle of wine and a movie to take her mind off everything, sounded perfect to her.

Walking inside the shop, she greeted Theon , the salarian behind the counter with a wave and for a moment it felt like any other day that she would come in here and talk to him about different food and cultures, usually with Garrus in tow and the three of them would laugh about the strange things each of their species ate. Today though she made a beeline straight past him, to the terminal in the corner to place her order. She knew that she would have to speak to him eventually but today she really just wanted to be alone. Of course, as she heard the chime from the door go off she automatically looked around to see who came in. Shepard cursed.

‘’God give me strength.’’ she muttered under her breath.

She prayed that she wouldn’t be recognised, but fate, that fickle bitch decided that today was her day and to suck it up.

‘’Shepard, is that you?’’ Tali asked as she walked over and stopped behind her.

Sighing, Shepard turned around plastered a smile on her face for appearance sake and said ‘’Hey Tali, how you doing’’.

‘’Keelah, Shepard! You look horrible, are you alright?’’ Tali asked in a voice that should have been directed at a three year old not to a fully grown ass woman.

Bristling slightly at the insult but hoping that she meant well Shepard looked at Tali. Her suit today was a pale pink, cinched in at the waist with a belt buckle so large that it would ensure that if she ever fell into the presidiums lake, she would sink to the bottom and never come back up. Her helmet was a shade of purple that Shepard had no words for. Shepard narrowed her eyes as she realised that it wasn’t like she could comment on Tali’s appearance, not knowing what she really looked like and huffed. As her eyes shone through the helmet Shepard realised Tali was still waiting for a response.

‘’Yeah, I’ve been having a rough few days, not getting much sleep.’’ she waved her hand as if to say no big deal. Tali looked at her sceptically and practically purred

‘’I saw Garrus this morning; he said we could have lunch later today. I wonder if he would come over to my place and I could cook for him. You know since were both dextro and can eat the same food.’’

Tali placed one hand on her hip while she lifted her other to inspect her three nails on her hand.

As she looked up she asked ‘’What do you think Shepard?’’

Shepard was a very calm person by nature, it took someone a long time to truly annoy her but Tali seemed to have magic fingers and pushed all her buttons to get Shepard to her breaking point faster than she could blink.

‘’Oh, I don’t know, Garrus is also quite tired these days, we’ve been having a lot of long … sleepless… nights.‘’ Shepard purred back, causing Tali to drop her hand from her hips and cross them over her chest.

‘’But if you do find something that Garrus likes eating, please do let me know, because the next time he sleeps over, I want to make sure I’ve made him food that he likes.’’

Shepard inwardly smiled. Yes, before they had sex, Garrus regularly slept over at her house and she sometimes at his. It was an honest statement ensuring that if it got back to Garrus somehow he wouldn’t have a problem confirming the story. Tali immediately dropped her act of friendly concern and got the point.

‘’Shepard, I’m interested in Garrus. I am going to tell him today at lunch. If he hasn’t chosen you after all these years with you beside him, he will never choose you. Please don’t stand in my way.‘’

Shepard had had enough. Removing her hood and sweeping her hair over her other shoulder and slightly pulling down her zipper, she heard Tali’s gasp of shock as she took in the red turian bite mark on Shepard’s neck.

‘’Tali, If you think for one moment that I would ever give up Garrus without a fight, you are seriously delusional and frankly that you would even ask me to just step aside as if I would be his second choice compared to you is just laughable. Garrus and I have served together; we have bled together and shared every moment – personal and professional- together since we were fifteen. The way you feel about him is like comparing a grain of sand in a solar wind to a supernova that can destroy anything in its path. You have no right to tell me what you think Garrus may or may not choose in his life. That is his decision.’’ Shepard shouted, huffing out an angry breath, clenching her fists and fighting for control of her biotics.

‘’Regardless of how you feel Shepard, I am telling him and we will let him decide what he wants.’’Tali replied, her voice having grown quiet after Shepard’s shouting.

She turned and walked out the store, nodding to Theon, who was staring at Shepard’s neck with a frown on his face. Deciding that it’s not like this day could get any worse, she walked over to him. Shepard rubbed her palm into her eye trying to dispel the headache that was rapidly building behind it and the thought of standing in her kitchen cooking was suddenly off the agenda for the evening.

******************************

  
‘’I apologise for the noise Theon. I’m having a very bad day.’’ Shepard mumbled.

Theon looked at her with concern and placed a hand on her shoulder. Placing a packet of headache tablets in her hand, he led her to a room in the back.

‘’Sit Shepard before you fall over. Can see vitals unstable. Biotics unstable too. Hmmm. Result of meeting with Tali. No no no. Only when Garrus mentioned did vitals and anger rise. Hmmm. Have to ask. Bite mark indicates that you are now his bondmate yes? If not that would be most unfortunate for you. Rumours could become … problematic. ‘’

As he took a breath Shepard looked up at him with a raised eyebrow as her brain tried to catch up with all the things he had just said and asked in under a minute.

‘’Theon, please I don’t want to discuss this right now, It’s not going to solve anything.’’ Shepard said in a frustrated voice ‘’.

‘’Irrelevant. Point is that you and Garrus have been my friends for years. Never seen a couple more suited. Should I go see if I can change his mind? Wouldn’t be able to do much. Turians bigger. Better fighters. Salarians… not so much.‘’ Theon said a hum of anger in his voice.

He was genuinely upset that Shepard had been marked in this way and that Garrus did not see his path clearly. Still blinded by his father’s hope and dreams Theon thought to himself.

‘’No Theon, but thank you. This is something I have to deal with myself.’’ Shepard placed a hand on his arm and shook her head lightly, wincing as the movement caused her headache to pound a little harder.

‘’Ok Shepard. You rest now. Here if you need me. Will be out front in store… managing.’’ He said as he turned and left the room closing the door quietly.

 

 *************** *

 

Garrus was pacing. Two days. Two whole days and not a word from Shepard. It wasn’t as if they had never gone long periods of no contact before but this time the hollowness in his gut wouldn’t go away, he couldn’t get full no matter how much he ate and she still wasn’t answering his spirts-be-damned calls. Throwing his hands up in the air in a human gesture which his father was so disapproving of, Garrus rubbed the side of his face for what felt like the hundredth time that day. This was not acceptable. He was a turian. He was brought up to separate emotions from duty. Pacing in front of his desk, glancing at hers every time he turned back around, he suddenly stopped. Enough was enough. She wasn’t going to ignore him anymore. They were adults for spirits sakes and they could damn well sit down and talk about this.

Grabbing his jacket from his chair he marched over to the door and as he pulled the door open he bumped into something that gave a slight squeak upon impact. Looking down he recognised that he had nearly bowled over Tali. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes he sighed instead.

‘’Tali. Hi. Uh... sorry, I’m on my way out. Can this wait till later?’’

‘’No Garrus, you’re not blowing me off again this time! You said we were going for lunch so you are going to take me.’’ She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him.

‘’Fine Tali, let’s go.’’ Garrus said, promising himself that the moment lunch was over he was going over to Shepard’s house and breaking the damn door down if he had to in order to get her to speak to him.

As the two of them found a restaurant solely catering to dextro’s, Garrus couldn’t help but be irritable. Yes, he had said that he would take Tali out for lunch but the way she was suddenly everywhere he was, popping into the office and barging in on drinks with Shepard was irritating him to no end.

‘’Tali, I really can’t stay long… I … need to speak to Shepard.'' Garrus hummed and as he looked at her he saw her shoulders drop.

‘’Are you in love with Shepard, Garrus?’’ Tali asked quietly.

Startled Garrus shot up in his chair putting his hands up as he explained

‘No, no Tali. It’s not that it’s just I haven’t been able to get hold of her for two days and I’m worried about her.’’

Tali heard his sub harmonics bleeding worry and concern. She sighed. She was such an idiot.

‘’Garrus, can I be honest with you?’’ she asked as she looked him directly in the eyes.

‘’I really like you Garrus, you make me laugh all the time, you’re sweet and very generous with friends and family and I invited you out here today because I wanted to know if there was any way that you might like me too… romantically I mean?’’ 

Garrus stiffened and his mandibles were going into overdrive, clacking against his face, his eyes wide and a blue tinge creeping up his neck as he realised that he was being propositioned. Spirits. What the hell was wrong with all the women in his life recently? Awkwardly, he looked down to the floor, hoping that one of the circles on the tiles of the floor was similar to a black hole and could swallow him up so that he could avoid this.

‘’Tali, I, Uh, I mean, hmmm. ‘’ He stuttered. Releasing a breath he tried again.

‘’Tali, I’m sorry. I have never thought about you that way before. Please don’t take this wrong way but I have never been interested in being with a woman from a different species. Please don’t be offended, you are a good friend, but that’s all you can ever be to me.’’

He looked down at his plate and realised that it was a good thing they hadn’t ordered anything yet, as he could end up wearing his cup of hot kava all over his trousers. Slamming her hand on the table, making Garrus and the other diners jump Tali growled at him

‘’You lying Bosh‘Tet! I saw Shepard this morning. I saw the mark you left on her neck. Not into woman of a different species. What a steaming pile of varren crap Garrus. Either you are planning on marrying that Human or you’re going to keep her as your whore. I don’t know who I feel sorrier for. You or her!’’

Garrus had quietly listened to her insult him but as soon as she said that she had seen Shepard and then carried on to call her a whore, Garrus saw red. He stood up from the table so fast he knocked his chair over. He bared his teeth as his mandibles shot to the side, straightening out fully to his six foot two height he growled menacingly at her.

‘’If I ever hear you call her a whore again, I will not be responsible for my actions. I will make it my life’s mission to see that you are denied the chance of ever seeing what the galaxy would look like without that mask of yours!’’ He leaned over her and she curled in on herself over the table

‘’Do I make myself clear?’’ He hissed.

Tali only nodded. Garrus was livid as he stomped out the restaurant. People practically jumping out of his way when they saw him, he rushed over to an available sky car and set his destination for Shepard’s place.As he got there his anger deflated and all he could feel was how very tired he actually was. He decided that before he went to her place he would pick up a peace offering. Wine and coffee ice-cream. She had always forgiven him when he came with those items. He walked into Theon’s store, catching his eye and smiled as walked towards him. His smile started slipping off his face as he drew near.

Theon had a very, very pissed off expression on his face.

‘’Theon. Is there a problem?’’ Garrus asked, folding his arms over his broad chest and looking down at the salarian.

‘’Yes, actually. Shepard is my problem. She is in a terrible state. If I find the one responsible for causing her so much pain, the consequences for that person would be most… severe’’ Theon said in a barely concealed threatening tone of voice.

Garrus was dumbstruck yet again, as another person in his life was behaving abnormally. He had never so much as seen Theon frown, never mind go on to threaten someone. That the threat was actually directed at him was even more shocking.

‘’Shepard is asleep on couch in staff room. Take her and make it right. Will not have you hurt her anymore!’’ With that Theon walked away from the counter and ignored Garrus and the sounds of shock squeaking from him.

He slowly entered the staff room, as he looked at her sleeping form; he had to put his head in hands. His bite mark was a shining beacon in that dimly lit room, her arms tucked tightly against her chest and her knees drawn up as high as she could get them. Tears tracks had formed running from her eyes over her nose down to her chin. Garrus didn’t know how things had gotten to this point but as he scooped the still sleeping Shepard into his arms, smelled the familiar vanilla from her skin and hair invade his nose, he breathed deeply.

For the first time in two days… he felt the hollowness of his gut disappear.


	5. As it turns out.. you did break me.

Shepard came awake slowly, was she moving? It felt like she was being carried. Giving a small groan, she had enough presence of mind to chastise herself for taking such strong painkillers without having eaten properly since her and Garr….. Shepard’s eyes snapped open and she suddenly became aware of the strong arms encasing her tiny frame. She closed her eyes again, knowing very well just who was carrying her, only one person she knew, would dare carry her this way. She fought the urge to squirm in his arms. The painkillers travelling through her system making her heart race even faster and as she dared to peek up at him from under her lashes she realised how close his face was to hers. Squeezing her eyes shut she prayed he hadn’t caught on to her waking up. Her head was lying in the curve of his cowl beside his neck, his mandible slightly snagging her hair with every step, his arms tightened around her as he walked up the steps leading to her apartment building. As they boarded the elevator, Shepard fought another wave of exhaustion and as she drifted off again in his arms, her nose rubbing against his neck she let out a sigh.

This was home.

 

**************

Garrus was quickly coming to the realisation that this was a bad, bad idea. Carrying her instead of waking her up seemed the gentlemanly thing to do, but now that she was in his arms again…He was being bombarded with memories of being plates deep inside of her, thrusting into her for all he was worth and as she rubbed her nose against his neck he cursed as the plates covering his cock started to part. Spirits, this could not be happening. If he had his hand free he would of face-palmed himself. Ok, yes, he was attracted to Shepard. He would admit that much, as his emerging cock was enough proof to convince him.

What he couldn’t figure out was why? She was so light, so soft; her skin so vastly different from a female turians plates. which should have been a turn off. But then why did he enjoy running his tongue over her skin … and not to mention the stuff humans called hair. Yes, he had played with it when they were younger, thinking that it was odd. Shepard was always open and generous when it came to satisfying his curiosity, but now when he thought of her hair he imagined it brushing over his stomach and once again running it through his fingers as he held the back of her head. Becoming more and more agitated he thanked the spirits when the elevator reached her floor because he needed to get her out of his arms as soon as possible, before he took her against the wall. He adjusted her in his arms to enter her combination into the door and stepped through.

The room was dark, barely enough light to see where he was stepping. The air inside stale. It took him a while to comprehend the utter disaster and chaos her apartment was in. Cracks in the wall, glass shards all over the floor, picture frames scattered over various parts of the room. And blood droplets on the carpet. What in the holy spirits happened here? Shepard must have had another biotic episode he thought as he looked around the room again. As Garrus surveyed the rest of the apartment through his narrowed eyes while walking to her bedroom, he couldn’t help but think that this was somehow related to him. No, scratch that. He knew that he was the one who had hurt her enough to make her lose control of her biotics. The arousal he had felt earlier turned into a form of guilt and regret that threatened to consume him. He had to make this right. He had to get his best friend back because he couldn’t bear to lose her.

What Garrus didn’t know was what to do if Shepard wanted more from him than what he was willing or able to give. He might be attracted to her sexually but did that mean he loved her? Unlikely he thought. So... what? He was just going to carry on sleeping with her proving Tali was correct, in assuming that he was just going to keep her as a plaything to be discarded later. No. He refused to even think of that as an option. Shepard deserved better than that. She deserved someone who loved her and would make her happy. Someone of her own species to marry and grow old with. His gut clenched at the thought but he chose to ignore it. Laying her down on the bed on her back as gently as he could, he leaned over her as he tried to disentangle her arms from around his neck.

He saw her mouth open and her tongue flick out, wetting her lips and saw her throat move as she swallowed. He looked away quickly as he remembered the feel of her tongue in his mouth. As he pulled her arms off one by one and placed them next to her, trying not to wake her up, he breathed a sigh of relief as he stood up and straightened his spine. Good, she needed sleep. Now that he actually had a chance to look at her properly without anyone around he noticed the dark marks under eyes, how lacklustre her hair was, how her hoodie was just a little too big on her. She was a biotic and he had seen her pack away a few thousand calories to keep up with her bodies demands and he growled as he thought of her not eating enough to stay healthy. Garrus let his eyes drift over to her neck, latching on to his mark.

As he took a finger and slowly traced over it, the first one he had ever given to anyone, he couldn’t help but feel his chest swell with an emotion he couldn’t name. Did she want to be his mate? Did he want to be hers? It was ludicrous; she should have put medigel on it the moment she had gotten home. Spirits… she knew what that mark meant in Turian culture. Bondmate or whore. She knew that even if he ever felt the same way there would be no way his father would permit their bonding. He would be stripped of his markings, exiled from his clan and lose his place in the Hierarchy. Suddenly snatching his hand back he felt afraid. He was still young and he needed his family, he couldn’t survive without them. There was no way he could give it all up for a woman. Walking away from her he left the room and closed the door behind him.

 

**************

Shepard opened up her eyes and stared at her bedroom ceiling. She knew she had fallen asleep again while being carried by Garrus. Feeling a knot of fear in her stomach replace the warmth that she had fallen asleep with, she slipped her feet off the bed and made her way out the bedroom. She gasped as she remembered the state of her lounge, not having had the energy or the inclination to do anything about it. Well, this was just great. Now he definitely knew how much he had hurt her and how much that morning had affected her. Sighing and rubbing her face, she smoothed her hands over her hair trying to tame the mess it must surely be in and stepped in to the kitchen where she heard moving about. As she leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, she saw him stop moving as he noticed her presence. His back still to her he spoke softly

‘’I cleaned up, but you might to want to get a cleaning crew, in just in case I missed any glass.’’ 

‘’Garrus… I…’’ She started to say but couldn’t get the words out.

‘’How long Shepard?’’ he growled, huffing out a breath in frustration. His talons scratching the countertops as he fought not to turn around. He needed to hear her say it before he could look at her.

‘’Years, Garrus. I’ve been in love with you for years.’’ Shepard said in a shaky voice, still looking down at the floor, terrified of his reaction.

She had said it. Finally. Whatever happened after this moment, she could hold her head up now and say that she had had the courage to say it even if it meant ending this for good. Garrus turned around and leaned back against the countertop, mimicking her stance. Head down, arms folded. The only difference being that she could hear the distress in his sub vocals, the slight rattle in his chest from the vibrations against his light armour.

‘’What do you want from me Shepard?’’ he asked, lifting his head to pierce through her heart with the way his blue eyes were glowing from the tension he was radiating.

‘’How am I supposed to treat you now, act around you? Now that you’ve said it, I’ve accepted and understood the fact that, not only did I sleep with my best friend of another species, which was shocking to me in the first place, but now I have to accept and try to understand that I _fucked_ my best friend who is also in in love with me, and that I basically threw her out after telling her that I would be ashamed if anyone ever found out about it.’’ he hissed at her trying his best not to shout but failing miserably.

‘’Oh and it gets worse. I’ve _marked_ you Shepard! You and I both know what that means. What in the Spirits name were you thinking, letting anyone see it before discussing it with me? I nearly came close to knocking Tali out this afternoon after she called you my… plaything!’’

Shepard’s eyes finally met his as he mentioned Tali’s name. Gone was the meek woman who had barely been able to whisper to him a mere moment ago. Her eyes were drawn to near slits and her biotics flared as she took a step closer to him.

‘’Don’t you dare tell me that what I feel for you should be hidden away like some dirty little secret! I kept my feelings for you wrapped up because it was my choice and now I’ve decided that I don’t have anything left to lose, I told you about it. Tali pushed me too far and I will not let her or anyone else call me a whore, or insult you and take it, without a fight!’’ she shouted, breathing deeply, her cheeks reddening from the anger coursing through her veins.

They stood in silence. Staring at eachother. Neither willing to say anything more.

Taking a breath, Garrus stepped closer to Shepard, bringing his hands up to place them on her shoulders, he bent his head down to hers , as he had done so many times throughout the years and put his forehead against hers. Closing his eyes he whispered

‘’Shepard, I can’t be your mate. I’m sorry but this is something I can never be for you.’’

Garrus felt her shudder, felt his arms sag downwards along with her shoulders as she started to cry softly into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as she suffered. His heart was breaking because he had hurt her unintentionally for years. But his earlier thoughts circled around his head. Even if he ever did grow to love her, like she loved him. It would mean the end of his life as he knew it. He wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t old enough. And most importantly ...he was a coward. He could only ever be her best friend, her partner at work and the one to support her in tough times when she needed it. As he stepped away from her, he couldn’t look at her face.

‘’You will always be my best and only real friend in this galaxy Shepard. You mean so much to me and I hope we can get past this at some point.’' he said, letting her go.

Without looking back he left her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept singing Sia's - Elastic Heart song whilst writing this. I hope everyone is enjoying this just a little. Mon-Thurs im at work and can only write a little bit each day before daily life takes over. However on weekends I promise to write my heart out and flood you with as many chapters as I can. I have loads, loads more to write in this weird Shakarian story. 
> 
> Thank to everyone who has left Kudos and subscribed/favourited. Means the world to me.


	6. Solutions...

It’s been one week, four days and six hours since he left Shepard’s apartment. Left her… Alone. Spirits. Why did his best friend have to be in love with him? He had been walking around in a daze since that day, doing his best to imitate what he thought a healthy, happy turian should look like. However, whenever someone asked him a question he either growled at them from irritation or had to ask them to repeat themselves, as his thoughts always just drifted away into space and immediately back to Shepard. Sitting on his couch in his apartment, he poured his third glass of Elasa.

How apt that ‘Sorrowful Companion’ was the meaning of the drinks name. And what do you know he mused wryly to himself. Misery loves company, so he and his bottle of Elasa were going to be good friends tonight. The best of friends...Again. It wasn’t as if though he had planned to drink every night since Shepard’s apartment, but he found out all too clearly just how involved she was in his life. How boring it all was without her snarky jokes and comments. How whenever she was with him her presence gave him a goal. A purpose if you will. Whether it was just to make her laugh and see her smile broaden because of him and her eyes light up as she laughed at his terrible attempts at human sayings or expressions. Or just to sit comfortably in silence in the office while they went over their reports. Groaning out loud, he took a sip of his drink, the sharp, cold and lingering bitter taste travelling sluggishly down his throat and when it reached his chest he thought to himself again… Ah, how fitting.

 

****************

Shepard was in denial. No, she thought, I didn’t just fuck up the one good thing in my life by confessing my feelings. Nope, nada, this wasn’t real she said to herself shaking her head left and right. She didn’t just spend the entire week sleeping and crying non-stop did she? Did she really ignore calls from her friends and her father because she was too distraught to speak about Garrus to anyone? Stepping out of the shower, she stood in front of her fogged up mirror. Right, it was time to survey the damage and get back to reality. She swiped a hand across it and lifted her head slowly to take a peek at her appearance.

She had lost weight, her cheekbones more pronounced and her eyes a dull brown colour… lifeless compared to her natural hazel that was flecked with gold and twinkled whenever the light bounced off it. She noticed the rings around her eyes and how chapped her bottom lip was from all the biting and suppressing of sobs that threatened to escape her during the night. His bite mark was completely healed leaving half-moon shaped rows of teeth that seemed to pulse every time she swallowed. Taking a deep, deep breath she was about to give herself a long ‘’buck up and move on’’ speech when the doorbell rang. Startled, she gave a small squeak and whipped around, hand clutching tightly to her towel. Who the hell could be here? She snorted as her mind betrayed her and thought of Garrus.

Un-fucking-likely.

Cursing at the continuing melody of the doorbell that someone’s finger was obviously glued to by the sounds of things; she slipped on her robe and walked out the bathroom. Intending to tell whoever was on the other side to politely and kindly bugger off so that she could pick up the pieces of her life in peace, she was shocked to see Liara standing on the other side of the door.

‘’Hello Shepard.’’ Liara’s voice shimmered through the intercom screen.

Putting her head against the wall and giving a groan, she automatically lifted her hand and pressed the release button to allow her entry. As Shepard braced herself for what would be, no doubt, a very long, long night of drinking and girl talk she tied the robe tighter around her slim waist and counted. One, two…. aaaand three. Liara walked into the room with all the grace of a ballet dancer and yet all the sexuality of a high class escort. Shepard felt a twinge of insecurity as she methodically compared herself to Liara’s lovely hue of blue skin, freckled with silver specks across her nose and the top of her crest. Her dazzlingly round blue eyes made her oval face look tender and young.

But Shepard knew better. Even if she was only seventy years old, Liara was a powerhouse in the information business. She could grant mercy once but after any bridges had been burnt you never knew what hit you if you crossed her. She wore a silver halter neck dress that plunged down between her rather generous breasts and swept just above her feet when she walked. Shepard looked away from the form of beauty that was gliding towards her and only looked up when she felt Liara’s hand pulling up her chin between her forefinger and thumb. Suddenly having her friend here and seeing the concern on her face, made Shepard want to start the water works show all over again.

Liara tensed when she saw the moon scars on her neck but saw Shepard’s tenuous hold over her feelings and dropped her hand from Shepard’s face instantly, instead grabbing both her hands and giving a small squeeze before letting go.

‘’Get dressed Shepard … you and I are going to live life like Asari maidens tonight. Just for tonight we are going to dance with strangers, dance on top of the furniture and forget that there is a tomorrow while we live life without consequences.’’ She said as she stepped behind Shepard and pushed her in the direction of her bedroom.

Shepard had taken all this in with a small smile and nodded. ‘’Thank you, Liara. I mean, for not, you know… making me talk about it.’’

*****************

Shepard had to stifle a laugh as Liara led her by the hand through Chora’s Dens’ doors and practically jumped on to the bar, thrusting her breasts into the Batarian bartenders face.

‘We’ll take two Memory Stealers and make it a double!’’ she yelled.

Drinks in hand Liara gave the poor man a flirtatious smile and walked back to Shepard, who was sitting in a booth in the back. Placing the drinks down on the table, Liara scooted in to the seat next to Shepard and smiled devilishly at her.

‘’Uh, Liara, I don’t think these clothes really suit me.’’ Shepard hissed through her teeth.

Looking down at herself, she fought the urge to panic. Black leather boots wrapped themselves all the way up to the middle of her thighs, making them seem endless when she sat down and crossed them. Her black silk skirt – if you could call it that – barely covered her ass cheeks and the dark blue of the corset, so reminiscent of Garrus’s facial markings made Shepard long to be home, as she felt so out of place. Thanks to the sudden weight loss Shepard’s waist could rival that of any Turians in the club due to the way the corset was tied on her and she couldn’t help but notice a few Turians looking her way whenever she flexed or arched her back into the booth. Liara had done her makeup for her. Dark eye shadow was painted on her, with silver eyeliner to make them stand out. Her lips a deep cherry red and her hair swept artfully to the side, exposing one side of her neck but covering her moon shaped mark. Shepard felt a tap on her shoulder and looked at Liara.

‘’Tonight you are not Shepard. You are not in pain. You are powerful. You are gorgeous and by the Goddess, tonight you are going to get laid and have a great time.’’

Seeing that there was no way out of this, Shepard smiled. For once she would let someone else dictate how her life turned out.

She would take orders like a turian… the thought sent her into a fit of giggles.

 

*****************

Chellick had seen a lot in his days as lead inspector of C-sec security. Domestic disputes, attempted kidnapping, murders, extortion, prostitution rings. If you could name the crime, then Chellick was your turian. However as he stood in the corner of the club, undercover, he was in a state of utter and incomprehensible shock. This was supposed to be a routine stake-out. Monitor the Krogan named Jax, through the hidden camera he had pinned to his tunic’s collar and see who his contacts were, so that they could be investigated later.

What he didn’t expect was one of his best detectives shaking her ass on one of the dance poles next to a similarly scantily clad dressed Asari. Surely his eyes were deceiving him he thought as his mandibles parted and he stared slack jawed at her. His eyes roamed her tiny waist and his cock twitched behind his plates. Shepard swayed seductively across the pole and landed with her back pressed against the Asaris , who took it upon herself to place her hands on Shepards waist and visibly squeeze, earning a collective groan from all the Turians who had stopped in their tracks to watch.

He watched Shepard slip down onto the ground from the pole, flashing everyone a small peek of her rounded ass cheek, as she walked up to a turian who had been staring at her. Spirits above! She was dancing with Nihlus, the broad strokes of white paint across his fringe and face making him instantly recognisable as Councillor Sparatus’ cousin. Shepard could get in to a serious situation, possibly even facing a termination of her job, if she ended up doing more than dancing with him.

Chellick watched her, almost enraptured when she put her hand on his chest and stroked slowly and deliberately downwards. Nihlus had stepped closer to her and even over the loud thumping music the rumbling of his arousal in his sub vocals could be heard as if they were being broadcast over loudspeaker. Deciding enough was enough, he couldn’t watch anymore or interfere he took the tiny camera off his collar and inserted the chip into his omnitool and started to type a message to Garrus, including a video clip of what he had seen. Garrus was the best person to stop this foolish behaviour from Shepard. Chellick didn’t know if she was merely drunk, or on drugs but he couldn’t in good conscience let her make a fool out of herself. He may be her boss, but he also considered himself her friend.

 

****************

Garrus had one glass left before he finished his bottle of Elasa and was still completely stone cold sober. He had tried to put a movie on but that just circled his head around to when Shepard was here. So he grabbed his datapad and sat down in his office intending to try get some work done…He lost himself in the data showing crime statistics and suspicious behaviour reports, when he came across something and said absentmindedly

‘’Hey Shepard, what do you think abou…?’’ He caught himself with a gasp.

Great, just fantastic. Now he was talking to an imaginary Shepard. Laughing out loud at the absurdity of this entire situation he was alerted to a ping. Seeing the identification on the message as Chellick, he felt a sense of relief that maybe now he would have something to do tonight. He accessed the message intending to read something when a holovid popped up from his omnitool. Lifting his arm to get a better view, Garrus watched the clientele of Chora’s Den mingle and dance.

Why was he being sent this? Taking a sip of his wine, he saw the camera pan up and promptly felt all the wine pour out of his mouth as his mandibles lost their ability to keep it in.He coughed viciously and gasped for breath as he tried to swallow what wasn’t dribbling out onto his clothing. Eyes wide and hands shaking he shot out of his chair like a rocket and stared at the holovid. This can’t be real. That was Shepard. Shepard was dancing on a pole, dressed in clothes that he could easily arrest her for wearing, anywhere else on the citadel. She was grinding against an Asari…wait…Was that Liara?

He watched as Liara grabbed Shepard's waist and squeezed, hearing the Turians in the crowd moan through the holovid. Fighting to stay calm, Garrus forced himself to take a breath through his nose and release it through his mouth. His eyes flickered over to the holovid again and the moment he saw her heading to another Turian and run her hand down his chest, Garrus promptly lost whatever faint grip on his sanity that he had managed to hold onto this week.

He charged out of his apartment, the growling and hissing emanating from him scattering the innocent bystanders, who cowered at the ferocious look on his face.

 

*****************

Shepard was having a great time. Dancing and laughing with Liara, forgetting everything and anything to do with Garrus. As she swung off the pole, she swayed her hips seductively while she walked across to the Turian, who had been smirking at her. She thought to herself… Ah, he will do nicely. Tall and lean, his body radiated lust and his bright green eyes tracked her movements like the apex predator his species were once known for. As she stepped into his personal space, she cocked an eye brow and gave him an impish grin.

‘’Like what you see?’’ she asked, licking her lips for effect.

He purred at her in response and closed the gap between them, lightly circling his groin against hers to the beat of the music.

‘’You have no idea. You are seriously… What’s the human phrase… ah, yes, floating my boat.’’

Shepard barked out a laugh. She loved that he had a sense of humour and as she placed her hand on his chest, she ran her hand all way down to the band of his trousers, lightly scratching the skin there between his plates on his hips. He leaned down to her and his tongue flicked out to trace her lips as he placed an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Shepard was giddy from the rush of kissing a total stranger; the turians tongue had technique and indicated that he had had a lot of practice.

As it swirled around her own, she moaned into his mouth. When she pulled back to ask if he wanted to stay here or go somewhere more private she suddenly gasped, when in what seemed to her like a video of slow motion, her stranger was unceremoniously punched in the face. She didn’t know how long it took, but as she came to her senses she heard an almighty roar coming from the Turian who had just punched her Stranger. She looked up and stared at Garrus. Ofcourse it was him. Shepard looked at him unimpressed by the bravado and cocksure attitude he was displaying in front of the other Turians.

She laughed, held her hands up and turned to walk away.

 

******************

Garrus lunged for her arm before she could walk away from him and signalling to the bartender with two fingers and a jab at a door, he practically dragged Shepard by her arm in to the room. As he let her arm go he heard a small ‘oof’ come from Shepard’s mouth as she collided into the wall with her back. He was growling. Pissed off beyond belief. What the hell was she thinking? Was this some type of cry for attention? Or a cry for help he thought as the battle to tear her a new one for behaving recklessly waged inside him. He looked into her face and saw the anger pulsing through a vein in her neck.

''Seriously, Garrus. No offense but if you want me to get over you and move past this’' she sneered ‘Let me fuck some other guys! Hell, let me fuck some other Turians; maybe one of them can give me what I want!''

That last string of sanity, that last little bit that he was holding onto, snapped completely when he heard her say that she wanted to fuck other Turians. Not going to happen he shouted in his head as he roared and stomped towards her. Grabbing her arm roughly he spun her around and nearly slammed her side of the face into the wall. Putting a hand on the back of her neck, keeping her from struggling against him, he got in close and personal and licked up the back of her neck, moving to her earlobe with his wet tongue, hoarsely whispering

‘’You want to be fucked by a turian… well let me help you out with that!’’

He runs his free hand down her front, keeping her face against the wall, he cups a breast through her corset, giving a hard squeeze as his talons on her neck scratch lightly. Garrus pants in her ear, dropping his hand to her ass and runs his talons along the silk skirt, grabbing it by the hem and lifting it up to her waist. He listens to her moans, her sharp intakes of breath and sees her hands come up to brace herself against the wall. He purrs at her acceptance and clamps his mouth down on the nape of her neck while his one hand encircles her waist and the other rips off part of her G-string with a loud snap. He can’t wait much longer, his cock straining against his pants, leaking with anticipation . He hears her cry out and his teeth tighten their hold.

He fucks her from behind with his fingers, agonisingly slow and circles her clit with his other finger. She is ready for him. Wet, hot, sticky heat coats his fingers and the smell of her arousal spurs him on as he inhales deeply. He hastily takes off the codpiece of his armour and slips his cock out of the material underneath. Giving himself a few strong, hard strokes, he pushes one hand into the middle of her back and angles her into a bending position. Never letting his mouth leave the back of her neck. As he leans over her he spreads her legs and lines up his cock with her entrance.

‘’Is this what you wanted Shepard? To fuck a Turian?‘’ He asks as he moans into her ear as he briefly lets go of the back of her neck and rubs the head of his cock against her wetness.

‘’Let me give you what you want.’’

 

*******************

Shepard could do nothing but brace herself as he power fucked her into submission. His hold at the back of her neck and his arms around her waist, holding her steady as her breasts bounce with every hard thrust. His cock was a piston, slamming into her over and over again and she could no longer identify whose screams of pleasure belonged to whom. God, this was right. His talons flexed and scraped against her corset as he moved them down to hold onto her hips, lifting her that little bit higher so that he could ram deeper into her.

‘Oh, fuck, Shepard.. fuck.’’ she heard him rumble through his teeth on her neck.

The vibrations a shockwave down her spine, giving her that last push and her walls clamped down on him. She screamed his name as she came with a gush around him. He grunted into her and suddenly went still. She could feel him cumming, his cock pulsing into her but through the haze of her orgasm, she couldn’t help but wonder why he was so quiet.

‘’Garrus… uh... are you ok?’’ Shepard asked, still breathing hard.

‘’Shepard…I… aaah, Spirits… I can’t stop cumming!’’

 

****************

Garrus was having the most intense orgasm of his life, his neck and back was straining against the onslaught of sensations coursing through him. He briefly wondered why he was having such a strong reaction to her. Was it her pheromones that signalled the start of something in his body? He had only ever heard stories about Turians who had experienced this. He was gasping for breath and when Shepard asked if he was okay, he could only let go of her neck and moan softly

‘’Yeah, I’m.. aah.. good.’'

He felt his cock give one more jerk and he had enough presence of mind to pull out of her before anything else happened that he couldn’t explain. Stepping away from her, he picked up his codpiece from the floor and strapped it back in place, watching her take off her panties that still hung loosely around one leg. Shepard turned to face him and he noticed a small smile on her face as she pulled her skirt back down and rearranged her corset.

‘’Sooo… here we are again… except this time were completely sober.’’

He looked at her and crossed his arms as he leaned back against the door propping one leg up.

‘’Yes.. here we are.’’ he said, as he started to smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... I had my first negative-ish review on another site. Kinda knocked the wind outta me yesterday... hence no update. But i got my groove back today so hey, fuck it. I will soldier on regardless. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Update: Went and tidied up my writing a bit. My finger feels like its breaking from over-using the ENTER button though. Ouchies.


	7. Full circle

As Shepard looked at him, acting oh-so-casual with his leg propped up and a smirk on his face she started to laugh. In the space of two weeks her life had become so over complicated. All the choices and different paths that lay out in front of her making her head spin. But for just that one moment, Shepard laughed because her best friend was here with her and she had missed him. Garrus joined in on her laughter, the two of them seeming to have both cracked under the strain that been placed on them. Shaking her head, and running a hand through her hair which was pressed flat on the one side that he had held her to the wall, she took a deep breath to calm herself as her laughter subsided.

‘You’re a selfish, selfish bastard, you know that right?’ she asked him, her eyes daring him to deny it.

Huffing, Garrus became serious and looked down at the floor of the dingy room he had dragged her into.

‘I know Shepard’ he rumbled.

‘So is it my turn to ask what you want Garrus. Because the way you just came over all territorial and shit when you found me with my tongue down someone else’s throat, is kind of giving me mixed signals here’

Exasperated, Shepard started to pace in the tiny room, carefully avoiding stepping into his space. She was so confused. So he couldn’t be her mate and wouldn’t continue sleeping with her –she snorted as she felt a trickle of his cum running down the inside of her thigh- but he didn’t want her to be with anyone else.

‘’So let me get this straight. You don’t love me, you don’t know if you want to be with me but you don’t want me to be with other Turians?’’ Shepard trailed off, waiting for his response with a raised eyebrow as she stopped in front of him.

Garrus swallowed, looking uncomfortable, but catching her eye he nodded. Okaaaay, Shepard thought, we’re actually getting somewhere. Picking up her pacing again, getting slightly annoyed at herself as her boots made a click-clack sound with every step; she twirled around to face him again.

'‘So, no Turians, but you’re alright with me being with anyone else. What about Asari... or hey, why the hell not... maybe a krogan? And human… what about being with other humans Garrus?’' Shepard asked sarcastically.

He straightened out and stepped closer to her. Leaning down to her, Shepard felt his breath rustle through her hair.

'‘I’m not happy with those choices either.’' Garrus purred closing his eyes as he inhaled her scent down into his lungs.

‘'I know, Shepard, I know I’m a selfish bastard, who has been hurting you for years and will most likely hurt you again in the future. But Spirits, I miss you Shepard.'’

Cupping her face gently between both of his hands, he looked into her hazel eyes, seeing the love and the frustration reflecting through - for him - and felt his heart twinge. He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

'‘I don’t know what came over me Shepard, but when I saw that fuckers hands on you, I was hard pressed not to kill him. I still don’t know what I want Shepard. Whether I can grow to love you the way you say you love me. But please know that I’m not totally without feelings for you. And if how we just spent the last forty minutes…well … um… anyway, it should be blatantly obvious that I feel strongly enough to want to keep you for myself.’'

‘'What about when you get married Garrus?’’ Shepard asked, dropping her gaze from his eyes, to look over his shoulder, as she traced an imaginary pattern with one finger on his chest.

‘'I don’t want to get married Shepard, but you know that we Turians don’t always get a choice in the matter.'’ he whispered. Shepard could feel the sadness echo in his voice.

‘'Look, Shepard, I don’t know how far we can take this…whatever this is between us… But I want to try it. If you can accept what little of me I can give you.'’

Folding his arms around her and crushing her tightly to his chest he whispered to her.

‘'I can’t lose you Shepard.’'

As she stood there in his arms, feeling his heart pounding under his armour into her own chest, she took a minute to gather her thoughts. She knew he was waiting for a reply. Some sort of acceptance that even though he understood that he would most definitely end up hurting her again, that for now, he wanted to be with her. If she accepted his proposal, was she less of a woman? Would she then ultimately become the one thing that un-bonded bitten females were? Was she willing to risk the insults, the possibility of losing her best friend and the inevitable shattering of her soul when he did get married and whatever was between them came to an end? Was he worth it?

'‘I can’t lose you either Garrus and not just because I’m in love with you, but because you are my best friend and the one person, apart from my father, who has always been there for me.’’

Bringing her arms up to loop around his neck and slipping one leather clad leg between his, she clasped her hands together inside his cowl and pulled him down so that her lips brushed softly against his mandible. With feather light kisses she moved across to his mouth, feeling his pleasure through the vibrations on her lips. He returned the movement against her own mouth as best he could, before cheekily letting his tongue slip inside her, flicking it against her own teasingly. She moaned against him and kissed him hard as if though this might be her last chance. She stepped away from him, doing a last perfunctory check over her clothing to make sure nothing too scandalous was spilling out and grabbed his hand.

‘'Okay Garrus, we’ve been in here long enough. Liara is most likely going to be incredibly pissed off with you… or me, come to think about it, after all I did just abandon her when you dragged me in here.’’

Laughing, Garrus followed her out the room still holding her hand.

 

***********************************

As Garrus stepped out the room, holding onto Shepard’s hand, it all became real. He was now in a semi-serious but doomed relationship with his best friend. A human. The consequences, if his father found out, would be no joking matter and he would have to fight like hell to avoid being sent back to Palaven like a petulant child who had just been grounded. Spirits, but he needed a drink. Giving Shepard’s hand one last squeeze before letting go of it – he wasn’t blind to how she frowned when he let go- he sauntered over to the bar and ordered the two of them some drinks. He followed Shepard with his eyes to a booth in the back, where she stopped to talk to Liara and growled loudly… what the fuck?

The turian, who he could now identify, was sitting at the table. Fuck, it was Nihlus. He had punched Councillor’s Sparatus cousin and a spectre candidate. Groaning, he realised that if Nihlus wanted to fuck up his life and end it faster than even his own father could, all it would take would be one word out of his mouth. He muttered a curse and walked over to the booth. Generally Turians were relaxed about sparring and handled violence with ease. He hoped that Nihlus was in a forgiving mood tonight. Reaching the booth, drinks in hand, he fought hard to keep the irritation out of his sub vocals.

As he stopped beside Shepard to hand her drink to her, he looked over at Nihlus who was leaning back in the booth as if though he owned the place. Liara was studiously ignoring him with a formidable frown on her face and he decided to fight one battle at a time. Confidence was oozing out of the other turian and the smirk on his face made the skin beneath Garrus’ plates itch with a need to punch him all over again. Slipping in beside Shepard he waited for the inevitable.

‘’If she’s yours, you’re not doing a very good job of keeping her happy.’’ Nihlus laughs, rubbing his jaw and winking at Shepard.

‘’No, I’m not doing a very good job am I.’’ he purred as he leaned back into the chair placing an arm around her shoulders. Looking down at Shepard he saw that her face had broken out in a beautiful blush. He felt his chest puff out with pride at being the one to get that kind of response from her.

‘’But I will make sure to make it up to her… later. Over and over…and over again if I have to.’’ Garrus drawled, giving Nihlus a pointed look of back-the-fuck off if you know what’s good for you.

Seeing Nihlus turn his attention back to Shepard he tensed as he heard Nihlus say, his dual toned voice filled with lust and promise

‘’If you are ever unhappy again Shepard, I would be more than happy to keep you…busy… by trying out some more human phrases on you. The offer will always be open.’’ Nihlus winked at her one more time, downing the last of his drink he stood up from the table and turned to lean against the side where Garrus was sitting.

‘’Oh, by the way Vakarian. First punch I’ll let you have for free, but if you ever try that bullshit again, I will wipe the floor with you and your reputation.’’

Smiling Nihlus walked away. Sighing loudly, Garrus took a sip of his drink and looked over at Liara. One battle down… a thousand to go.

 

****************************

Liara was unhappy. No, she was livid actually. She met Shepard two years ago while working on a case. Liara had been the one to provide Shepard with the information she needed to catch the criminal gang selling illegal military VI’s and their working relationship had steadily blossomed into friendship from there. Being an Asari and already having lived for seventy years, Liara had barely scratched the surface of seeing what the galaxy had to offer and yet what she saw before her now made her roll her eyes at the stupidity of the couple sitting across from her.

Garrus was obviously having issues with being in denial, but the smirk on his face and the way his sub harmonics trilled with pleasure showed an altogether different story.Shepard was so obliviously happy to having Garrus seated next to her, not willing to see how much he would end up hurting her in the future. It made Liara want to slap both of them. How Shepard could just calmly and willingly accept him back into her life after the way she had been treated, was a wonder to her. She had seen the moon shaped scars on Shepard’s neck and the raw feelings of pain in Shepard’s eyes in her apartment, but looking at Shepard now, there was no hint of those earlier feelings and instead Shepard had seemed to take on a kind of a glow.

Radiating peace and contentment, her smile whenever Garrus brushed his fingers along her arm or leaned in to talk into her ear was a beautiful sight to see. Liara caught Garrus giving her a few covert looks, his eyes almost silently pleading with her to either just roll with it or say what she had to say and get on with it. Pulling her eyebrows tight and keeping her frown in place, Liara crossed her arms and turned towards Shepard her voice thick with sarcasm.

‘'Having a good time are we, Shepard? You know, it’s the strangest thing being left in a club all alone while your friend wanders off to do Goddess knows what with someone in the equivalent of a broom cupboard. I’m so glad that I didn’t get into any trouble because surely I would have needed help. Isn’t that right Shepard?'’

Liara couldn’t help but grin when she saw Shepard almost choke on her drink and look away guiltily. The blush that had been a constant presence on her face now reached all the way to the back of her ears.

‘'I’m sorry Liara, but after all it was your idea to get me laid and I would have had to leave you alone eventually.’’ Shepard said, trying to placate Garrus and get him to stop growling by putting a hand on his thigh.

With an ‘hmph’ Liara conceded that, yes she did tell Shepard to go out and enjoy herself, but it was supposed to be with a stranger and not the love of her life who had recently thrown her heart into a blender.

‘’That is beside the point Shepard.’ Liara stuck her finger out and pointing to Garrus with her long blue finger, she looked him straight in the eyes, noticing how he had sat up a bit straighter.

‘’Now look here Garrus Vakarian. As far as I’m concerned you’re an asshole and as much as I’d like to insult you in the thirteen other languages I know – including prothean- I will keep this short. You hurt my friend and will continue to do so…’' Shepard glared at her and opened her mouth as if to protest the fact. ‘'No, Shepard, don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true… so I want to make it clear to you right now that when you hurt her again, I will take her away from you and make sure you never have the opportunity to do so again.'’ Liara put her hand down and folded them on the table.

‘'I know you care for Shepard, Liara. However the two of us have come to a… hmmm… agreement…of sorts. I never want to hurt her, but life doesn’t always work out the way you plan it too, so for now I... We… intend to enjoy ourselves while it lasts.’’ Garrus said pulling Shepard tighter under his arm, the sincerity in his voice ringing out.

‘'Fine, Garrus. Just so you know Nihlus isn’t the only one who has connections. If I wanted to make someone’s life difficult it would be as easy as melding with a child’s mind.'’

With that, Liara stood up and leaned over to Shepard, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and told her she would see her later. As Liara looked back, she saw how well they complimented each other and thought to herself that it was lucky that Shepard had spilled about her feelings for Garrus quite early on. Or else Liara would be part of a love triangle that she had no hope of coming out on top of. She left the club, heading back to Shepard’s apartment.

******************************

Sitting quietly in the booth, listening to the music pulse around her, Shepard mused that she certainly didn’t expect this to be happening. Garrus still had his arm around her, pushing subtly against her every now then, and his other hand wrapped around his glass on the table. The two of them sat comfortably, scanning the crowd and taking in the atmosphere. It was by no means the classiest joint on the citadel, but it seemed to have an energy that she couldn’t pinpoint.

‘'I have a question Shepard.'’ Garrus rumbled, causing her to quirk an eyebrow.

‘'Exactly where did you learn to pole dance?’’

He looked at her with mischief in his eyes.

‘;'What, wait, how did you…?’’ Shepard stuttered, pulling away from his body in embarrassment.

‘'Oh it gets better Shepard. Chellick -you know- our boss, sent me a video of your… flexibility… and thought that I would be the best person to send it too.'’ shaking his head back and forth pretending to be disappointed in her.

‘'Aww, fuck. How much shit am I going to be in when I go back to work?'’ she asked, her elbows now leaning on the table, with her hands covering her face.

This could not be happening, Shepard thought. She had never learned to pole dance in particular but she had always been a bit too bendy and found that dancing came quite easily to her. Rolling her eyes she mused that if she had turned out to be a crap dancer, her moves on the field and in combat wouldn’t be nearly as easy to pull off as they were now. Peeking through her fingers at Garrus, she found he was silently laughing at her, only his eyes betraying his amusement.

‘’Well, fuck it. I don’t particularly care that Chellick saw me dance, I’m more concerned with the fact that he saw me dressed like this and whether or not he saw me with... What did you say his name was again? Nihlus right?'’ Shepard asked dropping her hands to settle back in beneath his arm. He snarled.

'‘Yes, that was Nihlus, out of all the Turians you could find, you managed to try and hook up with one of the most influential ones. If I lose my job because I punched him, I hope you’re prepared to support me.’' He had intended to keep his tone light, but as he looked over at her he saw the worry in her eyes and how the hazel momentarily darkened along with her thoughts.

Taking his hand and cupping her chin, bringing her eyes to his, he let out a breath. ‘Hey, everything will be fine. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to worry you. Be here with me now okay and don’t think about tomorrow. Do you want to get out of here?'’ he asked, stroking his finger back and forth over her cheek.

Shepard nodded to him and couldn’t supress a smile when he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the booth and flush against his own body when they stood up. Garrus led her out of the club, the scene so familiar to all those days ago with Tali and she held onto him a little bit tighter. At the queue for the sky car, she felt him deliberately stand in front of her and bring her hand up to place it over his heart and asked…

’'Your place or mine Shepard?’'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks, been feeding my other addictions. So I kinda, sorta , most likely wrote this chapter with a theme. Been listening to Hoobastank today and their song ''Disappear'' fits this chapter in my head. Busy with the next section which should be up soon-ish. Enjoy!


	8. A fathers job is never done

Veridian Vakarian stood behind his desk, hands clasped behind his back and his eyes closed. It’s been a long, long time since he has seen his son. Although they may call one another, he still felt as if though it has been years since his only boy left the military and shortly after graduating, moved to the Citadel. Veridian was aware that he had placed immense pressure on Garrus, all their family traditions and honour fell directly on Garrus’s shoulders and it was his job as the father and clan leader to make sure his son could bear the weight. He was proud of his son in his own way, but he certainly didn’t make it easy.

Garrus seemed to have inherited all of his mother’s traits, a strong will, a keen mind and a fiery spirit that didn’t easily give up and a sense of justice that would turn him into an outstanding officer in C-sec. If only he didn’t spend so much time with that human. The two of them were inseparable and on the few occasions that he had gone to see his son that human was always with him and the comradery he had witnessed between them showed a bond that ran deep. Veridian abhorred it. It was unnatural he thought to himself. That a turian and human could be so in sync, so in tune to each other emotions and movements.

When he saw the two of them together almost six months ago, alarm bells had begun to ring in his head when he had seen Garrus bring his forehead to hers. It was a sacred and spiritual gesture amongst Turians and only given to mates or immediate family. He didn’t know what could be worse, that Garrus thought that a human was equal to a Turian or that he may consider her as a possible mate. He had delicately ventured into enemy territory by testing the waters and asked his son about his feelings for that Shepard human. He expected and was not surprised by Garrus jumping to her defence whenever she was insulted, but what he did not expect was the warmth in his voice when he spoke of her, the smile that caressed his face the entire time he talked about her or if Garrus was even aware of how his sub vocals practically thrummed with happiness whenever she walked into the same room.

No Veridian nearly shouted in his head, he would not allow this unnatural relationship to develop any further. He had connected with his old friend Primarch Crassus and broached the topic of marriage between their families, explaining that this union would be advantageous to both of them as he had only one son and Crassus only one niece. Together the two families would bring forth the next generation and strengthen both clans. It has been six months since he has last seen his boy. He left his office and prepared to pack his bags and finish up the last of his preparations for the journey he was about to make.

He was going to the Citadel.

 

**********************************************

Shepard loved the way Garrus tasted, the way his tongue moved against her own and the soft moans he let slip whenever she gripped his waist or ran a hand over his fringe. When they had gotten to his apartment she had been picked up and carried to the bedroom, legs wrapped around his body. His hands grabbing her ass tightly while he alternated between kissing her and lapping at his bite mark on her neck. She slipped down to the floor and he turned her to face away from him, as his deft and agile fingers started to untie the strings on her back which were holding her corset in place. Shepard moaned when he bit into her neck gently and teased her earlobe with his tongue. The way in which he pulled each string loose made her desperate for him to just rip through it with his talons.

‘'I really, really like this colour on you Shepard.'’ he purred seductively into her ear.

Shepard watched the navy blue corset slip off her and land with a thud at her feet, as his hand came up from behind her and slowly traced a path up from her hips, her belly button and leaving faint red lines on her skin as he eventually cupped her breasts. She watched as his two fingers circled her nipple, plucking and pulling them, before moving over to the other one. She leaned her head back and kissed him over her shoulder murmuring softly into his mouth how much she liked what he was doing. One of her hands travelled up to his neck and using her nails she scratched lightly and moved under his fringe to rub and tease the skin there. He bucked into her ass and groaned. Feeling his cock pressing into her, Shepard used her free hand to run it across and up his length feeling his breath come out in shudders.

He dropped his hand from her breast, and hooked a talon in the seam of her skirt and yanked. The skirt fluttered to the floor to join her corset. Shepard had to smirk when she realised she was standing there in nothing but her skin and her thigh-high boots. Keeping her back to him, Shepard felt his hand dip down to the heat between her legs and she moaned as first one finger, then another found her clit and started to rub achingly slow in circles. Her knees were starting to buckle as he kissed, bit and fucked her gently with his fingers. She needed more but was adamant that tonight they would take it slow. Stepping out of his reach and hearing him grumble in confusion she folded her arms beneath her breasts, making them perk up even more and stood with a stance that screamed dominance.

‘'Lose your clothes Vakarian.'’ she said huskily.

She continued to watch him as he undid the clasps of his light armour and boots, letting the pieces fall and she walked behind him when he had taken it all off. Running her hand up and down his back made him purr loudly but when she dug her nails into his waist he snarled. Still standing behind him she reached around his body, pressing her breasts against the cool plates of his back and palmed his cock in her hand. Garrus had dropped his head down to watch his cock being worked over, the slow and long, drawn out pumps of her hand was making his entire body vibrate and his hands clutched air and balled into fists. A drop of fluid leaked from his tip and he shook his head.

‘'No more Shepard, you’re killing me here.'’ he panted heavily.

She let go of his cock which bounced up and down almost as if it were begging for more and grabbed his hand. She led him to the bed and pushed him down on it. Taking off her boots, unzipping it slowly to make him watch, she leaned over him while standing up to arrange the pillows to support his back, she eased over him into a sitting position, knees on either side of his thighs, groin to groin and moved her hips slowly back and forth, making sure to rub his length against her heat. He tried to sit up but she pushed him down again with her hands. She nibbled her way down his neck, feeling his pulse on her lips and slowly kissed and clawed her way down his body making him squirm beneath her. She looked up at him, catching his gaze, his mouth open as he huffed out breath after breath. Her mouth was close to his cock now and as she settled between his legs, she smiled wickedly and winked at him; she palmed him again and licked all the way from the base to the tip.

 

****************************************

He had no idea what she was doing crawling down his body, but as she kissed him and bit him, he started to grow impatient. His need to be inside of her overwhelming every other thought he had. When he saw her head hover over his cock, he sucked in a sharp breath as he saw her smile and when she winked he knew he was doomed for sure. When her soft lips opened and her tongue sneaked out and licked up and down his length, he lost his mind.

His talons ripped into the bed sheets and he snarled the sound a guttural scream that seemed to echo off the walls. He watched as she opened her mouth and placed it around his tip and when she sucked, the obscene sounds she made as she hummed around him, made his knee fly up and brought his hand down to her head to fist his fingers through her hair, guiding her. She continued to suck more and more of him into her mouth and Garrus was trying hard to not buck into her. She bobbed her head up and down his cock and scraped her teeth on his tip deliberately to see his reaction.

''Shep... Ah, Shepard... please.'' he keened, throwing his head back.

Garrus realised she had a mean streak as she continued to torture him with pleasure that he had never before experienced. He was going to cum. If she continued, he was going to cover her face or coat the inside of her mouth. Either way it would be over too soon. Turians may have a reputation for stamina but even he had his limits.

Hissing he sat up and pushed her back, picking her up under her arms and rolling her over onto her back. He covered her body with his, roughly parting her legs to wrap around his hips and moving her arms to hold onto the back of his neck, he buried his cock inside of her with one thrust. Hearing Shepard gasp at the intrusion he controlled himself with long but hard strokes. Burying his face into her neck, he licked his mark again and placed his teeth over them, matching them to the scars. Shepard screamed his name and came as he held her by the hips and pumped into her, using one hand to rub hard on her clit.

He came in waves and bit down hard on her neck, reopening the wound, tasting the coppery flavour of her blood and roared as he felt her inner muscles squeezing him when she joined the tide he was still riding on.

’'Fucking hell, Garrus. Give a girl some warning next time.'’ she laughed breathily.

He lifted his face from her neck, giving one last lick to clear the droplets of blood and looked down at her smiling face; he rolled them onto their side, his cock still twitching inside of her. This woman, Garrus decided was going to be the death of him. He was still in the throes of an orgasm but this time he decided to just let it his body take over because he was content to stay this way. Brushing her hair back from her forehead, slick with sweat, he kissed her again slowly.

‘'Stay the night Shepard, if we’re going to do this … I want to do it right. So stay with me?'’ he asked her.

‘'Always.'’ she replied.

 

*************************************************

Time seemed to blur to Shepard, as she once again woke up next to Garrus, her head on his chest. It had been the happiest she had been for a very long time. She listened to his breathing and felt him come awake as she pressed a kiss to throat. ‘Morning’ he said sleepily. Lifting his arms over his head she watched him stretch and laughed as he moaned.

‘'Your back still sore?’’ she asked him, laughing when he rolled his eyes.

‘'I don’t ever recall my shower being that slippery before. You humans and all your body wash and loofas … was it any wonder that when I stepped on the spirits-be-damned thing, I would slip and nearly kill myself?’' he said, laughing along with her.

‘'Good thing the shower caught your back and not mine instead.'’ she winked at him before slipping from the sheets and throwing on one of his shirts.

The situation had become so normal. For three days now she had woken up with Garrus, ate with him, kissed him goodbye as he left for work –listening to him grumble about her not being there- and spent their nights in bed together. Shepard snorted. Okay, so strictly they had tried every surface in his apartment but as she thought back to what they now called the ‘’shower incident’’ she couldn’t help a bubble of laughter escaping her. The normalcy was bliss. Every negative thought about his marriage, his father or other people’s reactions, she had pushed them to the farthest corners of her mind. She did as he asked. She was here with him now, in this moment.

She hadn’t realised that she was standing completely still and hadn’t moved at all, when suddenly she felt his arms wrap around her. Purring into her neck, he hummed softly to her as she brought her hands up to press them over his own. Rubbing her thumb over one of his fingers, she sighed.

‘'Time for work tough guy.'’ she told him, stepping away and heading off the kitchen.

She made a strong cup of coffee and sat down in the lounge, folding her legs beneath her on the couch. She inhaled the scent of the coffee and looked out through the large window, watching the tiny sky cars whip through traffic and far off in the distance she could just make out ships docking for refuelling. She wanted this, this life with Garrus, more than anything she had ever wanted and soon she would have to step out of this protective little bubble her and Garrus had been living in. She noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and cocked her head to the side as she watched Garrus put his boots on. He smiled at her when he caught her looking.

‘’We need to talk tonight Shepard.’ he said, walking over to her and kneeling in front of her.

Placing a kiss in the human way against her forehead and then proceeding to do it in the Turian way with his forehead to hers, she put a hand on his cheek and returned the pressure, he stood up and left the apartment for work.

 

*************************

Spirits, but he hated the Citadel. In all the time and years that Veridian had spent here, it felt as if though the blood, sweat and tears he and his family had gone through had all been for naught. His job had placed many responsibilities on his own shoulders and he would admit that he hadn’t always been there for his family. He had been too busy chasing down one crook or the other, or locking himself away in his office, pouring over files till the small hours of the morning, to realise that he had missed out on virtually all the important moments of Garrus and Solana growing up. Not to mention the distance that had come between him and his wife Arcelia. It was his own fault, his marriage had also been arranged and he had never bonded with her, never tied his soul to her. He and his wife had done their duty to their families and to the Hierarchy.

Now, however that he was an Evocatus, he was practically retired from the force and only stepped in when something in the administrative side needed doing. He may be old but his mind was still as sharp as when he first joined them all those years ago. He intended to make things right with his family. Veridian walked through C-Sec’s doors and headed for Chellick’s office. He wanted a report on Garrus’ performance at work and needed to discuss arranging some time off for Garrus, for the traditional one week of solitude that newly married mates entered in to. It might not be his place to discuss it with Chellick but as clan leader it was his duty to aid his son in any way that he could. Within reason.

Knocking on the door and walking in, he saw Chellick stand up from behind his desk and walk around to grab his arm. Chirruping a greeting through his sub vocals.

‘'What can I do for you Sir?'’ Chellick asked, releasing his arm and walking back around to his desk.

‘'I wanted a report on Garrus. Whether he has been upholding our reputation and doing his work as a good Turian should?'’ Veridian smiled and took the seat opposite Chellicks desk.

‘'Hmmm, Garrus has always excelled Sir. You should be proud. Not too long ago, he tracked, caught and stopped some miserable pyjack who was growing organs in living donors and selling them on the black market. He is a hell of a cop and an even greater detective.'’ Chellick beamed at him and then shook his head lightly.

‘'Well, to be honest he didn’t do it on his own. Shepard was working with him on it and they seem to work miracles together. I have never seen two people more suited to this field of work and the way they work together is legendary here at C-sec. No Shepard without Vakarian and vice versa.’’ Chellick rumbled in amusement but stopped in his tracks as he saw the disgusted face of Veridian glaring at him.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Chellick shuffled some datapads around on his desk and folded his hands in front of him.

'‘Was there anything else you wanted to discuss Sir?'’ he asked keeping his tone neutral and respectful.

‘Yes, my son is now at an age where he must fulfil his duty to his family and take a mate. I know, it may seem unusual for me to talk to you about this, but I need to make sure that he has the one week of seclusion off after he is married and that it will not affect his duties.'’ Veridian rumbled.

‘'Very good Sir, I will see what I can do and discuss it further with Garrus. When, if I may ask, will he be getting married?'’ he anxiously asked.

‘'Not soon enough'’ he muttered. ‘'He should be meeting his future wife tomorrow over lunch, a week to get to know her and marriage shortly after, once both of our clans have settled all the legal documents that are required for this union.'’ he waved his hand dismissively.

‘'Forgive me for asking Sir, but is Garrus ready for marriage? His work here at C-Sec is vital and I would be honoured to one day pass on the mantle of Executor when the time comes. But in order for that to happen, I need him here, fully committed to his work’' Chellick said, hoping he hadn’t caused any offense.

‘'You may ask Executor, but you will not like the answer’' Veridian sighed loudly. ‘'It is not a case of him being ready, it is a case of him doing what is right and expected of him.'’

Both men stood up, gripped arms and nodded to one another, he left the office and proceeded to walk down to where he knew Garrus was working, but stopped midstride as he felt a tingle in his chest. He turned around and made his way to Garrus’s apartment. Something wasn’t right he decided, his investigative senses were blaring inside of him. Before the day was through he would do a thorough check of his son’s life and his home seemed to be the best place to start.

 

********************************

Chellick kept his sub vocals in check and maintained control of his facial expressions. Spirits, what a mess. Not long after he had sent that holovid to Garrus, he had seen the turian charge into the club and how he had knocked Nihlus out cold, dragging Shepard away into a room in the back of the club. When they didn’t come out for almost an hour, he knew without a shadow of a doubt what they were up too and when he spotted them holding hands as they exited the room. Chellick had made a quick getaway. Garrus was falling for a human and Spirits help him and his family when the time came to separate those two. Sighing and rubbing the back of his head, Chellick was in a tough situation.

On one hand, he didn’t want to lose both of his greatest detectives to some forced marriage for one of them. He considered himself a friend and wanted to support them. Turian and human pairings were rare but he had seen his fair share of them over the years. Love, is after all supposed to be blind, so what did it matter what each of them looked like. On the other hand, there was a shit storm waiting to happen. He was the Executor, as Garrus’s and Shepard’s superior it was also his responsibility to mentor them both and make sure that Garrus in particular followed his path correctly as a Turian. He would most likely have to separate the two of them by placing them in different departments of C-sec if it became ugly.

Thinking it wise, Chellick pressed a call button on his desk, waiting for his assistant to answer.

‘'Torella, have you see Garrus today yet?'’ he asked his Salarian PA.

'‘Yes, Sir, he arrived twenty minutes ago. Shall I call him and ask him to meet you?'’

‘'Is anyone currently with him?'’ Chellick asked again

‘'No, Sir. He is currently alone in his office. Are you certain you don’t want to speak to him?'’ she inquired politely.

‘'Yes, when he has a moment, tell him I need to speak to him urgently.'’ he ordered sternly, cutting the line, he steeled himself for the two options he was about to present to Garrus. Walking around his desk, he poured himself a cup of kava, letting the smell calm him. He walked back to his desk and sat down and waited.

 

*************************************

Garrus sat back in his chair and placed his feet on the desk in front of him, folding his arms behind his head. He was smiling and trying very hard not to find an excuse to skip work for the day and head back to Shepard. Ridiculous, as he had only been at work for half an hour. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander through the last three days with Shepard, picturing her laughing as he found the ticklish spot under her foot, the way her ass jiggled when she brushed her teeth, the blush on her face when he kissed her goodbye for the first time and left for work. Little things, he thought to himself, it was these little things that made him happy.

Of course the sex was spectacular and he would give anything to be buried deep inside of her all day, every day but these little things made his heart pump faster whenever he thought of her. How was it possible that after the many years he had spent with her, he only noticed the little things now? Like he had seen her and noticed her, but not really ‘seen’ her for what and who she was.

The smile on his face quickly turned into a grimace as he thought of meeting the woman his father had arranged for him. Sabine was her name. He had briefly met her a few times at events that he had attended with his father and he could barely recall one detail about her, other than which family she belonged too. Dropping his arms into his lap, he let his head fall back over the chair and stared up at the ceiling. The past three days were wonderful, laughing together, eating together and … was it making love? Is that what they were doing? He had never felt so much emotion during sex, so utterly entranced by every breath she took, how he felt like his heart would burst whenever she screamed his name or kissed him goodnight. Startled out of his reverie by a knock, he looked up to see Torella standing in the doorway.

‘Executor Chellick would like to see you as soon as you are available’ She said, turning around to leave when she saw him nod.

He grumbled, wondering what new criminal he would have to track down today and how hopelessly boring it would all be until Shepard returned to work. Walking along the corridor to Chellick’s office he nodded a greeting to several co-workers he passed by and stepped into the office.

 

*******************************

‘'Boss, you wanted to see me?'’ Garrus asked, standing tall with his hands behind his back.

‘'Sit down Vakarian, this is a social call.'’ Chellick eyeballed him as he sat down.

‘'Your father is here, he left my office ten minutes ago. I had assumed he would go to see you but it appears I was mistaken.'’ he said, watching for the predictable reaction he was about to get from Garrus.

If it was possible for Turians to go pale or faint, Chellick was dead certain that Garrus would be on the floor in a pathetic puddle. His spine cracked as he went rigid in his seat and looking to Chellick with wide eyes he asked him to repeat himself. When Chellick did, he shot up out of his chair and began to pace back and forth muttering under his breath. Chellick watched all this commotion coming from Garrus with shrewd eyes and knew that it was too late to save Garrus and Shepard from any pain. The two of them were in too deep.

‘'Garrus, your father has spoken to me of your upcoming marriage and has asked me to arrange the one week off for your seclusion, which you will no doubt need. Making heirs is a tiring business I hear?'’ He fought hard not laugh at the shock on Garrus’s face. The shrill cries coming from his secondary voice box making him clench his jaw.

‘'Calm down Vakarian.'’ he muttered, leaning back in his seat.

‘'I saw the two of you together you know, at Chora’s the other night, I saw how you assaulted one of the most politically powerful Turians and walked away to rut with a human in the back room. I saw all of that…. And frankly.... I don’t care.'’ Chellick said, barking out a laugh when Garrus slumped back into his seat with his head in hands.

‘'Spirits, Boss. I don’t want to get married. I... I think… ‘' Garrus grasped for the right words in his head.

‘'I want to be with Shepard, Boss.’’ Garrus said, completely serious.

Giving a loud resigned sigh, Chellick took pity on him and muttered that he certainly didn’t make his life easy.

‘'The way I see it Garrus, is that you have two options. Either you renounce Shepard, never see her again and do your duty by getting married, providing your family with the heirs it needs and living your life peacefully and rising through the ranks of C-Sec, to eventually replace me. But you will be hollow, never satisfied and always thinking about what may have been. But you will have lived your life doing your duty.'’ Chellick paused to let Garrus take all that in.

‘'Your second option is to cut all ties with your family, be stripped of your markings and lose your place in Turian society. You will be ridiculed, exiled and face many, many battles from those who would be against a turian and a human being together. However, you will have the woman you love at your side through all the hardships, you will be happy with the quiet moments that are shared between the two of you and will live at peace in your heart and never regret a moment with her.'’ As Chellick waited for Garrus to absorb all he had said, he wondered if Garrus had already bonded with her, tied his soul to hers.

‘'Garrus, this may be a strange and inappropriate question from a superior to his subordinate but… have you tied with her? Has your body acted… strange... during, ahem, relations with Shepard?'’ he asked softly.

He saw Garrus’s whole body stiffen, noticed the way his breathing had become deep and even.

‘'Yes, Boss… that’s exactly what happened. I didn’t know what it was at first but every time, it’s always the same. Unbelievable pleasure….'’ Stopping his speech midway, he looked away, embarrassed at sharing so much.

‘'Your body has chosen its mate Garrus. You have tied your soul to hers. Now it’s time for your mind to accept it, catch up and figure out what to do with it.'’ Chellick said matter-of-fact. He looked into Garrus’s eyes as saw the steely determination and acceptance of what he had just heard sit at peace within him.

‘'Thank you, Boss.'’ Garrus said softly, his vocalisations keening out how grateful he was for his understanding in the matter.

‘'Garrus, before you go running off to Shepard and vowing your undying love for her.'’ he laughed when he saw Garrus roll his eyes ‘'make sure to speak to your father first. If he’s not with you right now he may have headed back to your apartment and I pray to the Spirits that Shepard is at least dressed when he shows up there.'’ he said watching Garrus scramble out of his chair, knocking it to the floor and running out the office.

Chellick shook his head, wishing them well.

 

*******************************

Veridian made his way to his son’s home and stood in the elevator, cursing the damn thing for taking so long. The itch beneath his plates was almost unbearable and a sense of foreboding came over him when he walked out and headed across the hall to the correct door. He lifted his hand to enter the combination to enter and paused with his hand in the air. He could hear noises from inside. Singing. Someone was singing.Veridian’s heart raced and he tried to think logically. Maybe it was a cleaning service or perhaps Garrus had arranged for a repairman to come. The music the person was singing to suddenly got louder and using this chance, he enter the code and stepped through the door.

What greeted him was the sight of a human, her back to him, wearing a Turian shirt that hung down to her knees. She was swaying to the music, her arms up over her head, singing along to the lyrics. She looked happy… was his first thought, before he came back to his senses, activated the remote for the sound system on the wall and abruptly turned it all off. He stood with his hands behind his back and a stern look on his face.

She turned around, hand clutching her throat and he saw the blood drain from her face and her pupils shrink to pinpricks as her eyes stared at him in shock.


	9. Mercy, Please.... for my frozen heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you, like me, have ever been hit or been assaulted. I urge you to read with care. My story may get dark from time to time and I will do my best to warn you. We're almost halfway through my story. I thank each and every one of you for reading. 
> 
> Sorry about the short chapter. I seem to have a 3000 word limit during the week. ;)

Veridian stared at Shepard, momentarily shocked by the new colour of her skin. At first she had turned pale, going a sickly grey, but the longer he stood there the redder she became. He vaguely remembered that’s what happens to humans when they are embarrassed. He saw her tug his son’s shirt down, trying to cover as much as possible. As if he cared about what she looked like. He still had his hands clasped behind his back, but now they were there to force himself not to lash out at her in his anger. No, his rage. There were torrents of emotions flooding through him. Rage at this human who defiled his son and led him astray. Disappointment in his son for letting her. Confusion at where he could have possibly gone wrong in raising his son. But above all, the steadily rising and building of his rage for this human, blocked out all other feelings.

‘'What in the Spirits name, do you think you are doing, intimately getting involved with MY son?'’ He hissed out each part menacingly.

He took a step closer to her, baring his teeth and watched how she brought her hand away from her throat and that’s when he noticed the newly reopened bite mark. He roared at her, his hands unclasping, fingers stretching wide.

‘'Mr Vakarian, I lov….’’ But before she can get a word out he backhands her.

The sound a loud ‘thwack’ echoing around the room and with the force of the blow, she falls, landing on the glass coffee table with her elbow and it shatters on impact. He is furious. Beyond all reason he curses the day this human walked into his and his son’s life. He sees her half-crawl into a sitting position, one hand on her face where he hit her and the other cradled against her stomach. She has not uttered a word. She has not whimpered once from pain. It gives breath to the flames of his ire. His state of mind too far gone to notice how she is bleeding, how glass shards are sticking out of her arm at odd angles, how droplets of dark red are dripping from her chin.

‘'The moment your pathetic father became an ambassador for the humans on Palaven, I knew he was trouble. When he attended work and there you were, a young, sickly …filthy human, trailing after him, I knew you were going to be worse trouble. I have watched you influence my son from the moment you met him. How you have led him astray. How you have corrupted his turian spirit.'’ he bit out, snarling between each breath.

‘'What could you, an inferior species, possibly give to my son?'‘ his voice getting louder as he hisses at her.

‘'Any children coming from this union, would be an abomination, a disgrace and I would rather see it and myself dead before I allow your spawn to tarnish the name and reputation of my son and our clan’s reputation. You can give him nothing!'’

Breathing hard, he walked closer to her, towering over her and screamed

‘'YOU WILL NEVER BE WORTHY OF MY SON!'’

*************************************************

As Garrus reached his apartment door he heard a commotion inside and his gut shrivelled up at the thought of what he might find. He entered the code for his door, opened it and stilled when he heard a loud, angry and menacing roar.

‘'YOU WILL NEVER BE WORTHY OF MY SON!'’

Garrus heard his dad mutter something else and rushes inside, slamming the door behind him to make his presence known; hoping the new sound inside the apartment would momentarily stop the argument that was obviously taking place. But as he walked past the kitchen wall and into the lounge, it was his roar that replaced his fathers. He saw his father standing over Shepard, his hands in fists and when he looked down, he saw Shepard.

His Shepard. His mate. She was on the floor, bleeding and bruised. He rushed to her, pushing his father roughly out of the way and knelt down beside her. His sub vocals keening out his distress and concern for her. He heard his father‘s own sub vocals chirrup in disgust. He ignored it. Slowly reaching for her, he let his hand gently cup her chin and turned her face towards him. He sucked in a sharp breath when he saw the cut above her eye and how the blood was leaking from the wound down the side of her face. Her eyes were hollow. The warmth that he usually saw replaced with…nothingness. His eyes travelled down to how she cradled her arm against her stomach and saw the glass embedded in her soft fragile skin. He saw some flicker of life in her eyes as he brushed his mouth against her forehead and slipped an arm under her legs to pick her up. He felt her arms encircle his neck and how she buried her head under his chin.

All his protective instincts were demanding he punish the one who had hurt her. No, not punish. Avenge. Sweet retribution. He gripped her tighter and as he got a proper hold on her he walked towards his father who had moved to block the path to his bedroom.

‘'Get out.'’ Garrus said softly to his father.

His voice shaking from controlling the urge to hurt him.

‘'Spirits Garrus... this is ridiculous. This shameful relationship....’' he started to say till he saw his son’s eyes and heard him give a viscous snarl.

The usual dreamy, warm blue of Garrus’s eyes had turned to the colour of the deepest, darkest and coldest ocean blue imaginable. Garrus took a step towards his dad growling and snarling, who hurriedly took one step back.

‘'Dad… I am one breath away from killing you for what you have done here. You have insulted and assaulted the woman I am currently in a relationship with. You entered my home and proceeded to vandalise it with your brutality. You have shamed not only me by your behaviour here but you have also shamed yourself.’

He again kissed the top of Shepard’s head, breathing in her scent hoping to calm himself. His father stepped out of the way, but when it looked like he wanted to say more, Garrus said again very softly.

‘'Get out.'’

****************************

Shepard was still in a daze. Give her guns and she could handle any situation thrown at her. She had taken down mercenaries, Asari commandos and all manners of scum in her short but busy career at C-sec, occasionally pulling the trigger and killing when it was necessary. She would rather face down a thousand charging krogan than have a fight that concerned her emotions or her hearts well-being. She never won. She always froze. When she had turned around and saw Garrus’s father standing there, her first thought was how to get him to understand what she felt for his son and the second thought was of how quickly she could get to her pants in the bedroom and pull them on. After he hit her... she thought of nothing.

Now, that she was being carried to the bedroom, she started to feel her spirit coming back to her, but the numbness which had kept her pain away started to ebb and little by little she felt the small stings in in her arm from the glass. The pounding in her cheekbone from where she got hit and the scratch from above her eye burn from one of the clasps attached to his father’s gloves. Although she may not be able to hear clearly all the nuances of Garrus’s sub vocals she could make out through all the humming and vibrating from his chest, just how deeply upset and disturbed he was. She hugged him tighter, placing a fleeting kiss on his neck to try and calm him down. He lowered her gently into a sitting position on the edge of the bed and turned to walk into the bathroom. She felt like she was getting too used to seeing his back rigid with tension. The image of him always walking away from her made her gasp as the entire situation finally hit her. And not mere minutes ago... it did, quite literally.

She let out a soft moan as Garrus returned from the bathroom carrying a first aid kit. He laid out all the utensils and gels he would need next to her. Cupping her head into his hand, she saw how he avoided looking into her eyes. She pressed into his hand, copying his action and palming the side of his face, brushing her thumb along his mandible.

‘'Garrus, I’m okay. I was just in shock. I… didn’t think he would react that strongly. I mean... I knew he would be furious…'’ she trailed off and moved his head to finally look her in the eyes.

'‘It will take much, much more than a few cuts and scrapes to make me leave you Garrus.'’ she hummed at him affectionately, placing her lips on his mouth and kissing him.

She felt him sigh as she deepened the kiss, their tongues twirling against each other and the soft suction of her lips against his top one made him shudder. He broke off from the kiss and picked up a cloth and started to gently remove the blood that had hardened against her face. She hissed when he applied medigel to the cut and he trilled sympathetically to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, urging her to turn around so that he could attend to her arm. He methodically pulled out the glass, going over it twice to make sure he didn’t leave any splinters of it left in her skin. Applying medigel and wrapping a bandage securely around her arm, he picked her up and lay her down on her back, on the bed. She watched him remove his boots and armour, and climb on top of the bed with her, lying down on her uninjured side. He pulled her close to his chest, tucking her head back under his chin and felt him move her damaged arm to lie across his chest. He was breathing deeply. She lay there, securely wrapped in his warmth when he pulled his arm up and covered his eyes.

‘'Spirits Shepard… I... I’m so sorry.'’ he said between gritted teeth.

Shepard started to panic that he would use this as an excuse to leave her. To stop her from getting even more hurt. ‘No, no no no Garrus.’ Shepard soothed him, holding him tighter.

‘'This is not your fault. Please don’t use this as an excuse to not be with me. Please…Please Garrus.'‘ Shepard was sickened by the pleading in her voice.

She had never begged for anything. But as she looked down at him, saw the turmoil and conflict he was going through she didn’t care if she had no pride left. She felt a warm sensation trickle down her cheek and realised when she swiped at it that she was crying. Letting out a small sob, through her tears she saw Garrus move his arm hastily from his face and crush her to him.

'‘I’m not going to leave you Shepard. I belong here. With you. I want to be with you Shepard.'’

Shepard started to hiccup from all the emotion clogging her throat and her heart was beating painfully against her chest. She wanted to believe him, God, she truly did.

‘'Shepard, I need to tell you…'’ He stopped talking when his omnitool blared to life and a melody drifted out.

She heard him curse as he gently eased his arms and body off her.

‘'It’s Chellick; I need to go back to work.'' He uttered another curse at the repeating melody coming from his arm.

Shepard looked up at him, wiping her eyes with the back of his blood stained shirt.

'‘I’ll be back, later tonight Shepard, I have to make up for lost time.'’ he said while donning his armour again.

Strapping on his boots he bent over the bed, wrapped his arms around her and nipped sharply at her bond mark.

‘'I’ll be back later tonight.'’ he said again and with that he left her alone.

 

**************************

Light years away in Palaven, Solana Vakarian was sitting in her favourite arm chair in her mother’s house. She stared out through the windows overlooking the lake and sighed. She was glad she came here. She needed a break after graduating from the military to try and gain some perspective on her life. Now that all her training had been completed she didn’t know what to do with herself. Should she follow in her fathers and brothers footsteps and join C-sec. No, she thought, shaking her head from side to side. She had never been one to follow trends. Finding the strange and unusual things in life more to her liking, becoming fascinated instantly when she uncovered something new. With her keen mind she would make an excellent detective but right now her thoughts lay with doing a Xenobiology degree. Aliens, like humans for example, were to her an incredible species. So resilient and even without plating, braved the horrors of the world and got back up after being knocked down. She wanted to learn what made them tick, why they did the things they did and why their bodies behaved the way they did.

She was, naturally, also interested in other species biology…Asari, Krogan and Drell were equally as interesting but… sighing again she got up to go find her mother. She had heard her father rant about Shepard and her terrible – she rolled her eyes- influence over this family. Solana genuinely liked Shepard and had grown up around her and Garrus. All of her childhood memories from the age of ten contained Shepard. At first she was scared of this strange, ugly looking creature that had approached her holding out a hand in greeting. Even though there was a good age gap between the two of them Shepard had always included her whenever she could. Walking out on to the patio, she found her mother there drinking a cup of Kava, observing the scenery with the same look of contemplation that Solana had had on her face a mere while ago.

‘'What’s wrong mother?'’ Solana inquired as she sat down next to her, pouring herself a drink.

‘'Spirits, I think your father has lost his mind.'’ she muttered irritably. Solana quirked an eye plate at this statement.

'‘What do you mean?'’ Solana pressed.

‘'Did you know that your father has set up an arranged marriage for Garrus and that he is making them meet tomorrow on the Citadel?'’ she asked.

Solana choked on her drink, spluttering and grabbing for a napkin with her hand that wasn’t in front of her mouth.

‘'Is dad insane or has he just been blind all these years?'’ shaking her head, Solana dreaded to think of her dad’s reaction when Garrus eventually grew a quad and said no to him.

‘'Exactly my point, my child. How your father could not have seen how deeply Garrus feels for Shepard and vice versa is just beyond me.'’ Angrily, Arcelia poured herself another cup of kava and slammed the pot on the table.

‘'I mean for Spirits sake, I tried to talk him out of this foolishness, but he is obsessed with doing what is right for the Vakarian clan.'’ tutting she looked back at Solana.

‘'You know I love your father my child, but in my own way. We have never bonded, never soul tied. This has made our marriage hard work at times but the best thing to come of it was you and Garrus.'’ Solana grabbed her mom’s hand, humming reassuringly that she understood.

‘'If dad and you were so unhappy before you moved to different houses, why do you think he would be willing to chance forcing that same amount of unhappiness on Garrus?'’ she asked her mother who shrugged.

‘'I swore to myself, when I was to wed your father, that no children of mine would be forced to marry someone that they hadn’t bonded with. But look at us now, repeating the cycle.'’ Solana let go of her mom’s hand and sat back in her chair.

'‘Do you think I should call Garrus? Let him know that we support him, or would that make Dad so angry that he would stop speaking to us?'’ Solana forced a hysterical bubble of laughter from leaving her throat while she waited for her mom to answer. This whole situation was crazy.

'‘Yes, give him a call and find out what’s happening. I’ve had a niggling feeling of irritation under my plates all day and you can bet that your father is the reason,'’

Watching her mother leave, Solana typed a few keys into her omnitool and called Garrus. There was a short pause before she heard a gruff ‘WHAT’’ come from the other end of the line.

'‘Spirits, Garrus. Is that anyway to greet your sister when she calls?'’ sub vocals teasing and amused.

‘'Not now Solana. I am in no mood.'’ he said abruptly

‘'What’s happening Garrus?'’ Solana said, dropping all airs of sibling rivalry as she became serious.

'‘I... Spirits Sol, I’m a mess. Dad is here… I’m supposed to be meeting my so-called future wife soon, Dad found out about me and Shepard…'’

Solana gave out an almighty squeak of glee upon hearing her brother say that.

‘'I knew it. I knew it Garrus. The two of you were always going to end up together.’'. Solana said while laughing

‘'Shut up Sol. Do you know what dad did when he found her at my apartment….? He… Spirits... he…'’ the silence hung on the other line and Solana became agitated.

‘'For fuck sakes, spit it out Garrus!'’ she demanded.

‘'He attacked her Sol. He hit her. When I got there she was bleeding. Spirits, there was so much blood.'’ he keened through the line.

Solana didn’t know what to say. Was she shocked? Spirits, yes she was shocked. But she was also infuriated that her father had attacked her friend. Had attacked the woman Garrus loved. She had always considered Shepard one of the family. When she saw her father again she would be having words with him and maybe she would throw a punch or two for good measure if she was brave enough.

‘'Garrus… '‘ She said, trying to get him to pay attention through all the keening and heavy breathing coming through his side of the line.

‘'Garrus, don’t you dare destroy what you and Shepard have because of our father. Do you hear me Garrus?'’ she ordered, sub vocals thick with authority. ‘'We will get this all straightened out big brother, I promise you that. No brother of mine is going to marry some woman who he doesn’t love and spend the rest of his days as a miserable, hollow walking and talking version of himself. Now get your act together, get through your day as calmly as you can and go back to Shepard!'’

‘'Okay Sol … and thank you.'’ she heard him quietly reply before ending the call.


	10. Oh, pity the fool....

Garrus was taking a slow walk back to his office. He needed to clear his head from everything that had just happened. When he had stopped to talk to his sister, explained to her about their father’s behaviour, he broke down. He was livid, but the strongest feelings were not ones of rage. Guilt and respect flowed through his body intertwining in his veins and he struggled to make sense of it all. He had seen Shepard bleed before but it was always as a result of some dumbass crook trying his luck with pot shots as they grazed her shoulder or when she was over zealous on the field, skidding into walls for cover. However, knowing that it was one of his family members who had made her bleed, was unacceptable to him. Hence the guilt.

Garrus had never realised just how much humans could bleed from superficial cuts and when she had continued to smile at him and kiss him with tenderness, even after all she had just been put through, his respect for her soared. He had wanted to tell her right there and then how much she meant to him and that regardless of what anyone said, he was now tied to her, bonded and in his eyes they were as good as married.

He wanted to tell her he loved her. He probably always had, but that it had just taken a while for him to realise it.

Ending the call with Solana left him with a feeling of comfort. It was a good feeling knowing he had her support and when he was through speaking with her he felt a little better. Shaking himself, he continued on to work. Garrus pitied the fool who dared to get in his way again today and prayed to the Spirits that they would all have enough sense to stay out of his way. His life since he had first slept with Shepard almost two weeks ago had become completely crazy and he had had enough for one day he thought to himself.

Entering the C-sec facility, he kept his head down, in no mood to engage in pleasantries with any of the other staff and he marched with purpose towards his office door, intending to lock himself away for the rest of the day. He opened the door with one hand and groaned at the sight before him. Breathing in deeply he started to count the breaths leaving his chest, hoping the monotonous rise and fall would ground him and stop him from attacking his fool of a father, who was currently sitting behind his desk. He suddenly wished that he could stop breathing all together as it was just at that precise moment, that he noticed his armour was caked in Shepard’s blood on one side, dotted with red in certain other places, creating a pattern running all over him.

He could smell her blood and the faint saltiness from her tears, when she had cried into his neck, begging him not to leave her. It seemed his father wasn’t the only fool here today. Garrus laughed to himself quietly when it occurred to him that he had been walking around with blood-soaked armour since he left his apartment. No wonder people were actively avoiding him when he walked past them.

Garrus prayed for a lone gunman on a killing spree or a psychotic salarian on a rampage to storm the place, as he fervently wished to avoid the conversation that he knew he must have with his father. Rumbling, he walked over to Shepard’s desk and started to rifle through her datapads, looking for a case where the possibility of shooting someone right between the eyes was high. Watching his father stand up from the corner of his eye, Garrus turned his back on him.

‘’Garrus…’’ he heard his father say in a soft, tired voice. Garrus growled low in acknowledgement.

‘’Spirits, my son… I am not going to apologise for confronting Shepard but I will apologise for letting my emotions get the best of me. I had never intended to strike her but I saw… I saw that you had bitten her Garrus.’’ Sighing loudly his father circled round to sit on the edge of the desk, hands clasped in his lap.

‘‘I have to know my son, is she...? Is Shepard... a passing thing, some sort of phase you’re going through to see what’s on the other side before you settle down?’’

Garrus didn’t respond but he released a hiss of warning as his father neared to calling his mate a whore.

‘’For Spirits sake Garrus will you turn around and look at me!’’ Veridian shouted, standing up from the desk, panting hard.

Garrus turned around; standing tall he looked his father squarely in the eyes and adopted his work tone of voice. Cool, calm and professional.

‘’Evocatus Vakarian, I would ask of you to lower your voice as you are in danger of disturbing the peace here at my place of work. I am no longer at home and therefore I am not obligated to answer any of your questions or explain my actions to you.’’

He stepped closer to his father, chests almost touching, he whispered

‘’Touch my mate again, try to come between us and you will no longer have a son. Please leave before I invoke my right as bonded turian to exact justice for the actions you have taken against Shepard today.’’

With those parting words, Garrus walked to his office door and held it open; clearly demonstrating that he wanted his father to leave. Hearing his sub vocals scream in frustration, Garrus narrowed his eyes as his father walked passed him only to linger in the doorway.

‘’This isn’t over Garrus. Spirits as my witness, I will never give up until you are turned into the Turian I meant for you to be.’’ His father stated, before leaving him alone in his office.

Walking back to his desk with a heavy heart, Garrus laughed. His life was a mess.

Spirits help him.

 

************************************

Inside a ship, not too far from the Citadel, Arcelia was pacing. Snapping her two fingers at a flight attendant, she saw him scurry off in fright before she could get her question out. All she wanted to know was if this Spirits-forsaken hunk of junk could get her to the citadel any faster. She hissed out in frustration, throwing in a few snarls for good measure and continued her pacing.

When she got her hands on that colossal idiot-of-a-husband of hers she was going to have to fight every instinct she had, not to throttle him with her bare hands on sight. How dare he –for a start- arrange this marriage without discussing it with her first? How dare he lay his hands on Shepard, his sons mate! She looked over at Solana, who was reclining in her seat, one hand tapping away at her omnitool and huffed. When her daughter had come rushing into the room babbling away like a three year old it took Arcelia a while to get the full story out of her. The two of them had booked passage to the Citadel within the next hour. She was happy that Garrus had found someone to share his life with, even if it would be full of strife now that he was practically married to a human. Regardless, she would be there to support him as best she could and if that meant cutting ties altogether with her estranged husband or facing death itself she would gladly do it.

‘’Solana, when we reach the Citadel, let me handle your father please.’’ Arcelia said icily.

‘’No, Dad needs to know that he is outnumbered on this and that we won’t stand for his nonsense any more. Who the in the hell cares if Garrus is a good turian or a bad turian?! All that matters to me is my brother’s happiness!’’ Solana shouted, waving her hands in the air.

Arcelia suddenly lost her anger for a moment and laughed heartily as she watched her daughter display so many human gestures.

‘’I see Shepard has rubbed off on more than just Garrus. I’m sorry for laughing, my child, but the way you swear these days and flail your arms about, is exactly what Shepard used to do when she got excited about something as a child.’’ Arcelia smiled wistfully.

‘’Yes, Shepard always made certain to teach me as much as possible about different cultures and languages on her planet but sometimes I picked up more than I bargained for.’’ Solana laughed with her mother.

‘’Do you think we’ll be there soon. I’m starting to feel anxious that Dad is going to do more damage while we sit here on this damn ship.’’ She hummed in contemplation, wringing her hands together.

‘’Your father will hopefully have the good sense to not try and meddle anymore today. Garrus is supposed to be meeting Sabine tomorrow and if Veridian pushes Garrus too far he may refuse to go all together. I do not approve of this marriage proposal, but Garrus should at least have the decency to go and explain to Sabine why he is refusing her.’’

Arcelia frowned at the thought of what repercussions may come with declining a marriage into the Primarch’s family. It was all her husband’s fault for rushing into this. Sitting back down in her seat, she hoped they would get there before it was too late to fix all this.

 

*********************************

Liara was relaxing. Sitting at a table in Apollo’s overlooking the Presidium Lake; she sipped her jasmine tea and marvelled at the sights before her. She had visited the Citadel numerous times over her life and each time her breath got sucked away by the architecture and the history that filled each nook and cranny. Noticing a hooded figure slinking in the shadows, she frowned as she saw a duct rat skitter about. Sighing, she had to admit that for all the Presidiums splendour it was hardly all that different from Omega. It’s just that here, crime was more classy and better hidden from the public eye. Deciding to ignore the dirty, rag-wearing child who had most likely wandered up here from the beaten wards below to pilfer something of value, she called Shepard. Liara had given her some time and space with Garrus, but she had come to the Citadel to see her after all.

‘’Hello…’’ Liara heard Shepard’s faint and lifeless voice echo through the line.

‘’Goddess Shepard, I leave you alone for three days and you sound as if the world has come to an end. What’s wrong?’’ Liara asked, still sipping her tea, keeping her eyes peeled on the crowd and sky cars zooming overhead.

‘’Li, this… isn’t a good time.’’ Liara heard her start to quietly sob and she immediately went on the alert, placing her cup down with force and heading for a transit station.

‘’Where are you Shepard? I swear to the Goddess if he hurt you again I will flay him alive!’’ Liara all but screamed down the line.

‘’No, no Li. It wasn’t Garrus this time. It was… well, anyway ...’’ Shepard muttered quietly through her sniffling, letting out little moans of ‘oh... oh’’ as she cried down the line.

‘’Are you at his apartment right now? I’m on my way ok, so don’t you dare go anywhere.’’ Liara said firmly, her tone of voice demanding that Shepard obey her, just this once.

‘’Ok… I’ll be here… and Li? Thank you.’’

 

***************************************

She had managed to put pants on, which in Shepard’s mind right now was a goddamn miracle with the way she was currently feeling. Her eye had started to close from the swelling in her cheekbone; most likely turning a nasty puce colour that she doubted matched her eyes. To add insult to injury, she couldn’t get a handle on her emotions and the tears were seeping traitorously out of the corners of her eyes, blurring her vision and making her rub at them in irritation every few seconds. Not to mention her bandaged arm, which made her flinch every time she moved it. So yes, getting her pants on one handed, while half-blind, to her was a massive achievement in the shit storm that was her life right now.

As she gingerly made her way to the front door, knowing Liara was on her way, she leaned over in the hallway and heaved, retching, feeling uncharacteristically nauseous. She brought her uninjured arm to rub at her belly, hoping to dispel the queasy feeling before she made even more of a mess of Garrus’ apartment. Maybe she had lost too much blood? Inhaling and standing up straight, she swiped at her eyes again for the umpteenth time and reached the door just as Liara started to ring the chime like a woman possessed. Just as she was about to open the door for her, Shepard looked down and noticed the copious amounts of blood that stained the shirt she was still wearing and the chaos of the lounge with its broken coffee table in pieces.

‘’Aw…shit.’’ Shepard said out loud.

Shepard had barely managed to grab and turn the handle when Liara burst into the room, her biotics a faint glow around her body making her shimmer.

‘’By the Goddess Shepard!’’ Liara shouted. ‘’To use your words…What in the FUCK happened here?’’

Liara grabbed Shepard, mindful of her arm and pulled her into a tight hug. She felt Liara’s hands frame her face and Shepard started to sob in earnest. She was so overwhelmed and so much more emotional than was usual that whenever someone showed her kindness or sympathy Shepard suddenly felt her throat constrict and tears well up in her eyes. Getting most of her crying out of her system as Liara held her tightly and soothingly rubbed a hand down her back in comfort, she took a step back from Liara and tried to smile.

‘’Are you ok?’’ Liara asked cautiously.

‘’I’m… I’m just fine Li. We had an a-accident.’’ Shepard stammered Liara snorted in disbelief, leading Shepard back into the bedroom to sit on the edge of the bed.

Shepard watched her cross her arms and lean back against the wall, clearly waiting for a response. Shepard took a deep calming breath and relayed everything that happened. When she had gotten to the part of her being backhanded, she heard Liara give out a shocked and indignant curse. Finishing her story and rapidly losing what little energy she had left, she waited for a Li to say something...Anything. Shepard valued Liara’s opinion and cared for her deeply.

‘’Shepard, I hate to say this knowing how much you love Garrus… but… you should leave him. Walk away now before you get yourself into trouble that you can never escape from.’’

‘No Liara. I will not be forced into leaving Garrus. I may not be the strongest or come from a prestigious family but my feelings are worth more than that and I will fight for him.’’ Shepard said angrily, rising to her feet.

‘’Liara, I know you mean well and as my friend, I will consider what you have said but for now, could you be there for me and help me when the time comes? I know it’s selfish of me to ask this of you but you are the only one I can turn to.’’ taking Liara’s hands into her own she squeezed.

‘’Please Li. Do this for me.’’ Liara nodded at her, clearly not happy but unwilling to press further.

‘’Now… why don’t you try to get some rest for an hour while I clean up the mess in the lounge, we’ll go back to your house where you can have a bath and we will spend a girl’s night in. Sound good?’’ Liara raised an eyebrow when Shepard started to bite her lip.

‘’I…need to be here for when Garrus gets home.’’ Shepard said, averting her eyes from Liara’s and looking down at the floor sheepishly.

‘’uh uh, no way Shepard. You’ve been through enough, you’re coming home with me tonight and if Garrus is really desperate to be with you, he can come find you.’’ She said sternly, not budging on this matter, cursing under her breath as she left the room. Shepard moaned as she went to lie down on the bed. An hour’s sleep sounded heavenly to her. She drifted off on Garrus’s side of the bed, burying her nose into the pillow and breathing in his scent as she closed her eyes and dreamed.

 

**********************************

Nihlus was walking around the wards, idly wandering about. He was having a great day today. His cousin had informed him that his Spectre training had come to an end and that they would be holding a ceremony for him sometime in the future announcing his new title. He smiled as he walked by some Asari, his natural charm and swagger drawing in the ladies eyes, laughing as he heard them mutter about wanting to ‘embrace a piece of that’.

Walking past the Medical Clinic, he nodded to Doctor Michel as he saw her leaving and took the long way round to his flat. He had some business to attend to tomorrow with Chellick. He had no intention of causing trouble for Garrus; rather he was impressed by the fact that he had managed to get caught unawares and knocked out by an amateur. He reckoned that Garrus probably had the quads to make a fine spectre if he passed and survived the initial training. He planned on getting Chellick’s opinion on the matter. If need be, he would ask Sparatus to anonymously recommend Garrus.

He had also been informed that Shepard was Garrus' partner and he was absolutely thrilled at the prospect of seeing her again. He could still faintly recall what she smelled like pressed up against his chest. A shiver went down his spine.

Yes, he decided. It was indeed a great day today as he walked through his door, locking it behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the Grammar-Nazi's out there who have been flooding my inbox, I want to make you all aware that A: I want to write my story the way I want too. I didn't major in English and I have no excuses for my laziness when it comes to the way I write and frankly if there aren't any hideous/horrendous spelling mistakes or gigantic grammatical errors I am not going to worry any longer. I was about five more comments away from scrapping this entire project. I wanted to write as a form of expressing myself and hopefully creating a small world that people could relate to. I have read far, far worse stories where I had to use my imagination to fill in the blanks or squint really, really hard trying to interpret their writing style.
> 
> Anyway, rant over. I am now struggling with writers block. 
> 
> If you like it, please comment, constructive criticism is always welcomed . . . and remember what your mother said.. if you don't have anything nice to say . . . ;)


	11. Lay a whisper...on my pillow

It had been an extremely long day so far; luckily Shepard would be back in the office tomorrow Garrus thought. He had been inundated with complaints and calls after his father left, thankfully distracting him from his problems with Shepard. His mind reeled from all the little tasks he had to accomplish before the day was out. He was struggling with this one case where a Volus banker was being accused of embezzling large amounts of credits from a Salarian trader’s account. Rubbing his hand over his face, scratching at his mandible with one finger, he dreaded how much paperwork that would take to sort it out.

His mind sprang back to Shepard, who usually took over all paperwork and let him do the dirty work of interrogating. Please let tomorrow come quickly he prayed. Settling back in behind his desk, he glanced at the digital clock on the wall. 2pm. Spirits, it was still hours till he could go back home and see Shepard. He was anxious that something worse would happen to her while he wasn’t around to protect her and then scolded himself for thinking that she needed protection in the first place. The only reason his dad wasn’t just a smudge of blue all over his lounges’ wall was because Shepard would never hurt him like that by harming his family and that she had most likely been in too much shock from being confronted in that way. He was desperate to get back home, his knee was bouncing with impatience and he had to place a hand on his leg to get the movement to stop. Just as he was about to lose himself in work, he heard a knock on the door and cursed when he had to look up and acknowledge whoever was standing there.

He sucked in a breath and his eyes narrowed as he saw Tali, timidly hovering in the doorway. Better and better he thought to himself. Today the galaxy had a title. He imagined it was called something like ‘Fuck You Garrus’ and was surrounded by blinking neon lights with arrows pointing to him.

‘’What can I do for you Miss Tali’Zorah?’’ he said calmly, crossing his arms over his broad chest and leaning back into his chair.

‘’Keelah, I wanted to say…I’m sorry.’’ her voice becoming slightly distorted at the end due to the filter in front of her mouth.

‘’Apology accepted. Now if there isn’t anything else, I am quite busy.’’ With that Garrus dismissed her with a nod, only to find that she had yet to move an inch from the spot where she was standing.

Rolling his eyes, he cleared his throat to finally put her straight and explain where the two of them were in regards to their friendship.

‘’Tali, we were once friends and yes, I will admit that I may have led you on accidentally with all the invitations to lunch or not mentioning, even in passing, that I wasn’t interested in anyone at the time but you cannot just waltz in here after a week or so and expect things to go back to the way they were. ‘’

‘’I know that Garrus, but I really did consider you my friend and I couldn’t help wishing that the two of us could be more.’’ Tali offered as an excuse, as she walked into his office to take a seat opposite him.

Garrus grew uncomfortable at having her so close to him after that little titbit of information she had just shared with him. Leaning back further in his chair, he tried to put as much distance between them as possible and he saw her eyes behind her mask flash with light at the obvious action.

‘’Tali, there’s nothing more I can or want to say on the matter. We were friends and you betrayed Shepard’s friendship by calling her a whore and by implying that I was some lying bastard who used woman for pleasure. If you had been genuine in your confession and not just came out with it because you felt threatened by Shepard, I would have taken it seriously and maybe we could’ve gone back to being friends. Right now that is no longer an option.’’

‘’I will apologise for lying to you once. I am interested in someone now. And that person is Shepard. A human. It will always be Shepard and it always has been Shepard''

Seeing Tali accept the situation, he watched her rise up slowly from the chair and smooth out any imaginary wrinkles on her suit. She was such a tiny thing he mused watching as she flitted past him.

‘’I understand Garrus. I hope we can be friends again once you’ve forgiven me, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’ll see you around the Citadel. ‘’

She lingered a moment more and he saw how her eyes travelled up and down his body once before she spun on her heels and left. He wanted to scream. He was so fed up with this day. He just wanted to go back to Shepard, feel her in his arms and close his eyes and sleep while he held her.

 

**************************

Shepard woke up to Liara gently nudging at her shoulder with her finger.

‘’Shepard, wake up. It’s time to go home.’’ Liara cooed as if to a child.

She felt Liara stroke her hair away from her forehead.

‘’What time is it?’’ Shepard asked groggily, wiping at her face only to flinch as she had forgotten about the bruise on her cheek. Opening her eyes slowly to adjust them to the light that had flooded in when Liara had turned them on, she blinked as her blue friend came in to focus.

‘’It’s a little past three o’clock now. I’ve managed to get the lounge into some order but the coffee table will need to be thrown away and the carpets could do with getting replaced. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on my hands and knees where I didn’t enjoy the experience.’’ Liara said, her face breaking out into a smirk.

Shepard snickered into the back of her hand and shook her head at her.

‘’You’re terrible Li.’’ Shepard continued to giggle as she was helped off the bed by Liara.

‘’Probably should have changed my shirt before I went to sleep.’’ She muttered, rolling her eyes as she remembered Garrus’ sense of smell and how his bed sheets would reek of blood now.

Getting Liara’s help, she threw on one of her spare shirts that she had brought over with her three days ago. Was it really only three days? It felt like a lifetime ago since her and Garrus had spent a normal day together. Her holiday was officially coming to an end tomorrow and Shepard was eager to get her mind off things and return to some semblance of order. Too much chaos would be the death of her.

‘’You ready to head out?’’ she heard Liara yelling from the lounge.

‘’Yeah, give me a minute, I’ll be right there.’’ She yelled back at her.

Walking through the lounge with her bag of clothes over her shoulder, she signalled to Liara that she was ready to leave by grabbing her hand and tugging her towards the door. The two of them made their way through the wards, chatting about mindless and boring topics. Who was currently sleeping with whom? What the reactions were to the new Blasto movie and whether or not Liara should start up a business on Illium. Liara nattered on about various things till they got to her place, not allowing her a moment to wallow in her thoughts and Shepard was grateful.

Sitting down in her lounge, Shepard kicked of her shoes and curled up into the corner delicately, bracing her sore arm on the armrest. Sighing with relief she heard Liara switching on the coffee machine and singing. It was nice, to have somebody to come home with. To know there was someone else in the flat, the background noise a soothing balm to her anxious thoughts.

‘’Snap out of it Shepard, no feeling sorry for yourself. What do you want to watch? Or should I run you a bath first?’’ Liara babbled on and on as she walked about the lounge, straightening a frame here or fluffing up a pillow there.

‘’A bath would be lovely but I would rather have one before I go sleep tonight so that I’m rested and clean when I get into bed.’’ Shepard said while trying to stifle a yawn.

She was so tired, but her mood had at least gotten better thanks to Li.

‘’I’ve heard of an old earth classic. It’s called Dirty Dancing. Have you watched it Shepard?’’ Liara asked as she made herself comfortable next to Shepard on the couch, coffee in hand.

‘’Ugh, good lord Liara. When you said girls-night in I didn’t think you’d drag me back all way to my teenage years. Yes, I’ve heard of it and fine, I will watch it with you, but only if you promise to never sing the songs around me. I can never get the damn things out of my head.’’

Shepard groaned when the intro started to play and Liara laughed at her reaction. Oohing and aahing at the music and people grinding against each other.

‘’Shepard... this is what people from Earth call soft core porn right?’’ Liara genuinely inquired, her face so serious, looking at her like she had all the answers to the world’s problems.

For the first time that day Shepard snorted and for once the tears that leaked from her eyes were ones of laughter.

 

*****************************************************

Nihlus was lying down on his bed, back against the headboard and his hands folded behind his head. His own fingers scratching idly at the sensitive spot beneath his fringe, while he watched the Asari he had called over, bend in impossible ways in front of him as she performed a dance that she seemed too familiar with. He purred as he watched her grab at her own breasts, running a hand down his stomach to pull down the zipper on the front of his pants. He ran a finger over his loosening plates and growled when she bent over exposing her rounded ass and giving it a teasing shake.

He had never, ever been in interested in relationships. The life of a spectre was too dangerous to have someone important to you. So he made up for the lack of companionship with the company of beautiful woman and as much anonymous sex as his cock could handle. He beckoned her over with a curl of his finger and watched her sashay over and climb over him on all fours. He felt her lick up his neck, nibbling lightly at the skin and he rumbled his approval. This one knew what he liked as he had used her before.

His cock sprang out from his plates, landing on his stomach and twitched. He placed his hand on the back of her head and forcefully pushed her down till her head was bent over his crotch. He liked it rough, he liked to dominate and he loved the ones who were submissive and who could take all he had to give them without complaining. He felt his cock enter her mouth and he began a punishing pace, making her gag and holding her still while he pumped into her mouth. He felt her hands come up to his waist and squeeze and he snarled at her and thrust deeper into her throat.

His mind suddenly sprang to the human woman who had kissed him the other night. Ah Spirits, the way she had tasted, tongue roaming around inside his mouth. The feel of her tiny waist in his hands and the soft hair on her head brushing against his mandibles. Spirits, but he wanted to fuck Shepard so badly.

‘’Aww… Fuck … take it… more… ah… Shepard!’’ He bellowed out.

With a final thrust, making the Asari scream out in shock around his cock when he pushed her down with both hands, nose-to-plates, he emptied himself down her throat, filling her mouth. His chest aching from how hard he was climaxing and he noticed how her throat was moving over-time as she struggled to take down what he had given her. With a loud and obscene pop, his semi-erect cock slipped out of her mouth and he heard her take in big gulps of air. He chuckled to himself as he laid his head back against the wall, sated for the moment. Shepard would be amazing if he ever got his hands on her again.

‘’I’m charging extra for that.’’ He heard her say and could tell that she was not pleased.

Lifting his head he smirked at her.

‘’And what if I make it up too you’’ he drawled, sitting up and dragging her back up the bed to straddle him.

‘’Still charging you extra….’’ She moaned like the whore she was, as he bit around her nipples and rubbed between her legs with his long fingers.

‘’That’s fine by me. I intend to make every credit count for the next few hours.’’

 

*************************************************

5pm. Thank the Spirits and everything else out there of the deity variety Garrus thought, breathing out a sigh of relief. He could finally go home. He could go speak to Shepard. His talons were itching to thread through her hair and his body hummed with the need to get her as close to his body as possible. He locked his office behind him and walking as calmly as he could, he took a path to the closest transit hub. He could walk home but didn’t want to seem like an idiot when he knew he would eventually end up running there in his impatience. Turians were meant to appear as orderly and calm as possible.

He climbed into to the car and keyed in the destination. Drumming his talons on the dashboard, making slight indentations in the plastic material he chided himself for acting like this. He nearly jumped out the sky car as it made it’s descent to the ground and stopped outside his building. He ran up the stairs and collided with the back of the elevator wall in his haste to get into it, his armour making a loud clanging noise as it echoed around the small four walls.

His breathing was erratic, mandibles fluttering back and forth while his mouth opened to allow more air in. His concern for her was irrational and he remembered somewhere in the back of his mind, that bonded male Turians were over-protective and acted insane from time to time but he couldn’t help himself. He burst through his door, slamming it loudly behind him in haste to find her.

‘’Shepard?’’ he yelled, expecting a response from the bedroom.

His plates were humming with unease and the itch beneath them increased when he didn’t hear a reply from her. Spirits, did she bleed out? Was she still in shock? Was she just in a deep sleep? Did she leave him? All these crazy thoughts ran through his brain, back and forth and he ran into the bedroom, not sparing the lounge a glance as he opened his bedroom door.

Nothing.

No one.

She was gone.

His heart raced and beat so hard in his chest that he had to lean against the wall and bring a hand up to it, as he was frightened the damn thing would burst out of his chest. Where was she? Why wasn’t she here? He screamed his thoughts in his head. He started to get angry and let loose a howl of frustration. Didn’t she know how worried he would be? Did she really think that she didn’t matter at all to him? The least she could do was send him a fucking ping explaining where she had gone.

Ripping his arm off his chest he activated his omnitool.

‘’Call Shepard!’’ he snarled at his wrist.

It rang and rang and with each consequent ring he became more enraged. The click on the other end of the line went dead. Giving a furious roar he tried Liara’s line.

‘’Where in the hell is Shepard?!’’ he screamed at her.

‘’Don’t you take that tone with me Vakarian. I told you the next time you hurt her I would take her away.’’ Liara yelled back at him.

‘’Tell me where she is right now! She is my mate and as hers, I demand to know!’’ he was sick of Liara meddling and sticking her blue nose in where it didn’t belong.

He was sick to death of everyone and everything other than Shepard.

‘’You just called her your mate. Are you aware that you just said that?’’ Liara asked him

‘’Of course I’m spirits-fucking aware Liara.’’ He growled ‘’Now… please…’’ he tried to lower his voice,

‘’Tell me where she is… please?’’

‘’She’s asleep on the couch. We came back here after I went to get her from your place.’’

‘’Thank you. I’ll be there soon.’’

‘’Yes, I’m sure you will be.’’ She said as she hung up on him.

He raced back outside and this time he ran to Shepard’s home. Ten minutes later he had come to the conclusion that he would do well with some more cardio training as his lungs burned and his legs were cramping from the exertion and they shook slightly as he walked up to her door and banged on the door with his fist.

‘’Shepard, open the door!’’

 

*************************

Coming awake with a start, the banging on her door scaring the hell out of her she heard Garrus roar her name and her eyes widened. Drawing her eyebrows down in confusion, she stood up and was hit with another wave of dizziness. Holding her head between her hands while she stood, she willed the nausea to go away and sighed as it passed. She really had to go and get herself checked out. Maybe Dr Michel could squeeze her in sometime. Hearing more curses and yelling coming from behind her door she opened it and had to swiftly duck, as his fist missed the door and nearly collided with her face.

Before she could recover she let out a high pitched squeak when she was lifted in the air and crushed to a big blue covered chest. Her face was pressed into the leathery hide of her obviously distressed Turians neck. She didn’t know what was wrong with him. But if the combination of the purring and rumbling coming from his chest was anything to go by she reckoned he didn’t know whether to be happy or extremely pissed off with her.

‘’Garrus, your armour… is… Garrus, hold up. Put me down. ‘’

As her feet were placed back on the floor, she tried to look up at him but was still struggling to make him let go of her.

‘’Garrus…?’’ she whispered.

When she still didn’t get a reply from him she palmed his face and pulled him down to her. His eyes were closed and his mandibles tightly clamped to his face. She kissed him from one side of his mouth to the other and felt the humming vibrations coming from his chest, start to ease off. She moved one arm to run her hand up and down his back and kissed her way down to his neck, nuzzling him with her nose. He tightened his hold on her and Shepard decided that the only way he was letting go of her, was if and when he wanted to.

So she stood there and hummed to him, kissing him occasionally and murmuring words of nothingness into his ear. After a while he seemed to gather himself.

‘’You left me!’’ He shouted, his eyes opening to look at her, staring at her in anger.

‘’You left me Shepard.’’ He repeated, barely audible and cracking at the end.

‘’As you have always left me Garrus.’’ She kissed him again.

‘’But do you want to know what the good thing is?’’ She asked him when she saw that he was still upset with her.

‘’I always come back Garrus. For you, I’ll always come back.’’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short one for you today! Sorry!


	12. Dont let go

Looking down at her, his body still shaking from his emotions being thrown back and forth inside of him, he forced himself to pay attention to what she was saying.

‘’I always come back Garrus. For you, I’ll always come back.’’

He stared at her, noticing the bruising and swelling on her cheek and how her eye was almost closed up because of it. He took his finger and traced slowly over the wound, wishing he could make it disappear. He leaned towards her and bumped foreheads with her, humming all his sorrow, love and regret for his father actions. He still had no intention of releasing her and held her close. Relishing the way her small frame fit against him.

‘’Do you not realise how worried I was when I found out you weren’t home Shepard?’’

He saw and felt how she sucked in a breath as he mentioned the word ‘home’ and cursed internally. He didn’t want to rush this but now that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how much she meant to him, ‘home’ seemed like perfect word to describe his feelings for her. She placed her arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him.

‘’I like the sound of that Garrus. It may be too soon to consider it my home but living with you for the past three days has felt like all my dreams had come true.’’ She hugged him tighter, pressing her body as close to him as possible.

''I really like the sound of that Garrus.’’

Bending down he grasped her legs by the back of her knees and lifted her, giving her no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist. He deepened the kiss and rumbled deep in chest, loving the giggle that escaped her throat and walked back to the couch where she had been sleeping and placed her down with an ‘oof’ as she landed on her backside.

‘’Hey, what was that for?’’ she said, letting her laughter wash over him as she got over the shock.

Deciding not to answer her, he settled in beside her on the opposite end of the couch, swinging her body around to place her tiny socked feet on his lap. He saw her raise an eyebrow as he slowly pulled her one sock of her foot, pricking each toe as they wiggled with one of his talons, being careful not to hurt her. He started to gently knead the bottom of her foot making her moan in satisfaction and chuckled at her huff when he teasingly pulled his hand away, pretending to stop.

‘’Tell me Shepard. How are you really? You’ve had a long day and I… I wish I could have stayed with you.’’ He rumbled, giving her foot a squeeze.

The two of them were staring at one another. He was still gently rubbing her foot, applying pressure in the right spots. He looked down at her feet, taking her other sock off and watched her repeat the motion of wiggling her toes.

‘’I-It’s been a long day Garrus. I understand why your father was angry and I would do anything to stop him from being angry with you… But I can’t help the way I feel about you.’’ She said softly, linking her fingers together in her lap and staring at them, not looking him in the eyes.

‘’Spirits, don’t worry about causing trouble between my father and I… that particular bridge was crossed a long time ago.’’ He said, rolling his eyes.

Garrus was avoiding talking about his feelings, purely because, now that he was sitting in front of her he felt like a fledgling all over again. Admitting how he felt made his tongue roll back into his mouth, his palms sweaty and his gizzard clench with nerves. He knew the words that he had to say, he could picture the perfect confession in his mind, from the way he said it all the way through to the look on her face. He was, he decided, a hopeless fool. He wanted it to go right, to be something they could both look upon with fondness.

‘’Garrus… you ok?’’ She asked him.

He realised that he had completely stopped moving he was so lost in his thoughts.

‘Mmm, yeah Shepard, I’m just happy you’re here.’’ He purred, leaning over to her side and placing a kiss on her mouth.

‘’I’m sorry I worried you. I didn’t think you would mind all that much to be honest.’’ She shrugged.

‘’Shepard… I... don’t think you know just how important you are to me. Things from here on out are going to be rough. We’re going to face a lot of pressure from both species when they find out were together.’’ He cleared his throat and braced himself for at least one small confession.

‘’I want to be with you Shepard.’’ He said, sub vocals thrumming his feelings for her and he wished that she could understand them as it would make things so much easier.

Her smile was something that he would never forget no matter how long he lived, her cheeks aflame, as she brought a hand up to her mouth to try and stifle the smile and hide her embarrassment. He chuckled, loving that, as far as he knew, he was the only one could make her turn that lovely shade of red.

‘’Garrus… I’ll try not to go anywhere without telling you first ok.’’ She said, sitting up to stroke his mandible, eliciting a purr from him.

‘’I, uh, I know this might seem a bit… ahem, forward Shepard but… do you want to go to bed? Maybe watch a movie?’’ he added hastily as he saw her smirk.

‘’ We still need to talk Garrus.’’ She said seriously, sitting up straighter and turning his head to face hers fully.

He saw her frown, eyebrows down in concentration and he could see how she was struggling to find the right way to phrase whatever question she had for him.

‘’Are you still going to meet her?’’ she asked, voice barely more than a whisper. His heart ached at her question.

‘’Yes.’’ He replied.

He felt her pulse race through the hand he had on her ankle and quickly added on before she mistook his reply as something it wasn’t.

‘’I’m only going to meet her to tell her straight out that I’m not interested in marriage and that I hope she finds a more suitable mate somewhere else… because I’m taken.’’ He said.

A smile spread on his face as he felt her racing heart calm slightly beneath her skin.

‘’So…. You’re not interested in marriage, eh?’’ she mock sighed, feigning her utter disappointment and gave an over exaggerated sniff from her nose.

‘’No, Shepard, what I meant was that I’m... not uh…interested in marriage, with her… I mean, not that you and I… ah, Spirits.’’ He said holding his head in his hands and groaning.

Shepard threw her head back and laughed loudly, overcome with giggles and let out a loud snort. Suddenly completely humiliated by the sound that she had just made, she clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide and hoped that he would ignore it.

‘’Shepard, what was that?’’ he leaned close to her and asked teasingly.

‘’Nothing, I don’t know what you’re talking about.’’ She said nonchalantly, eyes lifting to the roof.

‘’No, I’m pretty certain that was something.’’ He drawled, the snicker at the end telling her how much enjoyment he was getting out of making her uncomfortable.

Grabbing a pillow she shoved it into his face and his startled shriek set her off laughing again.

‘’Oh, Garrus… no more please. My side is aching enough and my ribs feel like they’re going to crack if I keep this up.’’ She said, swinging her body off him to stand up slowly, giving a slight sway before she steadied herself.

He saw her hold out her hand and even if he knew he weighed almost twice as much as her, he allowed himself to place his hand inside of hers, feeling her warm grip and when she pulled him up she threaded her too many fingers between his that were too few.

‘’Take me to bed Garrus.’’

 

**********************************

Finally within reach of a comm buoy, Arcelia muttered as she placed a call through to her husband. It was just after eight pm Citadel time, so her idiot mate should be back at his hotel. Making a loop around the small space of her quarters for the third time she flexed her shoulders impatiently as she waited for the call to connect.

‘’Arcelia, is something the matter?’’ she head her husbands tired voice come through.

‘’Of course something is spirits-well the bloody matter!’’ she yelled, hearing his sub vocals wince at the pitch in her voice.

‘’I take it you heard about Garrus and Shepard. I assure you I am trying everything in my power to separate them, but that son of yours is incredibly stubborn.’’ He said trying to placate her.

‘’Have you lost your mind Veridian! How dare you try and separate them and not just that but I heard you attacked Shepard?!’’ she continued to scream at him, noticing several crew members outside her quarters stop in their tracks to watch her rant.

Dismissing them with a growl, she just caught Veridian’s sharp intake of breath on the other line.

‘’I see news travels fast. No doubt that damn human is making a spectacle of herself telling all who are willing to listen how a Turian attacked her.’’ He spat.

‘’Shut up Veridian. For once you will listen to me or so help me, when I arrive at the Citadel tomorrow afternoon you will wish that you had never agreed to our marriage.’’ She snarled at him.

‘’I didn’t hear about your despicable behaviour from Shepard, I heard it from Solana. Your daughter had to console your son because he was steadily losing control of himself. How you think it’s acceptable to cause such pain, to not only someone else child, but to your own is something I will never understand.’’ She huffed out a breath angrily.

‘’I have given Garrus and Shepard my blessing; I will not allow him to mate with someone who will make him unhappy. Do you want him to end up like you and me?’’ she asked, her tone pleading with him to see reason.

‘’Arcelia, we are Turian. We have rules and clan traditions to uphold. He has to go through with this marriage for the sake of our clan. We will live on in the records of history with this tie to the Primarch’s family. Do you not see how this could open doors, not just for Garrus, but for Solana as well?’’ He countered his own breath harsh over the line.

‘’No, I most certainly do not. All I see is an old Turian stuck in his ways, determined to plot out a fate of unhappiness and misery for both of our children.’’ Arcelia said not backing down.

‘’I see we are not going to agree on this matter. I tire of arguing with you. I assume I will see you and Solana tomorrow?’’ he asked, his tone matter of fact.

‘’Yes Dad, we will see you tomorrow and hopefully after a night’s sleep, you will be able to see reason.’’ Solana said over her mom’s shoulder, having listened quietly this entire time.

‘’Spirits… Alright, fine. I will see you tomorrow.’’ With that he cut the line, leaving the two women standing there, staring at the omnitool.

‘’Fool.’’

‘’Idiot.’’

They laughed as they spoke at the same time.

Tomorrow certainly was going to be an interesting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Struggling to write lately... Have come to a cross roads in my story. Unsure of how to continue. Hope youre all still enjoying it. Seems were going through a drought when it comes to comments. *Hint Hint* lol. Enjoy folks!


	13. For every beginning, there is an end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short one for you! Enjoy...

Nihlus waved his companion off, leaning back against the door outside his flat; he watched her walk off and smirked. He was definitely going to use her again after her little performance earlier that day. Stretching with his hands clasping in the air, he felt a wave of exhaustion hit him, but it was the good kind, where all his muscles had been used properly. He walked back inside his studio flat and sauntered over to the kitchen to pour some water. Having sex all day was thirsty work, he chuckled to himself. As he stood there against the counter, one leg crossed over the other he started to hum while his thoughts drifted over various matters. His next mission was tracking Batarian slavers who had ventured too close to a colony near Horizon and the council was concerned that their plans were not of the favourable kind and might bring forth the wrath of the Alliance if they didn’t step in.

He was looking forward to some action and he felt himself get excited at the thought of being in a good firefight. Like most Turians, he had started off in the military and joined C-sec after graduating, but the monotonous day-to-day routines eventually began to wear him down as he always had an itch under his plates that screamed for action or excitement. He had applied for Spectre training and under the tutelage of Saren he had passed with flying colours. Thinking about C-Sec suddenly made his hand holding his glass stop in mid-air before it reached his mouth. Shepard….

Hmmm, now there was the only good thing to ever come out of C-sec he mused. After his afternoon fantasizing about her while he had his cock plates deep inside an Asari, he felt almost guilty that he had used her that way. He didn’t know why but something screamed respect and honesty when he thought of her. He had seen the mark on her neck and the way that Vakarian had reacted, made it obvious to him that she was taken, but a guy could hope couldn’t he? Walking back over to his bed on the other side of the room, he straightened up his bed sheets as best he could and started to get dressed. He realised that he probably stank of sex but he quite enjoyed the smell and how it aggravated the hell out of his cousin whenever he went to visit.

This was exactly what he planned to do now. He locked up behind him and took a slow walk through the wards, entering the third elevator in as many minutes to reach the Presidium. He stopped off at Barla Von’s office and paid a meagre fee for any credit transactions that had come and gone from El Tik’s account, who he believed, was the current Batarian in charge of the operation near Horizon. He looked over the data and huffed, nothing too out of the ordinary but it’s always a possibility that he could have another account under a different name which would take longer for Barla to find and it would certainly cost more than the three hundred credits it initially did.

Shrugging, he asked his shady companion to investigate further and with a nod he left. It was getting late into the night cycle, a little after nine pm so if he wanted to annoy his cousin he had better do it quick before he left his office for the day. Striding along the council chambers, giving off an air of superiority he smirked as people stopped in their tracks, recognizing him as the soon to be newly appointed Spectre and he puffed out his chest with pride. He cleared security and was allowed entry into the main hub of offices for the councillors without a second thought and as he knocked on Sparatus’ door he waited for the buzzer signalling he could go in. The buzzer went off and he stepped through the doorway. His cousin seemed to be buried under paperwork, the files, folders and datapads stacked so high on his desk that they made him think of that human game called Jenga. One wrong move and the whole thing would topple over.

‘’Cousin... how are we doing today?’’ Nihlus said, barking out a laugh when Sparatus’ had to lean through two towers of paperwork to see him.

‘’For the love of… ‘’ Sparatus muttered under his breath causing Nihlus to chuckle as he took a seat on the sofa squeezed into the corner of his office.

‘’What did you do now Nihlus? I can’t keep covering up all your scandals for you, that last one with the female Drell is still causing trouble with the Primacy and the extranet is just starting to forget all the sordid details of your escapades.’’ Sparatus huffed out, in no mood for bad news.

‘’For once cousin, I haven’t done anything, well apart from the usual. But you know how I like my women, it’s not like I can help myself.’’ He said, earning a snort from his cousin.

‘’Whatever, as you can see, I’m swamped with work and if you have something to say I suggest you do it quick before I chase you out.’’ Sparatus’ tone was harsh, but to anyone who knew him on a personal level, could tell straight away that he just hid his wit and twisted humour behind cold words.

‘’I have come to make a recommendation actually.’’ Nihlus said

‘’Well go on then, enlighten me with your wisdom.’’ Sparatus retorted.

‘’Oh we are in a bad mood today. Never the less, have you heard anything about the Vakarian clan? Their son is a detective here on the citadel and the little bastard knocked me out cold the other night….’’ He said

‘’Let me guess you want me to punish or make an example of him in front of his peers or at worst try and get him exiled from the Hierarchy. Spirits Nihlus, I thought we were past all this fledgling behaviour. By my reasoning, if he assaulted you, you most likely gave him good cause too.’’ Sparatus said, now rubbing his temples and giving a loud sigh.

‘’Why Cousin, I’m shocked that you would think so low of me.’’ Nihlus rumbled, bringing a hand up to grasp dramatically at his heart as if mortally wounded.

Sparatus rolled his eyes in consternation at Nihlus’ theatrics and stood up, walking over to the window to peer out over the people below.

‘’Get on with it Nihlus. What do you want?’’ he barked out.

‘’I want to recommend Garrus Vakarian to join the Spectre program, not only did he manage to take me unawares and knock me out but I have reviewed his case files and his personal information. He isn’t afraid to do what is necessary but still has enough compassion in him to be empathetic to the universe’s problems. He has honour but is willing to forgo it if it gets the job done. In my professional opinion we need more reliable spectres out there and he suits the role.’’ Nihlus said ending his speech by crossing his arms over his chest.

‘’That’s unlike you Nihlus. To do something for someone if it doesn’t end up benefiting you in some way. What do you get out of this? Is there some woman involved and you want to get him out of the way or do you honestly believe the things you just said?’’ he asked, staring at Nihlus.

Nihlus was shocked, not only just because of what his cousin had just said but also about there being a woman involved. Was he doing this because subconsciously he wanted to get rid of his competition and thereby giving him free reign to Shepard or did he honestly think that Garrus was capable of the job. He uncrossed his hands and shook his head.

‘’Both cousin. Both.’’ He simply stated.

‘’Well at least you’re being honest for a change.’’ Sparatus hummed out thoughtfully as he took a few steps forward to the couch.

‘’Alright Nihlus, I have heard your case for Garrus Vakarian’s entrance into the Spectre program and I will consider it. But only after I have done my own background checks.’’ He said.

‘’But please, Spirits I beg of you, try not to cause any more uproars. This woman, is she his mate or just a work colleague? I would prefer that you stay away from her though if she is his mate, the Vakarian clan is quite powerful – not like ours of course- but they have deep pull with the Primarch.’’ Sparatus warned him.

‘’She wears a mark on her neck, but I’m sure that she isn’t his mate. Nor will she ever be.’’ Nihlus laughed to himself.

‘’Oh and why’s that?’’ his cousin asked, trilling with confusion.

‘’Because she’s human.’’ Nihlus said, folding his arms behind his back as he stood and shrugged.

‘’WHAT?’’ Sparatus gasped

‘’Nihlus, you know I don’t have any problems with inter-species relationships but if the public got wind of this…’’ he started muttering nonsensical words and Nihlus let out a bark of laughter.

‘’Relax cousin. You know I don’t do the whole relationship thing anyway. It will be a good, hard fuck and we’ll go our separate ways.’’ Nihlus said, walking up to him to clap a hand on his cousin’s shoulder.

Sparatus winced at the crudity coming from his cousin and his mandibles fluttered at the thought of how much more paperwork and diplomatic meetings he may have to attend because of him.

‘’I’m heading out… still have a few hours to kill and I’m sure I can find someone to keep me entertained till I leave for the Iera System.’’ Nihlus said while walking to the door that led out.

‘’It was good seeing you cousin. Don’t work too hard. Find yourself someone to keep you warm at night… or on their knees under your table while you work. Either way…’’

He ducked as a datapad sailed past him and Nihlus’ laughter could be heard echoing down the hallways of the council chambers.

 

***********************

Garrus couldn’t sleep. He had been lying there for what seemed like hours. He checked his wrist for the second time. 3am. Spirits, he wondered if he was going to get any sleep at all. The two of them had talked about trivial things all night while they watched movies back to back and she had eventually fallen asleep with her head nestled on his arm. Now the problem he faced was that his carapace was digging uncomfortably into the mattress as he wasn’t used to staying in this position for so long. He didn’t want to wake her but the ache in his back was threatening to make him whimper like a child so he carefully extracted his arm from underneath her. She didn’t wake up and he breathed a sigh of relief as he stood up slowly to stretch his aching body.

Relieving himself in the bathroom he walked back to the bedroom, pulling off his under armour that he had kept on. It’s not like he wasn’t used to sleeping naked with Shepard but this was the first time in her bed and it all seemed so strange to him. He crept back under the covers and as soon as he lay down on his side, arranging the pillows to fit comfortably under his neck, he felt Shepard’s warm hands ghost over his waist. He groaned. Just when he got comfortable….

She draped a leg over his and squirmed her way in closer, crotch to crotch and her nose wriggling under his chin. Her hands moved over his waist again and when she latched on and scraped her nails down him he let out a growl. Subtly he felt her start to grind against him, her lower half barely moving but enough to make his plates recognize the sensation as they started to part. He wrapped his arm over her shoulder, his other arm still buried under the pillows supporting his neck and caressed down her back, talons faintly scratching her. She moaned softly and her hand moved from his stomach down to his groin and he stilled as he felt her fingers probe the crease where his hardening cock was waiting for her.

She rubbed two fingers lazily up and down his plates, making them part further and when his member slid out into her waiting palm he couldn’t help bucking into her hand. She started to rub her hand slowly up and down his length, drawing out every sensation she could and all that could be heard in the room was his own guttural breathing and moans. He felt her wriggling beneath the covers and realised through the fog of pleasure he was receiving that she had removed her sleep shorts and was now totally bare for him from the waist down. He tried to move over her but she kept him on his side with a hand on his arm and lay down next to him again. He felt her leg go over his hip and as she grasped his cock once more, she started to rub him against herself, teasing her clit with his tip and coating him in the wetness and heat that he had helped cause.

He brought his mouth down to her forehead and breathed raggedly when she angled his cock up, lifting her leg higher up on to his waist to take him inside her. He entered her slowly, talons raking the bed next to her and he squeezed the life out his pillow beneath his head. She had never been this tight before, he felt so connected to her body he could swear he could feel her heartbeat through her wet channel, pounding around his cock. She started to move, the up and downs of her lower half driving him deeper into her with every thrust he tried to give back. No words were spoken as they moved with each other, harsh breaths drifting around the room, moans echoing in one another’s ears.

They made love for what felt like to Garrus an eternity of pleasure. He came with a muted roar inside of her, jerking and twitching as he emptied himself, still thrusting into her until she came herself. He could hardly breathe from just how intense their lovemaking had been and when he heard a small ‘’ah’’ leave her lips, he marvelled at how much tighter she got around him and how her leg shook around his waist with the force of her orgasm. He felt a hand on his face, feeling her soft warm breath blow on him as she struggled for breath.

‘’I love you Garrus. So much.’’ He heard her whisper to him.

She slipped off him to turn on her side, back to his chest and he buried his nose in her hair. He heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep again and he cradled her to him as hard as he dared, never wanting to let go.

 

**********************************

Shepard woke up when her alarm started to blare from across the room. Still snuggled up to Garrus under the covers, she smiled. God, but she loved waking up like this. Back when she was still sixteen she used to dream about waking up to him every day, how perfect their life would be together. She was so naïve back then, but aren’t most teenagers? She glared at the alarm clock again and sat up leaning on one hand to turn and angle her body towards Garrus. Showering his face with kisses she laughed as his hand swatted at her.

‘’Turn that damn thing off already Shepard. Some of us only got an hour or two’s sleep last night.’’ He grumbled half-heartedly.

Climbing off the bed she walked over to the alarm clock and gave the thing a thump with her fist, effectively silencing it. Yawning, she covered her mouth with one hand to ruffle her hair with other.

‘’Mmmm, back to the grindstone today.’’ She said, walking to bathroom and listening to him attempt to get up and put his clothes back on.

‘’You’re not going to join me in the shower?’’ she half yelled at him from the bathroom doorway.

‘’No Shepard… I’ll only get distracted and then we’ll both be late for work. Hurry that human ass up and let’s go eat shall we?’’ he called out to her, putting his under armour on while jumping on one leg as it caught on his spurs. Ten minutes later he was fully dressed back into his armour and had made the bed, turning when he heard the door open.

‘’Spirits…’’ he said when she walked out completely naked, rubbing a towel over her wet hair.

He saw the dew drops of water still trickling from her neck over her pert breasts, nipples hardened from the chill in the air and watched a bead run all the way down to disappear beneath the curls between her legs. Garrus placed a finger in his collar and gave a tug; it was suddenly very uncomfortable in his armour. Without conscious thought he had taken a step towards her. Her back had turned to him and her shapely behind was bent over as she did some strange whip-and-twirl thing with the towel over her head. He ran a talon down her ass cheek and she shrieked from the sudden contact, startling his lust addled brain to take note of what he was doing. Stepping back he held up his hands in surrender, grin plastered to his face.

‘’I couldn’t help myself. Honestly Shepard, what did you think was going to happen with you walking in here naked?’’ he asked her while she mock-glared at him.

‘’Keep your hands to yourself tough guy, you missed your chance when you said no to the shower. ‘’ she said, grabbing her underwear from a drawer and pulling on a standard issue pair of trousers for work and slipping on the blue shirt that accompanied and completed her uniform.

‘’You ready to go Shepard?’’ he said, grabbing hold of her hand and at her nod they walked through the lounge as quietly as they could, trying not wake Liara in the next room.

‘’You can stop creeping about like two criminals you know..’’ Liara said from behind them making them both jump.

They watched as she took another sip of her coffee and walked into the spare bathroom shutting the door behind her. Shepard was still giggling by the time they reached the office and when she settled in behind her desk and started to organise her datapads for the day’s work ahead, she sighed. It was good to be back at work. To feel useful. The fact that she was working with her heart's other half also made it that much more special to her.

She smirked at Garrus from her seat and he smiled back at her from over his desk.

 

******************************

Garrus had been at work for two, maybe three hours finishing up leftover paperwork when a strikingly beautiful Turian woman walked into his office. Her plates were of the palest pinks and purples Garrus had ever seen and her markings were the purest white imaginable. The only thing that truly shocked him were the canary yellow eyes that seemed to have focused solely on him at his desk.

‘’Garrus Vakarian?’’ she asked, her voice tinkling like bells in the wind.

‘’Yeah, that’s me.’’ He said.

He looked across to Shepard, his stomach bottomed out when he saw the pain and horror of the situation flash through her eyes. He had never before seen her that pale.

‘’I’m sorry, but, uh… who are you?’’ he asked, even though he knew the answer.

 

‘’I suppose the correct term would be …. Wife.’’


	14. Let it linger...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song i played repeatedly while writing - The cranberries, Linger.

White noise and static. That is all Shepard could hear as she watched the Turian woman walk into their office. She looked at her, not taking in any of the details about her appearances other than the fact that the turian woman’s eyes never left Garrus, her Garrus, for a second. The blood pounded in her veins, it racing through her veins making her eardrums pound with the force. For every third beat, Shepard’s heart failed in its rhythm and skipped painfully, as if she was being kicked from the inside.

The turian woman was talking. Shepard could make out that much through the panic swirling through her and when Garrus responded in kind she looked over to him, catching his eye. She couldn’t understand the look on his face but her breathing picked up under his blue gaze. At last the world seemed to come into focus around her, sound slowly bleeding back into her ears but the word she had never wanted to hear if it wasn’t being applied to her and Garrus was the one the Turian woman just spoke. ‘’….Wife.’’ the turian woman said.

No, no, please God no, not now Shepard thought as she saw a blue haze start to outline her form. She wasn’t going to lose control in front of this woman. She would never give her the satisfaction. One breath…. Two breaths… hold on the third she chanted. The mantra repeating in her mind. She could deal with this; she could deal with this uppity-but-gorgeous-but life wrecking woman that had just walked into their office. She could do this. She hoped…

*******************************

Garrus had been clamping down on his sub vocals so hard, he was in danger of fracturing his jaw. Did she really just walk in here and say that she was his wife? Was she so arrogant that she had no regard for how he may see the situation? He looked over to Shepard and a trill of alarm escaped him when he saw a blue glow from her body and how she was fighting for control of her biotics. At his trill Sabine’s attention switched from Garrus to Shepard and he suddenly couldn’t breathe.

‘’You over there… Human, leave the room so that I may discuss a few matters with my husband.’’ Sabine sneered.

‘’Like hell will I leave my office so the two of you can speak. Ma’am this is my office and I am a detective not some secretary that you can order around as you damn well please. And be mindful of your racist comments as I have no tolerance for that kind of bullshit.’’ he heard Shepard say as he watched her stand up, leaning over her desk with her hands flat on the table and how her belongings on her desk shook from the small waves of biotic energy that had started to pulse from her.

‘’Nevermind then… Detective.’’ Sabine spat out, rolling her eyes and waving her hand in the air.

Garrus watched the two interact in silence, too afraid to speak. He stood up from his chair and walked over to Sabine, grabbing her by the elbow and when he touched her his head whipped around at the small hiss of anger that Shepard had let through her teeth as she stared at the two of them.

‘’Erm, I-I think you should wait outside Sabine.’’ He said quietly. ‘’I’ll be with you in a moment.’’

As he walked her back to the door, hand still in place on her elbow, he was fully aware of Shepard’s current state of mind. He escorted her through the door and into a waiting area and mumbled to Sabine to ‘wait here’ as he nearly ran back into his office and closed the door behind him. He took a deep breath and looked over to Shepard who was still leaning over her desk, her head hanging down and her hair shrouding her face like a curtain. The cup he had bought her rattled quietly and he marched over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder making her sit back down and swivelled the chair around to face him. He got on his knees and running his hands slowly up from her ankles, to the tops of her thighs, he linked his arms behind her waist and buried his head in her waist, nuzzling and purring to her , trying to reassure her that everything was going to be ok. She still hadn’t said a word and he hummed louder to her and sighed as he felt her hands come up and encircle his neck.

She started to stroke his fringe, idly running a hand back and forth the long spikes and when she leaned over him, holding him to her the last of her panic attack she was having dissipated. He cautiously looked up into her face, his knees shuffling back a step so that he could get a better view of her eyes.

‘’Shepard…’’ he purred, bringing his hand up to back of her neck.

He stood up slowly, taking her with him to place her softly on her feet and bent his head down to kiss her. At first she didn’t respond as he mouthed his way around her face, breathing heavily on her but as he flicked out his tongue and touched her bottom lip she whimpered and folded herself around his body, kissing him harder, scraping her teeth against his mandibles. He gripped her to him with force as he broke the kiss, staring into her lifeless hazel eyes.

‘’This doesn’t change anything Shepard. We knew this was going to happen.’’ He trilled to her soothingly.

‘’I’m going to go back out there and see what she wants and as soon as I’m done ill come right back to you. I promise Shepard, nothing will happen that we haven’t already predicted will happen.’’ He said, placing kisses on her forehead, on her cheek and back to her mouth.

‘’Garrus… Please don’t leave me.’’

He heard her say so quietly that he had to strain to hear her.

‘’Never.’’ He said, as he tilted her head to the side and gently bit down on his mark.

*********************************************

‘’Sabine…’’ he said as he stood in front of her. She was sitting in one of the waiting rooms chairs, flicking through her omnitool. She was ignoring him, Garrus decided. He cleared his throat.

‘’Sabine, you wanted to talk?’’ he said again, watching her yellow eyes narrow as she tilted her head up and looked over to him.

‘’Oh, so now you have the common courtesy to speak to me?’’ Sabine huffed haughtily.

‘’We were supposed to meet for lunch Sabine, not at my place of work and certainly not to discuss matters in front of my co-worker.’’ He grumbled irritably.

‘’Your co-worker? Ha! Don’t take me for a fool Garrus. I can smell her all over you. You reek of human. As soon as we're married, this filthy perversion you have going on with that human will end. So have your fun for now.’’ She pointed her finger at him and smirked.

Garrus growled at her and he saw her shrink back slightly in fear. He had to handle this situation delicately. He couldn’t risk hurting her physically and while he was dead set on rejecting her, there was a certain way in which he had to do it in order to avoid any further complications from the Primarch and his family.

‘’Sabine, would you kindly refrain from insulting my co-worker. I have no problem with you insulting me but one of the few things in this galaxy that I will not tolerate is people like you who judge her based on their own twisted views.’’He bit out, controlling his impulse to simply walk away and leave her there.

‘’Say what you want Garrus, doesn’t change the fact that you and that human are unnatural, but for now I will keep my opinion to myself.’’ She chirruped before standing up and linking her arm through his.

He hissed at her and pulled away, throwing her off-balance and making her chirp in surprise.

‘’Sabine, would you also kindly refrain from touching me. I am not comfortable with it and we don’t know one another well enough for that kind of familiarity.’’ He said, taking another step back in case she tried to hold on to him again.

‘’We could get to know each other a whole lot better… maybe in one of these empty offices? Come on, skip work for the day and let me show you what you’ve been missing out on while you waste your time with that human.’’ She purred at him, stepping close to run her hands discreetly from his waist down to his groin.

He slapped her hand away, furious at her. He had no further interest in discussing anything with her now. Her touch was lingering and it made him want to take a bath in a vat of acid just to get rid of the feel of her talons. He definitely preferred the warm, soft caress of Shepard’s hand any day.

‘’Do you not realise who I am?! I am practically royalty. I am the Primarch’s niece! How dare you slap my hand away as if I disgusted you? Are you so warped from your time together with that human that you have forgotten the ways of being a turian?’’ She yelled at him, her yellow eyes blazing with fury.

‘’I can promise you right now Garrus Vakarian. You WILL be marrying me. You WILL stop fornicating with that human. Why? Because I said so. Because I am Sabine Crassus. I always get what I want.’’ She breathed heavily, still pointing her finger at him.

As he watched her rant, only one thought crossed his mind. Silly, silly spoilt little girl. He started to laugh, and the more he laughed the more upset she became.

‘’Sabine, you are a spoilt brat, who is too used to getting everything she wants. Well guess what? Not happening with me. How old are you now? Twenty right? This can’t be the first time someone has said no to you? I don’t have time for your immaturity and seeing the way you behave makes me even less inclined to marry you, even if I had no intention of doing so in the first place.’’ He grinned and folded his arms, puffing out his chest.

‘’Now, we have discussed our matters and while I was going to be more gentle about letting you know that I never, ever want to be your mate, your husband… you have given me no choice with your persistence in harassing me with your touch and your inability to take no for an answer. So, on that note, I’m returning to work and you can go back to you Uncle and whine all you want. I’m done here.’’ He said, leaving her gaping slaw-jawed after him.

‘’You will regret this Garrus; I will ruin your lives! I always get what I want. If I can’t have you then no one can!’’ he saw her stomp her foot on the ground like a petulant child and turned to walk away.

**************************

‘’Nihlus, wasn’t expecting to see you here.’’ Chellick said as he walked around the desk to greet his friend and offered him a drink.

‘’I was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d drop by.’’ Nihlus said, accepting the cup of kava he was handed.

‘’You’re never anywhere, without good reason Nihlus… spit it out.’’ Chellick rumbled in amusement.

‘’When did I become so predictable, that everyone is always telling me to get on with it or spit it out?’’ Nihlus chuckled, sitting on the chair opposite Chellicks desk.

‘’First off, about Garrus Vakarian, I have put him forward as a Spectre candidate. I realise you might not be entirely happy with that choice…’’ Nihlus said as he saw the flash of irritation pass over Chellicks face ‘’but I think he would be an excellent Spectre with a bit of training.’’

‘’Spirits, Nihlus. Do you just think these things up when you wake up in the morning and assume everyone will be happy in following your lead?’’ Chellick asked.

‘’Well, yeah actually.’’ Nihlus shrugged, taking a sip of his kava.

‘’Garrus Vakarian is an excellent detective and I have him in mind for replacing me as Executor. I have trained him for years now; ever since he first joined C-sec and I don’t want that all to be for nothing. Besides, he has enough on his plate at the moment.’’ Chellick rumbled out thoughtfully.

‘’Yes, I believe Shepard is all over his plates lately.’’ Nihlus snickered causing Chellick to huff out in shock.

‘’It doesn’t surprise me that you know about the two of them. I saw him give you a particular kind of friendly greeting. I had expected you to cause a ruckus about it to be honest.’’ Chellick stated, leaning back in his chair and twirling a pen around in his fingers.

‘’Shepard is a rare breed of extraordinary. She’s not mated to him so I see no reason why I should ignore her existence. ‘’ Nihlus leered at Chellick, wigging his brow plates up and down suggestively.

‘’No they are not mated, but Garrus has bonded with her and in doing so soul tied to her as well.’’ Chellick said, sub vocals carrying a note of warning to Nihlus.

‘’Aw fuck, now that complicates matters. I suppose he’ll end up fighting me to the death or something if I try and pursue her?’’ Nihlus rubbed a hand down his face, quite disappointed at these turn of events.

‘’Yes, but he is set to be married soon to Sabine. You remember her right? At the charity ball? Sprightly, spoilt little thing who threw that Salarian waitress across the hall for stepping on the hem of her gown? Spirits, what a mess that was. ‘’ Chellick grumbled.

He had to take over after the Salarian accused her of assault and Chellick had to try sweep it all under the rug as a favour to the Primarch.

‘’Seriously, he’s going to marry that?’’ Shaking his head in disbelief he said ‘’Garrus would be the biggest fool to go along with that. I’m assuming it’s his family that is pushing for this?’’ Nihlus asked.

‘’Both sides.’’ Chellick hummed in agreement.

‘’Well, maybe there is a bright side after all… for me at least. Now I get to pursue Shepard.’’ He laughed mischievously.

‘’Enough! You’re meddling with things that don’t concern you. I have a lot of respect for Garrus and Shepard and I personally wish them well. So unless you are prepared to marry Shepard yourself in place of Garrus, stay away from her.’’ Chellick barked out, his voice stern and full of warning.

‘’Easy, easy my old friend. I didn’t come here to argue with you. I just wanted to let you know about Garrus and the Spectres. Also…here take it.’’ Nihlus said passing a white engraved envelope over to him.

‘’What is it?’’ Chellick asked.

‘’It’s an invitation to my Spectre naming ceremony tomorrow. Ill officially be recognised as a full spectre. I don’t have many people to ask to attend and I thought you might be willing to. Bring whoever you want.’’ Nihlus said, scuffing his feet on the floor. Chellick smiled at him.

‘’You should be proud.''

‘’So, anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow?’’ Nihlus said, clearing his throat.

‘’Sure. I’ll be there.’’ was the reply.

******************************************

Shepard had tried to distract herself with work, but she found herself clock watching. For every minute that passed her stomach clenched tighter and tighter. She was feeling so nauseous at the thought of them together, that she pushed her chair back and groped blindly for her bin beneath her desk. She held her hair back with one hand as she proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach into the-thankfully- metal lined bin. Dry heaving, eyes watering, Shepard gulped for air. Putting the bin back down she opened her drawers to find some wet wipes and cleaned her mouth and hands. Even after throwing up, she still felt sick to her stomach and pulled the bin a bit closer with her foot in case she needed it again.

Surely this stomach bug, this nausea should have gone away by now. She had been feeling ill for days now but this was the first time she couldn’t keep her food down. She groaned as she realised that when Garrus came back in, the smell of vomit would be over-powering in the office. She called reception and asked for a cleaner to be sent in to collect the bin and for someone to activate the ventilation in the room to help air it out. Ugh, Shepard thought, she had to call the doctor, as she once again swallowed down what threatened to come back up.

‘’Dr Michel? This is Detective Shepard. I was wondering if you have any open slots to give me a check-up?’’ she asked her when the line connected.

‘’But of course my dear, shall I ping you with my availability?’’ Dr Michel asked, her thick French accent making Shepard concentrate harder on listening to her.

‘’Please, that would be great. I really need to get rid of this bug. I can’t be living with it for the rest of my life.’’ Shepard half-heartedly groaned through line, rubbing her stomach.

‘’I will send you some available dates and times and you can decide ok? Are you well enough right now? You don’t sound so good.’’ She asked Shepard, concern clear in her voice.

‘’Nothing some stomach meds and a tall glass of water won’t help with for now. Ill manage till I see you Doc. Thank you, I’ll be in contact soon.’’ Shepard said, cutting the line when the doctor said goodbye.

The door opened and Garrus walked in, he took a deep breath and she could see him grimace from the smell.

‘’Yeah, sorry about that Garrus. I…didn’t feel very well. I have called the cleaners and asked about airing the room out.’’ Shepard said quickly, cheeks aflame with embarrassment.

‘’Shepard… don’t be silly. I’ll agree with the room needing airing out but more importantly.. How are you feeling now?’’ he asked as he walked over to her to nuzzle the top of her head while she sat down.

‘’Forget about me. H-how did it go?’’ Shepard asked him.

‘’Well, I told her straight out that I’m not interested, no thank you and that it’s not happening.’’ He rumbled into her hair as she stood up and wrapped her arms around him.

His armour cool against her cheek. Putting a hand on her face and lifting it to face his, she noticed him frown.

‘’Shepard, you’re feeling warmer than usual. Is that another human thing?’’ he asked

‘’Huh..? Oh, yeah, when humans get sick they get a temperature or throw up… well, I suppose it all depends on what type of sickness. I think I just have the flu. Don’t worry; I’ve made an appointment with Dr Michel. She’ll see me soon.’’ She turned her head to press her other cheek against his cold armour and sighed as she felt it seep through her.

‘’A-are you going to see her again?’’ she whispered to him as he played with her hair lying on her shoulder.

‘’I don’t want to, but my family will probably want to sit down over a meal and discuss things, so yeah….’’ He trilled apologetically.

‘’Oh...’’ she said, removing her arms from around his waist and sitting back down at her desk.

‘’Garrus… can I ask you something?’’ Nervously, she looked up at him as he walked around her desk to stand in front of her.

‘’You can ask me anything Shepard.’’ He said

‘’Do you love me? Do you feel the same way as I do?’’ she asked her eyes pleading with him to answer her.

‘’Shepard….’’ He said only to turn around when the door opened and a young Asari walked in holding a replacement bin and some paper towels.

‘’Sorry for you disturbing you, sir, ma’am. I got a call saying you wanted a clean-up?’’ the Asari asked nervously.

Sighing, Shepard nodded and waved her in. She looked back up at Garrus who was still standing there with his arms crossed; a look on his face that suggested that he was deep in thought.

‘’Thank you.’’ Shepard said as the Asari switched the bins and fiddled with a panel on the wall to air out the room.

The door closed behind her and Garrus stood there for a moment longer before walking back to his desk. He placed his head between his head and growled.

‘’Shepard do you really think….’’ He started to say but his omnitool chimed to life.

‘’For fuck sakes! Can’t I get one moment to just say what I want.’’ Garrus growled in frustration.

‘’Yes?’’ he said, answering the call. Shepard decided to leave the office while Garrus took his call. She needed to go find some medicine for her stomach which was still threatening to make her redecorate the floors of her office. Catching his eyes as she walked to the door he held up a hand as if telling her to stay where she was but she carried on walking.

*************************

‘’Yes?’’ Garrus said as he answered the call, transferring it to his ear piece for privacy.

‘’Garrus, it’s your mother. How are you doing my son?’’ Arcelia asked.

He saw Shepard get up and walk towards the door. He held out his hand telling her to stay. He was going to tell her dammit. No wonder she was so insecure and paranoid. He still hadn’t told her how deep into her he was, how deeply he loved her. He realised that for her to actually get sick he must be placing a lot of stress on her. He watched her ignore his hand and walk out the office. As the door shut behind her he threw both his hands up in the air.

What the fuck?!

‘’Garrus, my son, are you still there?’’ he heard a voice ask in his ear.

Spirits, he had completely forgotten about his mother.

‘’Uh, yeah, sorry mother. What can I do for you?’’ he asked, his mind stretching to try and accommodate all his thoughts of Shepard and trying to make room to hold an intelligent conversation with his mother as well.

‘’Well, I did ask how you are, but I can hear now that you are terribly distracted. I have spoken to your father Garrus. I am vehemently against this marriage, so stop worrying.’’ Arcelia told her son.

Garrus slumped on his desk, forehead on the smooth metal and groaned. Thank the spirits.

‘’Garrus, I want you to know that I’m happy for you and Shepard.’’ She said making Garrus start coughing in surprise.

‘’Uh… I... erm... .’’ was about all the response he could give her.

‘’Stop stuttering my son. It’s unattractive. I have known for years now how Shepard felt about you, Solana caught on fairly quickly as well. Seems like the only two in our family who didn’t know was you and that idiot father of yours. Looks like being blind to your surroundings is something you two have in common.’’ Arcelia said, chuckling when she didn’t get an immediate response back from him.

‘’You knew?! Spirits Mother. Do you know how much I have hurt over the years? Why didn’t you tell me? What about when we were younger and I brought home all my girlfriends and locked myself away in my bedroom with them, knowing she was just down the hall. Don’t you think you should have told me?’’ he nearly shouted at her.

‘’Don’t you take that tone with me Garrus. I did what I thought was best at the time. I didn’t want to push you two together and it was clear to me that Shepard’s feelings were one-sided. If I had told you back then, how do you think you would have reacted? You would have avoided her all together. What seventeen year old boy knows what they want at that age? Never mind what’s good for them.’’ she said, getting irritated herself.

‘’Alright, sorry mom.’’ He said, feeling properly chastised.

‘’Whatever happened in the past has to stay there now. It’s done. Now, you and Shepard… how serious are you?’’ Arcelia asked.

‘’Mom, I was about three words away from telling her how much I love her when you called.’’ He said, grumbling and picking his head up off the desk to swat at a piece of paper that had gotten stuck to his mandible.

‘’Oh, Spirits. Sorry my son. I take it she’s not in the office with you now?’’ He shook his head but realised belatedly that obviously she couldn’t see him.

‘’No Mom, she’s not in the office with me. Actually I’m worried about her. This morning Sabine…’’ he said only to hear his mom hiss through line in outrage.

‘’That little vixen actually came to your office?!’’ she shouted through his ear piece and he winced.

‘’Yeah, she got here this morning, stormed into the office, told Shepard to get out because she wanted to speak to her husband alone.’’ He spat out the word husband, like he just swallowed something nasty.

‘’Why that little….’’ His mother huffed on the line.

‘’Her behaviour is unacceptable. When we all sit down to discuss this calmly, I’ll be sure to bring up how her personality does not suit yours.’’ Arcelia said

‘’Speaking of which, we should be getting to the Citadel in the next three hours or so.’’ His mother said.

‘’Spirits mom! Is the whole family going to be here to witness me getting exiled?’’ he groaned placing his head back on the desk as knocked it three times against the surface.

‘’Exiled? Why on earth would you be exiled? Do you really think I would allow that? No, no son of mine will be cast out like some terrorist just because he fell in love with a human.’’ She tutted, clicking her mandibles.

‘’Ok, fine… so if I’m not being exiled, you are aware that father has basically threatened to take away my markings and ruin Shepard’s careerr? Oh and that was after he attacked her!’’ he snarled over the line.

‘’Yes. I will be having words with your father over that. Don’t you worry. I will sort all this out. I will see you later. I love you my boy, it will all be okay.’’ She said, disconnecting the call.

He sat back in his chair and a warm feeling filled his chest. Maybe him and Shepard could make it? Maybe they could live their lives together instead of being forced apart. If it really came down to it, he was prepared to give up his markings to be with her. Not like he had any choice, he mused. Being soul tied to her meant that he was pretty much stuck being in love with her till he died or she did. He shuddered at the thought of her dying.

Either way… he was so screwed if she ever left him.

************************************************

Shepard rounded the corner, walking briskly to the pharmacist. She had to stop every few steps to take deep breaths and fight the overwhelming urge to throw up. She got the chemist and explained her symptoms, taking the small bag of medicine. She stopped at a small café and ordered a large orange juice. Vitamins. Yes, she thought. She needed to start eating properly. Vegetables and vitamins and fruits. She broke the packet of tablets, popping two in her mouth and took a large gulp of her juice. Feeling marginally better now that her throat was no longer on fire, she reclined into her seat and watched the people go by.

Lucky bastards she thought, as she saw an Asari and a Turian walk hand-in-hand past her. She rolled her eyes as she realised how nasty she was being. It wasn’t their fault that Humans and Turians weren’t deemed socially acceptable if they were in a relationship. It wasn’t their fault that she felt like she was turning into a neurotic, insecure puddle on the floor because she couldn’t get an answer or some reassurance out of Garrus about how he felt. Groaning, she placed a hand on her stomach and rubbed hard, she reached over for her orange juice and stopped when a large turian hand appeared in her view and handed her the glass.

Looking up she saw what she now called ‘her Stranger’ Nihlus smile down at her.

‘’Nihlus, good to see you again.’’ She said, sitting up a bit straighter on her chair.

‘’Please Shepard, no need to be so formal. Mind if I join you?’’ he asked, only to disregard her answer and take a seat anyway.

‘’How have you been since I last saw you? I don’t see Vakarian around….’’ He drawled, pretending to look left and right and rubbing his jaw in demonstration of how he was expecting another punch to come out of nowhere.

Shepard laughed despite her best effort not too.

‘’He’s at the office. I just came for a quick collection and came across this café. Thought some orange juice would be good for me.’’ She shrugged and took another sip.

‘’Hmmm, I have to say Shepard; it is so good to have bumped into you here. I was hoping to see you again.’’ He purred, his hand reaching for hers. Shepard pulled back slowly, narrowing her eyebrows.

‘’You know I’m taken right? What happened the other night, won’t be happening again. As fun as it was.’’ She said, starting to smirk at the end.

‘’Fun? I’d say it was much more than that. Imagine what it could have been,’’ he said, his voice getting deeper and leaning closer to her over the table.

‘’We will never know now will we?’’ Shepard said

‘’Don’t say that. You’ll break my poor heart.’’ He said and Shepard snorted into her drink.

Laughing and semi-choking, she took a napkin and dabbed at her mouth and nose, afraid the orange juice that had just travelled up there could be leaking out.

‘’You are such a flirt Nihlus. But your charm won’t work on me.’’ She said folding her arms under her breasts and sticking out her chin defiantly.

She smiled when he growled, watching his eyes travel over her form and lingering on the curve of her waist.

‘’You do bring out the best in people Shepard.’’ He leered at her and she rolled her eyes.

‘’OK, Nihlus, as fun as it is to sit here and play around with you, I better get back to work.’’ Shepard placed a credit chit on the table and picked up her medicine.

‘’Hey now, don’t leave me so soon, I just sat down. How about you come with me to the docks? I have a brand new ship and I haven’t had a chance to show her off to anyone yet.’’ He pleaded with her, mimicking the human gesture of begging hands.

She laughed. Shepard was reluctant to go back to the office. She wanted to get her mind off a few things and Nihlus was a welcome distraction.

‘’Fine, but only one hour. Then I really have to get back.’’ She said, watching him stand and hold his hand out. Shepard shook her head at him, folding her arms behind her back and walked ahead of him.

‘’Follow me Shepard. I’m going to show you the road that leads to a bright and adventurous future.’’ He drawled.

‘’You sound like that salesman at Rodam Expeditions. You trying to sell me something here Nihlus?’’ she asked, waggling a finger at him

‘’No, Shepard. I’m trying to show you another way to live your life.’’

***************************************************

Two and a half hours and Shepard still wasn’t back, Garrus was sitting at his desk patiently waiting for her. Maybe she went to the doctor? He pinged her and asked where she was but he when he didn’t get a response he called her instead.

‘’Shepard, where are you?’’ he heard a commotion in the background.

‘’Ah, sorry Vakarian, I’m keeping Shepard very busy at the moment…’’ he heard the male Turian say and immediately after that he heard Shepard say ‘’Nihlus... Stop that!’’ before she spoke to him.

‘’Sorry Garrus, I got side tracked, I’ll try be back as soon as possible.’’ She was breathing heavily.

The line went dead.


	15. Communication is key

_I will kill him!_

_I will tear his limbs from his body one by one if he has even dared to touch one human hair on his Shepard._

_I will end him!_

Garrus was still sitting at his desk in the exact same spot as he had been sitting since the line cut out. He hadn’t moved an inch, he was staring at the door, unable to look away, glaring at the thing as if willing it to suddenly open and make Shepard appear like magic. The thoughts in his head were the most violent he had ever experienced and he had just enough sense left, to not leave his desk. He knew that if he did, he would end up on the Citadel news at six as the Turian who had either chopped up a spectre into tiny, tiny pieces or died trying to.

_I am going to kill him._

_How dare she do this to him!_

_How could she do this to him!_

_Did she really…?_

His whole body vibrated, the plates underneath his armour rubbing together as his muscles tensed beneath them. His breathing was steady and calm, but the rage behind his eyes and the hissing snarl that erupted from his chest when the receptionist entered instead of Shepard was enough to send her scurrying back out the door when she saw him. Garrus cupped his hands together under his chin, leaning on his elbows on the desk. He closed his eyes and sent up a prayer to the Spirits for Shepard to walk through the door.

************************

‘’Nihlus… I can’t…’’ she breathed, her back pressed up against the wall, one hand on his shoulder.

‘’Come on Shepard, you know you would prefer it to be me rather than someone else.’’ He purred

‘’Fine, but please... just do it quick. I can’t wait anymore, it hurts.’’ Shepard moaned, head hanging down, her arm shaking from holding onto him.

‘’You really are going to break my heart Shepard.’’ He drawled, stepping in closer and putting a hand on her shoulder before slightly turning her. With one sharp push and pull motion Shepard let out a scream.

‘’Fuck Nihlus! Couldn’t you have given me some warning?’’ she huffed out, eyes still watering from the sudden shock.

‘’Shepard, popping your shoulder back in -a human shoulder- is a technique that not many normal Turians possess. I find the whole countdown process to prepare for pain such a bore. Don’t you?’’ he snickered at her glare.

‘’You can let go of me now Nihlus.’’ Shepard glared at him as he tried to slip a knee between her legs, bringing them closer.

‘’Shepard, you really are a tease. You let me touch you, smell you and get you up against a wall…’’ he tutted, shaking his head.

Rolling her eyes, she stepped away from the wall; pushing Nihlus back with her free hand and dropping it from his chest.

What’s going to happen with the scumbag who nearly tore off my arm?’’ she asked, looking over at the C-sec officers who had a Batarian in handcuffs, sitting on the floor.

‘’We’ll get him through processing first, then through to a room to get his statement. It’s a good thing really, that you were with me when this happened, because I’m pretty sure that when you kicked him in the nuts, you could have been charged with police brutality.’’ He chuckled, coming to stand next to her and leaning down to whisper in her ear.

‘’Do you know how attracted I am to women who can fight?’’ he purred, making the hairs on the back of her neck prickle from the bass.

‘’Alright, you big flirt. Your come-ons are getting more and more aggressive by the minute and I’m quite sure that I told you I’m not interested.’’ She said while walking back over to the transit station. She really needed to get back to Garrus.

‘’Don’t lie now Shepard, you want me as much as I want you, the only difference is that you have a conscience.’’ He said, walking behind her and leaning against the railing.

‘’God give me strength.’’ She muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose. Taking a deep breath she turned to face him.

‘’Okay Nihlus, I’ll admit, yes I do find you attractive. Yes I would have fucked you that night at the club, but let me make one thing clear. I love Garrus. I am in love with Garrus and will always be. So you and me? If we ever did end up fucking, it would never and it could never be more than just that. Fucking. There will never be anyone else for me except Garrus.’’

He crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged, saying nothing. She nodded to him and climbed into a sky car. Before the doors closed she leaned her head out and called to him.

‘’Hey, Nihlus!’’

‘’Yeah Shepard?’’ he called back.

‘’Thank you for fixing my arm! Thank you for making me laugh. Pain aside, I had a pretty damn decent morning.’’ Shepard giggled as he waggled his mandibles in farewell, giving her a mocking bow and waved to her as he walked away.

Setting the destination, she leaned back into the comfortable leather seats, hissing when the seatbelt snapped tight against her shoulder. She couldn’t wait to get back to Garrus. He was going to be so jealous that she had spent the entire morning with a Spectre. She let out small laugh thinking about the girly scream she had gotten out of that asshole Batarian when she kicked him.

She couldn’t wait to see Garrus.

*********************************

It took her another hour to get back to Garrus. She half-ran, half-walked to their office, a smile still playing on her face, her chuckling from earlier still coming out of her like bubbles being popped with a needle. She opened the door and her smile fell from her face. Their office was in shambles. All the contents of Garrus’ desk were lying on the floor and his desk had been overturned. She looked up from the mess on the floor and saw Garrus standing with his back to her, the rise and fall of his chest in rapid succession finally clueing her in as to how pissed off he was. She saw his hands flex, his gloves were missing and his talons were glinting from the artificial sunlight coming through the window.

‘’Garrus, uh, hey… I’m back….’’ she hesitantly told him, aware that she was dealing with an irate Turian and to not make any sudden moves.

She slowly walked up to him, one step at a time and just as she was about to put her hand around his waist, he grabbed her wrist and shoved her against the window, effectively trapping her with his body. He hissed at her, snarling and she felt his talons cutting into her waist and wrist, drawing blood. He brought her arm up and pinned it up above her head, she tried to push him off but he wasn’t budging.

‘’Garrus, seriously, what the fuck?!’’ she yelled at him.

He let out a roar and moved her head to the side as he placed his face into her neck and she felt him inhale, smelling her scent, his mandibles clacking against his face as his pissed of vocalisations hummed straight through with their force.

‘’You fucked him didn’t you?’’ he snarled at her.

‘’I can smell him all over you Shepard. I knew that you were having a hard time, what with Sabine showing up but to think that you would fuck him just to hurt me back…’’

Shepard gaped at him, her disbelief making her eyebrows almost disappear into her hairline with how high they pulled up.

‘’I beg your fucking pardon?!’’ she hissed at him

‘’Don’t bother denying it Shepard. I am Turian and I know another males scent on my woman can only mean one thing.’’ He purred sarcastically.

He hissed when she pushed at his chest.

‘’Fuck you.’’ She whispered so soft he didn’t hear her.

‘’What was that? Admitting the truth at last?’’ he said, enjoying the way she was squirming against him.

Before he could react she let loose a fist from her recently injured arm, knocking him back and making him crash into his upturned desk. He steadied himself with a hand on the desk and one on his face, he looked down to the floor and huffed out a laugh.

‘’I SAID FUCK YOU GARRUS!’’ she screamed at him, loud enough to make his sensitive turian ears ring.

‘’You want the truth? How about the fact that I just spent the last 3 hours with Nihlus while we chased a fucking Batarian douchebag around the docks for trying to smuggle a little girl off the Citadel. How about I tell you that when said Batarian saw me, I chased after him and he caught my arm and spun me, dislodging it from my fucking shoulder. How about I tell you that I kicked that asshole so hard in the nuts that I’m sure that he’ll never have children of his own to hurt the way he wanted to hurt that little Asari girl.’’ She screamed, her voice rising in pitch making her sound almost hysterical.

‘’How about I tell you that the reason you can smell another Turian on me, is because I didn’t want to bother the doctors with a popped shoulder so I asked Nihlus to sort it out for me. It hurt like a bitch Garrus and I needed him to be up close and personal in order to do it right.’’ She wiped at the traitorous tears that were falling from her eyes.

‘’As for Sabine, how do you think I feel every day, knowing that while we laugh together, while we sleep together and while we fuck, you have a fucking fiancée waiting for you? Do you think this is easy on me? I have loved you for fucking years! I am coping the only way I know how and having you accuse me of fucking someone else when I have repeatedly told you how much I love you, begging you not to leave me just proves to me that you feel nothing for me and that I did just turn out to be your whore!’’

‘’So yes, Garrus. I did say something. Fuck you. Fuck all of this.’’ She cried, her heart breaking even further.

***************************

Garrus was rooted to the spot. She had punched him. It was a damn good shot too he thought idly, rubbing his jaw. As she started to scream hysterically at him and started to cry his rage that was in full swing five minutes ago disappeared the moment her first tear fell. He listened to her yell and when she called herself a whore and effectively a fool for ever believing he would possibly love her, he opened his mouth to say something, taking a step forward.

‘’So yes, Garrus. I did say something. Fuck you. Fuck all of this.’’ He heard her cry out, the tears streaming down her face.

‘’Oh fuck, Spirits Shepard… Please… I’m sorry! I didn’t know what was going on. You were with Nihlus and my instincts just got the better of me. Spirits Shepard, I’m… so sorry!’’ he keened out, his own traitorous eyes letting a tear fall to join hers.

‘’Don’t touch me Garrus. Don’t you dare fucking touch me after what you just said.’’ she said in a monotone voice when he tried to hold her.

‘’I’m going home for the day. Tell Boss to call me if he has any issues. I’m done for today. Just …enough already.’’ He heard her say quietly.

‘’Dont follow me Garrus. I want to be alone tonight. I need some time to think about whether the two of us actually should be together, because right now, it looks like a match made in hell.’’ Shepard said walking towards the door.

‘’Shepard… I’m sorry.’’ She heard Garrus softly say, his voice thick with sadness and regret as she once again, left the office.

*********************************

Veridian was pacing. Spirits, he couldn’t stop pacing. His family would be stepping out of the shuttle and onto the docks in no less than five minutes. And while he wasn't afraid of the Spirits’s wrath, his wife on the other hand… as the humans say, God help him. She was livid over the phone when they last spoke and he was certain that she would try to punch him… more than once. He shuddered. The last time she had given him one of her special brand love taps, his mandible had been sprained for weeks and the crack running along his jaw to under his chin took a whole four months to heal over smoothly. No, he was going to be firm in this matter. Garrus WAS going to get married. No discussions. No negotiations, no surrender he muttered.

He heard a noise to the left of him and turned slowly. As his eyes recognised the balled up fist coming towards his face, he braced himself as best he could in the three seconds preparation time he had. When he next opened his eyes, he moaned and looked up into the green glaring eyes of his wife. Arcelia smirked down at him and promptly stepped over him and walked off. He sat up slowly and rubbing his jaw, he saw another hand come flying towards him… but at least this one was offering him a hand up.

‘’Need a hand there dad?’’ Solana snickered.

‘’Mind your tone young one.’’ He scolded her, taking her hand to stand up.

‘’Spirits, I had forgotten how hard she hits.’’ He sighed out loud and giving his daughter a once over to check her well-being he made his way over to his wife.

‘’Arcelia.’’ He said

‘’Veridian.’’ She replied in kind.

The two stared at one another, neither backing down and the uncomfortable silence made Solana start to fidget.

‘’Can we move this along to some place else please?’’ she asked in her most respectful tone of voice. She didn’t want to turn their attention to her.

‘’Yes, why don’t we. Veridian… I assume you still have our apartment here on the Citadel? I would have liked to stay with Garrus for a night but seeing as how one of his parents beat on the woman he loves, I’d say he wouldn’t welcome that idea.’’ She filled her voice with as much scorn and contempt as possible and Veridian looked away in shame.

‘’I have apologised to Garrus for that.’’ He whined, almost childishly.

‘’Yes, but have you apologised to Shepard?’’ she countered.

‘’Spirits no, that filthy human who led our son astray doesn’t deserve it!’’ he hissed out angrily, only to moan in pain when Solana stepped on his foot and grinded down hard on his two toes with her boots.

‘’Dad! That is an awful thing to say. Shepard is family!’’ Solana pleaded with him loudly.

‘’Can we move this someplace private before we make even more of a spectacle of ourselves?’’ Arcelia asked coldly, gesturing for them to get on their way with an outstretched hand.

‘’Follow me then.’’ Veridian spat. ‘’I take it we are going to have a family meeting tomorrow night with Sabine? I don’t know if the Primarch will be joining us but it is a possibility and I need to get this marriage settled. The faster the better.’’ He said, ignoring the outraged hisses coming from behind him.

‘’You are still a fool Veridian. If you insist on pushing this matter, I will take drastic measures of my own. Don’t discount what a mother is willing to do for her children.’’ She whispered threateningly in his ear and they all got in the sky car and left for their flat.

************************

When Garrus got home that night, the first thing he did was pour himself the biggest glass of brandy he could find in his small little kitchen. He downed the first glass and poured a second immediately after. He stripped off his armour, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. He walked into his bathroom and hit the shower panel, cold water spraying over him as he stepped in underneath it, keeping his glass out of the way. Leaning his head against the cool tiles he couldn’t shake the image of Shepard screaming and crying from circling round his mind. Once he could no longer feel his plates, the cold water having numbed his body he flopped face down on his bed and lay there unable and unwilling to move. He breathed in to the sheets and immediately regretted it. All he could smell was Shepard, her scent… and her blood. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

How was he going to fix this?

********************

Shepard had taken more medication and added half a sedative to help her calm down. She was so emotional lately that she was beginning to lose herself and her control more often. It was unacceptable. She was still crying when she ran her bath and she continued crying all the way through it and only stopped when she had to climb out quickly to throw up in the toilet on the other side of the room. This was getting ridiculous. She got back up slowly from her kneeling position over the toilet, which had so graciously welcomed her and stood over the sink to brush her teeth. She slipped into her sleep shorts and the baggiest shirt she could find.

Climbing into bed, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, the medication, the vomiting and the emotional outburst completely exhausting her. What seemed like five minutes later to Shepard, she woke once again to hear someone banging on her door. She froze when she heard Garrus bellowing behind the door for her to open up. Approaching the door reluctantly, she glanced over to the clock on the wall in the lounge. Three am! What in the hell did he think he was playing at? Opening the door she came face to face with a swaying and very, very drunk looking Garrus.

‘’I c-couldn’t schleep with… without y-you.’’ He stuttered, stumbling through the entrance and closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait folks. Lost my job, then found another one, had my first day today and it sucked big blue monkey balls. It's a short chapter, i know, i'm sorry... but will be updating as much as I can, when I can.
> 
> Enjoy!


	16. A bundle of surprises!

Sitting around the table with his wife and daughter, Veridian couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so uncomfortable. His wife had her arms folded and from the way the table was slightly shaking, she was obviously bouncing her knee up and down from irritation. Last night when the three of them had gotten to their flat that he rarely used, Solana had headed straight to the sofa and Arcelia had locked herself away in the master bedroom. He was left standing there like an idiot in the lounge being severely ignored by both females. This morning however, the two of them had dragged him out to have breakfast at a nearby café and as he sat in his chair waiting for the inevitable discussion to start he sighed.

‘’I am not changing my mind on this Arcelia.’’ He stated simply. He watched as her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head down – a clear challenge- and gave a short huff of breath.

‘’I will not give up either my dear, dear fool of a husband.’’ She drawled, earning her own glare from him in return.

‘’Why can’t you understand what this could mean for our family? Solana, you are my daughter and you have a bright future ahead of you… do you not see that being connected to the Crassus’ family could open all the medical doors in the galaxy for you?’’ he pleaded with them.

‘’Dad, I don’t need your connections to open doors for me, because I will get them open myself with my own skills and by working my ass off.’’ She said as she looked over to her mother who was beaming with pride at her answer.

‘’Another thing dad, I love my brother. I would do anything for him. What you are doing for him now is not in his best interests. He loves Shepard dad and I’m certain that he has soul tied with her.’’ She said, her mother nodding along with her.

‘’Why, out of all species in the galaxy, did he have to choose a Human? Spirits, I just cannot understand.’’ He grumbled, sipping his drink.

‘’Veridian, you know as well as I do that when a Turian has bonded and soul tied to another, that separating the two brings nothing but pain and misery. If she isn’t part of his life in some way, he will fade before our eyes and will no longer be the son we know and love. Do you really want that for your son?’’ she hummed to him, grabbing his hand across the table.

‘’Husband, I know that we were never meant to be together, that we followed the rules and did our duty but … can we not break the cycle and let our children be happy? Even if we may never experience of fully understand the bond between Shepard and our son, could we at least try to?’’

Arcelia was gripping his hand hard and Veridian could feel the sincerity, the strength of her words and the desperate plea for him to understand. He placed a hand on top of the one gripping his and pulled his hand out of her grasp.

‘’It’s too late.’’ He whispered.

‘’What do you mean Dad?’’ Solana asked her secondary voice box trilling overtime with anxiety.

‘’I signed the contract papers last night. By law … Sabine and Garrus are already married. All that is left to do now is to finalise it with a bonding ceremony and perform the rite of marking.’’ He said, not meeting their eyes.

‘’You did what?!’’ Arcelia shrieked at him. The patrons of the café all pausing in what they were doing to listen to her as she stood up.

‘’How dare you... You…you... barefaced spineless bastard!’’ she screamed, sending the table smashing to the floor.

‘’Mom, mother…please! Calm down! Mother!’’ Solana cried holding on to her arms to stop her from attacking her father.

‘’I have no excuses; I only wanted what was best for my family. The Primarch is not someone you can say no to. Please, understand that much.’’ He said softly.

His wife was still shrieking insults at him and his poor daughter was having a hard time restraining her.

‘’Be grateful you are Turian husband because I very much wished I was human so that I could divorce you and never have to see you again!’’ she yelled at him one more time, before slumping to the floor, helped down by Solana.

Before leaving his family, who he did not expect to see for the rest of the day, he turned to them.

‘’I told Garrus last night. He knows now, there is no going back.’’

*************************************

Shepard didn't sleep last night. Her eyes were puffy and stinging, her shoulder had flared up from being swollen and overused and she desperately needed to pee. She rolled her eyes at the Turian who had fallen asleep with his head on her stomach and his arms wrapped around her body. He gave a soft snore and buried his face deeper into her, pressing right down on her bladder.

‘’For fuck sakes.’’ Shepard muttered under her breath.

Last night when she had opened the door and seen the state that he was in, she relented, letting him in. He had walked right past her and straight to her bed, where he clumsily got undressed, banging stuff around as he threw armour haphazardly across the room. He climbed onto the bed butt-ass naked on his stomach and fell asleep. Shepard had stood there by the bed for a solid twenty minutes without moving. Unsure of what to do in this situation. It’s not like she had much dating experience in the first place, a couple of flings here and there but nothing covered ‘how to deal with your drunken alien boyfriend’ so she simply stood there and stared.

After a while her exhaustion got the better of her and she climbed in on the other side, pushing his arms roughly off of her side and the moment she got settled in on her back, her damned drunken Turian had wrapped himself around her like ivy. She hadn’t had the energy to move him so she let it be. Now, four hours later, after drifting in and out of sleep, being woken up by Garrus’ snoring every fifteen minutes she felt like death.

‘’Garrus…‘’ she poked him in the head with her finger.

‘’Garrus! Get up!’’ she said sharply, making his eyes snap open in shock.

‘’Shep…?’’ he mumbled into her stomach.

‘’Ugh, seriously, get off me. I am too old to be having accidents in the bed.’’ She sniped at him.

She shoved him off with a huge groan and felt the tingling sensation in her legs to be a good thing as all the blood started rushing back to her limbs. ‘Oohing and aahing’ as she hobbled to the bathroom, the pins and needles in her feet making her curse, she shut the door behind her. After giving a huge sigh of relief once she had emptied her bladder, she washed her hands and hunted around in her cabinets for some hangover tablets to give to the idiot currently on her bed. Pouring a glass of water she walked back out and found him in a sitting position, leaning against the headboard with his eyes closed. She placed the glass on the bedside table and held out her hand to him.

‘’Here.’’ She said. She was still incredibly pissed off and hurt by his behaviour yesterday.

No way was she going to give in so easily.

*******************************

Opening his eyes slowly, he saw her hand stick out and the tablets lying on her palm. He took them gratefully and swallowed them, gulping down the rest of the water. When had finished drinking, he cleared his throat. He looked up at her and smiled. His mate’s hair was spectacularly dishevelled, sticking out at odd angles making her look younger than she was. Her shirt had slipped down one shoulder revealing his mark and as his eyes travelled lower down he let out an involuntary purr of approval for her long slim thighs and legs.

She was perfection.

She had never been more beautiful to him. His heart suddenly slammed into his chest as he remembered what got him so excruciatingly drunk last night. His father had sent him a message.

He was married!

Spirits, by law he was the husband of one Sabine Crassus and there was nothing he could do about it now. Turian law didn’t believe nor allow divorce, only separation was tolerated.

‘’Shepard… I need to tell you something.’’ He said holding out his hand and when he saw her reluctantly take it, he pulled her down to sit on the edge of bed next to him.

He put a hand on her neck and placed his forehead on hers and purred to her.

‘’I love you Shepard. I love you. Spirits, I have never loved anyone like I love you and I never will.’’ He said, hearing her gasp.

‘’I love you Shepard. Do you hear me? Do you understand? You are my heart, my soul and my life.’’ He trilled his love for her and pulled her into an embrace.

‘’Garrus… I… I..’’ she stuttered as she pulled away, the confusion on her face making him chuckle, even if he knew this tiny moment of happiness wouldn’t last long.

‘’There is nothing anyone can do to make me stop loving you. Please believe me Shepard.’’ He stroked his thumb down her face and brushed over her lips. He leaned forward to kiss her, his tongue sweeping deliciously slow into her mouth to curl around hers.

‘’Do you believe me Shepard?’’ he asked her and when she nodded but still wouldn’t look at him he grabbed her by the shoulders as gently as he could and forced her to face him.

‘’Tell me you believe me Shepard. I love you okay?! That is never going to change. I should have told you sooner but everything just kept getting in the way.’’

‘’I... I believe you Garrus… and I love you too.’’ She whispered back, bringing her hands up to spread her fingers underneath his fringe and pulled him towards her for another kiss.

He moaned into her mouth as she scratched and pulled at him, both their breathing patterns becoming erratic. He suddenly pulled away before they could take it any further and hummed out regret that she couldn’t hear with subvocals.

‘’Shepard… I know my timing has always been horrible, but there is something else I need to tell you… all I ask of you is to listen and to try and understand okay?’’ he said removing his hands from her body all together. When he still didn’t say anything after five minutes he felt her hand on his face.

‘’Garrus, you’re making me worry. What’s wrong?’’ she cooed to him, rubbing his mandible gently. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

‘’According to my father I’m already married.’’ He blurted out. Shepard had frozen in place, the soothing rubbing of his mandible coming to a complete stand still and her hand fell away as if it had burned her.

‘’You’re lying… God, please tell me you’re lying.’’ She begged, arms wrapping around her body as she started to rock back and forth.

‘’How… how Garrus? D-did you sign anything? D-did you agree? I thought you said you loved me?’’ her questions coming out so fast one after the other that he struggled to make sense of it all.

‘’Spirits No! Shepard, Turian parents are predominantly the ones who assign mates and take care of contracts for marriages. We have no real say in the matter. I definitely didn’t agree to this and I still don’t. We are only married by law Shepard, this means nothing. Nothing!’’ he shouted out.

‘’Oh God Garrus, please… please tell me you’re lying and that I didn’t just become your whore officially. You’re married now! ... Fuck... fuck... oh fuck!’’ she sobbed

Shepard scrambled off the bed as quickly as she could as she felt the bile rise in throat; she made it just in time to the bathroom to be violently ill while bending over the toilet. She heard Garrus’ clawed toes scrape across the floor as he ran to her side to help her keep her hair out of the way.

‘’Shepard we need to get you to the doctor.’’ He moaned softly, pulling her up and sitting her down to lean against the bath.

He walked over to the sink and brought back a wet washcloth and kneeled down to wipe at her mouth and face. Shepard was staring blankly off into space and only when he trilled in concern did she look up.

‘’Run away with me Garrus.’’ She said in all seriousness.

‘’What?’’ he asked her, confusion evident in his face.

‘’Run away with me, let’s go live someplace far away where we can be together and never see anyone again who doesn’t want us to be together.’’ She said again, eyes never once leaving his face.

‘’Shepard, we can’t do that. What about my family? What about your dad? Our lives are here Shepard.’’ He said softly, taking her hands and pulling her up.

She remained silent as he undressed her and led her to the shower in the corner. He turned on the taps and waited for the water to warm before pulling them both under.

‘’I love you Shepard. But this is something that we can’t do. We can’t run away from our problems.’’ He chirruped at her, holding her close to his body. Running his hands up and down her arms as the hot water flowed over the two of them.

*******************************

Shepard was still in a state of shock, yet again. As her brain processed all the things he had just said she tried to summarise. So he loved her… that was beyond anything she could have ever hoped for. But he was married…? Which was devastating to her and did he say no to her question about running away? Yes, yes he did. So they were fucked either way. She felt his hands rub up and down her body, the warmth of the water kneading into her sore muscles and helping her keep her stress down to a manageable level. She came to a decision. One that she had made before and as she looked into his eyes she made it again.

She would be his whore.

She would be his mistress.

Until he either turned her away or got bond marks of his own on his neck.

Right now at this moment Shepard thought, she realised she had no pride and nothing left to lose except Garrus himself. Giving up entirely she wrapped her arms around his waist and heard him growl when she bit down on his neck. She felt him turn his head to give her better access and she bit him over and over, not breaking skin but wishing she could as her hands squeezed his waist and raked her nails down over his ass. He purred at her and pushed her against the wall, leaning ever closer as she sucked and nipped at his neck, his own hand coming up to palm her breasts. She hissed as he scraped his leathery plated hand over her nipple, wondering why they were so sensitive and lost her train of thought all together as he inserted a finger into her wet, inviting core.

She stopped biting at his neck to arch back into the wall as he continued to thrust his hand in and out of her, biting her lip and letting out a moan as he added another finger to stretch her wider for him. With his free hand he gripped her thigh and brought her leg up, spreading her open for him and he moved his body in close. All she could smell was him. All she could taste was him and all she ever wanted was him.

‘’Shepard… this may be a stupid thing to ask when I’m knuckles deep inside of you but.’’

‘’Make love to me Garrus… please.’’ She moaned

‘’Spirits… I love you Shepard. So, so much.’’ He said lifting her other leg up and wrapping her securely around his body and pushing her back into the wall. She looked down at his blue ridged cock; seeing how the water made it glisten and how it pulsed with every breath he took. She lowered a hand between them, running her fingers over his curved tip and placed it against her entrance.

‘’Take me Garrus.’’ She moaned breathily as she bit down on his neck again and he pushed inside of her in one swift movement.

‘’Fuck, Shepard. You always feel so good, I-I’ve never felt anything like it.’’ He moaned into her as he fucked her with steady, hard strokes.

Shepard had never felt so complete, she always felt complete whenever he was buried inside of her. He was larger than anyone she had slept with before and every time they slept together she could feel her body stretch to take all of him in. How the ridges flared and scraped inside of her, hitting all the right spots. Shepard quickly tired of the slow pace he was going at and with his next thrust into her she clamped her inner muscles down as hard as she could around his cock and started to move as well.

‘’Ah, Spirits Shepard!’’ he screamed out in pleasure whenever she tightened around him.

With every downwards thrust on to his hard cock, she deliberately clenched her muscles tighter. She grabbed the back of his neck and settled his mouth over her bond mark.

‘’Bite me Garrus, make me yours.’’ She whimpered, digging her nails into his neck.

He snarled and bit down viciously on her neck, the blood dripping from her wounds to mix with the water between them. He pushed her hard against the wall as he bucked and jerked out his orgasm and she moaned wantonly as he once again filled her completely. Rubbing her own hand against her clit she continued to move on him while came deep inside of her and when she fell of that peak of pleasure herself, she let loose a loud, hoarse scream of his name. He pulled himself out, taking his time, drawing out the last ebbs of his orgasm and set her back down on the ground.

‘’If you can’t be what I need you to be for me… then I will be whatever you need me to be for you.’’ Shepard said shakily, walking unsteadily out of the shower and back into the bedroom.

***********************************************************

Was she invisible? Goddess, really! Did Shepard forget that she was staying at her place for the foreseeable future? Liara was no prude and believed that sex was healthy and a natural part of life. However, hearing your friend and her boyfriend fucking so enthusiastically first thing in the morning was not how she wanted to start her day. When she heard the noise die down, she cursed and decided that it was safe enough to leave her room now and head to the kitchen. What Shepard’s saw in that spineless Turian…. She shook her head. It wasn’t her place to meddle but she felt obligated to. She would watch out for Shepard as much as she could.

She headed to the kitchen and set the coffee machine up to brew a fresh batch and sat down on the stool in front of the breakfast bar. Ten minutes later, when Shepard and Garrus walked into the kitchen, Liara beamed. She loved seeing Garrus awkwardly look away and that fascinating red colour that humans turn, cover every inch of Shepard’s skin.

‘’Good morning.’’ Liara chirped, raising an eyebrow while smiling around her cup of coffee.

‘’Ahem, uh, morning Liara.’’ Garrus said, his back turned to her while he made himself a cup of kava instead of coffee.

‘’Morning.’’ Shepard replied in greeting.

The three of them stood in silence. Awkwardness making the couple fidget and do more throat clearing than was strictly necessary. Liara couldn’t take it anymore and started giggling, holding a hand in front of her mouth and laughing at them.

‘’Next time, please try to remember I’m here. I really am happy for the two of you and while I am always glad to share in that happiness.. there is a line, that we as friends, should never cross.’’ She smirked.

‘’Shepard, are you going in to work today?’’ Liara asked turning to her friend

‘’No, I’m calling in sick; I need to go see Dr Michel anyway. I feel fine one moment and then sick as a varren the next. This bug is really messing with my stomach.’’ Shepard said, absentmindedly rubbing her belly.

Liara sat quite still in her chair. As she took in all of Shepard’s symptoms from her flushed face, to her vomiting and were her breasts always that big? Oh Goddess… Liara thought. Oh fuck would be a better phrase right now. No, it wasn’t supposed to be possible. She had heard stories of course, but it never ended well. The two of them were just too different. If her friend was indeed…. No, she was jumping ahead of herself here. Surely Shepard would have figured it out by now. It was her own body after all. Maybe she just didn’t know what to do yet and would come to her for help if she needed it. Yes, Liara nodded internally. This was one problem she was keeping her blue nose out of.

Garrus had picked up on her nervousness and cocked a brow plate as he stared her. She shrugged and turned her attention back to the cup in her hand.

‘’Shepard, do you want me to come with you?’’ Garrus asked her. ‘’I know we still have a lot to talk about. ‘’ 

‘’No, I’ll be fine on my own.’’ She said, kissing him on the cheek and walking back to her room, cup of coffee in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. ive had a tough day and the only thing that kept me going was thinking about what to write next for this story. I hope you enjoy, this is definetely the best form of escapism i have ever found and I love writing. Expect a new chapter soon-ish. Friday night maybe? Who knows!
> 
> Thank you again for all the support. You guys and gals are all awesome.


	17. Coming out prepared

Garrus had left for work half an hour ago, giving her a kiss on the neck and a gentle nip on the shoulder and explaining that he would tell Chellick that she wasn’t coming in today. She had held onto his hand as he tried to leave, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his leathery skin, feeling her stomach clench at the thought of him leaving. He had chuckled and swooped in to give her a proper kiss that had left both of them breathless. Breathing once again into her ear how much he loved her. Shepard and Liara were sitting down in the lounge, watching the ANN news reporting about some krogan mercenary gangs, calling themselves the ‘Blood Pack’ that were causing havoc in the outer traverse when she finally decided that it was time to get up and get going.

Stretching once she stood up, her arms lifting high above her head, she didn’t notice her shirt pull up.

‘’Goddess Shepard, you really need to buy some lotion if that’s what Garrus does to your skin every time you're with him.’’ Liara scolded, her eyebrows drawn down in concerntration.

Looking down Shepard noticed the red rash and chafed skin that ran from her stomach all the way down, disappearing into the waist band of her trousers.

‘’Meh, It’s a small price to pay for being with him.’’ She shrugged, avoiding Liara’s eyes and continuing her stretching.

This morning’s lovemaking session in the shower had been intense and she had used more muscles in her legs and shoulders than she was used too. Sighing when she was done, she realised that she might as well discuss the large elcor in the room and get it over with.

‘’Li… you know youre practically my best friend right?’’ shepard hesistantly asked her.

‘’Yes… practically speaking..I suppose I am.’’ Liara replied just as warily.

‘’So if I told you that Garrus is now officially married but that I don’t really care and still want to be with him would you hate me?’’ she said quietly but not stopping for a breath as she blurted it all out.

Liara had placed her cup of coffee down on the table and folder her arms, her leg coming up to cross over the other one, her expression stern and unyielding.

‘’No, I wouldn’t hate you. I would however call you a monumental fucking idiot but weve been down this road before. Shepard, you will ultimately do what you want to do and follow the path your heart tells you to follow. Me, not liking your choices, is in no way going to stop you. So if this is the path that you have decided to take, I will stand by you. Not happily mind you, but I will be there for you as best as I can and that when I do mock or insult or scold you it’s only because I care a very great deal about you. ‘’ Liara said, her eyes softening at Shepard’s hopeful look of support on her face.

‘’Thank you Li. From now on, I know that I’ll be facing a very difficult road, where Turians and Humans alike, wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire, once they find out about me and Garrus but I needed to know there was at least one person on my side throughout all this. ‘’ Shepard hummed out her thanks and walking past the sofa she placed a hand on Liara’s shoulder and gave a squeeze.

‘’Shepard..?’’ Liara said, turning in her seat to look at Shepard as she walked past.

‘’Yeah?’’ Shepard answered, stopping midstride to half turn around.

‘’Do you want me to come with you to the doctors? I-I, um, think that you could do with some more support once you actually get there.’’ She said.

‘’No…why? Why do you think I’ll need support once I get there?’’ Shepard asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

‘’No reason.’’ Liara stammered, quickly turning back in her seat to pay attention to the TV.

‘’Huh.’’ Shepard huffed, not believing her in the least.

As Shepard entered her bedroom, she made the bed and picked up her clothes that had mysteriously been piled up in a corner of her room and carried it to the bathroom, dumping the articles in the washing basket. She brushed her teeth and combed her hair while humming, now that she had accepted her fate, all her worries seemed to have disappeared momentarily. Garrus was married, there was nothing anyone could do about that, but he loved her. She believed that he loved her more importantly and if she couldn’t be his wife, the role of his mistress in the public’s eyes was just something that she was going to have to get used too. Acceptance, she mused, was a hell of a lot easier than constantly fighting what couldn’t be changed.

She was starting to feel slightly nauseous again and as she rummaged through her cabinets for the prescription tablets she had gotten from the pharmacist yesterday, her eyes suddenly lingered on a blue and yellow box tucked away in the corner. How many weeks has it been? She started to count slowly in her head, using her fingers to keep track.

One, two, three, four…. Five?

Five weeks since she last had her period? No, surely not. She recounted again. Yup. God…the stress of all this must have severely fucked up her cycle she thought, her eyes returning every few seconds to that ominous blue and yellow box. Spotting her tablets she grabbed them and slammed the cabinet door closed, shrugging off any ideas that had been circling in her head.

She was human.

He was Turian.

Biology was a bitch.

Nothing to worry about.

She shrugged once more to no one in particular and stomped off back into her bedroom to get dressed. Looking at her wrist she saw that nine am had come and gone in the time that she had wasted muttering to herself in the bathroom. She threw on a white tank top over her bra and a pair of black jeans with her flat boots and huffed when she saw her hair had become all tangled up again when she had pulled her top over it. She really should get it cut, way more manageable that way.

‘’Shepard, you’re leaving?’’ Liara asked, still sitting on the sofa but scrolling through a datapad, not looking up as Shepard walked by.

‘’Yup, just gonna head to the shops to pick up a few things and then head over to the wards to go see Dr Michel. You need anything while I’m out?’’ she asked, picking up her purse and stuffing it in her back pocket.

She contemplated taking her pistol with her as technically she was allowed to carry weapons on account of her being part of C-sec, but she didn’t feel the need today. She was only going to be gone about an hour at most.

‘’If you pass by the real estates, could you see if you could get me the latest brochures on offices to let in Illium and a few for the Citadel here as well. I know, I know… I can look all this information up on the extranet but you never know what new offers or packages can creep on you if you don’t explore all the options.’’ Liara said, noticing Shepard getting impatient to get going.

‘’Um, Shepard… please don’t hurt me for saying this but you look terrible. That black eye you got from Garrus’ dad is healing nicely and so is the cut, but why are you wearing a tank top that shows your bruised shoulders and cuts up arm from all that glass… and the fresh new puncture wounds on your neck? You may be accepting of the fact that you’re dating a Turian but is there any need to go broadcasting it to everyone?’’ she asked sincerely.

‘’Li… I love you to bits, but seriously, are you going to be on my case every morning about the way I look or how I should try and hide my relationship? Because if that’s the case I think we should consider having a very long talk about boundaries.’’ Shepard said, adopting a stance that said she was in no mood for her bullshit this morning.

‘’Whatever Shepard…’’ Liara said, effectively ending the conversation by leaving the room.

Shepard hated fighting with her but if she was sure of anything this morning, it’s that she wasn’t going to hide her relationship with Garrus if anyone asked. It’s never been in her nature to lie or deceive, she preferred just saying what was on her mind. She let out a long sigh and figured that by the time she got back her and Liara would be calmer. Shepard opened the door and attempted to step out, only to walk straight in to the chest of a female turian, who was trilling with unhappiness.

**************************************

‘’Spirits young one, are you alright?’’ Arcelia asked as she steadied Shepard, who had grabbed onto the door to stop from falling over.

‘’Mrs Vakarian… I, uh, what…?’’ she saw the human woman stutter and trip over her words.

Arcelia sucked in a breath and trilled in shock as she took a long hard look at Shepard, all the various bruises, cuts and abrasions. Her eyes travelled over her sons bite mark and her eyes softened. Oh, Spirits, this young woman has gone through so much. Arcelia grabbed Shepard gently by the shoulders.

‘’I am so, so sorry my dear. I know that nothing I can say can make up for the way my husband treated you and I can only hope that you will in time, be able to forgive him.’’ Arcelia said as she stroked a hand down Shepard’s hair.

Arcelia saw Shepard smile and wondered how this young fragile soul could still smile after everything that has happened and would happen from here on out.

‘’Please don’t get upset Mrs Vakarian, I am really alright… well apart from…’’ she shrugged and waved a hand over her body pointing to her wounds. ‘’It will all heal in time.’’ Shepard said sadly.

‘’Please, come in.’’ Arcelia heard Shepard say. She nodded her head and walked in after Shepard, still reeling from her husband’s latest news.

‘’Can I get you something to drink?’’ Shepard asked politely, rocking back and forth on one foot nervously.

‘’No, thank you my dear. I-I just came from breakfast with Veridian and Solana.’’ Arcelia said, humming out her sadness at the situation.

‘’Mrs Vakarian…’’ Shepard started to say but Arcelia interrupted her.

‘’I think we can dispose of the formalities Shepard. You love my son do you not?’’ she asked.

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Well then, when you feel comfortable with it, you can call me mom.. or just Arcelia will do for now.’’ She said.

‘’I... Uh. Okay. Arcelia.’’ Shepard sat down on the sofa and Arcelia followed suit.

‘’Ever since you were a little girl, running around our house whenever you were home from the military, you have always brought such light and laughter into my home. My children laughed more than usual, they were always happy and I think that most of that was due to you Shepard.’’

‘’When we first met, I sensed sadness in you, but over time as you became more accustomed to Palaven and Turian culture I watched you emerge from that shell that you had built around yourself. You are kind, loving, thoughtful and compassionate. I say these things not to gain favour but because they are true. The last thing I want is for you to lose all of those admirable qualities because of the trials that you may face now that you have joined with my son.’’

‘’Arcelia, I know that Garrus is married.’’ Shepard said sadly, hunching over in her seat to hold her head in hands.

‘’Oh, my child. That, I am afraid… there is nothing I can do about it. Turian law has been the same for several thousand years. But I hope you know that even though my son is married to that reprehensible little girl, you are first and foremost my daughter-in-law now. Nothing can take that away and anyone who dares to call you anything different will have to go through me.’’ Arcelia said, having risen from her seat to take Shepard’s face in her three fingered hands.

As she traced the marks and bruises on Shepard’s face, Arcelia dearly wished she could undo time and let Garrus know all those years ago that Shepard was his perfect match and the other half of his soul.

‘’I am prepared… well… as much as I can be for what may come. The name calling, the hate, the possible encounters of those that may wish to do us harm. As long as I have Garrus by my side, I would be willing to go through anything.’’ Shepard said her voice steady, as she met Arcelias’ eyes.

‘’Good. You will need each other in the times to come. I take it Garrus has told you how much you mean to him?’’ Garrus’ mom asked, walking to the window on the far side of the room to stare out the window.

‘’He has told me. I-I’m still having a bit of trouble believing him to be honest. We only really got intimately involved about a month ago. Even though you know that I’ve been a fool for him for years now. I don’t see how he could suddenly feel so strongly for me.’’ Shepard hummed out insecurely.

‘’Shepard…’’ Arcelia scolded. ‘’If my son says he loves you, I would like you to believe him. I know you know some of our customs but get him to explain in more detail just how he feels about you. _Nunc scio quid sit amor_.’’ Arcelia said, quoting a well-known phrase in the old Turian language.

‘’I-I’ll be sure to do that. It’s still all just a bit unreal to me. Forgive me for asking, but Garrus mentioned that the families have to meet for a sit-down and discuss the marriage… now that the contract has been signed… is there any reason that you all still have to meet?’’ Shepard asked, her eyes pleading with Arcelia to reconsider putting Garrus anywhere near that woman who was now his wife.

‘’Oh Spirits, I had completely forgotten that we were meeting them tonight.’’ Arcelia muttered wrapping her arms around herself. She started to pace up and down the small area in the lounge as Shepard watched her become more agitated as her secondary voice box trilled out her frustration.

‘’Shepard, although Garrus and Sabine may now be recognised as married by the law, there are two things that they have to go through that will drive you apart and in Turian culture could get you killed if it came to pass. The bonding ceremony that needs to be witnessed by both families and the rite of marking.’’

‘’Garrus has marked you as his mate and I have accepted that fact and so has Solana. However, it ultimately has no meaning. If Garrus receives a bond mark from Sabine, you need to realise that because she is so closely connected with our Primarch you will be in danger if you continue your relationship with him.’’ Arcelia said sternly, trying to get Shepard to understand the severity of the situation.

‘’You mean, if Garrus gets marked by Sabine, I would be better off leaving them be? Should I just walk away then …? I-I can’t do that Arcelia. I love your son. I would die for him, I hope you know that. No, that is unacceptable. I will not leave him unless he tells me to leave. ‘’ Shepard stood up from her couch and shaking her head, she kept muttering ‘no’ under her breath.

‘’As you wish my child. But I urge you to take care. My husband may be a fool, but I do agree with him in certain matters. It is not wise to deny or reject any ideas coming from Primarch Crassus without incurring his wrath. He is a ruthless, manipulative Turian who has been in power now for many years and stayed that way through connections that I dare not utter about here.’’ Walking to Shepard, she hugged her, allowing the younger woman to gain a small measure of comfort from the embrace.

Arcelia hummed out a song of acceptance and warmth as she rubbed a hand down Shepard’s back and felt the young woman release a small breath of pent up anger. Stepping back and holding her at arms length she looked at her new daughter and gave a small chuckle.

‘’Now, let’s try to be happy when we can be happy. I know Solana is dying to see you, she would have come with but she wanted to see Garrus first. So why don’t we get ready and we four can go for lunch and pretend there aren’t any problems for at least a few hours.’’

********************************

Garrus looked down at his datapad and frowned. There were more and more reports coming up of women and children being snatched on the Citadel by Batarian slave traders. One moment those women were living their lives and the next they were being hauled away to Spirits knows where. He reviewed the footage once more of this poor soul’s attempt to flee her captors and flinched when he saw one of the men pistol whip her. He growled low in his chest when the Batarian blatantly looked up at the security camera and smiled. He needed to crack this case and quick. Find the route and ship names from the catalogue of incoming and leaving ships and try to find a pattern from reviewing the footage and the time stamps on them. He resigned himself to a day of sitting and watching and waiting.

His eyes glanced over to Shepard’s empty desk and his heart swelled with love at the thought of her. He grinned despite the horrendous case of abductions he was dealing with as he was thrilled that he had finally told her how much he loved her. He still obviously had to explain the small nuances and intricacies of how exactly he was tied to her, but he would get around to that. For now, as long as she knew he was satisfied. He decided to call Shepard and find out how she was doing, if she had been to the doctor yet. He was concerned that she had been so ill lately and tried not be irritated at how she couldn’t see that she needed medical attention. He called her and waited till the line connected.

‘’Hey… ‘’ he drawled when she answered.

‘’Hey yourself tough guy.’’ She replied.

‘’Are you feeling any better? Do you need anything?’’ he asked, trilling to her in concern even though she couldn’t hear him.

‘’No, I’m good for now Garrus. Your mom is here and we're just having another coffee before we get ready to go out for lunch. Will you be able to join us?’’ she asked and he heard his mother chirrup in the background that he better be able too.

‘’Spirits, tell my mom that I will be there. A-Are you two getting along?’’ He asked nervously.

Now that he was officially married, there was a slight-or-miniscule chance that his mother and sister would now be against this relationship.

‘’We’re getting along just fine Garrus. I have known your mother for years you know. It’s not like ive just met her.’’ He heard the two women laugh in the background and rolled his eyes.

‘’Alright then…no need for sarcasm. What time should we meet?’’ he rumbled out trying to avoid laughing himself.

‘’Um…. ‘’ he heard Shepard speak to his mother. ‘’Say around one pm? Will that work for you. I’m planning on going to see Dr Michel at about three o’clock so it should all work out nicely.’’ She hummed and Garrus once again heard his mom interrupt and ask why she was going to the doctor.

‘’One o’clock is fine Shepard. I’ll see you later okay?’’ he drawled.

‘’Okay tough guy. I-I love you.’’ He heard her stutter over the line.

For a moment he was mortified that his mother was witnessing this conversation but he shrugged it off quickly.

‘’I- uh… love you too Shepard.’’ He hastily ended the call before his nervousness got the best of him and he really didn’t need to hear his mother’s laughter because he could imagine it well enough.

Clearing his throat and taking a deep breath to get his heartbeat back under control from hearing Shepard say that she loved him in front of his mother. He stood up and stretched, clicking his neck and rolling it back and forth. He walked over to the wall and activated a holographic interface and started to drag information from his datapad to be viewed on the wall so that he could properly analyse all his evidence and look for clues. He immersed himself in work and two hours later he was still standing there growling to himself.

‘’Brother… hello… Palaven to Garrus!’’ he heard someone shout in his ear and he jumped which caused the ear-bursting offender to crack out a laugh.

‘’Spirits Sol. You know I hate it when you do that!’’ he snarled good-naturedly when he recognised his sister.

‘’You were millions of light years away Garrus. Tough case?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ He said, flicking off the switch and clearing the wall of information.

‘’Come here.’’ He said as he gave his sister a one-armed hug and bumped foreheads with her in greeting.

‘’Good to see you too big brother. Although I’m quite torn between kicking your ass and congratulating you.’’ Solana said, her voice muffled by the blue of Garrus’ shirt as she was pressed harder into his chest.

Letting his sister go, he walked over to the small kettle he had in his office and started to make her a cup of kava just the way she liked it.

‘’Why exactly do you want kick my ass? And here I was sure, I made all your little dreams come true when I told you Shepard and I got together. If anything, I should be kicking your ass for not telling me how she has felt about me. I could have been happy years ago.’’ He rumbled, giving her the best mock-glare he could before ruining it with a smile.

‘’I can’t make everything easy for you Garrus.’’ She chuckled and took the cup of kava, sitting down in front of his desk.

The silence between the two of them stretched and Garrus could feel the mood dip slightly as she hummed around her cup.

‘’So… I hear you’re married now.’’ He groaned and took a seat opposite her and leaned back in his chair giving a huff.

‘’I suppose congratulating you on that wouldn’t be wise.’’ She said.

‘’No, it is what it is. As far as I’m concerned it makes no difference to me whatsoever. I love Shepard, I’m with Shepard and I’ll be damned if I allow some outdated laws to separate me from her. ‘’ he grumbled out angrily.

‘’Garrus, I’m happy you’re so optimistic about all of this, but are you taking this seriously enough?’’ she trilled in question.

‘’What do you mean?’’ he asked, leaning forward over the desk.

‘’What I mean Garrus, is that the most powerful and influential Turian, the leader of our spirits-forsaken planet has just become part of our family by law through you and you seem dead-set on ignoring the fact that he could very well separate the two of you with force if he wanted.’’ She complained, huffing herself as he rolled his eyes.

‘’Spirits, I know Crassus is powerful but why would he take such drastic measures. Sabine may be his niece but I can’t see him actively coming after me or Shepard with the intent to do harm. What is he even getting out of this arrangement?’’ he growled, more to himself than to his sister.

‘’We as Vakarians, have been a powerful family for generations. It has occurred to me that if he joined our two families it would definitely help keep him in power when the next election comes up for a new leader of Palaven. Our family has a widely respected reputation in C-sec and the military and the other half of our clan is heavily invested in Eezo corporations.’’ Solana sat back in her chair and chirruped to get Garrus’ attention back.

‘’So yes, Garrus, I’m certain that if you and Shepard somehow cause a scandal or become a hindrance to his ambitions, he will take steps to make sure that doesn’t happen. ‘’ ‘’So we’ll just have to be careful.’’ Garrus said shrugging and once again blowing off the situation.

‘’For fuck sakes Garrus! You need to take this seriously. Tonight we are all meeting and you just know Dad is going to insist that the ceremony takes places soon and that you and Sabine should get on with marking each other.’’ She snarled angrily at him, hating the way he was so blasé about it all.

‘’I will never mark her. She makes me sick to my stomach!’’ Garrus snarled in returned and slammed his fist down on the table, making Solana jump.

‘’Then get your head out of your ass and realise the situation you are in is bad. It’s bad Garrus.’’ Angrily she mimicked his action and slapped an open palmed hand on the table.

‘’What do you want me to do Sol? Shepard had some crazy ideas this morning. Running away together to live far away on some Spirits-deserted planet and hiding from all this.’’ He moaned, running his hand over his face.

‘’Spirits, she must have taken the news well then.’’ Solana said sarcastically.

‘’What do I do Sol?’’ he stood up and went to lean against the wall, on arm folded around his own waist as his other hand waved around the room.

‘’I am willing to give up everything for her if it comes down to it, but right now I don’t think that the situation is serious enough to warrant packing up and leaving everything. Never mind the fact that if we did run away to live happily off in the sunset somewhere, I doubt that I would get to see you or Mom again.’’ He rumbled unhappily.

‘’I don’t know Garrus. I really don’t know anymore. All I want is for you to be happy.’’ She stood up to place a hand on his shoulder in reassurance.

‘’Are you coming with us to lunch?’’ her eyes met his as she asked gently.

‘’Yeah, I’ll be there.’’ He sighed out.

‘’I’m going to go see a few people beforehand so I’ll meet you all at the Aquaria Café in Zakera ward yeah?’’ Garrus grunted in response to her question, his mind obviously elsewhere.

He watched her go and sank back down in his seat.

He missed Shepard.

*****************************

Sabine was thrilled to say the least. She waltzed into her bedroom and sat down in front of her dressing table. The pots of blue paint that she had recently acquired all lined up in a neat row in front of her. She trilled happily to herself as she took a tube of solvent and started to wipe away her white markings on her plates. She took her time methodically wiping away any and all trace of the white residue and dipped a brush into the pot of navy blue which would from now on adorn her face for the rest of her life. As she swept the brush over her first plate, swopping down across her check and looking at the holovid she had been given of Garrus, she tried to apply it exactly the way she could see it on him. Chuckling to herself she was quite pleased with the turn of events. She had been fuming mad when Garrus had ridiculed and rejected her and had gone straight to her uncle to remedy the situation.

Her uncle had looked at her sternly and the look of disappointment on his face had made her squirm. He had told her that if she couldn’t even seduce a man, that she was severely lacking in what he considered to be talent and skill. He had added that if she continued to disappoint him like this she would find herself very alone and without privileges if she couldn’t provide him with what he needed. Sabine knew she was a pawn in the greater scheme of things. She knew her uncle would go to great lengths to secure his place as the Primarch. And she also knew that she would do anything to help him because she was frightened of losing what little power she had because of his influence.

Sabine finished applying her facial markings and looked upon herself, humming in happiness. She was married. At last and with it she in turn gained more power herself. Garrus was an attractive Turian as the standards went. His fringe long enough to stop females in their tracks and the way his mandibles attractively framed his chin. His reputation as well in C-sec was exemplary and other than his personality she could find no faults with him. Tonight she was meeting with him and his family and she couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when she turned up wearing his markings.

In her rage at the way she had been treated by Garrus she had gotten her uncle to half-force Vakarian Sr into signing the marriage contract early purely out of spite. She mused that perhaps she had been hasty, as surely Garrus would hate her even more now than he already did, not that it mattered too much. This was a marriage of convenience for her uncle and apart from the few occasions when they would have to get together and mate to provide heirs she wasn’t inclined to spend any time with him at all. She wanted him because she didn’t want anyone else to have him.

Sabine knew that some people may label her as immature; Sabine however just concluded that at least she knew what she wanted and accepted that her personality was warped and twisted. She wouldn’t change a thing. It had served her well in her twenty years of life. She stood up slowly and twirled in the mirror and leaned her head out the door to call for her servants.

‘’Come on then, I don’t have all day. Get in here and lay out my clothes. I need to look beautiful tonight. No, no, no, not red you idiot. Blue… Vakarian blue! ‘’ she snarled at the attendant as he picked out her dresses from her closet and laid them out carefully for her perusal.

Snapping her fingers, her talons making it sound three times worse, she muttered ‘’get out’’ to the attendant and as he bowed and left she smiled. She couldn’t wait for tonight.

Garrus was finally hers and there was nothing he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update for you. 
> 
> Enjoy!


	18. Rain drops are falling on my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning... Nothing too bad happens, but rather be safe than sorry.
> 
> Next chapter should be up soon.
> 
> Thank you everyone for the kudos, comments and for reading!

Veridian had left the café that morning with a heavy heart. Having his whole family virtually despise him was hurting him more than he expected it to. He was used to the general disdain his son had for him, the almost indifference in his wife but his daughter, his little girl… the fact that she had not even dared to look at him was causing an echo in his heart making it feel more hollow than he had ever felt it before. He loved his son, make no mistake, but when his little girl came along he finally felt like his role as a father could hold more - mean more- than just lecturing Garrus on rules and obedience.

Solana’s laugh was always infectious and he had on more than one occasion chortled and laughed so hard with her that his stomach had ached. Compared to her brother who was reckless, impatient and stubborn, Solana to him was a breath of fresh air. She was calm, collected, obeyed the laws and traditions of their culture and never had a bad thing to say about anyone. She had never once disappointed him. Now however, a few hours later, after sitting in an empty office of one of his old colleagues, he rumbled out in unhappiness. What choice did he have when it came to signing the contract? Arranged marriages between families were just the way things had always been done. There was never any reason for him to doubt or question these traditions.

Until now.

He would freely admit that he hated Shepard, not just because she was human, but also because of what she represented. Freedom of choice, the chance to change her mind and the burning need to question and probe at everything. She and her race never just accepted what was and always fought against the tides of fate. He couldn’t let his son be with her. But last night as the women in his family had shut him out, he had sat for hours contemplating what he had wrought on his family, whether the choice he was making was the right one. Would he lose his entire family due to his own stubbornness? Could he turn a blind eye to his son’s relationship with that human if it meant keeping the peace in his family?

In the end, just before he could come to a conclusion he was alerted to a priority call coming through for him. When he had answered he was more than a little shocked at seeing the Primarch as the one who had called him. A very brief conversation later and Veridian had slumped back into his chair. His entire family had just been subtly threatened if he didn’t comply and sign those damned documents. Before he could protest, the Primarch had ended the call without so much as by-your-leave. Veridian feared for his family’s’ safety. He had served briefly with the Primarch in various skirmishes across the galaxy but he had never feared his comrade until now.

No, he had no choice.

He also had no proof that the Primarch was effectively forcing and blackmailing him into it. His hands were tied.

Coming back to the present, he was startled into a cough when someone came into the office looking for something and he hastily got up and decided that he would go find his family. Maybe if he told them the truth they would be more inclined to listen and follow him. More accepting of the fact that he did what he had to do? Checking the time he saw that lunch time had come and gone and the hour was nearing to two o’clock now. Had he really just sat in silence thinking all morning? Spirits, he needed to snap out of this and keep his wits about him.

Taking the skycar to Zakera ward, he walked slowly through the bustling crowds milling about, listening half-heartedly to the advertisements blaring from all corners about whatever latest gadgets or products were popular. He didn’t come to the Citadel often since he retired and he grew nostalgic as he walked passed a few officers who were on patrol. Suddenly coming to stop outside a restaurant his eyes were riveted to the sight of his family and Shepard all huddled into a booth.

The woman all chatting animatedly with wild hand gestures and laughing every few seconds at whatever Garrus said. His son was leaning back, pressed closely against Shepard’s body and looked so happy, so content next to her as she slid in underneath his arm. He watched his son kiss the top of her head and could just imagine the ‘get a room’ that Solana would mutter. He felt vaguely jealous that he wasn’t invited out before he suddenly remembered the last time he was face to face with Shepard. He stared at them for a while longer, feeling like an interloper.

He drew in a quick breath when his eyes suddenly connected with his sons and he saw Garrus frown and sit up straighter, like he was preparing for a great battle. Veridian sighed. He would not interfere with this happy moment and shook his head at Garrus, his boy who was now glaring daggers at him. Veridian walked away. He would see them all tonight when they met Sabine. Oh Spirits, let this day end he thought to himself. Trilling his sorrow loud enough to cause an officer to approach him and ask him if he needed assistance, he shook his head again.

Let this day end he repeated again.

********************************

Garrus sat in the booth, Shepard tucked under his arm and tried to glance secretly back out the window. Seeing that his father had disappeared, he huffed in relief. Shepard was in such a good mood for a change and he didn’t want anything to spoil it. He drew her in closer and rumbled in amusement as she quirked an eyebrow at his sudden and eager display of affection.

‘’Everything okay Garrus?’’ she asked him.

He looked down into her warm and loving eyes and purred to her.

‘’Right now everything is perfect.’’ He chuckled when she blushed and looked over to his mom and sister watching him with interest.

‘’You seem so happy my son. And that it turn makes me happy.’’ His mother said watching her turn to Shepard he heard her say ‘Thank you’.

His chest felt like it was going to burst. Surely no one can die from being overwhelmed with happiness? As Shepard leaned up to give him a quick kiss on the mandible, his breath stuttered and his neck flushed a dark blue in embarrassment when his mother and sister both started laughing and tittering about young love.

‘’Mother, this really has been lovely but I need to get back to work soon…’’ he started to say only to be interrupted by Solana.

‘’Garrus we all know you have to get back, but I feel like you just want to have some alone time with Shepard and that’s why you’re trying to get rid of us.’’ Solana smirked.

‘’Spirits, yes, okay. I would like to spend some time with Shepard before we... uh… all meet again tonight.’’ He said, his sub vocals dropping to relay to them that he didn’t want to discuss any more in front of Shepard.

As they all stood up and prepared to leave, placing a credit chit on the table he frowned as his mother picked it back up and glared at him.

‘’You’re not paying today Garrus. It’s the least I can do for you and Shepard.’’ Arcelia said, giving her son a look that said it was not negotiable and handing the chit back to him.

‘’Thank you, for lunch Arcelia. It was wonderful to see you all again.’’ Shepard smiled fondly at the woman who was if nothing else, the only mother Shepard had ever known. Arcelia stepped forward to pull Shepard into an awkward one-armed hug, rubbing her mandibles against Shepard’s cheek. Garrus had to put a hand over his mouth in case his face cracked from all the smiling he had done in the last hour.

‘’Shepard, tonight … I need you to be strong. You know who we are meeting and why we are meeting. I promise I will bring Garrus back to you.’’ He heard his mother say to Shepard who had frowned and started to fuss with the hem of her shirt in nervousness.

‘’Mom, as much as I appreciate your promise to Shepard, I would crawl through hell and back again to get to Shepard.’’ He drawled, stepping up behind Shepard to put his face into the crook of her neck close to his bond mark. He breathed deeply and lifted his eyes to his mom and watched as she understood that nothing would keep him from his mate.

‘’Try not to get into too much trouble.’’ Solana said, giving both of them a wave before walking off to find transportation back to their flat.

‘’My son, I will see you tonight.’’ She said placing her forehead to his and chirruping a farewell.

Left alone, Garrus stepped away from Shepard’s back, standing beside her. He linked their hands and felt a reassuring squeeze from Shepard as she leaned into his shoulder.

‘’That went well... I think.’’ Shepard hummed.

‘’Shepard, if they didn’t already love you, they certainly do now.’’ He shivered when she turned to stand in front of him, her free hand coming up to his waist to scratch down his stomach enticingly.

‘’And what about you?’’ Shepard asked coyly, a smile tugging at her lips. He knew she just wanted him to say it again, to make him squirm.

He huffed and grabbed both of her hands and looking directly into her hazel eyes he spoke softly to her.

‘’I love you Shepard.’’ He purred.

‘’As I love you Garrus.’’ She answered without hesitation.

The temptation to kiss her right there and then outside the restaurant became a need so great that he forced himself to take a step away from her. He saw her frown and open her mouth as if to question him.

‘’Spirits Shepard, you don’t know what you do to me do you?’’ he chuckled.

‘’Let’s go back to the office and you can sit with me for a while before you head to the doctors.’’

‘’You just don’t want to do any of the paperwork do you?’’ she mock-glared at him.

‘’True, but I really just want to get you alone in the office.’’ He drawled, wiggling his browplates suggestively.

She giggled as she was led back to their office.

**************************************

Closing the door behind him as they stepped through, he turned and slammed her roughly into the door, he licked his way slowly up and down her neck, biting her gently from under her earlobe down to her collarbone. Her legs wrapped around his waist automatically as he rubbed himself against her.

‘’I want in you Shepard. I need to be in you.’’ He snarled as she pulled on his fringe to get him to bare his neck to her and growled low in his chest as she nipped and sucked on his neck, her tongue leaving a moist trail to wind around his mandibles in circles before slowly sucking on the ends.

‘’Spirits Shepard, I want … Ah… fuck, I want to fuck you. I want to be covered in your scent so that anyone I meet tonight knows who I belong to.’’ He panted as she unhooked the top of his trousers.

‘’Yes, ah… God… more Garrus.’’ She said as he palmed her breasts through her top roughly.

‘’We need to make this quick Shepard… We can’t be caught.’’ He rumbled, breathing heavily into her ear as he walked them over to her desk.

She dropped her legs from around his waist, pulling her pants down as quickly as she could, leaving her underwear on and straddled him. He pulled her top and bra up together to right above her breasts and leaned her back to nibble and lick at her nipples, his hand still tweaking and pulling at them.

‘’Oh, mmm, Garrus, we need... ah fuck me... to be quick.’’ She said, using her hands to free his cock from his trousers, using the ground as an anchor with her feet, she positioned herself over him.

‘’Take me Shepard.’’ He purred.

She moved her panties to the side and she sank down on his cock, stretching herself wide and bit into his shoulder to muffle the groan of part pleasure, part pain that she felt every time he penetrated her. She started to move on him, raising herself up on her toes before slamming back down on him again, causing him to hiss viciously as she groped his waist with one hand and the other bit into the tender hide on his neck. He dugs his talons into her ass and helped lift her up and down, mouthing her collarbone and breasts.

‘’More Shepard…’’ he tongues his way from breast to breast, nipping sharply under the perky round globe, drawing the tiniest amount blood, licking it away and groaning at the taste.

Her hips crashed into him, over and over again as she angled herself forward to rub her clit against his plates. Letting go of his waist to grab in an around his cowl, she held on as they both started thrusting frantically, barely breathing with the intensity of his cock pushing deep inside her wet, slick channel. She came first, burrowing her face into his neck, mouth wide open as she gave a silent scream, convulsing around his cock.

He snarled and stood up, grabbing her ass and seating her on top of her desk, spreading her legs wider as he fucked her hard and deep into the desk. Her breasts swaying up and down as he latched onto her neck, biting down, bruising her hips as he squeezed them and forced them further apart to allow him more entry. The desk rattled and shook from the force with which he was using to pound into her and he called on the Spirits in his head to make him remember not to roar out with pleasure as he felt the familiar tingling and tightening of his stomach.

‘’Come inside me Garrus. I want to feel all of you.’’ Shepard whispered in his ear.

‘’Spirits Shepard… AH!’’ he came in long spurts, jerking inside of her, holding on tight as he felt her tighten her muscles on purpose to draw out the last remnants of his cum.

‘’I-I don’t think I’ll ever get any work done in here again without picturing you on this desk half-naked.’’ He rumbled, licking her neck before swooping in to kiss her, pulling her tongue into his mouth to nip gently on the end.

‘’Good, because I definitely want to do this again.’’ She replied when he let her tongue go.

‘’So, what’s the verdict? Do you smell enough like me?’’ she chuckled and he playfully rubbed his head across hers, sweat or no sweat, she loved that he wanted to walk around reeking of the sex they just had.

‘’It will do… ‘’ he said, pulling out of her with a pop, looking down to watch their fluids slowly trickle out of her.

‘’You better get dressed Shepard… before I take you again. That… right there…is the hottest thing I have ever seen.’’ He said pointing to his cock near her opening which was glistening with his seed.

‘’Gee, you say the most romantic things Garrus.’’ She rolled her eyes, allowing him to step back, letting her pull down her top and pick her jeans up from the floor.

‘’You love it. Like you love me... ‘’ he drawled, smugness infecting his voice.

‘’Yes... Yes I do.’’ She chuckled.

Garrus watched her get dressed and as she tidied up her desk, her documents and datapads strewn about in a disorganised mess, he saw her smile at him.

‘’What time is it?’’ she asked him as she finished putting her clothes to rights and smoothed her hair down.

‘’Hmmm... I’d say you have about half an hour to get to the Doctor.’’ He said, walking over to his desk and leaning back on it.

‘’You know, we still have to talk. I know you’re married now and there’s nothing you can do, but what about me? I want to live with you Garrus, I want to grow old with you.’’ She hummed, adopting his pose.

‘’So we live together. End of story. This marriage is fake Shepard. I don’t ever want to live with her… I hate being married to her and I certainly don’t want kids with her.’’ He heard Shepard suck in a breath. Fuck, he thought… kids... what about kids?

He cleared his throat and caught her eye and momentarily saw a flash of pain cross over her features.

‘’We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it Garrus.’’ She said softly.

‘’As long as you know I love you and that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.’’ He responded. The truth in that statement echoed through her.

‘’Okay, so tonight after you meet with her… will you come to my place?’’ Shepard asked him hesitantly. He rolled his eyes at her. As if he would say no.

‘’I’ll be there.’’ He drawled, watching her walk towards the exit, just before she left she turned around and leaned on the wall with one hand and brilliant smile lit up her face as her eyes roamed over his body.

‘’Don’t miss me too much.’’ She grinned and left him standing at his desk shaking his head.

*******************************

Sabine was beside herself with irritation, after getting dressed with her attendant’s help she had taken a stroll through the wards, figuring that some retail therapy would do her good. Maybe she could start choosing the furniture and décor for their flat when she and Garrus moved in together. However when she saw Shepard and Garrus, holding hands and being blatantly obvious about their relationship for the whole world to see outside Aquaria’s she shrieked in anger. Before Sabine could think things through she activated her omnitool and called one of her uncle’s contacts who owed her a favour.

‘’Yes Mistress.’’ The contact answered.

‘’The human we were discussing... I want her to disappear. For good. Do you understand? Call your men here on the Citadel and get them to follow her.’’ Sabine snarled viciously, giving him the current location of the human and her husband.

‘’Dont do anything to my husband.’’ She hissed.

‘’Understood.’’ Came the response.

Sabine had had enough of the humiliation. He was hers! He was married. How dare he!

***********************************

Shepard was humming as she took a shortcut through the wards, the alleyways twisting and winding, a beehive of tunnels. She liked the quiet, the way she could slightly feel the hum of the entire station buzzing under her feet. She felt wonderful, her body still giving her pleasurable feedback from her time with Garrus. She let out a small giggle when she thought about how easily they could have been caught. The two of them had become so reckless lately, as if though nothing mattered and to hell with the consequences.

Her humming was interrupted when out of the corner of her eye she sensed movement. Two shadowy figures had blocked the upcoming tunnel and stood leaning against the wall. As she cautiously approached, her hand automatically went to her hip where she kept her pistol. Cursing, she remembered that she had left it at home. Fuck… this could get bad, real bad. She took another step forward and took in her two strangers. A Batarian was wringing his hands together, his four eyes lasciviously winding up and down her body and as he licked his lips and smiled.

The batarians’ partner was a barefaced turian, whose un-gloved hands showed off his impressively long and sharp talons glinting in the darkness of the tunnel, whenever he moved them back and forth. Coming to a halt, she waited, holding her breath, her eyes narrowing at the two men.

‘’Let me through.’’ She said, voice low and carrying authority.

‘’You’ve been making some waves human. Our boss is very unhappy with you.’’ The turian purred, taking a step towards her.

Shepard stood her ground and bared her teeth when she spoke.

‘’Fuck your boss. You will get out of my way if you know what’s good for you.’’ She snarled, summoning her biotics to outline her form in a dazzling blue.

‘’Tsk, tsk… now, now little human. No need to make this harder… than what he already is.’’ the turian snickered as he drew his gun, pointing to the obvious erection the Batarian had started sporting the moment he had seen her.

‘’Do you think the boss will let me play with her before we sell her off?’’ the Batarian stepped closer to join the Turian.

‘’I don’t see why not?’’ the turian drawled.

In what seemed like a matter of blinks, the Turian had grabbed for her, hand outstretched towards her throat. Shepard’s threw a warp at him as she ducked from his hand, making the turian roar while the Batarian had swerved and come up behind her. Grabbing her from behind she felt his hands grope at her breasts as she struggled to get free. She slammed her head back, the force of her skull smashing into his nose and he gave a guttural moan as she briefly got the upper hand. She kicked him as hard as she could in the groin before landing an uppercut on his jaw. She sent a shockwave after him for good measure, knocking him into the wall with a flick of her wrist.

Shepard spun around just in time to see the Turian aim and fire his gun and within a heartbeat she rolled to the side, the bullet penetrating her arm. Shepard yelled and cussed loudly as she tried to take cover behind the crates stacked in the corner. Keeping an eye on the Batarian who was standing up unsteadily, she ducked as another shot went off, the bullet zipping past her head.

‘’Fuck! What the fuck?!’’ Shepard hissed.

The turian had decided to rush her and as she threw a warp, he dodged the fucking thing by rolling and came upon her stack of crates which she was hiding behind. Without any warning he grabbed her by the throat and as she pried at his hand around her throat she tried to grab his gun. His pistol went off hitting her in the leg and she gave a blood curdling scream when she felt the pain envelop her. She gave a swift punch to his stomach and seeing her opportunity as he hunched over in pain she grabbed his pistol from his hand, turning the thing to face him and let off a shot into his gut. He grunted and fell on top of her, the gun skittering across the way, scraping against the metal floor.

She had no time to think as she pushed the bleeding and dying Turian off of her and clambered to her feet, only to get hit in the face by a large knuckled fist, making her black out for a few seconds. The Batarian forced her down onto her stomach and as he lay on top of her grunting, he twisted her arm behind her back making her shriek. He slammed her face into the floor and leaned down to breath heavily in her ear.

‘’I’m going to make you pay for that human. When I’m done with you, you won’t even know the difference between my cock and the hundreds of others, when I give you to them. You’re going to be a feisty slave, but we will love breaking you in.’’ he licked her neck, dodging her head as she once again tried to slam it into his face, giving her a hard jab to the side of her stomach to warn her off trying that again.

Shepard was starting to panic, she was never all that great with hand-to-hand as her biotics usually did the job for her, along with her pistol. She spied the pistol which had skittered across the floor and with a last ditch effort of strength she pushed herself off the ground using a biotic throw to aid her and he yelled in surprise as he rolled off her back. She scrambled for the gun on her hands and knees, turning around to fall flat on her ass and aim at him. Shepard looked at the sneering and snarling Batarian as he lunged for her.

She pulled the trigger.

The Batarian had a tiny circular dot directly between his four eyes, the smoking hole in his forehead almost comical as he crashed face first in to the ground. Shepard was beside herself thanks to all the adrenaline and when she heard a groan from across the room, she saw the turian trying to crawl away, his body surrounded by a puddle of oozing blue blood. ‘

’D-don’t kill me. P-please…’’ she heard him beg.

‘’Why the fuck did you come after me.’’ She screamed, stepping on his back with her boot, halting his movements.

‘’T-the mistress… it’s what she wanted. She wants you to leave her husband alone. She will kill you…or him if needs b-be.’’ He started to gurgle from the blood which was obviously making its way up to his throat.

‘’Sabine?’’ Shepard asked in incredulously, the gun in her hand starting to shake.

‘’Y-yes… ‘’ he coughed as her boot dug into his back.

Shepard didn’t know how to proceed. By all rights as a cop , she should call C-sec and let them bring him in after administering first aid, but right now all she wanted to do was put a bullet in this bastard’s head to send a message of her own. She looked down at the bleeding turian, no pity, no remorse. She knew he would die soon.

So she let him.

She stood over him, bleeding profusely herself and watched almost mesmerised as her red blood mingled with his blue, creating swirls of light pinks to dark purples. He died under her heel with a shuddering breath and all went quiet in the alleyway. She dropped the gun next to his head and turned around. She laughed as a part of her brain recognised that she was in shock, not just from getting shot but also that she had a dark place in her soul that didn’t mind letting people die. She shivered and put one foot in front of the other. Her blood leaking down her arm to drip down her fingers, the shot in her leg pounding from standing on it. She looked around at the two dead bodies, exhaling slowly and made her way past them.

She had a doctor to see.


	19. The doctor will see you now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gents… I am invoking the Star Trek rule here when it comes to this hybrid baby. If thousands upon thousands can accept hybrids in Star trek you can blood well (hopefully) accept it here... Wanna know more? http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Hybrid
> 
> Take aaaaaaall that wonderful information and just apply it to Turians and Humans instead. I have clearly labelled this fanfic as having unplanned pregnancy and I am aware of the whole biology/chirality/incorrect chromosomes… yada yada yada… but this is how I want my story. Have an open mind and accept the impossible. Don’t take life too seriously... Or this story. 
> 
> Anyway… MOVING ON!

Limping to the doctor, Shepard ignored the gasps of shock from the people she passed as her blood seeped slowly out of her arm and leg, causing a collection of drops to fall to the floor behind her. Shepard smirked through her pain as she realised she was essentially leaving a breadcrumb trail of blood for her attackers to follow if there were any more pursuing her.  
Deciding that the alleyways were her best and quickest option to get to the doctor rather than crossing through the great expanse of the wards, she trudged on slowly, wincing every time her leg connected with the ground as she stepped forward. She wisely decided that a tourniquet was needed for her leg as the damn thing was bleeding more than she expected it to.  
She leaned against a wall, tearing a scrap of her shirt away at the bottom to tie it securely above the gunshot wound, gritting her teeth to stop a scream from escaping as she pulled tightly to secure it.

The limp there was slow and beyond painful but it certainly wasn’t the first time she had been shot and judging by her recent encounter it surely wasn’t going to be the last time either. The fact that fucking Sabine had sent her goons to scare her off showed how deeply threatened she must feel. Did she really think that this would work? That attempting to kill her would scare her enough to make her run away? To make her flee like some damn damsel in distress?

‘’Ugh, fuck me but this hurts.’’ Shepard mumbled to herself.

As she rounded the corner out of the alleyway a few people came up to her offering help but she just shook her head and waved them off saying that she was nearly at the doctors and that they needn’t concern themselves. Palming the door with a slap, leaving a bloody handprint on the wall, Shepard tumbled into the doctor’s office.

‘’Hey, doc…’’ Shepard coughed to get her attention.

‘’I’m here for my appointment. Sorry I’m late.’’ Shepard moaned out in pain between the small hysterical bubbles of laughter that escaped her chest due to the large amount of adrenaline still coursing through her.

‘’Oh my god, Shepard!’’ Dr Michel ran over to her and placed her arm over her shoulders to lead her in to the back where all the gurneys and supplies were kept.

*************************************  
Michel helped Shepard onto a free bed and immediately started to stem the flow of blood in her arm. Muttering all the way about how today was definitely a bad day. Shepard chuffed and hissed when Michel lifted her shirt up and over her head, the bullet wound in her arm making her squirm from the fiery pain that had flared up with the movement. As the doctor moved her arm to check for an exit wound and found what she was looking for, she quickly grabbed the bag of medigel on the table next to her and started to apply all of it in a flurry of hand movements that Shepard couldn’t track, sealing the oozing mess together.

‘’Good lord Doc, take it easy!’’ Shepard snapped when Michel’s deft and agile hands found the second entry point in her leg.

She removed the tourniquet that Shepard had placed around her thigh and applied the right amount of pressure to get the bleeding to slow down to a trickle and once again checked for an exit wound. Not finding one, Michel cursed as she retied the tourniquet and applied a generous dose of Quickclot, packing on pads of gauze and keeping the pressure on.

‘’Now Shepard, would you care to explain to me just how this happened?’’ Michel asked, mentally taking the steps in her head of what she needed to do next.

‘’I got shot! What the fuck do you think happened?!’’ Shepard growled out in irritation, her right arm slung over her eyes as she gritted her teeth from the pressure being applied to her leg.

‘’Oh Shepard, always so charming. Yes I can see that you got yourself shot, but I want to know whether I should be reporting to C-sec that you turned criminal and got shot in pursuit or that someone actually attempted to murder you.’’ Michel asked just as sarcastically, lifting the pads on Shepard’s leg every now and again to assess the situation.

‘’Fuck Doc, just patch me up please?’’ Shepard moaned, her whole body now aching.

‘’The wound on your arm should take care of itself, a clean through-and-through. It will leave a tiny scar but we can get it removed later if you’d like. However the bullet that is currently stuck in your leg will require minor surgery to remove it. As soon as you calm down enough to lie still I will proceed to do a full body scan to make sure I avoid any complications in surgery. I hate surprises.’’ Michel rambled on.

‘’Whatever you need Doc.’’ Shepard moaned.

‘’Okay Shepard, I’m going to do a scan. I need you to lie still for me. I mean it Shepard, completely and utterly still please.’’ The scanning device on the doctor’s wrist whirred as it started and a pale fluorescent blue light coated Shepard from head to toe as she bit down on her lip trying not to move.

‘’What the hell?’’ Shepard heard Michel gasp.

‘’What is it doc? You find an alien inside of me?’’ Shepard snorted at the end of her laughter, her mind briefly travelling to Ripley and all her escapades.

‘’Uh… yes… actually.’’ Michel’s tiny voice floated into Shepard’s ear and took root.

‘’W-What?’’ Shepard’s face drained of blood making her clutch her leg in response, suddenly afraid it was all going to come gushing out of the wound down there.

‘’Shepard, according to these scans that I just took… it seems you are pregnant.’’ Dr Michel said, her brow furrowed, her face drawn tight in worry as she continued to look over the scans.

‘’What? N-No… you’re fucking kidding me right?’’ her voice barely a whisper.

Michel shook her head slowly and magnified the scan so that Shepard could see the tiny blip of life currently embedded in her womb.

‘’This can’t be happening. It’s not possible dammit!’’ Shepard shouted.

Shepard struggled to lift herself off the gurney, clutching her leg as it burned in protest at the sudden movement. Deciding to ignore the doctor’s shrill yell at her to lie back down, Shepard grabbed her mangled, blood-stained top and tried in vain to get it back on.

‘’Shepard for God’s sake, lie back down this instant. You’ve been shot you silly woman and to top things off you are pregnant! Do you want to lose this child because you didn’t take care of yourself?’’ the doctor yelled furiously as she manhandled Shepard back down on onto the bed.

Shepard fought feebly with the doctor but her sudden fear for the foetus that was apparently inside of her calmed her down enough to see reason and she begrudgingly lay down. Her breath was bursting from her in panic, her chest rising and falling as if though she had been running for hours.

‘’Here, take this Shepard.’’ Shepard grabbed blindly for the brown paper bag and started to breathe deeply.

‘’Modern medicine... not good... enough... to stop... a panic... attack?’’ Shepard huffed out between deep breaths in the bag.

‘’Sometimes going back to the basics always works Shepard.’’ Dr Michel retorted.

‘’Why do you think this is impossible Shepard?’’ Michel asked taking the bag and putting it down next to her when she had calmed down enough.

‘’Because the father is Turian … because I’m human.’’ Shepard said quietly.

‘’Oh dear… not another one.’’ Michel shook her head, turning her back on Shepard to ready the instruments for the bullet removal.

‘’Come again doc, because I’m pretty sure that Turians and humans are incompatible when it comes to breeding.’’ Shepard tried to sit up, her head banging against the wall in her attempt.

‘’Yes, Turians and humans are incompatible but it’s not impossible.’’ Michel said, her eyes taking on a special gleam as she delved back into her medical training inside her mind.

‘’Look at it this way Shepard. In simple terms, without boring you to death with medical jargon, Levo-based life forms like us and the Asari are able to procreate because our DNA and molecular  
structure are similar and the Asari have the handy ability to meld with us. They have two hands, two eyes, two feet with ten toes... that sort of thing.’’ She turned back around and taking a pair of scissors, started to cut away at the jeans clinging to Shepard’s leg.

‘’Say for example… what if you mixed a donkey and a horse’s DNA? Physically they are relatively the same but their DNA is vastly different. You would end up with a hybrid that would either have great mental and physical disabilities or at worst die upon entering the world and if it did survive without any deformities it would surely be sterile and unable to bear children of its own. It all depends on how the DNA mutates and whether or not the hybrid could survive. What if it came out with two heads or only two legs….?’’ Michel tittered quietly to herself.

‘’Well, I suppose stranger things have happened. This is certainly not the first hybrid I’ve come across.’’ Michel said, so caught up in explaining and theorising, her years of medical training and quoting textbooks made her unaware of the horror on Shepard’s face as she carried on with her little speech.

‘’So yes, Turians and Humans… are vastly different. But similar enough that it is definitely possible. But ultimately though, the child is never carried to term because of the inhospitable environment in the womb and the incompatibility of the mother’s blood or the father’s genes or because most couples that I have seen have chosen to terminate the pregnancy. There is I’m afraid only a slim chance of the hybrid, being born safely.’’

Looking up from her speech, Michel saw Shepard was silently crying, her tears running endlessly down her cheeks with no sign of stopping and Shepard’s shuddering breath letting out small whimpers whenever she exhaled.

‘’Oh my god Shepard! I am so sorry. I have the worst bed side manner ever… my mother always told me that once I started talking….’’ Michel stood up and placed a hand affectionately on Shepard’s uninjured shoulder.

‘’We will get through this Shepard. I will help you though this as much as I can.’’ Thoroughly ashamed of her actions and for distressing her patient further, Dr Michel sprayed some local anaesthetic onto the surface of the wound and wisely kept quiet while she waited for it to take effect.

Shepard continued to sob quietly with her arm over her face as Dr Michel expertly made the incision to retrieve the bullet which was mercifully situated just under her skin and had avoided causing too much damage to her muscles and nerves. Removing the bullet and dropping it in the metal basket next to her with a thud, she set up about closing the wound. Spraying a last application of medigel to ward off infection and to make sure the wound stayed closed.

Michel looked at Shepard and winced, her voice seemingly stuck in her throat.

‘’Shepard, if I give you some time to think about all of this… I mean… what you would like to do…’’ Michel trailed off. Clearing her throat awkwardly she chided herself for her lack of professionalism.

‘’Shepard you have a decision to make and as your doctor you know that I only want what is best for you. My medical recommendation is to terminate the pregnancy. However you have a three week leeway period to think about it. It is your choice in the end.’’

‘’No!’’ Shepard shouted, using her arm to wipe away the tears that were still falling on her cheeks.

‘What other couples have chosen to do with their children is up to them but there is no way that I am killing Garrus’ child. Our child. ’’ Shepard blurted out, catching the look of surprise on the doctors’ face at the mention of Garrus’ name.

‘’I know about doctor-patient confidentiality Shepard. I won’t mention this to anyone. Shall I call the father and let him know?’’ she asked.

‘’No, I-I… this is something that he needs to hear from me. ‘’ Shepard sniffed, wincing again as she sat up.

‘’Would you be able to tell me …when I got pregnant?’’ She asked the doctor.

‘’Hmm... It would require more blood tests and frankly you’ve lost enough for one day. But judging from the size, I’d say about three weeks. Somewhere round there.’’ Michel responded waving her hand about.  
Cutting away the rest of Shepard’s jeans, leaving her sitting in her underwear on the bed covered in bandages, Shepard tried to stand up.

Taking a step back Michel looked at Shepard and sighed.

‘’Ok Shepard, if you decide to change your mind, let me know. But I urge you to reconsider as the ramifications of a hybrid being carried to term are unheard of. I will put you in contact with a specialist I know, maybe she can help you. There, I have forwarded you the details and you can give her a call when you’re ready.’’ Michel said, walking back to Shepard to give her a hospital gown to put on.

‘’No, Doc. I’m not staying, I need to get home.’’ Shepard said.

‘’Well you can’t very well walk out of here in nothing but your underwear, so you either stay here in bed or you call someone to fetch you some clothes and take you back home. There are tablets for  
your pain on the bedside table, only take one every few hours.’’ Michel said, drawing the curtain around the bed and leaving Shepard to her thoughts.

‘’Thanks Doc.’’ Shepard whispered as she lay back down. Her mind was racing to keep up and make sense of all her thoughts crammed inside of it. Should she call Garrus? He was the father after all, he needed to know. Not just about the … foetus… but that Sabine had actually tried to get her killed.

If they stayed together – one of them could end up disappearing for good. Thinking back to that disgusting Batarian who had tried to fondle her, before she put a bullet of her own in his head, she gritted her teeth as a wave of anxiety washed over her. She remembered the life that was growing in her belly. Placing a hand on her stomach she looked down, trying to imagine it swelling and growing with life.

She also remembered the punch she had taken to her stomach.

‘’Doc! You need to do more scans right now!’’ Shepard started to yell, getting more hysterical by the minute.

Michel came rushing back to her beside, shushing her and trying to calm her.

‘’Doc I need to know if the… baby... is going to be okay? I-I’ve been shot twice and punched in the stomach... wont the stress on my body possibly make me m-miscarry?’’ Shepard cried, her fear overwhelming her.

Michel sighed and nodded, keeping quiet as she confirmed Shepard’s fear.

‘’From my initial scan, I did determine that your baby is healthy so far and that its heart beat is slightly elevated. Apart from that, I really couldn’t tell you yet what the effects of your body’s recent trauma could do it. This is why I suggested that you stay the night. Just in case. ‘’ the doctor said, administering a sedative discreetly.

‘’Sleep now Shepard. When you wake up, it will all look a bit better.’’

Shepard mutely agreed by nodding and as the sedative took effect, her eyes closing... she fought with all her might to keep them open... her last conscious thought before she fell asleep was one of Garrus.

********************************************************  
*Earlier that day*

Nihlus was tired. Dead beat tired. Spirits sake was it really necessary to have such a grandiose ceremony for his Spectre naming? Not that he wasn’t appreciative or trying to be ungrateful but all the ass  
kissing and ‘Yes Ma’am No Sir’ lines that had left is mouth today made him feel slightly queasy.  
He tossed his ceremonial robe onto the corner of his couch and sank down with a great sigh, ignoring the laughter coming from Chellick who had followed him home.

‘’So spectre… what plans do we have today for saving the galaxy?’’ Chellick rumbled.

Nihlus rolled his eyes as he pointed to the bottle of brandy in the corner. When Chellick quirked his browplates and poured them both a glass he sat down next to Nihlus, chinking their glasses together in a silent toast.

‘’The only plans I have right now at this particular moment is to not move from this couch until I have to leave tonight on my ship.’’ He smoothed a hand over his face.

‘’I have fought in hour long battles, gone one-on-one with a krogan battle master and that didn’t even come close to tiring me out the way that ceremony just did. Maybe what I need right now is a woman’s touch to help calm me.’’ Nihlus smirked, taking another sip of his drink and placing his feet up on the coffee table.

‘’Spirits, you and women. I’ll never understand how you can have so much casual sex and not have your dick fall off.’’ Chellick hummed.

‘’It’s a gift my friend. A gift.’’ Nihlus said raising his glass again.

‘’I saw Shepard yesterday… she and I caught ourselves a child snatcher. Spirits, but I love a woman who can fight. She was bending in ways that I’m sure will haunt me in my dreams for years to come. ‘’ he purred, his eyes adopting a faraway look as he recalled her swift and flexible movements.

‘’You’re still after Shepard? I know she may be considered attractive… her waist especially…’’ Nihlus hummed in agreement. ‘’But why are you so adamant in pursuing her? Is it because she’s unavailable and you like a challenge?’’ Chellick asked him.

‘’Well obviously the chase has something to do with it but I can’t put my finger on it. We just... connect … every time I’m near her my plates thrum with satisfaction. It’s a heady feeling and always welcome.’’ Nihlus said, leaning over to the table to grab the rest of the brandy still left in the bottle.

‘’Hmm, I don’t know whether telling you this is the right thing or not but…’’ Chellick mumbled.

‘’Come on, old friend. No secrets.’’ Nihlus countered.

‘’I just received a notification this morning that Garrus and Sabine were lawfully married last night.’’ Chellick couldn’t help a small snarl from escaping his chest.

‘’W-What? That is fucking insane. What about the fact that he has tied to Shepard? Does his family know what they will be doing to him? Never mind that… what about Shepard?’’ he asked, clearly confused as to how the Vakarian family could be that cruel to their son who has already bonded with someone else.

‘’I don’t know the specifics Nihlus. Only that Seclusion was asked for starting from next week and that the Primarch has requested that I transfer Shepard into a different department. To keep her away from Garrus most likely.’’ He hissed.

‘’Spirits above, what a mess for you to clean up.’’ Nihlus murmured.

‘’The Primarch can politely – as the humans say- kiss my ass. I am the Executor of C-Sec and Primarch or no, I will not be moving Shepard anywhere unless she willingly wants to go.’’

‘’Are you sure you want to take the chance and upset him? I would transfer her… although I couldn’t tell you if I’m saying that just because I think it’s what’s best for you or for what could turn out to be best thing for me.’’ Nihlus chuckled under his breath.

‘’I honestly don’t know any more Nihlus. Two of my best detectives and their lives are being torn apart by power hungry diplomats and ignorant family members.’’ Chellick sighed, nursing his drink.

The two of them sat in silence for a while. Neither needing to speak as they both contemplated the choices ahead of them.

‘’What time do you set off tonight? I assume you have all crew and supplies waiting for you on your ship?’’ Chellick asked, standing up and preparing to leave.

‘’Yes, only me and two others, I like to share piloting of my ship in shifts and someone for maintenance. Supplies should be enough to last me a few months if needs be, but I’m sure I’ll be back before then. I’m purely just doing a bit of recon and after that I’ll have to report back to the council on my findings and take it from there. ‘’Nihlus rambled, sitting up and swinging his feet off the table.

With a loud crack he twisted his body, groaning as the muscles in his back protested.

‘’Thank you, for coming to the ceremony my friend.’’ Nihlus said gripping Chellicks arm in farewell.

‘’Try to stay out of trouble. Stay alive as well if you can.’’ Chellick huffed, his eyes glinting with amusement.

‘’I’ll certainly try my best. One last stop at the doctor’s for a check-up and I’m out of your fringe for a good long while.’’ Nihlus released Chellicks arm and sat back down.

Chellick nodded, leaving the flat and Nihlus behind him.  
************************************


	20. All is lost

Nihlus always got a thrill out of seeing Dr Michel flush with embarrassment whenever he flirted with her, which was exactly the reason why he always went to the small time doctor and not to some of the fancier ones up in Huerta Memorial. It was the personal touch that he loved, the one-on-one attention he received. His first clue that something was wrong was the bloody smear on the wall and on the panel that opened the door to the doctor’s office. He dropped his hand to palm his pistol, strapped to his waist and entered the office in a crouch, prepared for anything. He noticed a blood trail from the door that led to the back where the beds were kept and frowned.

A beeping could be heard, a heart monitor he assumed and as he slowly rounded the corner he saw his favourite doctor, back turned to him, standing next to a hospital bed, furiously scrolling through her datapad. He heard her mutter to herself and curse as her fingers flew over the holographic keys.

‘’Hey Doc, care to explain to me why the outside and inside of this place looks like someone’s been slaughtered?’’ he said by way of greeting, making her squeak and give a tiny jump in surprise.

‘’God’s above Nihlus! Don’t do that, you know I hate it!’’ Michel said, angrily rubbing over her chest, calming her heart.

‘’We had an incident with a gunshot victim. I’ve been trying all afternoon to get someone in here to clean, but the wards are never top priority it seems.’’ She said, walking back to her desk situated in the corner of the room and waving him forward to follow her.

‘’Anyone seriously hurt?’’ He asked her, the heart beat monitor in the corner pumping out a unsteady rhythm.

‘’No, thankfully not. My patient is a fighter. Not like two bullets will ever stop her.’’ She shook her head at the thought of how Shepard dragged herself in here.

‘’What can I do for you Nihlus.’’ Michel asked, placing the datapad on her desk. Nihlus briefly caught the words ‘Hybrids’ and ‘complications’ before he answered her.

‘’Just here for a check-up Doc. I’ll be out in the Traverse for a few months. Trustworthy and competent doctors are hard to come by out there. Also they wouldn’t be nearly as good looking as you.’’ he drawled, breaking out into a laugh when her faced started to match her wavy red hair.

‘’You do that on purpose, you flirtatious scoundrel.’’ She said, pointing her finger in mock anger.

‘’I love getting a rise out of you, it’s so easy.’’ he snickered.

‘’So getting down to business, I’ll administer a vitamin and flu shot to you, as well as inoculations for the most common diseases you might come across. Can you take a seat on one of the beds over there? I’ll be over in a minute to take some blood and do some scans for you.’’ Michel asked him.

‘’Sure Doc.’’ He said. Striding over to the bed, he pulled his shirt off and threw it on the end of the bed, lying down with his hands behind his head. He flexed his muscles in his arms and torso and delighted in Michel’s small gasp when she came over and spotted his state of undress.

‘’Really Nihlus? This medical exam does not require you to remove your clothes. ‘’ she admonished him, but he failed to take her seriously when he noticed her hungry eyes roaming up and down his body like an ice-cream that she really just wanted to lick.

Grabbing her by the waist he pulled her closer to his chest so that she was bent over the bed, one hand on his chest. He purred when he felt her fingernails dig into his plates.

‘’Stop that Nihlus. We had our fun years ago and when I wanted more out of it you clearly said no. I am not falling down that rabbit hole with you again.’’ Her voice low, eyes averted from his green ones.

‘’Fine, Doc. But don’t you remember all the fun we had? Surely you don’t regret our time together?’’ he asked, his amusement dipping slightly as he waited for her response.

‘’No, I don’t regret it but I am happy that I ended it before I fell head over ass for you. It hurt letting go but not as much as it would have in the long run.’’ She said, moving away from his body to pick up the various injections lying on the table next to her.

‘’Ok, let’s start shall we?’’ she asked, clearly not caring whether he was ready or not as she jabbed him in the arm and proceeded to take a blood sample.

Nihlus hissed as the needle penetrated his skin beneath his plates and rolled his eyes at the smirk on her face.

‘’I hope you’re prepared to stay here for an hour two, once I have administered all your medications I need to keep you under observation to make sure that none of the injections I have given you will cause adverse reactions and it will take that long to analyse your blood anyway. ‘’ she said firmly, turning on her heel to walk away and he growled appreciatively as her shapely behind jiggled with each step.

Michel shot him a look over her shoulder, chastising him for his behaviour and Nihlus decided that he would lie there patiently and wait for his test results. He didn’t want to push it with a woman trained in using scalpels with a sadistic streak.

What a turn on though he chuckled to himself.

******************************

Fifteen minutes later he was bored out of his mind. He groaned and sat up, wincing when one of his spurs caught on the sheet. Untangling himself, he swung his legs off the bed and gave in to his curious nature and pulled the curtain around the bed-next to his- back, to take a peek at the poor fool who had gotten herself shot. His breath left him and his eyes dilated into pin pricks as he took in Shepard’s sleeping form. At any other time, he would have noticed that she had decided to forgo the hospital gown and was sleeping in nothing but her black underwear.

He didn’t notice any of that, what he did notice however, were the bruises, the cuts and scrapes and the overabundance of bandages that currently encased her body. He took a step forward and stepped into the space close to her bed, drawing the curtain closed again behind him, he leaned over making sure not to disturb her and put his face near hers. He smelled the antiseptic form the Medi-gel, the blood that had caked around her wounds and the faint trace of that vanilla essence that he had come to associate with her. He took another deep breath, opening his mouth to make maximum use of his innate ability to smell a variety of things and caught the whiff of another male Turians bonding scent. Sex, blood, gun oil and antiseptic.

‘’What in the Spirits…?’’ he said out loud, snapping back from her when her eyes popped open and she let out a small moan.

‘’Nihlus?’ What … you doing here?’’ she asked groggily, the sedation she was given, making it hard for her to keep her eyes open.

‘’What am I doing here? What in the fuck are you doing here… especially like this?’’ he hissed, arms waving up and down her body, demanding an explanation.

‘’Got shot.’’ She mumbled, trying to pull the sheets up over her breasts.

‘’Spirits, I can see that, but by who?’’ he asked, sitting on the bed by her knees, one hand reaching out to grip her own.

‘’Don’t know. Scum… got me in the alleyway.’’ She mumbled again. She sighed as she felt Nihlus squeeze her hand.

‘’Where is that idiot mate of yours? Shouldn’t he be protecting you or at least be by your bedside at a time like this?’’ he snarled.

He helped her sit up and when he saw her attempt to reach for a glass of water, he brushed her off and handed the glass to her. Shepard gulped down the water noisily and ignored the impatient huffs Nihlus was giving her.

‘’S’not his fault. ‘’ she said, glaring at him, her voice rising in defence of Garrus.

‘’Fine, if it’s not his fault, then tell me what happened.’’ He spat out.

‘’Why are you so angry about this? What’s it to you?’’ Shepard asked her voice clearer as she started to take in her surroundings and wake up properly.

Nihlus sat dumbfounded. Why exactly was he so angry? Why did he care? Sure, he liked Shepard and frequently entertained ideas of ravaging her but why? Deciding he couldn’t answer her, not to mention his own questions he deflected her with another one.

‘’Forget that, just tell me ... Did you take them down?’’ He asked softly, still rubbing his thumb back and forth over her hand, giving a faint squeeze every now and then.

He heard her sigh again and she brought her hand up to ruffle her own hair, the sheet dropping to expose the top of her breasts, he swallowed and looked away.

‘’I shot them both. One right between the eyes and I watched the other one bleed out… slowly.’’ Her voice soft and shaking as she recalled how she had forcibly held the Turian down with her boot.

‘’Good. They got what was coming to them then.’’ He said, eyes darting back and forth over her face.

‘’Do you know why they came after you?’’ he asked.

When she didn’t answer him and continued to sip her drink, he came to the conclusion that it must have been one of the families who are opposed to Shepard and Garrus being married that ordered a hit on her.

‘’You know, I am a spectre now. I can help you out. We can bring in the person behind it if you want. Just say the word.’’ He said firmly.

‘’No, it’s nothing I can’t handle. Please don’t mention this to anyone. You will only make it worse.’’ Shepard said, her eyes suddenly becoming wide as saucers as her hand dropped down to her stomach and she gave a small panicked shriek.

‘’What?! What’s wrong? Do you want me to go get Michel….’’ He hurriedly climbed off the bed, but she caught his arm and pulled him feebly back towards her, shaking her head.

He sat down and waited for her to talk.

‘’I know you don’t know me that well but is there any chance you can take me home? I don’t want to contact anyone yet, it will just upset them.’’ Shepard said, standing up and groaning as her leg pulsed and flared back to life with pain so overwhelming that her vision briefly turned white.

‘Why are you worried about how others would feel when you are the one who has been shot? Lie down, I’ll see what I can do.’’ He said to her pushing her back down.

On impulse he leaned over to her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Standing up straighter, he awkwardly left her sitting there on the bed and when he heard her let out a giggle he wanted to die of embarrassment.

Smooth Nihlus, real smooth he chided himself.

Why was he acting this way? She was just someone he wanted to fuck. That’s it. All this over-protective, caring, feeling, sharing shit was not something he did.

‘’I need to go see the Doc and let her know what’s doing. You going to be ok by yourself?’’ he asked, ignoring the way she rolled her eyes at him. When she nodded he sighed and walked away.

‘’I’ll be here if you need me.’’ He said to her before pulling the curtain closed again.

**************************

When Shepard realised that Nihlus had given her a ‘human’ kiss on the cheek, she giggled at the absurdity of it all. Here she was, shot twice, broken, pregnant and stuck in a situation that could ultimately get her killed… yet somehow she still managed to giggle. Nihlus with his nonchalance, smugness and flirting brought a smile to her face. It didn’t mean that she loved Garrus any less or that he didn’t treat her right, but Nihlus definitely made her feel special and she savoured how it felt to laugh. It was something she wasn’t doing much of these days. She looked down at her battered body and grimaced.

Yeah, this was gonna leave a scar or two she hummed. Hopefully the medigel would take care of most of it. Shepard wasn’t by any means a vain person but she did like to take a small amount of pride in how she looked. Shepard quickly realised that worrying about how her body looked to outsiders and herself was ridiculous in the current circumstance as she was fucking pregnant. Her body would change soon enough.

‘’Fuck…’’ Shepard bit out.

She really didn’t think it was possible. Had she known that hybrids were a common-but-kept-hidden kind of occurrence then she would have taken precautions. She stroked her stomach again and it all clicked in to place. No fucking wonder she was feeling sick so often, no fucking wonder she was so emotional. Fucking pregnancy was messing with her hormones. But surely if she was only three weeks pregnant the symptoms wouldn’t manifest till later? Humming Shepard opened up her omnitool and typed in keywords for Turian pregnancies. ‘Aww shit… really?’’ Shepard said after she had read through the first paragraph. Six months? Was that really all the time it took to grow a turian?! That’s not enough time she thought, starting to panic. Would she be ready to take on the responsibility for another life by the time he or she got here?

Shepard remembered Dr Michel saying that hybrids normally don’t survive till birth and if they did there could be massive complications and life-long treatment needed if they did. There were so many things to think about in regards to what could be medically wrong with the child that Shepard had to take several deep breaths to calm her heart. Speculating was pointless. Whether this child came out perfect or deformed, different or unnatural, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would love her child unconditionally and die willingly in order to protect him or her. This raises another question she mused. How does this affect Garrus being married? It’s not like he could file for divorce and it’s unlikely that he would get exiled now that he was tied to the Primarch. The shame of Garrus losing his markings would never sit well with either families and would most likely never be allowed anyway.

‘’Argh! What the fuck do I do?’’ she hissed out quietly, rubbing both hands over her hair.

Sabine was trying to kill her and as far as she knew or guessed, the Primarch wasn’t involved… yet. If she kept this baby and word got out, would that be enough of a scandal to get the Primarch involved directly? Unlike the goons that Sabine had sent which were untrained, blundering idiots, would he instead send a highly trained professional assassin to silence her? She needed to think about what would be best for not only herself and Garrus but for the child as well.

Snapped out of her deep, dark thoughts by Nihlus, she looked up when he walked in with a bag of what she presumed was clothing.

‘’How did you get clothes this late at night?’’ she asked sceptically.

‘’I have a few friends who run a clothing boutique; I called and placed an order. I don’t know if the size is right but I was judging your body shape from the last time I had my hands on it.’’ He snickered.

‘’Thank you Nihlus.’’ Shepard hummed, taking the bag and putting it on the edge of the bed.

‘’If I ask you very, very nicely to help me get dressed, would you be able to help me?’’ she asked, cocking her head to the side.

‘’You sure ask a lot of me, I am a male you know.’’ He rumbled, eyeing her breasts and the curve of her collarbone. When his eyes reached her waist, she saw his plates covering his shirtless body start to vibrate and she gave a small shiver of her own.

Snap out of it Shepard she scolded herself. Sexual attraction or not she had bigger things to worry about.

She saw him walk towards her feet and gently pick up her legs to move them sideways so she was dangling her feet off the side of the bed. He got down on his knees and reached up for her trousers with an open hand. Placing the trousers into his open palm she watched him roll up the legs and position her feet one by one till they were lined up correctly. She shakily stood up and as he started to pull her jeans up and over her knees, she realised that his face was inches away from her groin.

She looked down at him and met his eyes. The usual grass green had turned to a dark pine forest colour as he leaned in closer and she heard him snarl deep down in his chest as he breathed in her scent. She could feel the warmth of his breath puffing out over her groin and she had to cough to get his attention back to what he was originally doing.

‘’Fuck… you’re killing me here Shepard.’’ He said, his tongue darting out his mouth to lick slowly over his bottom mouthplate.

‘’Just get me dressed Nihlus. Please.’’ She begged him. The vibrations from his growling making her already shaking legs wobble further.

As he got her pants zipped up securely around her hips, his hands wrapped around her waist and he looked down at her. He leaned in to whisper in her ear

‘’One day you will beg me to fuck you Shepard… and you will love every moment of it. But until then I will try to behave myself.’’ he stepped away from her and motioned for her to lift her arms.

Her breasts pushed up and together thanks to her bra and she scoffed when he once again lost control of himself and ran a talon up and down her side before helping her shrug her shirt on.

‘’Nihlus… ‘’ she whispered as his body pressed close to hers.

‘’Hmmm?’’ he asked, talons pricking into her waist.

‘’Nihlus… please… step back.’’ She was breathing hard, not only from pain but from the tension in the room.

‘’Spirits‘’ he said, turning around to draw the curtain back and going to sit on the bed opposite hers.

‘’Thank you.’’ She said, not looking at him and sitting back down. The two of them stared at each other and he smiled at her.

‘’Why do you love Garrus?’’ he asked, utterly serious.

‘’I always have. We met years ago when I was still child and we grew up together. He was and is everything I have always wanted in a companion. In a lover. In a husband’’ her voice grew quiet and faded out.

‘’You know, that I know exactly, who sent those men after you. Shepard… this could get ugly. He is married now from what I hear and staying with him is pointless.’’ He rumbled out.

‘’So you’re suggesting I walk away and leave him. Just forget and what…? Shack up with you instead?’’ she asked sarcastically.

‘’Spirits… any option has to be better than constantly watching your back for the rest of your life and loving someone who can never truly be yours.’’ He said, sub vocals ringing with irritation.

‘’Garrus is married now, when the two of them mark each other to solidify that marriage, as custom dictates, your life as you know it will come to an end Shepard. You cannot be caught fornicating with a marked and married turian. Especially now… that he’s married Sabine whose uncle is the leader of all Turians.’’ He grumbled, picking up his shirt to put it back on.

‘’Don’t you think I know that? I know that if she ever marked him...’’ she sighed.

Why was she fighting with him about this?

‘’I appreciate your concern Nihlus. But once again I have to ask. Why do you care so much?’’ she asked.

‘’Because i just fucking do alright. Don’t ask me why when I don’t even know the answer myself.’’ he hissed.

‘’Okay.’’ Shepard said.

***********************************

Garrus had finished his shift at work without much fuss, humming the entire afternoon. He still smelled Shepard on him and his mind kept drifting in and out of memories of being buried inside of her. Which was not the best thing to be remembering right now as he was currently seated at a table with his entire family and waiting for Sabine to show up for their first meeting as a family.

‘’Spirits Garrus. What the in hell possessed you to come tonight smelling like you just spent the entire day in a brothel?!’’ his father hissed out under his breath.

‘’My mate wanted to stake her claim and I purely just wanted to show Sabine that no matter how many contracts you and the Primarch sign… I’m taken. ‘’ he drawled, sipping his brandy and looking over to his mother who was deathly quiet.

‘’Mother, is there really no way to get Garrus out of this?’’ Solana asked.

‘’There was a chance before your father took matters into his own hands and destroyed this family by signing that damn piece of paper but now… so no, my dear child. There is no chance.’’ She said sadly.

‘’For spirits sake Arcelia. It’s done. The matter is closed. Do not embarrass me tonight in front of my daughter-in-law.’’ Veridian glared at her, ignoring his children who had hissed in indignation.

‘’Garrus, some day you will thank me for this. You may have bonded with that human and stupidly tied your soul to hers and I know that this will cause you pain – and for that I’m sorry- but as I said, what’s done is done.’’ He huffed out and sat up straighter as he saw a familiar clan marking on a woman’s face who was drawing closer.

‘’What the fuck?!’’ Garrus snarled out when he saw Sabine was using his family’s markings. He stood up from the table, dead-set on ripping into her about she was unworthy to wear those markings before his sister squeaked and latched onto his wrist, effectively pulling him back down.

‘’Husband… how wonderful to see you again so soon.’’ Sabine purred, turning her head back and forth making the blue paint on her plates shine.

‘’Garrus… greet your wife for spirits sake. There’s no need to be shy.’’ Veridian said, a forced laugh escaping him as he tried to secretly kick his son beneath the table to get him moving.

‘’Sabine.’’ Garrus said, nodding his head before resolutely ignoring her again.

‘’Sit, sit please my dear.’’ Veridian motion to the empty seat next to Garrus and when she sat down, he almost groaned out loud when Garrus moved his chair away from her like she was infected with the plague.

‘’Mother, sister… I hope I find you well.’’ Sabine said, yellow eyes appraising her new female family members.

‘’Quite.’’ came the steely response from Arcelia, who had folded one arm around her waist and the other clutching her glass of wine.

‘’Your markings are done very well…’’ Solana mumbled for lack of something better to say.

‘’Oh, you like them? Took me all afternoon but I wanted them to match my husband’s perfectly, so I took my time. What do you think Garrus?’’ Sabine leaned in close to Garrus, her breath fanning out along his neck and he recoiled with a hiss.

‘’Keep those teeth away from my neck Sabine.’’ He hissed causing his father to give a shout of outrage.

‘’Spirits, Sabine. I apologise sincerely for my son’s behaviour. I don’t know what’s come over him.’’ Veridian stuttered, tripping all over himself to show her his sincerity.

‘’That’s alright Father. Garrus will get used to me soon enough when we leave for seclusion next week. Who knows... you might be grandparents sooner than you expected.’’ Sabine squealed with glee, clapping her hands together.

Arcelia had had enough and slammed her glass down on the table. Solana cursed and Garrus was mortified that she would come in here and talk about sex and starting a family with three people who clearly despised her.

‘’Sabine… are you aware that Garrus has bonded and soul tied with someone else. That he will never, ever love you and that this marriage is a mistake?’’ Arcelia asked causing Veridian to drop his head into his hand and moan  as she continued to glare at Sabine.

‘’Yes, I am aware of his human and frankly I don’t care that he has tied himself to her. He is mine now by law and he will stop all contact with her from this moment on.’’ Sabine said, crossing her arms and returning the scathing looks that were directed at her from three different directions.

‘’You are out of your fucking mind.’’ Garrus said, awed that anyone could be this stupid.

‘’Garrus, Arcelia… that is enough!’’ Veridian roared.

A hush came over the restaurant and a stern looking waiter came over to the table.

‘’Sir, please refrain from causing a ruckus in this establishment or we will ask you to leave or at worst call C-sec.’’ he said, giving them each in individual look of deep loathing for their lack of class and sauntered off back to his post.

‘’Sabine, I want to make this clear to you right now. If you stay married to me and don’t convince your uncle to rip up those damn contracts they signed, you will forever be unmarked. There is not a fucking chance in hell of me ever marking you as mine. I will continue to despise you for the entire duration of our marriage. I will not live with you, I will not sleep with you…and I certainly will never, ever allow any children to come from this union. Those are things that I plan to do with Shepard till the end of my days.’’ Garrus said to her.

Standing up from the table, he heard his father’s sub vocals thrumming with such anger, such shock that he winced. His mother on the other hand, trilled her understanding and sympathy to him and Solana, well his sister was in a state of shock, on his side but understanding of his father’s motivations.

''Mother, Father… Sol. I’m going home now…to Shepard. Where I belong.’’ He said before turning to leave.

He walked past Sabine and hissed out his disgust with her.

‘’I’ll go after him father. He’ll come round, He doesn’t have a choice in the matter.’’ She smirked, standing up and taking off hastily after Garrus.

The three of them sat around the table, the silence suffocating.

‘’What have I done?’’ Veridian said.

He had noticed the evil gleam in her canary eyes and as he looked to his family for aid, he found himself very, very alone.

************************

Reaching his apartment he was aware that Sabine had been following him, he caught the elevator just in time before she could get on and the doors closed with a whoosh. He leaned against it with a sigh and prayed to the Spirits that he could get into his home without any more incidents. He stepped out of the elevator and walking briskly to his door, he entered his code and sighed. Just before he entered, he felt a hand wrap around his arm and he was spun with his back facing the elevators.

‘’Sabine, for the love of all the Spirits out there. Please get a clue and leave. You’re not welcome here.’’ He snarled, realising that she must have caught the other elevator up to get here in time to stop him.

‘’I don’t care Garrus. You don’t get to embarrass me like that in front of your family and get away with it.’’ She drawled, not releasing his arm as he tugged away from her.

‘’Shepard will be here any minute now and I don’t want her seeing you. In fact I don’t even want to see you … so please... kindly… I’m begging you… Fuck off.’’ He said, his whole body shaking from the rage building inside of him.

‘’I don’t think Shepard will be joining you again anytime soon.’’ Sabine smirked at him.

He heard the elevator ding behind him and started to turn his head to see who it was but Sabine pulled his head forward with one hand to face her. He saw her smile, how her eyes darkened with satisfaction and before he could blink she turned his head and forcibly bit down into his neck, her teeth sinking so deep that the pain made him moan. He brought his hands up to her shoulders to try and push her away but decided he would have to wait, because if he forced her she could very well rip out his throat. His hands flew to her waist, trying to ease her off as he shouted at her.

‘’Sabine!’’ he yelled, snarling and hissing coming from his chest.

‘’Garrus?’’ he heard a familiar voice say behind him.

NO.

Please… Please don’t let it be who I think it is…

He closed his eyes and Sabine let go of his neck. His dark blue blood dripping from her, she brought up a finger to wipe at her mouth, twirling her tongue around the digit and smiled at him.

He turned around slowly and when he saw Shepard’s expression he would remember till his dying day, how broken and defeated she looked. She was standing in the elevator, leaning on the door with one hand to stop it from closing on her.

‘’Shepard… this isn’t…’’ before he could say anymore, Shepard let out a sob that cracked his heart wide open and made him keen in distress. Shepard stepped back and before he could reach her, the door closed on him. He banged on the metal door, pressing rapidly on the button to get the doors to open again. He ran to the other elevator beside it and hit the button for the doors to open.

‘’You’ll never get to her in time.’’ Sabine laughed, stepping closer to him. He turned to face Sabine, who was laughing and before she could blink he had her by the throat, his talons piercing her leathery hide and he roared into her face with force as all the sadness, frustration and desperation he felt came out of him in shudders.

He was going to kill her.

***************************************

Nihlus had stuck around outside Garrus’ home after dropping Shepard off. The skycar he was using slowly eating up all his credit chits as the timer on the meter continued to run. Just as he decided that he was a fool for bringing her here and waiting outside, he suddenly saw a flash of black hair come towards him as a small, tiny human flung herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck.

‘’Take me with you Nihlus. I can’t do this anymore.’’ he heard her sob.

He soothed her as best he could with one hand before helping her into the car, climbing into the driver’s seat he set the destination to take them to the docks and listened to her sob the entire way. If this was love… he mused, then he definitely wanted nothing to do with it. He grabbed hold of her hand as she cried and moaned Garrus’ name.

The journey was one he would never forget as she clung onto his hand. Reaching the docks, they walked onto his ship and he led her to his private quarters. Sitting her down on the bed he looked into her red rimmed eyes and brushed her hair away from her tear-stained cheeks.

‘’Is there anything you need to bring with you?’’ he purred.

‘’No…. there’s nothing here for me now. ‘’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me aaaaaaaages to word all this right and i had David Guetta's- She Wolf (Falling to pieces) playing on repeat in the background. Thought it was quite fitting for this chapter actually.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is still sticking with dark and twisty story. You guys are amazing. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	21. No place like Shepards home

Throwing her to the ground, his talons coming close to shredding her neck he roared again and punched the wall above her. He was barely breathing he was so angry, his body tightly coiled and wound. This woman had ruined everything! Everything that he had been building up with Shepard! Her trust in him to not get sucked in deeper into the farce that was currently his marriage. Now that she had bitten him and marked him for all to see, she had essentially claimed him as hers and by proxy, made him her uncles play thing. Primarch Crassus could now legally get involved in his daily life and if he was caught with Shepard he dare not think about the consequences.

‘’I should kill you. I should drag you out onto the street before the Turian councillor and shame you for forcibly marking me as your mate, I should get you charged for bodily assault and have them throw away the key to your dark and lonely cell that I want them to place you in.’’ He crouched down to whisper to her.

‘’I want to kill you. I know I have it in me to do it. But you aren’t worth it.’’ He said, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him.

‘’Show up alone again in front of me and I will end you. Damn the consequences.’’ He let go of her chin roughly, shoving her head to the side, cracking it into the wall.

‘’You think it will be that easy. You are mine now Garrus. Your human whore that you’re so fond of better not be caught anywhere near you because now my uncle will have a few surprises for her in store. ‘’ she said slumping against the wall, her voice still filled with laughter.

‘’I’ve won.’’ Sabine said and continued to sit on the floor outside his apartment door.

‘’This is Detective Vakarian ID 24668, send two officers down to my place. I have just been assaulted and managed to apprehend the culprit. Yes, ok. Thank you.’’ He said into his omnitool, having contacted the authorities while his rational mind still allowed him to.

His neck was burning, the punctures deep and throbbing as he placed a hand on his neck to stem the blood still flowing weakly out of the holes. He hissed low in his throat and looked down to where Sabine was sitting. She had stopped laughing the moment he had called C-sec, her yellow eyes pale with terror.

‘’Please Garrus! Don’t do this… you don’t know what my uncle will do to me if I get taken into custody. Please!’’ she pathetically whimpered.

‘’I just threatened to kill you and you laughed in my face but you’re afraid of your uncle who isn’t even in this star system?’’ he scoffs with disgust.

‘’You are certifiably insane Sabine.’’ He said.

Thinking it wise he sent a message to Shepard, saying that he would be with her as soon as he could, explaining in short notes what had happened and that he was having Sabine arrested. He hit the send button.

It bounced back.

Resending it, he checked the address to make sure there were no errors in the spelling and tried a third time. It bounced back again. What the hell?

‘’Call Shepard.’’ He commanded his omnitool.

‘’The number you have called is not available. Please try again later. The number you have call..’’ he ended the call and brought his hand up to his forehead, pacing back and forth in front of Sabine who was still mewling in fear from what her uncle would do to her.

He tried to call Shepard again. Getting the same response he lost his temper for the hundredth time that night, kicking over one of the plants next to the elevator. He watched the soil spill out all over the carpet and groaned.

‘’Call Liara.’’ He commanded again to his tool.

‘’Yes Garrus?’’ he heard her say.

‘’Is Shepard home?’’ he asked her, trying to keep his dual-toned voice from giving away his distress.

‘’No, she sent me a message earlier this afternoon saying that she was staying over at yours tonight. Why? Has something happened again between the two of you..? Goddess…’’ Liara hummed in anger.

‘’It’s complicated. Look, can you just try calling her and if she comes home can you tell her to wait for me?’’ he implored.

Sabine chose that moment to shriek and try to scramble for the other elevator as C-sec arrived.

‘’I have to go Liara. Just please, please tell her to call me.’’ He hung up, grabbing Sabines arm and shoved her towards the officers as they arrived and braced himself for the awkward conversation he was about to have.

‘’Officer, arrest this woman for assault please.’’ He hissed at her when she whimpered again, her pleading rising to a crescendo of shrieks and wails.

‘’What happened Detective?’’ the officer asked and when Garrus turned his head to point at the holes in his neck the Turian officer chirped out a sound of shock.

‘’Spirits, she forcibly marked you?’’ he asked, looking over to his partner who now had handcuffs on Sabine. Her arms held securely by them behind her back as she struggled and writhed away from him.

‘’We were recently married by our families… you know how it is… ‘’ he said and as the officer nodded he continued.

‘’However that woman over there disgusts me more than I could ever explain to you and when I told her that I would never mark her she forced herself onto me, marking me and nearly ripping out my throat when I tried to resist.’’ He hissed.

‘’Ok Detective. I need you to come with us to HQ and we can process her there. ‘’ The officer shook his head and sighed.

‘’You know the standard procedure for processing and giving statements. We will keep your… companion… company until you have finished.’’ He walked over to his partner and they entered the lift. Just before the lift doors closed he heard Sabine scream at the top of her lungs.

‘’Garrus I’m sorry!’ He ignored her and tried to call Shepard again.

**************************

Sabine was in full panic mode now. Biting Garrus had been a spur of the moment decision. When she had seen Shepard standing in the elevator she had just reacted. Now, being hauled off to a holding cell she would later be ashamed of how she acted, how she had responded. She might not be a good turian and a devious one as well but she should have known better. Forcibly marking someone was a grave offense in Turian culture and could get her thrown in prison for a year if she was lucky. Spirits, her uncle was going to kill her for shaming the Crassus name this way.

Her sub vocals were screaming with fear when she thought back to how all those years ago as a little child he had first hit her and made her understand her place. The games he played with her mind, forcing her to choose her punishments whenever she had disappointed him. Would he kill her for this? No, she doubted that he would go that far. He needed her to stay alive and keep the family tied to the Vakarian’s.

‘’Miss? State your name for our records and we will take a statement of your side of the events that transpired tonight. ‘’ an officer said, hitting the record button on his omnitool to start the proceedings.

‘’My name is Sabine… Vakarian. And I refuse to talk to anyone without a lawyer.’’ She said to the officer who frowned at her, shaking his head and leaving her alone in her holding cell. Spirits help me Sabine whined to herself.

***************************

On the other side of the two way glass looking into the cell Garrus was rumbling deep in his chest. He had tried to call Shepard so many times now that even if the keys on his omnitool were holographic he was sure he was going to break them with the force he was using to enter the number.

‘’Come on Shepard. Spirits, please answer.’’ He pleaded as the call once again reached the usual message.

‘’Argh, fuck sakes… where is she?’’ Garrus paced up and down in front of Sabine’s cell, his agitation becoming more and more pronounced the more he walked, sub vocals thrumming with uncertainty.

‘’Vakarian, what mess have you gotten yourself in to now?’’ Chellick asked him as he approached cautiously.

‘’Boss… I didn’t expect you to come down here.’’ Garrus grumbled.

‘’I… Garrus, the moment Sabine’s name got entered into our systems; I got a call notifying me that the Primarch wants me to keep this under wraps. Spirits know, I don’t want to... but I can try and detain her for a day or two. By then word will have gotten round of her actions and I can claim I had no hand in it.’’ Chellick muttered unhappily.

‘’You’re doing his dirty work for him?!’’ Garrus yelled, outraged that Sabine wouldn’t get tried for her actions in a court of law.

‘’Vakarian, calm yourself this instance! I am on your side and your behaviour right now is not doing you any favours in the eyes of the public. Do you want them to turn against you? Or would you rather they take Sabine’s word against yours? I understand that you are pissed off Garrus but you need to keep calm.’’ Chellick stated firmly, nodding his head to Garrus who had sunk down in a chair.

‘’Boss, I can’t get hold of Shepard, She saw me... get marked. I can’t get the look on her face out of my head.’’ He said, putting his head down and cradling his face with his hands.

‘’Well, fuck.’’ said Chellick, plopping down in the seat next to him and put a hand on Garrus shoulder.

‘’Maybe she just needs some time alone, I can assume you’ve sent her a message explaining everything?’’ he asked Garrus.

‘’Yes, but it keeps bouncing back. She doesn’t answer any calls either. Her housemate doesn’t know where she is either. I don’t know where to start looking for her.’’ He moaned to the older Turian.

‘’Give her time Garrus. She’ll come around. You are not responsible for Sabine’s actions, how you choose to respond to those actions is entirely up to you though.’’ He said, clapping Garrus on the shoulder.

‘’I will keep Sabine here as long as I can and try not to take any enjoyment in her discomfort. No promises though.’’ Chellick smiled and nodded to Garrus before heading over to speak to the guard in charge of processing.

Garrus leaned back in his chair, taking a deep unsteady breath. He needed to call his mother and inform her of what had happened and to also keep a lookout – as much as she could- for any word or sign from Shepard.

‘’Call Mom.’’ He whispered tiredly at his tool.

‘’My son… it’s late. What’s the matter?’’ Arcelia asked.

‘’Sabine followed me home. Where she cornered me and forcibly marked me and to make thing worse Shepard chose that exact moment to show up right in front of my door.’’ He keened.

‘’WHAT?!’’ Arcelia screeched through the line making Garrus wince and pull his arm further away from his ears.

‘’What do you mean she cornered you? How could you let her mark you Garrus. Spirits!’’ she continued to scream at him in concern.

‘’I had no way of knowing she would do something like that! How could I have known that she was crazy enough to do something like that?!’’ he yelled back, ignoring the look of warning that he received from Chellick across the room.

‘’My son, I didn’t mean to imply…’’ she said before he growled and butted in.

‘’ This never would have happened if Dad…’’ he hissed, stopping his rant because he knew logically speaking that blaming others wouldn’t help him right now.

‘’What do I mother?’’ he asked, his voice filled with sadness at the thought of Shepard.

‘’First things first, make an appointment at Huerta tomorrow and see a plastic surgeon who can remove any scars left behind by that despicable woman. It will take a few sessions but it can be done. Secondly… where are you the by way?’’ she asked him.

‘’I’m currently sitting outside Sabine’s holding cell. I had her arrested for assault. However, the Primarch has his greedy fingers tangled in all the right lines here and is pushing for her release and to have her records erased.’’ He said standing up to take a look at Sabine who was leaning over the desk she was sitting at with her hands still tied to the table by her handcuffs.

‘’Spirits, he doesn’t waste time does he? Do you think word will get out about how she marked you?’’ she hummed questioningly.

‘’I hope so, however it won’t just be the Crassus reputation that gets hit, I’m sure I’ll be getting a lecture from Dad about ours as well at some point. Not that I care in the slightest.’’ He said bitterly.

‘’Mom, would you still … understand and love me… if I relinquish all ties with the Vakarian name? If I strip off my markings and become some barefaced nobody in order to be with Shepard… would you still care about me?’’ he asked her, his dual toned voice thrumming in nervousness.

‘’Garrus…’’ he heard her say.

His heart dropped into his chest. Maybe it was too much to expect for his mother to stand by him in this. He let out a small whimper in the back of his throat and cleared it quickly in disguise of a cough.

‘’N-never mind mother... I’m sure I can manage on my o…’’ he started to say.

‘’Shut up boy. You are my son, whether you are barefaced, a criminal or otherwise. I will love you till my dying breath and beyond. Don’t you ever think differently Garrus. The day you were born into this world was one of the best days of my life. Think hard about this though, as once you take that road, there is no going back. You will be shunned by the rest of the clan and your welcome on Palaven will never be the same again. But I will stand by you, because I am your mother, because I want you to be happy.’’ She said, breathing hard over the line.

‘’T-thank you mom. I-I don’t know how to expr..’’ he said, swallowing down a lump in his throat.

‘’Pfft, enough of this sappy talk Garrus, make that appointment with the hospital and keep me updated on Sabine. Now, go and find Shepard. You need her right now. ‘’ Arcelia hummed.

‘’Will do.’’ He said gruffly, cutting the line and standing up, spine straight and tall as he strode over to Chellick with purpose.

‘’Keep that… woman…locked in that cell for as long as you can.’’ He hissed to Chellick, who nodded.

He turned to leave and walked three steps before Chellick stopped him with a chirrup.

‘’Come to my office tomorrow Vakarian. A recommendation has been put forward in your name. I would like to discuss the matter with you at length tomorrow.’’ He said to a now confused Garrus.

‘’Uh…?’’ Garrus spread his arms, showing that he needed more information than that.

‘’Tomorrow Vakarian. Tomorrow.’’ Chellick dismissed him by turning around.

Garrus was now thoroughly confused on top of all the other emotions rolling through him and he sighed. Staring out through the large windows overlooking the Citadel’s arms, he took in each light and building that his eyes could make out, the skycars and ships whipping past his head at blinding speeds and the empty darkness of space beyond it.

‘’Where are you Shepard?’’

*********************

Liara was making herself a cup of tea, humming in agitation since Garrus’ call. She herself had tried now to call Shepard several times but hadn’t gotten through either. What was happening? Surely she should have come home by now? Checking the time, she groaned. Midnight, she needed to get some sleep. She had an appointment tomorrow morning with the bank in order to get a business loan to start her new venture. She was warming up to the idea of moving to Illium for good. She couldn’t very well keep free loading off Shepard. Not that Shepard was ever home much she mused. Walking to the spare room, Liara fluffed up her pillow and leaned back on the bed, picking up her copy of ‘ A Protheans’ guide to the galaxy’ and hummed in bliss when she settled in for a good read.

An orange light started to blink on her wrist and the pinging noised made her grumble. Goddess….what now? Seeing a message from Garrus, she rolled her eyes when she read it. Hitting reply she told him that no, Shepard still wasn’t home and that she hadn’t heard from her but he was welcome to come over and wait here. She hit send and set the omnitool to only alert her for emergency messages and calls. She placed her book back down, resigning herself to the fact that she wasn’t going to be able to enjoy reading now anyway and turned the lights off preparing for sleep. An hour later she heard Garrus creep in when he hissed after, what she assumed must be him knocking his spur into the coffee table, and walk into Shepard’s room. When the door closed, Liara sighed, rolled over and went back to sleep.

*********************

Garrus had walked around in circles through as many wards as his feet could drag him to. He went into every bar he crossed paths with, hoping that even if he found her slumped over the bar, drunk out of her mind, that he would at least have found her and know that she was safe. He had called all the nearby hotels and stupidly realised that if she was intending to hide away she was bright enough to know not to use her own name. Heading back to C-sec he spoke to some of their colleagues about her and asked if they had seen her tonight. With nowhere left to turn but back to Shepard’s home, he decided that maybe one more call couldn’t hurt.

Stranger things have been known to happen.

‘’Tali… Hi. I’m sorry it’s late but Shepard is missing… have you seen her?’’ he blurted out.

‘’Keelah Garrus, you wake me at this time of the night to rub your and Shepard’s problems in my face? No, I haven’t seen her in over two weeks and I don’t expect to be getting any birthday cards from her either. ‘’ Tali said sarcastically.

‘’Fine, thank you.’’ He cut the line and growled.

Stupid of him to phone her but he didn’t know what else to do. He checked their office one more time, forcing his already aching heart to calm down when he smelled their lingering scents of sex still drifting around the office all these hours later. He had to find her dammit. He locked up the office and calling it a night made his way to Shepard’s. Arriving at her door, he keyed in the code and walked through the lounge in the darkness, his spur catching on the table in the middle and he hissed in pain. Fuck, could this day get any worse. He rubbed his neck again and winced as the tiny holes there throbbed. He was refusing to put on medigel.

When he saw the doctor tomorrow he wanted the wound still open so that they could work their magic and make it disappear. Medi-gel had the unfortunate side effect of also being a binding agent and the last thing he wanted to do was make his doctors’ job more difficult if the wounds closed together over night. He stepped lightly into the kitchen, not wanting to wake Liara, poured himself some water and switched the lights off again. He opened the door to Shepard’s bedroom and took in the messy clothes scattered about, the rumpled sheets and one of his shirts hanging over a chair.

He took of his light armour and bending down to take off his boots, he rubbed his two taloned toes as he stretched them. He hadn’t walked this much in a long time. Rubbing a hand over his face, scratching at his mandible with his fingers he walked to the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and looked at Shepard’s toothbrush that was being kept next to his. Little things, he decided. It was definitely the little things in life that made him happy, before he frowned and suddenly remembered that she still wasn’t home. He shut the light off and reaching the bed he climbed in on his side. Shepard’s vanilla and lavender scents from the pillow and her skin invading his nose as he breathed in deeply and keened out a moan. Spirits, maybe if he went to sleep, he would wake up and find her sleeping next to him. They would talk and he could fix this.

He clutched on to Shepard’s pillow, burying his face into her scent and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one for you.. Sorry!


	22. Big girls dont cry

Waking up bleary-eyed and tired from tossing and turning all night, Shepard slowly woke up and took in her surroundings. Nihlus’ quarters were sparsely decorated with no personal belongings other than a duffel bag of his clothing in the corner and a few datapads on the desk. She gave out a loud moan as the pain in her arm and leg came roaring back with a vengeance and she hissed as she started to sit up. She looked down and realised that she was wearing one of Nihlus’ shirts.

A flood of memories came back to her and she closed her eyes as she remembered Sabine clinging on to Garrus and the moan he had given when she had bitten into his neck. Was it out of pleasure or pain? Right now she really couldn’t decide. A part of her knew that Garrus would never cheat on her but another insecure part of her whispered to her that maybe he really was spineless like Liara had said and had taken the easy way of life, by choosing to be with Sabine instead of her. A wave of nausea slammed into her again as she stood up and the pain from her gunshot wounds burned inside her veins. She had an ‘aha’ moment when she remembered just why she was wearing Nihlus’ shirt.

She had been so distraught last night she had thrown up all over herself in her crying, sobbing state and promptly passed out. Nihlus must have cleaned up after her and changed her clothes. He really was a good… man? No, male she corrected herself. What was she going to do now? She was pregnant with Garrus’ child, had run away with a man she had met in a club and had left the Citadel so suddenly that she forgot about Liara who was still staying at her place, her job and not to mention the two people she had killed. Whether it was in self-defence or not she really should have stuck around to explain that to C-sec. How was she going to support herself… or her child? She didn’t even have a change of clothes for god’s sake. Sighing she walked over to the small basin in the corner of the room and splashed her face with water. Ok, so she was a little hasty in her decision to leave the Citadel without thinking this through. But yesterday, was by all accounts one of the shittiest days Shepard had ever experienced. Logically, she knew that life now would be hard; she had to stay away from Garrus now that he had gotten himself deeper into the Crassus family world. If they found out that she was carrying his hybrid child… No, she had to keep it… the baby… safe.

No matter the cost.

Her heart beat painfully in her chest as she thought of Garrus. It was awful of her to just leave him without a note explaining why, but it was for the best and she didn’t want to lie to him. Last night, just before Nihlus had led her on to the ship, she had removed her omnitool and dumped it behind a crate on the docks. She didn’t need to be tracked by Sabine or the Primarch. She would get another one and use it purely for emergencies she hummed to herself. As she stood by the basin, her eyes closed, she didn’t hear Nihlus enter the room. She was humming, deep in thought when he came up behind her and gently put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped a bit in fright and offered him a tight smile as she turned around to face him. His green eyes filled with concern and a rumbling purr echoed from his chest.

‘’You feeling any better?’’ he asked her

‘’I’ll live.’’ She replied, removing his hand from her shoulder to walk past him, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

‘’Nihlus, I’m so sorry for involving you in all my drama and troubles. I don’t know what I was thinking, intruding into your life like this… onto your ship. If you want you can drop me at the first planet we cross by and I’ll make my own way from there.’’ She said, not looking him in the eye.

‘’Don’t be ridiculous Shepard, if I didn’t want you on my ship or in my life I would have kicked you out ages ago.’’ He said, taking a seat next to her.

‘’You’re going through a rough time and I don’t mind being the person you need to lean on. So whatever you need, come to me and I’ll see if I can do it for you.’’ He rumbled, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face. He laughed when it fell back over her eyes.

‘’Yeah, I should really cut it, it’s starting to get annoying.’’ She huffed and blew out a breath making the strands of hair drift around in the air, before settling back on her cheek.

‘’I’m afraid I only have a few rations on board that are compatible for levo’s. We will have to make a stop at some point and get you more if you’re going to be staying a while. ‘’ he said, leaning back on the bed and rolling his neck, giving out a small moan when it clicked.

‘’Oh god, where did you sleep Nihlus?’’ Shepard asked him, her brows drawn, grabbing his hand in apology.

‘’As tempting as it was to crawl into bed next to you, I resisted temptation and slept in the pilot’s chair. Hell of a view waking up though… great void of space surrounding me as soon as I wake up.’’ He drawled, squeezing her tiny fingers between his three larger ones.

‘’I’m so so…’’ she started to say but he growled at her.

‘’Enough of the apologies Shepard. I really don’t mind.’’ He said standing up, but feeling resistance when he noticed she was still clasping his hand. Looking down he shivered when her thumb brushed over the inside of his un-plated wrist.

‘’Thank you Nihlus. For everything.’’ Shepard said standing up and placing a quick kiss on his mandible.

‘’Well... uh... I… you’re welcome.’’ He said, utterly flustered by her unexpected kiss. Shepard chuckled at the perplexed look on his face and letting go of his hand she bent down to find her shoes at the bottom of the bed before slipping them back on.

‘Let’s go try out these rations you have. I haven’t eaten since lunch time yesterday.’’ she said, hand outstretched, waiting for him to lead her.

‘’Follow me.’’ He said, sauntering out of his quarters to the kitchen.

************************

Sitting at the table chewing reluctantly on a foul tasting ration bar the colour of which reminded Shepard of slugs that she used to have in her garden back on Palaven, she swallowed. Pulling a face that clearly spoke of volumes of her revulsion; she rolled her eyes at Nihlus who snickered when he saw her expression.

‘’Ok, you were right. This tastes like shit.’’ She said putting down the half eaten ration bar with disgust.

‘’We’ll be stopping off at Palaven first, I have some business to attend to there and…’’ he said

‘’No! I… mean… is there any way you can drop me off before we get to Palaven… I can’t go back there.’’ She said, her arms wrapping around her stomach as she pleaded with him, wide-eyed in anxiousness.

‘’What aren’t you telling me Shepard? Last night you said nothing about why you were so upset and I’ve been avoiding asking you because I didn’t want to make you talk about it. But I am a spectre and when the Primarch summons you for a meeting because you are now a representative of the entire species, it’s not like I can just say no. So give me a reason.’’ He folded his hands on the table, pushing his plate of food away from him, as he stared at her waiting for to explain.

Shepard huffed out a breath and stood up, walking over to the counter and folding her arms tighter across herself she cleared her throat.

‘’Yesterday, as you know I was attacked. My attackers are both dead now. I make no apologies for that. ‘’ she said, her eyes darting over the room avoiding his.

‘’And as you have most likely guessed, it was Sabine who sent them after me. Whether they just intended to scare me or ra… anyway, it didn’t work. I wasn’t afraid and I still would have stayed with Garrus.’’ She licked her dry lips and ran a hand through her hair. Turning her back to him she continued.

‘’Dr Michel gave me some news yesterday and before you ask, no I won’t tell you what it is, not yet. But trust me; it was more of a shock than getting shot at in the middle of the Citadel. ‘’ She turned again to face him, a scowl on her face as she remembered arriving at Garrus’ apartment.

‘’When you dropped me off last night at Garrus’ place, he wasn’t alone. Sabine was there. She bit him, marked him. Right in front of me. I-I knew at that moment that being Garrus would never work. So I left. And it’s killing me inside to do it.’’ She said in clipped sentences, breathing heavily she sat back down in front of him.

‘’Spirits… I don’t know what to say Shepard.’’ He purred, grabbing her hand over the table.

‘’But that still doesn’t explain why you won’t go to Palaven. You need to tell me Shepard.’’

‘’Nihlus… I need to lay low. I need to effectively disappear. No one but you can know where I am. I want to do everything in my power to stay out of the Primarch’s way and give him no cause or reason to come after me or my… or after Garrus.’’ She whispered.

‘’Ok, I understand Shepard. I don’t like it but I understand. I’ll contact a few people I know to try and get you a new identity and we can possibly find you a planet to live on that could hide you easily. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to go back to earth?’’ he asked.

‘’N-no, that wouldn’t work.’’ She replied.

Shepard knew that some part of humanity was sick and twisted and that if they discovered her pregnancy they would haul her off to some lab for experiments and her poor child would never see the outside of a medical station. If it survived at all.

‘’Is there a place that someone like me - in this kind of situation – can go to hide and not be recognised?’’ she asked him quietly.

‘’Well… there is Omega, but I couldn’t in good conscience allow you to go there by yourself. You may be tough and know how to aim a gun, but I have a feeling it may be too much for you.’’ He rumbled, squeezing her hand tighter at the thought of her dying in some shithole over a few credit chits.

‘’I need to find a colony or some obscure planet where traffic is limited and people keep their noses out of my business. Somewhere that even the Primarch and all his connections wont easily reach and if they did, they would meet resistance.’’ Shepard hummed.

‘’Well … how do you feel about Krogan?’’ Nihlus asked her, watching her eyebrows fly up.

‘’Why do you ask?’’ she said, crossing her arms.

‘’Their planet is finally recovering from the Rachni wars and I hear the Salarians helped them remove most of the radiation on their planet. There are actual jungles growing there again and the climate has always been nice and hot.’’ He hummed to himself.

‘’Although … there are wild varren, thresher maws and other hideous arthropods living there.’’ He chuckled.

‘’The Krogans aren’t always the friendliest bunch but they are protective of women, no matter the species. Something about women being the divine bringers of life. If you want to keep off the Primarch’s radar, having a Krogan in your corner can go a long way.’’ He said to her.

‘’As perfect as that sounds, I’ve only met a handful of Krogan and they’ve usually only been at the business end of my gun. I don’t know one well enough to even consider calling them friend, never mind asking them to shelter me. ‘’ she murmured, eyes downcast and Nihlus could see she was feeling hopeless.

‘’Don’t you worry about that Shepard.’’ He started to laugh as she sceptically raised an eyebrow high enough to disappear into her hairline.

‘’How can I not worry Nihlus? My whole life, I’ve always relied upon and had support from friends, from Garrus, from my fath… oh shit!’’ she scrambled out of her chair knocking it over and tried to activate her omnitool to call her father only to realise she had thrown the fucking thing away.

‘’Fuck, what kind of daughter am I to just forget about my father?’’ she moaned.

‘’Your father?’’ he asked her, leaning back in his chair.

‘’Well that solves your problems doesn’t it? You don’t need me at all.’’ He sulkily stated.

‘’No, no, no. I can’t go to him. He lives on Palaven!’’ she started to laugh manically and Nihlus grew concerned that she was having some sort of fit and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her lightly to snap her out of it.

‘’What if they go after my father? He’s the human ambassador on Palaven. He probably sees the Primarch every second day. What if something happens to him because I was too selfish to stay away from Garrus and now…’’ Shepard was gasping for breath, a panic attack gripping her lungs so hard she felt like they were being torn from her chest.

‘’Breathe Shepard! Breathe… that’s it… deep breaths… watch me… in and out.’’ Nihlus pulled her closer so that she could feel the rise and fall of his chest.

After a while she had calmed down enough so that only the small breaths she was taking could be heard from Nihlus. He continued to stroke her back, rumbling soothingly in her ear. He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her and purred when she did the same.

‘’Getting this upset really isn’t good for your health Shepard. You need to learn and quickly, how to be strong, how to survive. You can’t be crying and breaking down every time something happens that you can’t control.’’ He said softly into her hair as he nuzzled the top of her head.

‘’You sound like my father. How old are you anyway?’’ she mumbled into his neck.

‘’Twenty-eight this next solar month. You?’’ he replied.

‘’Twenty-three… almost twenty-four.’’ She said pulling away to look into his eyes as she felt his snicker vibrate through his chest to hers.

‘’Ah.’’ He said as if that explained everything.

‘’What do you mean by ah? Did you just have some life confirming epiphany that I don’t know about.’’ She said sarcastically and he could swear he saw her lip jut out in defiance.

‘’No, it just makes more sense as to why you’re so…. emotional… and naïve… and ‘’ he said only to yelp as she stood on his toes and grinded down.

‘’If the next word out of your mouth was going to be the word childish, I won’t be responsible for the ass kicking you’re gonna receive.’’ She growled out, suppressing a laugh as he bounced on one foot away from her and hissed, rubbing his foot. He burst out laughing and she joined him, holding her stomach as she shook her head.

‘’How do you always get me to laugh? I can go from manically depressed to obliviously happy when you’re around in the space of a few minutes.’’ She asked him. ‘’It’s a gift.’’ He replied and she smiled.

‘’Uh-huh.’’ She grunted and picking up their plates she put them in the sink to be washed later.

Nihlus was still snickering in the corner and as she looked at him she couldn’t describe just how fortunate she felt to have met him.

‘’So… are you still going to Palaven?’’ she asked, her booted toe circling the floor as she waited for his response.

‘’Yes, I have no choice. However if you stay on the ship and I keep my mouth shut, no one should be the wiser to you being here.’’ He said.

‘’What about your crew members?’’ she asked him again.

‘’Shepard, my crew doesn’t know who you are and there are only two of them and the reason I hired them was because they know how to keep secrets.’’ He said.

‘’Ok.’’ Shepard hummed accepting his words as truth.

As they stood there in companionable silence she cleared her throat.

‘’Do you have a shower on this rust-bucket?’’ she asked jokingly.

‘’Hey! Watch what you call Tenzin. She’s sensitive. And yes, as a matter of fact we do have shower here.’’ He grumbled, petting the ships walls, pretending to console it as she heard ‘there there’ come out of his mouth.

‘’I think I’m going to go for that shower then.‘’ she murmured before turning to leave.

‘’Need a hand with your hair?!’’ she heard him shout as soon as she had entered his quarters.

She threw her shoe at him which made him chuckle even more.

*********************************

Arcelia had had a restless night of sleep. Her poor, poor son had been through so much in the last day and as his mother she had never felt more helpless. Looking at the light coming through the bedroom window she groaned when she realised that she had overslept. Seems like it’s not just her son who was experiencing some stress. She slipped on her robe, tying it securely around her waist, pulling it tight over her cowl and shivered.

‘’Too damn cold on the Citadel.’’ she hissed.

She missed her home on Palaven, sitting in the garden with the sun-rays heating her plates, listening to the cawing and chirping of the birds and insects. Walking to the thermostat she cranked up the dial and muttered in relief when she felt a waft of warm air hit her. She made her way quietly through the flat to the kitchen. Solana had never been an early riser and it had driven her mad when she was in her teens, lounging around in bed all day. Spirits but teenagers and children were hard work. She stepped in to the kitchen intending to start breakfast for when Solana woke but instead she found her mate sitting on the floor, an empty bottle of brandy lying next to him as he snored and drooled into his cowl. Spirits, but she was in no mood for this, this early in the spirits-forsaken morning. She walked over to him and using her two toes she jabbed them hard enough into his spurs to make him come awake with a yelp.

‘’W-what’s … wrong?’’ he slurred.

‘’Spirits, the last thing I expected to see was the great Veridian Vakarian, retired but famous detective, slumped on the kitchen floor, reeking of booze.’’ She grumbled with mirth. ‘’Oh, how far the great one has fallen.’’ She said stepping over him to flick on the kettle.

‘’Get up.’’ She snapped. ‘’I am not in the mood to deal with you today Vakarian.’’

He flinched from her tone of voice. She only ever called him Vakarian when she was angry enough with him to seriously cause him physical harm. He gave another moan as his head swam and using the technique of a two year old trying to stand, he palmed his way up the counter, pulling himself up slowly and wobbling unsteadily on his legs.

‘’What time is it?’’ he sighed when his vision cleared.

‘’What does it matter? Do you want to know what I did last night? Well, let me enlighten you. I came home after that spirits-awful meeting you put us through and after thoroughly scrubbing my plates in the shower from being in close proximity to that evil little pyjack you married our son to, I got a call from him. Who as it turns out, was forcibly marked and right in front of his mate Shepard too. So after ending the call with my distraught son, I stayed awake most of the night worrying about whether or not he found Shepard, who as it turns out is missing. I have only had about two hours sleep and the first thing I wake up to and have to deal with is you. So, no. I don’t know what the bloody time is!’’ she screeched.

Veridian stood wide-eyed and slack jawed at her as she screeched and scolded him like a child. Marked? What in the spirits? Forcibly? Unacceptable... there has to be an explanation.

‘’Spirits Arcelia. Are you sure she marked him forcibly? Did he not by accident lead her on or…?’’ he started to ask but promptly clamped his mandibles tight over his mouth as she gave a growl loud and viciously enough to make him take a step back.

‘’As the humans say Vakarian... so help me god but If you say one more word…’’ she brought her fist in the air and he saw her talons arch as she bent her hand into a claw. He shivered.

‘’I’ll take your word for it. I will address this issue with the Primarch. This marriage may have been my idea, but I never intended for Garrus to experience something like that. I will ask for compensation...’’ he said, his head pounding hard from the alcohol to make him stop mid speech.

‘’Compensation?! Are you fucking kidding me Veridian? Our son gets assaulted in one of the most despised ways in Turian culture and you just want compensation? Spirits help me...’’ Arcelia said throwing her hands up in the air.

‘’Sabine has been arrested and is currently in custody down in C-sec HQ. The Primarch is already trying to get her out and wipe all evidence of what happened. He is as corrupt as they come. What on Palavens’ world convinced you in the first place that this marriage was wise, I’ll never understand.’’ She sighed and turned around pouring herself a cup of kava from the recently boiled kettle.

‘’What’s all the shouting about so early in the morning?’’ she heard Solana say through a yawn as she walked into the kitchen.

‘’Spirits dad, you stink!’’ Solana crinkled her nose.

‘’You want to know my dear child? Well, take a seat and let me tell you aaaaaall about it, I'll explain exactly, in detail, what just happened thanks to your fathers poor decision making skills.’’ Arcelia hummed.

Veridian groaned and as his wife continued to torture him by retelling the story and insulting him between each breath, he sighed and resigned himself to the fact this morning was going to be hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so i may have listened to the Dirty Dancing album while writing this.. hence the title of the chapter. Whaaaaaat? Its a classic! Dont judge! Anyway, heres another quick update for you.
> 
> Enjoy folks.


	23. Remorse

Garrus woke up to a noise from outside Shepard’s bedroom. A scuffling of sorts and heard Liara give a cough as she walked into the bathroom across the hall. He kept his eyes closed, not daring to open them as he remembered last night’s events. He could feel no pressure coming from the other side of the bed, no sense of warmth, no sighs or breathy snores that usually accompanied Shepard’s’ presence when she slept. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He shook his head and keened out into his pillow. Why couldn’t they just be happy? Why couldn’t they just live normal, mundane and monotonous lives? He wanted to argue about leaving the toilet seat up, his talons scratching her floor, whose turn it was to get groceries for the week. He would do anything to just live that normal kind of life with Shepard. Rolling onto his side without opening his eyes, he stretched his hand out and prayed once again to make contact with a silky smooth shoulder but when his hand reached nothing but air and it dropped to her unused pillow, he clenched his hand around it and opened his eyes to the nothingness that was there. He didn’t know what to do? What if she never came back? He sat up slowly, her pillow dragging along with him as his talons hooked in the fabric.

No, this wasn’t happening.

She probably spent the night at a friend and decided that the silent treatment was going to be his punishment. Women did that right? He had a friend once, who told him that his mate would ignore him for weeks if he pissed her off. He stood up and disentangled his talons, he placed it neatly back on her side of the bed, pulling the covers up till they reached halfway up the pillow. He suddenly felt like he was tucking her in for the night and his heart lurched in his chest.

‘’No, I’m going to go to work. Nothing is wrong. Shepard is not missing. She promised that she would always come back.’’ He muttered to himself as he got into the shower and prepared for the day ahead.

He could smell her everywhere and it was driving him mad.

Leaving the apartment quickly and avoiding Liara all together he arrived at work to an office that was still locked. Still empty. Still smelling like them. He cleared his throat and walked over to his desk. She was going to show up. Any minute now, because if she didn’t he was going to lose his ever-loving mind in the worst way possible. Continuously walking back and forth from his desk to hers, he looked up in hope at the door when he heard a noise, only to scowl when he saw Chellick’s assistant pop her head through the door.

‘’Vakarian, Sir? Executor Chellick would like to speak you in his office. It is urgent Sir.’’ She said before scurrying out the door.

He trilled with agitation as he walked the few short strides to his boss’ office.

‘’Garrus, come in and close the door behind you.’’ Chellick said urgently, motioning him over with his hands in impatience.

‘’Is it Sabine. Is she out?’’ he rumbled, his anger spiking at the thought.

‘’No… well... it’s most likely got something to do with her.’’ He said uncomfortably, rubbing a hand over his mandible and pointing to a datapad on the corner of his desk. Garrus walked over and picked up the datapad, genuinely confused about his boss’ attitude. Why was he so uncomfortable?

‘’Garrus, this morning two bodies were found in the alleyways close to Chora’s den. They were both shot at point blank range and died on the scene from what forensics can tell. We… I … pulled up the security footage from that alleyway and … Spirits, sit down before you watch it.’’ He muttered quietly, pouring himself a glass of water.

‘’Boss, I’ve seen people get shot before… by my own hand in fact. I’m hardly going to faint over two dead bodies.’’ He grumbled irritably.

‘’Shut up and watch Vakarian.’’ Chellick snapped.

Raising a browplate at Chellick’s tone of voice, he complied and lowered his head to the screen. Activating the play button, he saw the outlines of two men discussing something. He saw their heads swivel up as someone approached.

His blood ran cold in his body.

His heart coming to a complete standstill as he watched in agonisingly slow detail how Shepard was attacked, hit and shot. How she was groped and pinned down by that Batarian bastard. When he saw the Batarian lick up Shepard’s’ neck he let out a roar that echoed through the hallways of C-sec and Chellick nearly dropped his glass of water in shock. He watched _his mate_ overpower the Batarian and throw him off, shooting him in the head. He watched _his mate_ walk over to the Turian she had shot in the gut and how she stopped him from crawling away. He watched in absolute horror how her blood mixed with the dead Turians.

_Oh spirits…_

_Oh sweet spirits…_

_Shepard…_

‘’Where is Shepard Garrus?’’ he heard Chellick ask him.

He didn’t answer at first. The rush of blood in his system blocking out anything and everything except what was happening in front of him on the screen, he continued to watch as Shepard practically dragged herself away on one leg up the steps and disappearing from the camera’s views. His sub-vocals gave a shrill scream of distress as he hit the play button again and re-watched the horror he couldn’t protect his mate from.

‘’Where did she go after that?!’’ he screamed at no one in particular but praying for an answer none the less.

‘’I tried to follow her route with the camera’s leading out of the alleyway but it seems they were shut down for maintenance. From the time stamp it seems this happened directly before 15:00 hours yesterday afternoon. Garrus… you need tell me. Where is Shepard?’’ Chellick rumbled.

Garrus turned to look at Chellick and the older man sighed as he saw the desperation in Garrus’ eyes.

‘’I don’t know.’’ He said.

_Spirits Shepard…_

_I didn’t know…_

_I’m so sorry!_

Chellick grumbled and sat down, prying the datapad out Garrus’ hands. Garrus gripped the thing like it was the last time he was ever going to feel connected to Shepard again. He dropped it onto the desk and stared blankly at the wall.

‘’Vakarian…. Garrus, I know this is unsettling and personally I’m damn proud of her for fighting them off, however we need her to come in for questioning.’’ He said, trying to get Garrus’ attention by fanning the datapad around in front of his face.

‘’She never came home last night after she saw me with Sabine.’’ He said his flanged voice coming out monotone and lifeless.

‘’I see.’’ Chellick said.

‘’We’ll need to put out a station wide alert then, consider her as missing for the time being, rather than a suspect in a murder case. She’s a cop and hopefully that will be important enough for all our colleagues to put extra effort into finding her. ‘’ he said.

‘’Sir, is there no way we can track her omnitool? I-I know it’s illegal…’’ he stuttered, his misery still coming out in low keening moans, no matter how hard he tried to control it.

‘Hmmm, this is not something that I, as Executor, can oversee or be tied to… however if you go over to R&D and ask for a salarian named Kronos, he… ahem… should technically be able to help you out.’’ he glanced away from Garrus.

‘’Is there any audio we can get from that f-footage?’’ Garrus cleared his throat.

‘’I thought I would show it to you first before I sent it in officially for analysis. Here, make a copy of it and I’ll leave it in your hands for the time being.’’ Chellick stood up, handing the datapad back to Garrus, who copied it and put it back down again.

‘’Garrus, I know you have a lot on your mind right now… and Spirits; I don’t want add to your troubles. However, after speaking to a council representative I have decided to put you forward for the Spectre program.’’ He said.

Garrus’ head shot up so fast, from the point on the floor that he was aimlessly staring at, that he felt vaguely nauseous.

‘’W-what? Boss, I thought you –of all people- would want me to stay in C-sec?’’ he whispered, daring to hope. To believe that this was possible.

‘’Garrus, two weeks ago, I would have been vehemently against the idea. I wanted to keep you here at my side and eventually, I wanted to name you as the next Executor upon my retirement. Now, I think that C-sec is no longer a possibility, if you want to keep your mate and yourself safe from forces that want to keep you apart.’’ He said severely.

‘’Being a spectre is a responsibility and duty that is incomparable with anything else out there in the galaxy, but with those resources, those connections and the power that comes with that title… you need it now more than ever.’’ Chellick said, turning around to face Garrus, his shrewd eyes taking in the young Turian.

‘’You are still young Garrus and no one should have to experience some of the things that you’ve gone through recently. But I believe that you have enough will power to make it through the six months training. You need the resolve to see this through, to fight for your mate.’’

‘’I… yes Boss. I, uh, don’t know how to thank you for this.’’ Garrus whispered, easing himself slowly up onto his feet, his hands still shaking as he held a copy of the holovid in his hands.

‘’No need. Watching you and Shepard work together, grow together will always be one of my finest memories to return to once I’ve retired. I’ll start your transfer papers and get you enrolled in the Academy that trains Spectre candidates by the end of the day.’’

Garrus trilled out his thanks, feeling more hopeful than he did twenty minutes ago. This would open doors for him in all the far corners of the galaxy and he could hopefully get out from under the Primarch’s’ influence and far away from Sabine.

‘’Boss, I’m going down to R&D to speak with Kronos, I’ll get the data feed analysed for audio and keep you up-to-date on what’s happening. Thank you for all your help Sir.’’ He said, leaving the office when he saw Chellick nod and dismiss him.

_Spirits, Shepard wherever you are…_

_Please be safe._

***********************************************************

Veridian had been forced into a shower by his wife and now three hours later he was pacing up and down, trying to psych himself up for the call that he had to place.

‘’Good morning. May I speak to Primarch Crassus? This is Veridian Vakarian.’’ He said when the line connected.

‘’I apologise sir, but the Primarch is not available to take any calls.’’ The PA said.

‘’Do you know when he will be available. It is quite urgent.’’ He rumbled.

‘’May I take a message for you and pass it along?’’ she asked.

‘’Yes. Can you tell him that I wish to renegotiate our terms for my sons mating to his niece? As she has forcibly marked him and is now currently in a C-sec holding cell?’’ He spat out, to the utter shock of the PA, who gave a squeal in surprise at having such juicy gossip land in her lap.

‘’Of course sir. I will make sure that he gets the message as soon as he is available.’’ She said and Veridian could hear the waves of her amusement thrumming through the line before he ended the call.

‘’What a Spirits-fucking mess this has turned into.’’ He muttered irritably.

His wife and daughter had both given him stern looks this morning and he was frankly, quite sick of it. Fine, so he was hasty in his decision to marry Garrus off. Fine, so he was a spineless pyjack for striking Shepard in anger. But no more! He deserved respect for the thirty years he had dedicated to his duty, wife and family and being treated like a leper was something that he wasn’t going to stand for anymore. He was still deathly afraid of the Primarch and his veiled threats about the harm that would befall his family but looking back on it now, his first mistake was not explaining that to his family. He turned and walked through the office door to the lounge, where his wife and daughter were sitting, sipping their kavas’ and cleared his throat to get their attention. Arcelia looked up at him with a bored expression and rolled her eyes, looking back at the book she had in her hand. His daughter however, looked him straight in the eye and folded her arms over her chest, impatiently tapping a foot against the floor.

‘’I’m just going to say it once. So you better listen because it will not be happening again.’’ He said severely, causing Arcelia to glance his way with narrowed eyes.

‘’I was wrong. I was wrong to not discuss this with you… my family. I was wrong to sign the papers without speaking to you about it. I now realise that this has backfired spectacularly in my face, but I cannot abide by the disrespect and hate that my family has been showing towards me anymore!’’ he hissed.

‘’I have just now relayed a message over to the Primarch. I want to renegotiate the terms of Garrus’ marriage. He has to stay married, there is no getting around that, but I want to put in a request for permanent separation without cutting ties between the two names. Both Sabine and Garrus will not have to live together, or procreate and they can even take lovers as long as they are discreet and cause no more backlash for our family. This is all I can do.’’ He rumbled, wringing his hands in front of him.

'‘Primarch Crassus, as you know, is a dangerous enemy to have and I partly started this sordid business because he said that it would be in mine and my family’s best interests If I didn’t refuse him as accidents do happen and it would be a great shame if they did.’’ He continued amongst the gasps of shock that the women let out.

‘’Husband, why didn’t you tell us all this beforehand? We would never have treated you so harshly if we had known that you were just trying to protect all of us.’’ Arcelia hummed and placed her cup down next to her.

‘’I did not want you to think less of me Arcelia. I am the one who is ultimately responsible for this family’s safety and wellbeing and I honestly thought that if didn’t agree to the Primarch’s terms that you would all be in terrible danger.’’ He keened out, thanking the Spirits that his wife was finally speaking to him in a tone of voice that didn’t make him flinch.

‘’Husband, you have always done what is best for the family and now that we know that the Primarch could harm us, we will just be more careful in how we approach things. WE may not be the perfect family, but I’m sure the four of us can overcome anything if we put our minds to it.’’ She hummed, placing a hand on his arm trilling out her own apology for her actions recently.

‘’Dad, what’s done is done. But try to make it right. Fight for Garrus dad. He is in so much pain.’’ Solana trilled pathetically.

‘’I will do what I can. Do you think … do you think he would be willing to see me?’’ he asked his wife cautiously.

‘’You won’t get a warm welcome, that much I can promise you. But if you start off by telling him you’re sorry, like you did with us, that should floor him for a bit and give you time to explain.’’ She said.

‘’He should be at work right now Dad … or at least I hope he is. He may have been up all night looking for Shepard.’’ Solana took another sip of her tea and shrugged.

‘’I’ll go find him.’’

**************************************

Nihlus was talking animatedly with his co-pilot, when he saw Shepard walk out of his quarters on the monitor and he excused himself to catch up with her. She was wearing one of his shirts again and her blue jeans he had bought her yesterday clung to her curves. He was going to say something snarky about her backside, when he saw the look of pain on her face as she brought her hand up and rubbed on the visible bite mark from Garrus. He sighed. What could he do for her? He wanted to take her to Tuchanka. He had a few favours that he could cash in and Wrex was a big softy deep down. Maybe he would be willing to hide Shepard till she figured out what she wanted to do.

It would take another week to get there and luckily the levo-rations were just enough to last her till she got there. Until then she would just have to continue wearing his clothes. Not that he minded that at all. A part of him was extremely pleased that she had chosen him to turn to in her time of need and hope filled his chest as he once again let his eyes roam her body. He wouldn’t ever, ever fall in love with her he promised himself, but he could at least try his best to enter some sort of beneficial sexual relationship with her. Hell, he didn’t mind being her best friend… as long it came with sex.

And lots of it.

But for now, he would bide his time and take care of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, im not happy with this chapter. Like removing gum from your hair or pulling teeth with pliers. Equally as painful and tedious.
> 
> *Sigh*
> 
> I'll try to move the story along a bit from now on, been getting hints to get moving. I had planned for atleast thirty chapters in total... but we'll see how it goes.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Oh, for a happier, sexier, dirtier time, with no angst, I've posted a new story.


	24. Your love means everything - by Coldplay

Garrus didn’t know what to do about the fact that Shepard was shot. There was technically nothing he could do. Logically, he knew that she survived the encounter otherwise how had she shown up at his place later that night? But that didn’t help dispel the ache in his heart that beat furiously for her safety. He didn’t know what to do about the fact that he wasn’t there when Shepard needed him most, because in truth he knew there was nothing he could do. So taking the elevator down to R&D he listed in his head what he could do something about.

He needed to have the video analysed for audio and facial recognition and speak to Kronos about tracking Shepard’s omnitool. He needed to make an appointment with a doctor at Huerta to start the process of removing Sabine’s mark. He needed to speak to his parents and ask -no, tell them- that he was joining the spectre program effective immediately. He needed to go down to the precinct and have Sabine charged with assault.

Yes, these were things that he could do, right now. He wanted to keep as busy as possible so that he had no time to lose himself in the pit of despair that was waiting to swallow him whole if he dared to just stand still for a moment. His mate, the person who he had tied his soul to without even realising it, was missing and hurt… and Spirits… she could be alone or in danger. He closed his eyes as the elevator descended and reached far back into his mind for his military training to separate his emotions from what was happening in front of him. Opening his eyes as the doors whooshed open to a vast open room filled with lab equipment and cubicles of workers, he marched with purpose to what he supposed would qualify as reception .

‘’Sir, do you have authorisation to be down here?’’ a bored Asari asked him, not even bothering to look at him once she had recognised that he wasn’t part of the everyday staff.

‘’Yes, I was sent by Executor Chellick to have evidence analysed.’’ He said curtly.

‘’If you could please fill out the forms necessary and add as much information pertaining to the case as you can. We should get back to you within one galactic week with our findings.’’ She replied as if on autopilot.

‘’One week? Unacceptable! I need to speak to Kronos.’’ He said firmly, standing up straighter to impose his full height over the Asari.

‘’Sir, intimidation tactics are frowned upon and I would advise you to adjust your stance to be less threatening.’’ She said, frowning up at him.

‘’Direct me to Kronos.’’ He said again, forcing himself to be respectful to this disinterested receptionist.

‘’Cubicle 234, down the hall, make two rights and take a left once you reach the coffee machine.’’ She replied.

‘’Anything else sir?’’

‘’No.’’ he said and picked up the forms to be filled in. He wasn’t waiting for a fucking week that was for sure. Maybe Kronos could do him an extra favour if he was as technically skilled as Chellick made him out to be.

Following her vague directions, he reached the cubicle and gave a knock on the side to alert the occupant to his arrival. ‘’Kronos?’’ Garrus asked tilting his head as he looked at the Salarian whose back was turned to him.

‘’No time. No time. Go away. Off with you. Need to finish analysis. Go find someone else to bother.’’ He muttered, his strange looking fingers flying over the keys with rapid movements as he hummed and sighed at each reading that popped up on his screen.

‘’This is important. Chellick sent me.’’ Garrus said again, his impatience flaring a bit and he grasped again for that imaginary block on his emotions.

‘’Ah. Yes. Chellick. Good man. Good turian. Owe him favours. Presume that’s why you’re here?’’ Kronos said without turning to look around.

‘’Uh, yes.’’ Garrus said, taken aback at Kronos’ blunt question.

‘’Pass evidence over. Be quick. Have more tests to do. Hurry, hurry.’’ He said and stuck out a hand.

Garrus passed the information over into the waiting hand and cleared his throat.

‘’There is actually one more thing I need your help with. Chellick mentioned you had some… special… skills that I could put to use.’’ He said quietly, leaning further into the cubicle so as to make sure no one overheard him.

Kronos turned around and his large oval eyes blinked as he processed the question and the smile on the green skinned Salarian made his face look eerily devious as he nodded at Garrus. Motioning him with a hand to get Garrus to step in further, he took a deep breath.

‘’Hypothetical speech will now take place. If needing someone with special skills what would that person require?’’ the salarian asked.

‘’Uh, the... hypothetical client would need the omnitool of someone important to them hacked and traced to ascertain… their.... safety and health?’’ he asked, not used to playing games of ’he-said-she-said’.

‘’I see. This client is close to the wearer of the omnitool? Hypothetically speaking of course.’’ He asked Garrus.

Garrus groaned at all this dancing around and decided to just come out with it.

‘’Look, my mate, the woman I love, was shot yesterday and has since disappeared since I last saw her at my home. She is missing. Now, can you help me find her or do I have to go somewhere else?’’ he said, cutting right to the point.

‘’Ah, I see you do not like to play games. Fine, fine. Yes. Will help. Send me details and identifier code for omnitool, will try and get location for you within the hour.’’ Kronos hummed.

‘’Please take seat by coffee machine. Do not interrupt process. Come back in one hour.’’ Kronos said, turning back around.

‘’I desperately need any audio from the surveillance I just handed to you.’’ Garrus chirped, transferring over Shepard’s details to him.

‘’Yes, yes. Away with you. Important work. Important findings. Need time.’’ He snapped.

Garrus exited the cubicle and walked back to the coffee machine, pouring a double shot of kava he realised that he hadn’t eaten anything in some time now. He couldn’t afford to get sick and made a decision to grab something after he was done here. He walked over to the couch hidden in the corner and sat down, wincing as his armour clanked on the thing and he cursed as he compared the couch to a slab of concrete. Forty minutes later and Garrus was slowly losing his mind.

That welcoming pit of despair had started tugging on his feet the moment he had sat down. He was losing it. He quickly pulled up his omnitool and found the number for the hospital on the extranet. Calling them he spoke to a much friendlier receptionist and scheduled a visit to see the doctor later that afternoon. Ending the call he idly traced the wounds on his neck and briefly imagined how it would feel to have Shepard sink her teeth in, how he would feel if he were wearing her mark. His chest eased up with each thought of Shepard. How she smiled at him, how she had laughed at him, the first time she had found his ticklish spot behind his spurs and he had squawked like a bird in surprise.

Positive thinking seemed to go a long way and Garrus lost himself in not just recent memories but of ones that he found he had never paid much attention to before. Memories of her eating supper at his house when they were home for shore leave, the awkward way they would all sit around the table with his father glaring at the two of them, but Shepard would slip her shoe off and kick him under the table and he would retaliate by knocking his elbow into her. The two of them were scolded every time they were caught messing about at the dinner table. He missed the days where the two of them did nothing but tease each other and laugh constantly as they went about their days. Love, it seems complicates everything.

He wouldn’t change it for anything. He felt complete, like he belonged to someone. His soul finally finding a matching one to bond with and as he pulled up a holo he had taken secretly of her sleeping, he ran his talon over her cheek, quickly snapping it shut as his timer went off and he headed back to Kronos’ cubicle.

‘’Have analysed and recovered what I could. Would like to listen now?’’ Kronos asked.

Garrus nodded his head and braced himself for watching his mate get shot for a third time that day. He strained to hear over the accompanying hum of the Citadel which echoed around the alleyways where Shepard got shot.

_Let me through._

_You’ve been making some waves human. Our boss is very unhappy with you._

_Fuck your boss. You will get out of my way if you know what’s good for you._

_Tsk, tsk… now, now little human. No need to make this harder… than what he already is._

_Do you think the boss will let me play with her before we sell her off?_

_I don’t see why not?_

Garrus watched in horror again as her blood leaked from her leg and she pinned the Turian down with her boot. His whole body shaking now as he gripped the back of the Salarians chair, his talons sinking into the material.

_D-don’t kill me. P-please_

_Why the fuck did you come after me?’’_

_T-the mistress… it’s what she wanted. She wants you to leave her husband alone. She will kill you…or him if needs b-be._

_Sabine?_

_Y-yes…_

Garrus closed his eyes when the feed shut off and he clamped his mandibles tight over his face as he took deep steadying breaths to calm the rage that was threatening to erupt from him. She dared?! She dared to order someone to kill Shepard?! He had enough proof now to sentence her for not just assault on his person but also with attempted murder. If… the Primarch didn’t get her shuttled off the Citadel before he could get her sentenced.

‘’T-thank you Kronos.’’ Garrus said his voice low.

‘’Most distressing to watch. My sympathies for you and your mate.’’ Kronos said serenely.

‘’Good news. Have tracked omnitool to docks. Bay G36.’’ Kronos sent the exact coordinates over to Garrus who hummed out his thanks.

Garrus muttered another thank you before almost sprinting out the cubicle, only to hear Kronos yell at him.

‘’No more favours! Tell Chellick he owes me!’’ Garrus raised a hand while he briskly walked towards the exit, signaling to Kronos that he had heard him.

Entering the elevator, needing to get back to Chellick with the criminal’s confession of acting under Sabine’s order to kill Shepard, Garrus was thrumming deep in his chest with impatience. The docks? Why would she be there? Was she going to leave the Citadel? Was she leaving him? Maybe, just maybe, Spirits-forbid she had been abducted and was being held there and that’s why she couldn’t contact him. He didn’t know which option was worse. That she had chosen to leave him or that she was in trouble.

Either way his heart would break even more than it already had.

*************************************************

Sabine was so tired, deathly tired. She had never in all her years sat sleeping up, essentially chained to a table. Oh, someone had come in to escort her to the bathroom every few hours and a measly meal had been brought in for her, but for some reason she was not placed into a cell with a bed or toilet. Surely this was illegal, she had rights dammit! All her shouts for her lawyer to be called seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. She had threatened each and every one of the Officers who had entered her cell in shifts; she had screamed, thrashed around on her chains and eventually resorted to sobbing and wailing in order to gain sympathy.

She realised belatedly that threatening someone’s life and then later asking them for sympathy was quite stupid of her.

Her back ached and her neck seemed to be stuck at an odd angle as she tried to stand up from her chair, the chains only giving her a certain amount of freedom. She flexed her back. After the first few hours she had quietened down and started to think of excuses for the charges that were most likely going to be brought against her. Damn those fools for not killing Shepard. If she was found to have connections with what took place against Shepard she was royally screwed. No, none of the men would betray her. She had made sure to pay their handler a substantial fee in order to keep their mouths shut in the event that they failed.

As for marking Garrus, she was going to claim that she was just so in love with him that she couldn’t help herself. She would repeat it until she was either bluer in the face or someone believed her. Her uncle could get her out of this mess. Hopefully... Spirits, she hoped. She would face whatever he threw her way without complaints as long as she avoided going to prison for a year on Palaven. Being a species specific crime, she would be transferred and face trial there for her actions. She looked up as the doors hissed open and a uniform walked in carrying a tray with food. Placing it in front of her she once again snapped the chains on the desk to demand his attention when he continued to ignore her existence.

‘’I want out. Do you hear me? This is illegal. You cannot keep me here! Call my lawyer at once. Call my uncle for Spirits sake. I am his niece. Primarch Crassus will not allow his family to be treated this way!’’ she screamed.

The officer turned to look at her from the doorway.

‘’We have received word from your Primarch’s secretary. You are to remain in custody for the time being. Your lawyer is unavailable until further notice. Enjoy your stay Miss.’’ the human officer smiled and the door hissed shut.

Flabbergasted, Sabine stood there with her mandibles gaping wide. Her shrill scream of frustration made the officers on the other side of the two way glass burst with laughter.

**************************************

Garrus reached Chellick’s office, gasping for breath, having run in the halls to the consternation of the keepers and cleaners roaming the halls. Knocking loudly on his boss' office door he burst through it.

‘’Boss, I traced Shepard’s signal to the docks. Permission to round up some officers to accompany me to the location? I have enough reason to suspect that there is a possibility she may have been abducted.’’ He said quickly, ignoring the shocked choking sound that Chellick made.

‘’I have one more request for you.’’ Garrus hummed low in his throat, a menacing sound that made Chellick shiver.

‘’Send that bitch Sabine to prison.’’ He spat, snarling as he thought of Shepard almost being killed.

‘’Garrus, for Spirits-sake you can’t just burst in here and demand that. ’’ Chellick sighed out.

‘’I have the audio. She is behind the hit on Shepard’s life. One of the men confirmed it when Shepard had the good sense to ask.’’ He rumbled.

‘’Pass it here.’’ Chellick said holding his hand out. Grabbing the datapad, he hit play and Garrus blocked out the sounds. No need to make it a fourth time today. He couldn’t watch it again.

‘’Spirits, I cannot believe this. Do you know what a political shit storm this will cause Vakarian?’’ Chellick hissed out. Garrus watched Chellick groan and rub both hands over his face as he dropped his head back.

‘’Okay, from now on, you are no longer on this case.’’ He said and Garrus roared in protest.

‘’You can’t take me off this…’’ he said before Chellick stood up so abruptly that Garrus stumbled backwards in shock.

‘’You fool. Did you not hear what was said? Sabine not only threatened Shepard’s life but also yours as well you reckless idiot. You cannot get involved in this case. I will handle this personally, I will make sure that the Primarch does not circumvent any of the proceedings or tamper with the evidence. You need to stay far, far away from this unless you want the Primarch to decide that you aren’t worth the effort and have both you and Sabine killed for blocking his ambitions to remain Primarch for the next four years.’’

‘’Boss, you can’t let her get away with this!’’ he hissed his hands balling into fists as his mandibles fluttered in anger.

‘’And I won’t let her get away with it. But for now, I need you to trust me Garrus.’’ Chellick said, his eyes pleading with Garrus to be reasonable.

‘’I…Ok, you win boss. I’ll stay out of it as much as I can. You seem to be forgetting that Sabine is my wife.’’ He hummed in disgust.

‘’Go and gather a squad and go get Shepard.’’ He rumbled, pointing at the door.

‘’Yes, Sir.’’ Garrus said, allowing a small smile to grace his face for the first time since he had said goodbye to Shepard in their office.

Her parting words to him haunting him as he remembered her smiling face, her hair still a mess from their lovemaking.

_Don’t miss me too much._

******************************************

Veridian sat in the skycab and waited for it to descend, the automatic parking systems alerting nearby people that the vehicle was descending in a loud robotic voice. It was grating on his nerves. He was nervous enough at the thought of seeing his son again, especially considering recent events. Would his son attack him if he accidentally provoked him? It’s not like he didn’t deserve it but it saddened him to think that he could pull that kind of response from his son.

He exited the car and walked to front doors of C-sec HQ. He decided that calling Garrus first was probably wise and just as he was about to press call, Garrus and two other officers, armed to the teeth, walked out and Garrus hissed when he saw his father.

‘’Not now, Dad.’’ Garrus said continuing to walk ahead.

‘’Spirits my son. What’s going on?’’ Veridian gasped for breath as he tried to match Garrus’ pace, when Garrus suddenly stopped and turned to face him and growled in his face.

‘’Sabine ordered a hit on Shepard yesterday. Shepard was shot. We have traced her to the docks as she has been considered missing since I last saw her. My fellow officers and I, are on our way to her location now as we suspect another attempt may have been made to harm her or smuggle her off the Citadel.’’ He hissed.

‘’Now, if you have no more questions, I would ask of you, please... for whatever feelings as a son I still have left for you, to not concern yourself with me or my mate anymore. Every time you get involved in my life, it ends in disaster!’’ Garrus screamed at his father.

Veridian sucked in a breath and clutched his hand to his chest over his heart as Garrus spun on his heels and yelled ‘move out’ to his companions.

He watched his son march off into whatever battle was ahead, with a heavy heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a good day today. This chapter poured out like water running through my hands.
> 
> Enjoy!


	25. Broken - By Lifehouse

Glancing down at his wrist as the map being displayed on his omnitol burned orange, the flashing red dot beeped the closer he got to Shepard’s position, Garrus stuck out his hand in a fist. His team stopped immediately behind him. He needed to survey the area, to assess all entry and exit points, any possible ambushes that could be waiting for them. Sighting through his scope he couldn't see anything suspicious. The dockworkers went about their business, unloading and reloading crates onto their various ships and he rumbled in frustration. Garrus didn’t sense any danger in the immediate area. He signalled to his team to follow him as he checked him omnitool again for directions.

Passing by a warehouse, the three men silently snuck past until they came to a clearing where an empty dock was situated. Crates were stacked in the corner and Garrus’ heart sped up along with the beeping from his arm. He motioned for his men to keep watch as he walked with leaden feet towards the blinking spot. The signal was coming directly from behind those crates. He found himself unable to move. What if he found her body? What if she had bled out behind those crates? What would he do…what could he do if she was dead? He swallowed his nausea as his thoughts led him further and further into despair. Placing his rifle back into his holster, he reached out a hand to the crate and his talons dragged around the wooden surface as he started to circle it.

_Please Spirits…_

_Don’t be dead…_

_Don’t do this to me…_

He shut his eyes as he reached the back of the crate and taking a breath through his mouth he couldn’t taste the coppery smell of her blood in the air, he couldn’t taste, sense or smell much of anything other than the general odour that accompanied the docks. He opened his eyes and dropped them to the floor. His relief was palpable as he saw no body. No blood. That relief however, turned to a cold stabbing pain in his heart as he saw Shepard’s omnitool lying on the ground.

_She had left him._

_She had walked away from him._

This was the only other logical reason for her omnitool to be lying here. She must have taken it off on purpose so that no one could track her whereabouts. His relief at her being alive was weighed down by the sudden breaking of his heart. He clutched at his chest as he started to moan, leaning one hand on the crate he bent himself forward and gasped for breath into the crook of his arm as his heart beat painfully slow in his chest.

_Thud. Thud…… Thud._

He couldn’t breathe. What was he going to do without her? He was tied to her, it’s not like he could accept her leaving and just move on with his life. As if though he had never met her. Never loved her.

‘’Sir? Did you find anything?’’ he heard Tiberius ask through the receiver in his ear.

Garrus brought his hand up and wiped at his dry, irritated eyes with one hand and took a few steady breaths. Now was not the time to lose himself, he could do that tonight in the privacy of his own home, preferably with a few bottles of brandy to help him through it. He would allow himself one day to just completely feel… well... everything he supposed.

‘’Yes, her omnitool. It appears that there was no struggle and that it was taken off her wrist without force. We need to check the security footage and find out if there was a ship docked here any time between 21:00 hours last night up until now.’’ He said, walking back to his men.

‘’Let’s head back to C-sec and we’ll review and take it from there. Shepard is still missing, but my earlier suspicions of her being abducted still stand until I see evidence to the contrary.’’ He said quietly.

‘’We’ll find her Sir.’’ One of his men clapped him on the back and smiled reassuringly at him.

Garrus couldn’t find it in himself to the return the gesture.

**************************************

‘’Nihlus… Stop that!’’ she laughed as he once again trailed a nail down her bare foot.

‘’Seriously, I’m trying to read here and you’re making it difficult.’’ She scolded him, a smile on her face as he flicked his one mandible to the side and winked at her.

‘’What are you concentrating on anyway?’’ He rumbled, climbing up the bed to take a seat next to her, fluffing up the pillows for his back.

‘’By now, those two men I killed should have been found. You’d think it would be breaking news but I can’t find mention of it anywhere.’’ She hummed, continuing to scroll down on the datapad with her index finger.

‘’Well, maybe Chellick found out you were connected somehow and hushed it up.’’ He said, rolling on his side so that he could look at her.

‘’You know Chellick?’’ she asked in surprise.

‘’Yeah, the two of us go way back.’’ He chuckled.

‘’Well, if Chellick knows about it, then that means that Garr…’’ Shepard bit her lip; she didn’t want to say his name. 

‘’Then it’s safe to assume that Vakarian knows about it too.’’ He said softly.

‘’Shepard? Not that I don’t enjoy your company, but are you sure you don’t want to go back? He's tied  himself to you and as reluctant as I am to let go of you now that I have you all to myself, I kind of feel bad for the guy.’’ He admitted.

‘’Why would you feel bad for him?’’ she asked, putting the datapad down to look over at him.

‘’Because he has soul tied to you.’’ Seeing her confused expression he groaned.

‘’Shepard please tell me , that all those years that you lived on Palaven, that you at least researched something about turian mating practices and the instinctual rituals that take place when a Turian soul ties to someone?’’ he sat up as she continued to frown at him.

‘’Well fuck me this is awkward.’’ He said, rubbing the back of his head.

‘’I didn’t ever look into the mating rituals of Turians, because up until almost two months ago I had never slept with one before.’’ She hissed, getting pissed off that he was making her sound like some ignorant fool.

‘’Don’t get upset Shepard, I didn’t mean any harm. Look here’s the thing with soul ties and bonding…’’ he hummed as he tried to find the words in his head.

‘’For example, you and me? I have made it no secret that I want to have sex with you. It will be great and we would have a lot of fun. But I have no interest in any romance or relationships. And the chance of you being my soul mate as well as Garrus’ is highly unlikely….’’ He rambled, getting completely off topic.

‘’Nihlus, apart from you just telling me that you’d like to have a quick fuck and go our separate ways after, I’m not hearing an explanation about Garrus.’’ She said, her mouth turning into a scowl as he held up a hand.

‘’Garrus is soul tied to you. You are his soul mate. And his body has chosen you as its mate. It's actually quite fascinating when you think about the fact that you are a different species and that you can never have children together…anyway, it means that if you die… he dies. If he dies… well, I’m not really sure what happens to humans as I haven’t met another Turian who’s done something like this with a human. Guess you’ll find out. Or not as the case may be.’’ He chuckled when he saw her mouth drop open and a hand fly up to cover it as she leapt off the bed.

‘’Garrus is also bonded to you, which in simple terms, means that in his eyes, you are his wife. You are his mate. You, my dear flustered human… you are his life.’’

‘’No! Tell me that there is something that he can do to… I don’t know... sever the tie? Move on?’’ Her voice getting louder as she paced up and down, biting her nails to the quick.

‘’Shepard, you’re doing it again, don’t get upset. Control it, don’t let it control you.’’ He drawled and watched Shepard suck in a breath through her nose and release it through her mouth.

She stopped pacing and stood at the edge of the bed.

‘’So, let me get this straight. By leaving him… I’ve what exactly? Doomed him to a lifetime of heartache and despair?’’ she asked, her voice still carrying a shrill undertone but she managed to clamp down on the level.

‘’Uh… yeah… basically.’’ Nihlus looked away seeing the horror in her eyes.

‘’But… I can’t go back Nihlus…’’ she said sadly, a watery smile on her face as she gave a sniff.

‘’Why Shepard? Surely the two of you can face this together? If it helps, I have recommended that he be placed in the Spectre program…’’ Nihlus stood up to wrap his arms around her, a comforting gesture which Shepard appreciated.

‘’It might help. But there are other … complications. ‘’ she said quietly into his shoulder.

‘’For Spirits sake woman, would you just tell me already what this big secret of your is already?’’ he groaned when he felt her shake her head.

‘’It’s a foolish human superstition Nihlus.’’ She mumbled.

Shepard believed the old wives tales she had heard, that you should tell no one that your are expecting a baby until you are past the three month mark, in the event that –god forbid- you miscarried and had to tell everyone about it afterwards. She couldn’t tell him. Not yet.

‘’Fine, I’ll let it go for now.’’ He said giving her a last squeeze and stepping back.

‘’Shepard? Random question for you… ‘’ he asked.

‘’Go on.’’ Shepard replied, going to sit back down on the bed to gather her thoughts, wiping her eyes.

‘’Ever since I found you in the hospital, beneath all the sweat, blood, grime and medi-gel, you smell so, so sweet… what is it?’’ he drawled.

‘’Oh, I must have smelled like vanilla…’’ she hummed.

‘’No, I could identify that scent. It’s a favourite amongst the Asari, but surely after the shower you had earlier that scent should have disappeared? Did you use something new?’’

‘’You know I don’t even have a toothbrush with me Nihlus, so no… I don’t know why I smell so sweet, as you say, but as long as it’s not offensive…it’s not offensive is it?’’ she gasped when she wondered if he was actually trying to tell her that she stinks.

She saw the same conclusion come to him and he brought his hands up and trilled at her, shaking his head.

‘’No, Shepard. You misunderstand. I like it… a lot. I was just wondering if you knew what the scent was called that’s all. Never mind.’’ He said with wave of his hand.

‘’We should be reaching Palaven tomorrow and I have a few reports to finish so I’ll leave you alone for now.'' he said.

‘’I’ll be here.’’ She said waving a hand goodbye as he no doubt went to set up shop at the small kitchen table.

Shepard picked her datapad up but couldn’t focus, as the words blurred in front of her. Now that she was alone and had nobody to tell her to control her emotions, she let a few of the tears that were blurring her vision, falling down her cheeks as she thought of the pain she was currently putting Garrus through.

She prayed to god that she would be forgiven for this one day, for not just leaving him, but for destroying him.

******************************************

Arriving back at the station, Garrus was numb from the inside out. His plates taking on a paler hue than was normal and his eyes were darting back and forth between nothing and everything.

‘’Garrus… Garrus, did you find her?’’ Chellick trilled in concern when he met Garrus’ eyes.

‘’I-I think she left me boss. Spirits, I think she left me.’’ He keened.

‘’You don’t know that Garrus. Shepard is many thing but a coward is not one of them. She wouldn’t have left you just because someone was threatening her life. She could have left to protect you, or her father.’’ Chellick hummed, putting a hand on Garrus’ shoulder.

‘’I hear from your squad that you found her omnitool and that you need access to the surveillance on the docks?’’ Garrus nodded his head at Chellick.

‘’Follow me to my office Garrus; you are officially on holiday for the rest of the week. No sense coming to work in your state unless we find Shepard first. Also, I’ve received word that you need to report to Jondam Bau next week to start your spectre training. You will need as much rest as you can possibly get before then.’’ Chellick said as the two of them walked to his office.

Upon entering, Garrus slumped into a chair and closed his eyes. He heard a tinkling sound of glass clinking against each other and Chellick chirruped to get him to take the brandy he had just pulled from his drawers in the corner of his office.

‘’Today, I think we could do with a drink. To calm ourselves of course.’’ The executor rumbled.

Garrus remained stony and silent as he sipped his drink, his eyes taking on a haunted expression the longer he sat still. Chellick sighed and wracked his brain for anything to say to make the younger turian show some sign, any sign in fact, that he wasn’t slowly losing his mind. Pressing a few keys on his terminal on the desk, he sent a letter to docking controls to get them to send over the footage of  where Shepard’s omnitool was found and waited in silence with Garrus till he received a ping.

‘’Garrus, I know you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, so please, for my sake, try and remain calm.’’ He watched the younger turian lift his head as a small flicker of life passed over his face.

‘’I have just been informed that the footage we are trying to obtain has been marked as classified.’’ Chellick rumbled out.

Garrus snarled and banged his fist down on the desk causing his glass that he had placed there to topple over and Chellick watched the fluid seep into his wooden desk.

‘’Goddamn it all to hell!’’ Garrus shouted.

‘’This is not as bad as it sounds Vakarian. The reason it’s classified is because the only people who are capable of doing something like that are the council members or… Spectres.’’ He breathed out.

‘’Spectres? Why would Shepard have left with a spectre? Wait….. FUCKING NIHLUS, THAT BASTARD!’’ Garrus roared as he remembered Shepard covered in his scent.

‘’Vakarian! Control yourself!’’ Chellick hissed loudly.

Garrus swallowed his next roar only to kick the chair he had been sitting on his anger.

‘’That scumbag has been sniffing around her for weeks now. Is he why she left? Did she leave me for him? No, no. Shepard would never betray me like that. That fucker must have somehow convinced her that it was safer to leave and because he’s a spectre he could somehow spirits-fucking protect her.’’ Garrus grabbed onto his head as his instincts as a bonded mate demanded that he kill Nihlus.

Chellick watched warily as Garrus steadily became more enraged and unhinged. He was turning into a danger, not only to himself but to others. Chellick decided that there was only one thing left to do as Garrus continued to roar and kick the hell out of inanimate, stationary objects in his office. Chellick walked around his desk and tapped Garrus on the shoulder making him turn around.

He punched him, knocking him out cold.

Garrus fell to the floor and the room grew silent.

********************************************

 _Ow... Fuck... Spirits... why does my jaw hurt so much?_ Garrus groaned to himself, his eyes still closed as he brought a hand up to delicately fondle his mandible and he hissed, feeling the bruise that had formed.

His eyes snapped open and he bolted upright as he remembered everything that had happened with a roar of anger.

‘’Garrus, lie back down at once my son!’’ He heard his mother scream.

The shock of hearing her voice brought him to a standstill. He looked around him only just realising that he was in his own home, in his bedroom and not a moment later his mother walked in carrying a tray of food.

‘’Get your backside on that bed or so help me I will teach you a lesson you are not likely to forget about any time soon. Don’t test me on this Garrus.’’ Arcelia hissed at him as he opened his mouth to protest.

He grumbled through his fury and sat back down on the bed.

‘’How did I get here… the last thing I remember was… was finding out that Shepard had most likely left me for another Turian.’’ He laughed bitterly as his mother trilled at him to stop his foolishness.

‘’If I know anything Garrus, it is that Shepard would never, ever betray you. So get rid of those thoughts. They aren’t helping anyone. ‘’ she chirruped,

‘’Now you are going to eat and then you and I will discuss a few things.’’ She said and he rolled his eyes at her mothering him.

‘’You might be a grown man Garrus, but your behaviour today in Chellick’s office was that of a three year old throwing a particularly nasty tantrum. When Veridian called me to tell…’’ she said but stopped as he snarled.

‘’Is that how I got back … help from my so-called father?!'' He spat.

Arcelia growled at him and before he could duck she swatted him hard over his fringe making him yelp.

‘’Spirits mother, what the hell was that for?’’ he moaned as his aching jaw now fought for competition with his fringe in the pain department.

‘’You will not disrespect your father anymore and certainly not in front of me. He told me of your encounter today and while I won’t say that he didn’t half deserve it, but that attitude of yours also needs to stop right now.’’ Garrus looked up at her from his seated position, alternating between rubbing his jaw and fringe as he scowled at her.

‘’Chellick, as you have by now figured out, made you eat the floor this afternoon becuase you were about to cost him two thousand credit chits in damages and apparently he feared for his safety if he continued to let you… well, turn into a mindless animal like our ancestors. He then called your father, who called me, to come and get you and bring you home.’’

‘’I don’t blame him for punching me and looking back on it now, I get it.’’ He muttered his reluctant admission.

‘’Mom, dad isn’t here is he?’’ Garrus looked around, almost expecting his father to be standing in the doorway with his natural glare plastered on his face.

‘’No, I thought it would be best if he waited until you’d calmed down.’’ Arcelia hummed.

‘’Ah, ok. Thanks. I-I don’t think I could handle anymore shit today.’’ Ducking just in time as his mother attempted to swat him on the head again she laughed at him and he broke into a tiny smile of his own.

Arcelia smiled at him, shaking her head at this reckless, foolish but lovable son of hers. He had more in common with his father than she would ever admit to him.

‘’Let’s talk Garrus. There are a few things you need to know about and a few things I have heard rumours about... Spectre candidate right?’’ she asked.

‘’Ok, here’s what you need to know.’’ He trilled sadly, sighing as he looked for the best place to start.

***********************************************


	26. Question!

_The next morning_

‘’Nihlus, we have entered Palaven airspace and will be docking within the hour.’’ Shepard heard the pilot say through the ships intercom.

She turned to look at Nihlus, who briefly lifted his head as he listened, only to drop his gaze back down to the reports in front of him. Sipping her drink, her foot restlessly bouncing up and down beneath the table the closer they got to Palaven, she hummed in frustration. She had spent the entire night thinking about her choices and she had found herself going in circles. Considering her last encounter with Garrus’ dad, Shepard found herself reluctant to tell Garrus that she was pregnant as he would most likely inform his family. She brought her hand up to her cheek and up over her eye where a small scar had formed from the scratch Veridian had given her. It’s highly unlikely that he would welcome a half-human, half-turian baby into his clan even if it was his grandchild. He had made it very clear that day that he would do everything in his power to stop them from being together and that the child would be shunned.

Shepard ran her fingers through her hair and blew out a breath over her hot drink. Veridian could also tell the Primarch about their child and that’s the last thing she wanted. For now her baby was safe in her womb and she would keep it that way for as long as she could. It wasn’t just her child’s safety she was concerned about. Everyone was implicated. Everyone could be in danger. Arcelia, Solana, Veridian, Chellick, her dad… anyone who was involved in this could come to harm. She winced as she crossed her legs over each other, receiving a quick new dose of pain from the gunshot she had taken. She gently lowered her leg and crossed them beneath the table by her ankles instead.

Shepard sat back in her seat and looked at Nihlus, he was scratching his fringe and she heard a small growl come up from his throat and she shivered as the vibrations reached her. Nihlus and Garrus were complete and utter opposites. She longed to be sitting across from Garrus, she missed him with an overwhelming ache in her heart and now that she knew she had condemned him to a life of misery without her, she itched to ask Nihlus to just turn the ship around and take her back to him. But the truth of the matter was that Garrus had proven to her time and time again that he just wasn’t strong enough yet to protect them. She had seen how he hadn’t fought harder against the marriage that was being forced on him, how he went along with his father’s demands of meeting that… that bitch… how he hadn’t pushed her away when he had been bitten.

_How he wasn’t prepared to leave everything behind for her._

When she had asked him to run away with her she had been completely serious and he had shot her down straight away, not even giving it a second thought. If he couldn’t protect and fight for her, wouldn’t it be the same story for their child? Would he cave, or give in like he had already done? Shepard leaned back over and folded her arms on the table, laying her head down on them to watch the blackness of space fly past through the window. The more she wanted to tell him, the more she found some reason not to. Perhaps if he became a Spectre it would be different? She quirked an eyebrow at no one in particular as the thought filled her chest with hope. Nihlus had told her last night that he had recommended Garrus for the program and the training normally only lasted a year or two. She could try and live without him for that long surely? If he became a Spectre he would ultimately be a law unto himself and have the resources and connections to keep them safe or hidden.

_He could…_

Shepard sighed as the coldness from the metal table seeped through her turian shirt, making the hairs at the back of her neck stand up. God, she felt like she had aged years. She was only twenty-three. Surely her life should still be wrapped up in working, partying and blowing off steam with friends, not running away on strange ships to different planets, avoiding assassins whilst pregnant with a hybrid, that came from sleeping with an alien married man.

Or Dr Michel could blow everything out of the water if she and Garrus ever crossed paths. All this worrying and keeping secrets could all go tits up if Michel asked Garrus how he was coping with his new role as a father.

‘’Fuck sake.’’ she hummed as she sat up. This was getting her nowhere.

‘’Nihlus, sorry to bother you…’’ she said standing up and walking around to his side to lean with her backside on the table.

‘’You aren’t a bother Shepard.’’ He said, taking her hand from his seated position and giving it a squeeze.

‘’I don’t have much money and for obvious reasons I don’t want to be tracked by accessing my bank accounts.’’ He hummed and nodded at her. ‘’I know you have already done more than enough for me, but I have one last favour.’’ She said to him, squeezing his hand in return.

‘’Sure Shepard, if it’s something I can do that is.’’ He drawled.

‘’Could you possibly get me some essentials. You know, like food, a new and preferably untraceable omnitool and… clean underwear.’’ He barked out a laugh and she bristled as she felt her cheeks redden. Traitorous hormones!

‘’I don’t mind the fact that you’re walking around the ship with no underwear on, although personally I don’t think any man would mind that, looking at you.’’ He drawled, winking at her as she rolled her eyes and playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

‘’Yeah, I can do that. I have a quarian friend who can sort me out with the omnitool and there are a few Asari shops around so finding you food and clothes shouldn’t be a problem.’’ He rumbled, standing up and shuffling his papers together on the table into a more orderly pile.

‘’Thank you.’’ Shepard hummed and saw him nod.

‘’Shepard, you said your dad lives on Palaven right?’’ he asked her and watched her nod.

‘’Do you want me to get him on the line for you? No one would be able to trace the call back here if that’s what you’re worried about.’’ He said.

‘’No, I mean… yes, I can give him a call… I suppose.’’ She grumbled and he laughed at her frustrated sigh.

‘’I’m not forcing you, you know.’’ He smiled at her as she frowned.

‘’Don’t you think it’s just awful of me though? I run away from Gar… from Garrus,’’ she cleared her throat as his name got stuck in it ‘’but I can call my dad and let him know I’m ok but continue to let Garrus worry about me?’’ Shepard threw her hands in the air.

‘’I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.’’ she said.

‘’You’ll figure it out Shepard.’’ He walked over to her giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

‘’Ten minutes from docking Sir.’’ She heard the pilot state and she groaned.

*************************************************

Garrus groggily woke up to the sounds of someone banging pots around in the kitchen and he groaned as he tried to right himself. After talking to his mother for hours last night he only managed to get a few hours shut eye. His hand suddenly contracted in a spasm and he looked down to see that he was holding a very torn and tattered shirt.

_Shepard’s shirt._

He must have dug it out of his draw last night and fell asleep with it buried in his nose. He could still smell her on the material; he could still smell _them_ from that very first night that they had slept together. He brought the material to his face and sniffed; a keening, crying sound escaping his throat as he pictured her wavy hair, her smile, and the small creases in the corner of her eyes.

He would find her; he didn’t care how long it took.

If he had to search the entire galaxy, every obscure and dangerous corner, he would find her and hold her in his arms again. Then possibly kick her ass for leaving him and only then would he make love to her again. He gave a yelp as his alarm clock went off on his arm and he thanked the spirits that he didn’t have work… well… ever again really, if he became a spectre. He wanted to start training right away, the sooner he got into it, the sooner he could get his ear to the ground and look out for hints of Shepard.

‘’Garrus, you up?’’ he heard his sisters voice mumble through the door.

‘’Yeah Sol. What are you doing here so early?’’ he asked, muffling his yawn with his hand.

‘’Mom got me to come over as her and dad had to go back to Palaven. Something about meeting with the Primarch to renegotiate your marriage contract.’’ She said as she stepped into his bedroom.

‘’Yeah, she said they were going to try at least, I didn’t think they would leave so soon though.’’ He muttered. He was going to miss his mother’s council and advice, but he was thrilled that he didn’t have to see his father again for a while.

Garrus was aware that his father was having a change of heart but that didn’t excuse him from causing all this and it would take him a while to forgive his father. He hissed as he cupped his now aching mandible.

‘’I hear you went primal on us yesterday.’’ His sister tittered and he rolled his eyes.

‘’Yeah, it wasn’t my finest moment. Everything sort of crept up on me and when I heard that bastard’s name…’’ he growled.

‘’Yeah, a bonded male is a scary thing. So this turian that Shepard ran off with…’’ she said only to jump as Garrus snarled at her.

‘’She didn’t run off with him. She wouldn’t leave me to be with him. She probably left because … well, I don’t know why but there has to be a damn good reason. Which I intend to find out even if I have to hunt her down till the day I die.’’ He hissed.

‘’Alright, geez. Calm down.’’ She trilled. ‘’Personally I think that she left because she’s protecting someone. You most likely. I mean, she got shot and she still came to find you, so obviously it’s not herself she’s worried about.’’ She drawled as she took a step closer to her brother.

‘’Yeah but that pisses me off a bit. Like she thinks I’m weak and unable to protect myself. Surely she should know that if we stick together we can survive anything. Were partners, in more ways than one. It just doesn’t make any sense. ‘’ he moaned as he passed the shirt back and forth between his hands.

‘’Why didn’t you go back with mom?’’ he asked as he looked up at her.

‘’I wanted to stay behind for a bit. Look into some schools on the Citadel, see what courses they offer. I’ve been toying with the idea of moving here.’’ She said.

‘’Well, you’re not moving in with me.’’ he rumbled.

‘’No way I’d move in with you. When Shepard comes and lives here, the place will stink of human.‘’ she giggled jokingly only to frown as she looked at his neck.

‘’Spirits, Sabine really got you good.’’ She said as she turned Garrus’ head to look at the festering wound on his neck.‘’ When are you going to get that looked at? Leave it any longer and no amount of medigel will fix that.’’

‘’That’s the point. I don’t want it fixed, I want it removed. I had an appointment yesterday afternoon but as you so clearly pointed out … I wasn’t in the best frame of mind. I’m going in today.’’ He rumbled as he stood up and looked through his clothing, choosing a black shirt and some blue trousers. He placed the torn shirt back into the drawer next to his bed and headed for the bathroom.

‘’Are you still charging Sabine for assault?’’ she asked as he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

‘’Yeah, no way I’m letting her get away with this. Chellick is also handling the proceedings of her trying to kill Shepard. That stupid little pyjack will be in prison for the rest of her miserable life if I have any say in the matter.’’ His voice muffled as he started the shower.

‘’When you’re done, come and eat and I’ll go with you to the Doctor’s.’’ Solana said as she left the room.

Washing himself thoroughly, his eyes dropped to the floor as he saw Shepard’s loofah sitting in the corner. He bent down to pick it up and hung up it over the taps, her body wash sitting on the racks next to it. He flipped the top of her bottle and breathed in the vanilla and lavender scent. A sort of tranquillity came over him as the water beat down on his back and he stood under the spray remembering all the times she had joined him. How they had laughed, slipped and cursed trying to position themselves correctly in the small shower. Turning the taps off, he dried himself off and got dressed.

Walking to the kitchen, he saw his sister seated at the small table and he scooped up some of the gruel she had made into a bowl and joined her.

‘’Thank you, for coming over and making breakfast.’’ He said.

‘’I might not be able to do much Garrus, but I do what I can.’’ She hummed, spooning another mouthful in.

‘’Do you mind if we stop off at the office after the doctors?’’ he asked.

‘’No, but I thought you said Chellick was in charge of Sabine?’’ she rumbled questioningly.

‘’He is, but I also need to speak to her one last time. I start training on Monday with Spectre Bau and I have a feeling that until he whips my ass into shape, I’m not going to have a lot of time for anyone except myself and Shepard.’’ He said, shovelling the gruel into his mouth quickly as he wanted to leave within the next ten minutes.

‘’So you’re banking all your hopes and dreams on becoming a Spectre? Do you think that if you suddenly become one that all your problems will go away?’’ she asked, tilting her head.

‘’No, not at all. But it will help.’’ He muttered.

******************************

As Shepard roamed the empty halls of the ship, having been docked for over an hour, she was steadily wearing a path into the decks. Should she call her dad? She didn’t have to give him any specifics, she just needed to tell him that she was still alive, ok and that she would keep in contact when she could. In the end, the less he knew the better. She picked up the spare communicator Nihlus had left for her and through memory typed in the sequence to start transferring the call to her father.

‘’Samuel speaking.’’ She heard her father say and a flood of emotion rushed through her.

‘’Daddy, it’s me.’’ She said, biting her lip.

‘’Pumpkin, I haven’t heard from you in ages! Are you alright?’’ he asked her as she sniffed, a tear escaping her through her smile.

‘’I’m doing just fine dad. I thought I’d let you know that my omnitool broke so I’ve had to buy a new one, so my number has been changed. How are you?’’ She asked, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.

‘’Work is keeping me busy as usual, you’d think that as time passes Turians and humans could get along better but I’m still negotiating terms and treaties here and there… an ambassador’s job is never done.’’ He grumbled. Shepard gave a small laugh and sniffed again as her nose became blocked.

‘’What’s the matter pumpkin. I know you too well, why are you crying?’’ she heard her father coo down the line and she suddenly felt like curling up on his lap like she did as a child.

‘’Oh, it’s nothing big dad… just some boy trouble.’’ She muttered.

‘’Want me to beat him up for you?’’ he asked her, amusement in his voice.

‘’If that would solve everything, then I’d say sure, but it’s not always that easy is it?’’ she replied.

‘’No honey. It never is.’’ He said.

‘’Dad, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve… um… taken a transfer. I’m not living on the Citadel anymore. I can’t tell you where I’m going yet but it’s a kind of... Uh… an undercover thing.’’ She said quietly.

‘’You know that I know when you’re lying to me, right? You don’t stutter without good reason, but if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine. As long as you’re safe and as long as you keep in contact. Your mother…’’ he stopped talking and her heart clenched.

‘’I won’t do what mom did dad. Don’t worry okay. I’ll call you as soon as I get settled.’’ she placated him with a laugh and she heard him sigh.

‘’Ok pumpkin, I’ll speak to you soon. Love you to the moon and back.’’ He said.

‘’Love you more dad.’’ She said, cutting the connection and plonking herself down on the chair in front of her.

Shepard sighed as she looked down at her stomach. Rubbing her belly in soothing motions, she suddenly felt quite silly. Could it hear her? Was it aware? She lifted her head and looked around just incase one of the crew had returned early and when she found no one she looked back down at her stomach again and started humming a tune that her father had once sang to her.

‘’We’ll get through this little one. No matter what you look like, no matter what happens, you and me, we’ll get through this. I can’t wait to meet you and even though I’m scared as hell about everything that could happen, I know you will be the best thing that will have ever happened to me.’’ She said and her heart skipped a beat when she thought of holding her child in her arms within the next 5 months or so.

Shepard stood up slowly from her chair and went back to Nihlus’ quarters. Lying back down on the bed, she started to make lists in her head of the things she needed to do as soon as she reached Tuchanka. She needed to contact that specialist that Dr Michel recommended. If memory serves her, the name was Dr Karen Chakwas. Maybe with a small amount of gene therapy, she could avoid some of the more serious complications of carrying a hybrid. Perhaps there was some medication she could take to compensate for her body not being able to provide the baby with everything it needs? She needed prenatal care and regular check-ups and scans and in order to pay for all that she needed a job as well. She sighed and curled up in a foetal position on the bed.

So many questions and no answers she thought to herself as she rearranged a pillow between her legs. God but she missed her bed. Her things. Her home….

Shepard sat up so suddenly that the pillow flew onto the floor.

_Oh shit, oh shit!_

_Liara!_

_How the hell could I forget about her?_

Shepard scrambled out of bed as fast as she could and reaching the communicator again she typed in a message to be sent to Liara T’soni, hoping it would get there on a secure and untraceable channel.

 _‘Liara, I’m sorry I left. Things are complicated. I can’t explain. Please don’t look for me. Please… please tell Garrus that I’m sorry. I’m fine, really. I’ll be in touch when I can. Shepard.’_ she hurriedly typed out and hit the send button. She moaned as she rubbed a hand down her face. This was getting so complicated; she just needed to get to Tuchanka.

The sooner they left Palaven the better.

**********************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... a week ago, i decided to stop writing. I received this 'lovely' review : 
> 
> ''Well this reads like a cheap p*** & for your SHEPARD, you got her being easier to lay than a rug. Nice work on making her a pathetic character that I would like to punch in the face. I know you got renegade Shepard. But your writing is making her seem desperate & psycho. I keep thinking she is like an 80's Lolita or something. It now just seems to be a bunch of cheap shots here. This is like 50 Shades of NOPE.''
> 
> So yeah, been getting that a lot. So last week i quit writing. 
> 
> I went down to see family this weekend and it was a five hour drive there. The whole time all i could think about was my story and my characters. It's taken me hours upon hours to get this chapter out and I hope you'll bear with me as I'm a bit rusty all of a sudden. I do hope that there is a small majority of you that dont share the same views as the imbecile who sent me that message and that if you do enjoy the story that you continue reading. I can't promise regular updates anymore, but i wil try. 
> 
> Thank you again to all of you who have subscribed, commented, reviewed and left Kudo's.


	27. Fixing what may be broken

‘’Mr Vakarian, the doctor will see you now.’’ The assistant behind the receptionist desk purred. Her mandibles fluttering as she eyed Garrus’ striking form in his black shirt and trousers that clung to his body. She trilled suggestively at him, her sub vocals relaying her interest in him.

He growled at her in disgust and she chirruped in apology. He understood that Turians were lax when it came to propositioning and sex but he was adamant that he would never let another woman except Shepard and his family come within five feet of his body again. He stared at the receptionist who pointedly looked away and he walked past her with purpose. Reaching the doctor’s door he knocked and stepped in.

‘’Ah, Mr Vakarian. Havent seen you in a while.’’ The Asari said and he shook her hand in greeting.

‘’Doc.’’ He said.

‘’What seems to be the problem?’’ she asked as she sat down and waited for him to answer.

‘’I was forcibly marked a few days ago and I need to see someone to get the wounds removed with as little scarring as possible.’’ He said.

‘’Goddess, I’m sorry that happened to you. Right well, if I could take a look?’’ she asked and stood while he went and sat on the gurney, unclasping his shirt from their hooks around his cowl to reveal the angry bite on his neck.

‘’I’m glad to see you were smart enough not to apply medigel, but it looks like you might have the start of an infection, judging by the swelling and discolouration.’’ She hummed and turned to a medical cabinet, hunting around till she found the medicine she needed.

She turned back to him and using an antibacterial swab, disinfected the site before grabbing a syringe. Before he could prepare himself, she jabbed him in the neck and he hissed as the fluid inside pumped into his neck. She removed the needle and held a patch over the wound.

‘’That should take care of ay infections you may have gotten in there. As for the removal, it should be a fairly easy process. Every week we can schedule you in for treatment. A quick laser surgery should even out your skin and get you back to normal.’’ She said and he nodded his head gratefully as he put his shirt back on.

‘’I have booked you in next week, I’ll ping you with all the details. In the mean time you should get this prescription filled and take the tablets to ensure that no more infections pop up. You can get it at your local clinic.’’ The Asari said, typing something into her omnitool.

‘’Yeah, I have a clinic close to me, the one by Zakera Ward.’’ He rumbled.

‘’Oh, yes. Dr Michel is excellent. I’ve been trying to get her to drop her practice in the wards and to get her to come work with me in the Presidium here, but she refuses to leave.’’ She shook her head.

‘’I haven’t seen her in a few weeks, but yeah, I hear she’s a great doctor. Always helps those who are less fortunate. Thanks again Doc, ill see you next week then?’’ he trilled at her.

‘’Yes. One week. Have a good day Mr Vakarian.’’

‘’You too.’’ He said as he left her office and returned to the lobby where his sister was waiting.

He saw Solana sitting there with a scowl on her face and a glare directed at the receptionist, who by now was so uncomfortable that she kept letting out squeaks the longer Solana stared at her.

‘’Let’s go before you make her cry.’’ Garrus laughed and dragged his sister by the elbow out of the building.

‘’Can you believe that woman. So daring! Proposition people in broad daylight in a hospital. Has she no shame?’’ she muttered irritably.

‘’She made my plates itch. Ugh, no. No way. The thought of being with another woman other than Shepard makes me feel ill.’’ He chuckled as he shook himself like a dog shaking water from its fur.

‘’What’s it like Garrus?’’ Solana asked him.

‘’What are you talking about?’’ he replied in question.

‘’I mean, being bonded, being soul tied. Is it everything I read about? It’s extremely rare from what I hear and I doubt I will be lucky enough to meet my soul mate.’’ She hummed sadly.

‘’It’s… when it doesn’t hurt… It's amazing Sol. I feel connected to someone else, I feel like I belong. Like my heart…'' he grasped for words.

''Well, ahem… I don’t want to get soppy but I whenever I was with Shepard, my heart felt like it would burst. When we’re in the same room together my body almost hums with happiness.’’ He muttered quietly, starting to feel embarrassed.

‘’You will find her Garrus. Soul ties are almost never made anymore, so you are meant to be. Do you think that… never mind.’’ She said and quickly turned the corner as they walked back to the wards.

‘’What? Go on, don’t let me stop your motor mouth.’’ He chuckled as she glared at him.

‘’Do you think that you and Shepard could ever have children? I mean, surely the spirits wouldn’t tie you to someone who you couldn’t have kids with?’’ she chirped as he gasped.

‘’Children? I’m only in my twenties Sol. I don’t even want to think about having kids now. Or about the fact that I may never be able to actually give her children.'' he grumbled.

''We could always adopt, or find a surrogate or…’’ he trailed off as his heart sank. They could probably never have children of their own.

‘’Anyway, that’s a void I’ll cross when I get to it. I need to find Shepard first.’’ He rumbled and felt his sisters hand on his arm.

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel sad Garrus. ‘’ she said. He smiled at her and brushed his forhead against hers briefly.

‘’Youre my sis Sol. I think that gives you a right to ask me personal questions, even if you don’t like the outcome or the answers.’’ He said.

‘’Shall we head over to the office first? I take it that note in your hand is a prescription that you need to pick up?’’

‘’Yeah, but I can do it later. I need to see Chellick first.’’ He said, ignoring her huff.

‘’Well if you get an infection, don’t come crying to me.’’ She trilled.

**************************************

Chellick was beyond aggravated to say the least. He had spoken to Sabine briefly and all she had done was squeal and shriek insults, demanding to speak to her uncle the entire time. He put a finger in his ear and wiggled it, convinced that all her caterwauling had put him at risk of going deaf. She had, when he had gotten a word in edgeways, denied all charges of conspiracy to murder, charges of grievous bodily harm and attempted murder through a third party. In the end he had left her to it and sighed with relief as he exited the room. Now he was facing an altogether different problem. One that Garrus’ was most definitely not going to like. However Chellick didn’t see any other way. It was one or the other. In the long run it was for the best.

A person guilty of conspiracy to murder is liable to imprisonment for life or for any shorter term here on the Citadel, along with charges of attempted murder, if found guilty. That fortunately was non-negotiable and he would do everything in his power to enforce it. It was the second charge however that Garrus was making against her that gave him grief. Grievous bodily harm on a different species would result in a short prison sentence, landing in parole being given for good behaviour.

Grievous bodily harm – the likes of forcibly marking another - in Turian culture meant that it was species specific and would get Sabine deported. And if she got deported, Spirits help them as they would never be able to reach her on Palaven or see to it that she lands up in prison. Chellick huffed as he poured himself a small shot of brandy. How in the Spirits did he go from having two of the best and brightest minds in his police force to suddenly losing them both over a family feud filled with murder, scheming and deceit?

Chellick knew that Vakarian would be pissed at him for having to drop the charges against her but he really had no other choice if he wanted to keep her on the Citadel to answer for her actions against Shepard. Although Sabine was mentioned by name in the footage where Shepard was attacked, he was worried that the courts would see the evidence as circumstantial. That the scum who had died under Shepard’s heel had only said what he thought she wanted to hear out of fear for his life. There was no other proof as of yet and that small, tiny connection was all he had to go on. But by the Spirits he would try. He heard a knock on his door and swallowed nervously as Solana and Garrus walked in.

No time like the present to get everything out in the open he mused as he chucked back his drink and cleared his throat.

**********************************

‘’This is fucking bullshit!’’ Garrus yelled, slamming his fist down on the wooden bench he was currently sitting on. Just once, he would like to follow through with something he had set out to do.

‘’Garrus, calm down. Look at the big picture. You don’t drop these charges and she’s gone for good. Sabine will always be in your life. Is that what you want?’’ she scolded him and she trilled apologetically to people passing by them.

Garrus sighed and looked around the park where he and his sister had decided to walk to after he nearly trashed Chellick’s office again. He saw a few couples sitting on the benches and holding hands, no doubt whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears and even if it was cliché, or corny or sentimental, he would do anything to be sitting on one of those benches doing that with Shepard.

‘’I understand, really I do. But it feels like I’m letting Shepard down all over again… and I don’t like it.’’ He rumbled, only to blink suddenly as a camera bot floated up next to him.

‘’Garrus Vakarian? I am Trusha N’hara from Palaven News Daily. Would you give me a moment of your time?’’ she asked, not really giving him a choice as the bot circled him and settled directly in front of him.

‘’Why?’’ he asked, guarding his sub vocals.

‘’We have found out that you recently married the niece of Primarch Crassus. I would say congratulations but rumours have been circulating that the marriage is in danger as your wife is currently being detained in a holding cell. Do you have any comments on the matter?’’ she asked, taking a deep breath after blurting all that out.

Garrus’ eyes widened and he didn’t know whether to be appalled that he was suddenly news worthy or look upon this as blessing. Maybe now, he could somehow reach Shepard and shame Sabine for her actions. He smiled at the reporter.

‘’Trusha, I do indeed have a few comments actually. Would you like to take a seat?’’ He drawled and he could practically see her levitate with excitement.

******************************

‘’That was not a good idea Garrus!’’ Solana spat.

‘’Spirits sake Sol. Don’t scold me for telling the truth.’’ He grumbled.

‘’You don’t know what the repercussions will be once that news reaches Palaven!’’ she shrieked again and he winced clapping his hands over his ears.

‘’Alright, alright. But I couldn’t let that opportunity go to waste Sol.’’ He tried to placate her with a smile but she continued to glare at him.

Hearing his omnitool chime with an incoming call he saw Liara’s name and cursed.

‘’Liara.’’ He said by way of greeting.

‘’I just received a message from Shepard! How dare you not tell me that she’s left, that she is in fact missing! You spineless Turian I should flay you alive with my mind right now!’’ she screamed at him.

‘’Shepard sent you a message?! What did it say?’’ he shouted back, his heart beating frantically in his chest as he gripped onto his sisters arm and heard her yelp when his nails dug in.

‘’Where are you?’’ she asked him, a growl in her voice as her biotics shone blue.

‘’Near Memorial Park down by Tayseri ward.’’ He responded.

‘’I’ll be there in ten. Don’t you dare move Vakarian!’’ she yelled as she cut the line.

_Oh thank the Spirits, Shepard was safe!_

His sister trilled in sympathy to him as she led him back to the bench they had just left and he sat down only to stand straight back up and start pacing.

‘’Why would she message Liara and not me?’’ he asked, his irritation getting the better of him.

‘’I don’t know Garrus. Maybe she’s… maybe she’s angry with you.’’ His sister said quietly, not looking him in the eyes.

‘’I understand that she could be angry, but why is she being cruel? Why not just call me or message me? Why did she run away?’’ he snarled as he paced back and forth, hands waving about in front of him as he continued to mutter under his breath. The two of them waited in silence for Liara and when she arrived, Garrus rushed to meet her, only to shrink back as she threw a wave of biotics at him and he went skidding across the ground, landing hard. He groaned and lifted his head to make sense of the world and saw that his sister was in Liara’s face and the two of them were yelling at each other.

‘’Solana, back off.’’ He said as he stood up and winced, noticing that his clothing was covered in grass stains.

‘’This blue bitch just warped you and you tell me to back off? Nuh-uh, I’m going to kick her ass!’’ Solana said as she snarled at Liara.

‘’I’d like to see you try!’’ Liara drawled as she glowed a vibrant blue.

‘’Stop! Right now. That’s enough. Liara, I deserved that. I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Shepard but I had enough on my plate without adding you to it as well. Sol, I mean it, back off. Liara will wipe the floor with you.’’ He said, hands up in the air as he stepped closer to the two irate women.

Liara flared her biotics challengingly and the blue glow receded to a pulse every few seconds as a reminder instead.

‘’You have some explaining to do Garrus.’’ Liara said.

‘’And I promise I’ll tell you everything you want to know but first, please… show me the message from Shepard.''

Liara frowned and sent the message across and Garrus’ eyes strained as he re-read every word.

She was _sorry_? _Sorry_ about leaving him? _Sorry_ about…what exactly?

And as for not trying to find her … it was laughable for her to think that no one would come looking for her.

‘’Tell me. Now Garrus!’’ Liara snarled.

‘’He’ll tell you when he’s good and ready.’’ Solana hissed, baring her teeth when Liara rolled her eyes.

‘’Can you tell where the message came from? Surely as an information broker you have contacts?’’ he pleaded with her and Liara lost some of the fire she had towards him.

‘’I tried Garrus. The channel is encrypted and untraceable. Its high class gadgetry and I can’t do anything about it. But between the two of us I’m sure…’’

‘’Shepard left with Nihlus. She left with him on a ship and because he’s a spectre, all information pertaining to him is classified. Is there any way you can find out more, because until I become a spectre myself I’ve hit a brick wall.’’ He interrupted her, sub vocals humming with frustration.

‘’I can certainly try Garrus.’’ Liara rubbed her crest and sat down on the bench, shooting a glare at Solana as she leaned back.

‘’Sol… I can’t go through this all again. Could you tell Liara everything you know? I-I need a minute here.’’ He asked his sister who nodded.

‘’Garrus ...’’ Liara lifted her hands in the air as she watched him walk away.

He left the two women and walked aimlessly around the park as he kept re-reading Shepard’s message.

_Please don’t look for me. Please… please tell Garrus that I’m sorry_.

********************************************

Later that evening Arcelia was humming quietly to herself as she sat in the corner of her quarters on the bed, her husband standing against the wall and looking through the window. The trip to Palaven would take the better part of two days and she didn’t want to spend the entire time in silence. Arcelia had softened a bit towards her idiot mate when he had told her the truth and she knew that he was under tremendous pressure, trying to do the right thing for his family. He had aged considerably since they met, his normal silvery plates taking on more of a grey shine to them and the skin between his plates looking darker. She really hadn’t been all that fair to him when she had left their home all those years ago.

He was a good man in his own way. Perhaps it was time to mend all the broken bridges and move past that.

‘’We left so suddenly Veridian. Do you think the Primarch will even see us when we get there?’’ she asked him.

Veridian looked at his wife and shrugged. ‘’It’s the only thing I think we can do. He can ignore our calls and messages but if we show up at his place of work and demand an audience I don’t see how he can get out of that. If anything, you should know how stubborn I am. I’ll see him one way or the other.’’ He rumbled.

‘’I know this may be a delicate topic of conversation… but what about Shepard?’’ she asked nervously.

‘’What about Shepard?’’ he said, turning his back on her to stare out the window again.

‘’Will you accept her as your son’s mate? I know for all intents and purposes he is mated to Sabine, but Shepard is the woman he loves. Will you really not accept her?’’ Arcelia shifted across the bed so that she could stand and walked over to where her mate was now leaning against the wall.

‘’I will accept my son’s choice. I will accept that he loves her. But I cannot accept _her_. I don’t think that will ever change, but I will not exile Garrus for his decision to be with her.’’ He sighed out and felt his wife grab his hand and bring it to her chest.

‘’Thank you Veridian.’’ She said sincerely.

He felt his wife move closer to him and he trilled in shock when she wrapped her arms around him. They hadn’t been intimate since Solana was born and the feel of someone giving him comfort and warmth was a wonderful sensation as he leaned into her touch.

‘’Come to bed husband.’’ She purred as she led him by the hand.

*********************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cant in all fairness, express to you in words, to all of you who have commented on the last chapter, just how deeply moved and touched i am by all your support and encouragement. It's always so easy to look at the hits/kudo's and see 'yes they are rising' and look at them just as numbers on the screen, not as actual people who are reading my story. One bad comment it seems is all it takes to make me falter these days, but after reading all your amazing comments, I hope you will stick around as my Shepard grows into a stronger, more confident character and in turn i hope to grow along with her as well. 
> 
> For your unending support.... Thank you!


	28. Idiot... another way of saying my name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one for you!

‘’Shepard, wake up.’’ Nihlus purred at her, stroking her hair out of her face and picking up the pillow that had fallen to the floor while she had presumably tossed and turned.

‘’Hmm?’’ she mumbled into her arm, lying on her stomach, she lifted her head up marginally and cracked an eye open to look at him.

‘’I got back late last night, I’m sorry. I hope you weren’t too bored without me?’’ he rumbled jokingly and sat on the foot of the bed while she dragged herself up to lean against the wall.

‘’No, I kind of figured out that you might not come back at all, so I just ate and went to sleep. I seem to be more tired these days. It’s probably due to the… ahem. Yeah, I’m just real tired these days.’’ She coughed and made to stand up.

Shepard fell back down when Nihlus grabbed her wrist and pulled, covering her body quickly with his own. He held her hands up above her head and she narrowed her eyes at him.

‘’Do you realise how hard I am fighting not to touch you? I see you walking around in my clothing, knowing full well you don’t have anything on underneath it… and the way you smell? Spirits, it’s like a high I never want to come down from.’’ He purred as he trailed his hand slowly from her wrist, over her breast and down her stomach.

He latched onto her hip and he bucked into her with a small mewl escaping his throat.

‘’Nihlus… please, I’m sorry if you think I’m leading you on, I really didn’t mean to… ah, please. Don’t make me a cheater.’’ She moaned as he licked up her neck and grinded himself against her.

‘’Shepard, you left him. Humans don’t bond the way Turians do, he can’t blame you if you spend some time… _enjoying_ … other peoples company.’’ He drawled, mouthing his way up her neck to lock eyes with her.

‘’No, I suppose he wouldn’t but it still doesn’t make it right.’’ She breathed and she felt his hand release her wrists.

‘’Kiss me Shepard. Please… just one kiss and I won’t touch you again until you ask me too.’’ He whispered into her ear and groped her breast through his shirt.

‘’No I can’t …mmpff!’’ she said but his mouth bore down on hers and his tongue curled around her own as he sped up his movements in his lower half against her.

He released her tongue and groaned as he panted over her, leaning up and over her on his hands. Shepard felt shame that she enjoyed the kiss, her cheeks red as her eyes slowly started to water. She pushed up against his shoulders with her hands and as she sat up, her eyes flew open and she clamped a hand to her mouth. She roughly pushed him off her and bolted for the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach yet again. Will this ever stop? If her pregnancy only last five-to-six months, surely in the next month her morning sickness would get easier? She dry heaved over the toilet and she once again felt Nihlus’ soothing hum as he rubbed her back and kept the hair out of her face.

‘’Well… I didn’t think that my kissing was that bad.’’ He joked, but she heard through his sub vocals that he obviously felt a bit hurt.

Shepard rolled her eyes. Men and their egos. She righted herself and rinsing her mouth out, she turned around to face him.

‘’Ground rules Nihlus. We need to have a chat about boundaries.’’ She said, wrapping her arms around herself as she leaned against the sink.

‘’Why do I get the feeling that I’m not going to enjoy this.’’ He grumbled sulkily and copied her pose on the doorframe leading into the bathroom.

‘’You are attractive Nihlus. I would be a fool not to notice that fact and I would also have to be dead to not respond to you whenever you touch me. I am only human after all.’’ She said and she saw him sigh and shake his head at her.

‘’However, just because I can’t … _bond_... the way Turians do, just because I respond to you on a _physical_ level, does not mean that I love Garrus any less. It does not mean that he is not the man that I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with.’’

‘’The only important thing for me right now is the fact that I _choose_ to not betray him. I am _choosing_ to not sleep with you. Not because I am incapable, I am well aware that I could and easily. But I choose not to.’’ She said quietly and she saw his eyes narrow before he huffed out a breath.

‘’Until the day comes that I choose not to fight against you, until the day comes that I ask you to touch me because I want you to…’’ she walked over to him and grabbed his arm as he stared at her silently, ‘’Until that day comes, could you please not tempt me?’’ she whispered, eyes looking down at the floor.

‘’Fine.’’ He said.

‘’Please don’t be upset with me Nihlus. In this whole messed up universe, selfishly, I only have you to rely on. ‘’ She pleaded with him again as he continued to avoid her gaze.

‘’Fine Shepard. I’ll drop you off on Tuchanka and once you’re settled there I’ll be out of your hair.’’ He huffed and turned to leave the room.

‘’Nihlus, you told me yourself that all I would mean to you would be a good quick fuck, that you don’t do relationships… or love. You can’t expect me to just give up on everything else, if I chose to, just for that?’’ she asked, slightly getting upset herself as he maintained his sullen teenage expression.

‘’I-I… ‘’ he closed his mouth and his mandibles clacked against his face.

She looked into his green eyes and for a brief moment as she blinked she saw blue. She shook her head and refocused on the Turian in front of her.

‘’You see…’’ she put her hands on his face and turned him to look at her. ‘’You, just like Garrus….neither of you are prepared to give me what I want. It is selfish of you to want, want, want without giving. And what you’re offering Nihlus… is not something that can bring me a lifetime of happiness.’’ She soothed him as a growl rumbled through his chest.

Nihlus brought his hand up to cover her hand on his face and he trilled apologetically to her.

‘’I’m sorry Shepard.’’ He said and gasped as he caught himself moments away from brushing foreheads with her.

Shepard saw him step back suddenly like her hold on him had burned him. He looked flustered and his eyes had gone wide.

‘’Shepard, I’m going to give you some space, I bought as much levo food as I could and… and…’’ he trailed off and she arched a brow at his sudden lack of ability to form words.

‘’You should eat more. It’s not good for you to live on ration bars.’’ He said before he turned his back on her and left.

Shepard stood stunned as he left her alone and she sighed loudly at his strange behaviour and ruffled her hair. She grasped a piece in her hand and stretched it out. Yup, definitely too long to manage. It was time for a change. She eyed a few bags in the corner of his quarters and walked over to them. Bending over to rustle inside, she saw the many designer clothes, all pristine and wrinkle free inside their airtight bags. She smiled when she saw a polo necked white jersey that had been lovingly knitted and she opened the bag, pressing the woolly material to her face, loving the softness it brought to her skin. She gathered up the clothing she wanted to wear, selecting a pale blue pair of jeans, a top to go under the jersey and some brown boots that came up just under her knees. She took the clothing with her back to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror.

She looked at her tired reflection, how her hair hung limp over her shoulders and she scowled at the unfamiliar person in the mirror. This was not who she wanted to be. Shepard rolled her eyes when she suddenly remembered that all woman want to cut their hair after heartbreak of some sort and she snorted as she realised that she was about to become as cliché as those other woman. Padding back out to the bedroom she spotted a switchblade in one of his drawers and once she had reached the mirror again, she tied her hair up as tight as it could go, before promptly slicing her ponytail off in one swoop with the sharp blade.

Her hair fell forward and framed her face, resting just above her chin now and she huffed as she took in her new look. Wouldn’t exactly win Miss Universe with it but it was better than her having to struggle with it every time she had to throw up. She threw the ponytail into the small bin beneath the sink and getting undressed she started the shower to rinse her body off from all the strands of hair that had unfortunately landed all over her. As she showered, cleaning herself methodically, she thought back to Nihlus’ odd comment about her sweet smell. How odd that she couldn’t smell anything? She shrugged and stepped out, grabbing a towel and drying off as quickly as possible as the coldness of the ship crackled in the air making her break into goose bumps. Once she was dressed, she walked back over to the bed and picking up the datapad, she took it with her to the small mess hall. Shepard looked around half expecting to see Nihlus sitting at the table with all his reports but she found the room empty.

For her and for her baby, she would suck it up and try and eat a proper, healthy breakfast.

And hopefully keep it all down.

***************************************

Nihlus left the ship as fast as he could, they would be docked on Palaven for the next two days and he suddenly couldn’t stand being so close to Shepard anymore. He snarled as he remembered his almost-monumental-mistake. He was about to give her a turian kiss! What the fuck was wrong with him? Her smell was driving him insane, the need for her so great with each passing day that his plates itched and burned for attention. He made his way through the crowds, glaring at the people who obstructed his path and made his way to the nearest Asari escort club that would still be open. He intended to fuck the goddess out of some poor Asari for the next few hours to get over his aching need for that human that was proving to be more troublesome to his emotions than he would willingly admit to. Just before he entered the club that was still blaring music behind the closed doors, his omnitool chimed and he kicked the wall in frustration. Checking the identifier he rumbled his unhappiness.

‘’What do you want Sparatus?’’ he hissed.

‘’I see. You’re in one of those moods aren’t you?’’ Sparatus chuckled, causing Nihlus’ blood pressure to spike further with agitation.

‘’Cousin, I am five minutes away from being plates deep inside a beautiful woman. Would you kindly hurry the hell up?’’ He drawled, hoping his vulgarity would put his cousin off asking too many questions.

‘’I can’t do that I’m afraid. I have one question for you. I need you to answer honestly.’’ His cousin said and Nihlus moaned internally as he realised his lust was going to have to wait.

‘’Are you, or are you not currently hiding Shepard away on your ship?’’ he said seriously and Nihlus sucked in a breath.

‘I have no comment.’’ He deadpanned.

‘’For Spirits sake you utter fool!’’ His cousin barked and Nihlus chirruped in shock.

‘’Do you realise what has aired today on PND?’’ he hissed at Nihlus.

‘’Sorry, I can’t say I’m an avid watcher of the news lately.’’ He growled, ‘’your point?’’

‘’My point, my fool of a cousin, is that Shepard is headline news. Garrus Vakarian gave an interview yesterday, publicly claiming her as his mate even though he is married to Crassus’ niece and practically told the whole galaxy, in very few words, that Sabine tried to have her assassinated! Do you have any idea how far the Primarch has climbed up my ass in the last two hours? I can feel him tickling my tonsils!’’ his voice coming out as a shriek.

‘’Well, what do you want me to do? It’s true though.’’ Nihlus locked eyes over the holo-cam and shrugged at his cousin.

‘’You need to bring her back here now! Chellick came to me as well; he needs her to testify against Sabine. Shepard also killed two people. Whether in self-defence or not is irrelevant at this stage. As a C-sec officer she failed to do her duty and report it. Instead she ran off like some criminal with you! Everyone is looking for her Nihlus.’’ Sparatus trilled his anger and Nihlus winced as the subharmonics washed over him.

‘’If she was indeed on my ship, I wouldn’t bring her back. Hypothetically speaking, I have it on good authority that she doesn’t want to go back. In fact I know for sure that she would be too afraid to go back. If that little pyjack Sabine, can order two men to kill her just for loving the wrong man, what do you think the Primarch is capable of doing to her now that Vakarian has declared to the galaxy that she is more important than his niece?’’ he countered, his breath huffing out.

‘’Spirits! What am I supposed to do Nihlus? Vakarian also shamed Sabine by telling that reporter, in very graphic detail, how she forcibly marked him and that’s why she’s currently sitting in a cell. However this morning the Primarch demanded that she be released and be put on a ship back to Palaven.’’ He sighed and Nihlus watched him put his hands over his face.

‘’This is such a political shit storm Nihlus. Garrus knows by the way… that Shepard left on a Spectres ship.’’ He rumbled.

‘’How?!’’ Nihlus asked shocked.

‘’Chellick and Garrus are some of the best detectives the force has seen in a long time. The two of them figured it out when they tried to access the docking surveillance and got denied access.’’ Sparatus said.

‘’Well fuck. ‘’ Nihlus mumbled and leaned with his back against the wall.

‘’You need to bring her back Nihlus.’’ His cousin begged him.

‘’I promised I would help her. I don’t want to be the reason why she suddenly drops dead one day and know that I could have prevented it if I hadn’t brought her back.’’ He replied. The silence on the line became deafening and Nihlus played with the hem of his shirt as he watched his cousin think.

‘’On your head be it. Watch the vid, I’m sending it to you. Make Shepard watch it too. Maybe she will decide to come back on her own after seeing it.’’ Sparatus gave him another long-suffering look and cut the connection.

Nihlus snorted.

_Like hell was he going to show Shepard that vid and have her run back to Garrus_.

Wait… why didn’t he want to show her? His hand froze on the door mechanism and he shook himself as he struggled to understand his emotions. No, he was going in to this club and he was going to get laid. This was all that mattered to him he muttered in his head. It didn’t _matter_ that Shepard was waiting on the ship for him. It didn’t _matter_ that he was feeling things he had no business feeling. He would never, ever come to love her way Garrus claimed to. He was not an idiot. As he stepped into the club, the music making his ears pound, he squinted to see past all the strobe lights circling up above him. He spotted an Asari, maybe sixty years old. Young, supple and eager to please him, walk his way and he reached out a hand to trail it down over her bare breasts. He expected the familiar pull in his stomach of lust and arousal, yet as he stood there, the Asari now grinding wantonly into him… he felt… nothing. For the first time in his life his cock disobeyed him.

_He didn’t want her._

_He wanted Shepard._

_He was indeed… an idiot._


	29. Comfort

_Earlier that morning:_

‘’Veridian!’’ Arcelia squawked loudly and her husband snarled, leaping from his side of the bed, prepared to fend off what must be a terrorist organisation infiltrating their small chambers from the scream she had just given.

He looked around the small chambers; eyes narrowed and ungloved talons curled in fight mode, only to see nothing out of the ordinary.

‘’Spirits woman, first time I have slept peacefully in years and you wake me up like that?’’ he rumbled disapprovingly and she gave in and chortled as he stood there naked, talons bent like a praying mantis.

‘’As funny as I think this is, we have… a minor, teensy, tiny… uh… issue.’’ She hummed and handed him the datapad.

He looked between his wife and the datapad. First time in years that they had slept together, first time in years that the distance between himself and his wife was erased by a serious of touches and well timed movements, and this… this is not how he expected to wake up. He had wanted to wake earlier than her, get her breakfast and make an effort to pay attention to her after all the attention she had shown him last night. Spirits… his heart calmed down enough for him to look down at the text scrawled across the datapad and within seconds his heart rate slammed to into FTL mode.

‘’That… that…. FOOL!’’ he shouted as his wife winced.

‘’IDOTIOC BLASTED PYJACK SON OF MINE!’’ he roared as he continued to read on. He felt his wifes arm pull his and he crashed on his backside back on the bed.

‘’There’s a video as well. We should probably watch it.’’ Arcelia murmured. Veridian sighed and rubbing the back of his head so reminiscent of Garrus, he started the video and he and his wife were enraptured by the contents.

His wife’s hand was squeezing his harder than he thought possible halfway through and a worried trill escaped her. Even in all his anger and concern for his son, he placed an arm around her and brought her closer to his chest as he trilled for her to calm down.

‘’This is going to make seeing the Primarch next to impossible now wont it?’’ she asked.

‘’Yes, yes my dear. It seems that our lives just became that much more complicated. I don’t know what possessed him to do this, but I can try and understand that he is desperate for any news of his mate, so I will endeavour to take this in my stride along with everything else that seems to have gone wrong lately.’’ He muttered.

He positioned himself back down on the bed, his wife still curled up on his chest, her nose in his neck and he rubbed a hand down her back.

‘’Where does he get all that courage from?’’ Arcelia asked him.

‘’That my dear wife… that all comes from you.’’ He murmured and he hugged her closer.

**************************************

Sitting in the mess hall, a plate of eggs in front of her, she hummed as she dipped her sliced toast into the gooey yellow yolk. Placing the soldier in her mouth she moaned at the wondrous taste of real food in her mouth for the first time in days. She ate diligently, clearing her plate and as she eyed the coffee canister on the counter she grumbled internally at the fact that apparently coffee was bad for pregnant women. She had been drinking water or tea since she had boarded the ship and trust Nihlus to bring another temptation in front of her. That male was going to be the death of her willpower.

Getting up to make some tea, she held the cup in both hands and blew across the top as she made her way back to her seat. Switching on the datapad, she sipped her tea with one hand as her index finger scrolled through the site she was on.

_*Ten things every new mother should know.*_

Shepard rolled her eyes as she read through some of the _‘information_ ’. Testing bath water with your elbows? Why was that helpful? It’s not like she had any feelings in her elbows, if anything, she should stick her foot in, as that was the quickest way to tell. And anyway, her child may come out more Turian that human and could need the water to be hotter than normal. She just didn’t know what to expect apart from the fact that sleeping was going to be next to impossible for the first few months and that she had better get used to drool, vomit and dirty diapers being a constant in her life until she potty trained the little soul. She groaned as she read some confessions about first-time mothers…

Typing with one finger into the pad she came across live birth videos of both Turians and Humans. Humans, well she knew what to expect, but the Turian videos were fascinating. According to the text baby Turians crests, fringes and plates were malleable whilst in the womb, allowing easy access out the vaginal wall and only hardening after two days after they were born. The infants were always small and underdeveloped, something about how back in the day, evolution forced them to be born earlier than normal, a quick turn over rate in the event of predators. Turians weren’t always the apex predators on their planets as much as they claimed themselves to be. She hoped she could give birth naturally but she had been worried about the fact that all their lovely spikes and angles would make that option impossible. She could always consider a C-section. Either way, as long as the child came out alive she would deal with whatever came first. As for breastfeeding?

_Pfft... with those teeth? No ways in hell._

Information and suggestions flooded the pages as she endlessly scrolled between them. She didn’t know why she was filling her head with so much stuff that could in the end become null and void when once she saw Dr Chakwas, could dismiss anything she had already learned in preparation. Frowning as she took another sip of tea, only to find the cup empty, she reluctantly got up to get herself a refill, noticing one of the crew members had returned when he nodded to her as he passed. She didn’t feel like being ogled as she sat there looking through disturbing images and dubious facts. She grabbed the _padd_ off the table and made her way back to Nihlus’ quarters, setting the windows to darken slightly as the sharp Palaven sun rays penetrated the glass windows, glaring off the screen in front of her. She dropped onto the bed, kicking her boots off one by one with her toes and she yawned as she leaned back. God, but she was tired. She arched an eyebrow as she spotted a _‘headline news_ ’ scroll across the bottom of her screen in a pop up and out of curiosity she clicked the offending tab.

Her world around her froze as her image was plastered all over the screen with the words ‘Missing C-Sec Detective’ underneath it. Her hand shook as she clicked on the headline and read the article about herself and how the reporter had gotten an exclusive from one Garrus Vakarian regarding the events leading to her disappearance.

_No, Garrus! Please God, tell me he wasn’t stupid enough to make her known to the whole galaxy?_

_Tell me he wasn’t stupid enough to place her even more in harm’s way than she already was?_

Shepard sat up, folding her crossed legs beneath her as she found the link to the interview of Garrus. His brilliant blue eyes staring at her from the screen and she clutched at her chest, a choked gasp coming out of her as she ached for him. She hovered over the play button… and clicked it.

**********************

_‘Mr Vakarian. Is it true that you have recently been mated to Sabine Crassus, the Primarch of Palavens’ niece?’’ the reporter asked him._

_‘Yes, yes I was. Although I find myself in the position of saying that I had no choice in the matter. Long standing turian traditions dictate that parents choose their offspring’s mates. Finding myself in the position that I am now currently in I can say that I am vehemently against that tradition.’’ He hissed._

_‘’So you were mated to Sabine, however rumour has it that you were already involved with your partner at C-sec. A detective Shepard?’’the reporter trilled questioningly._

_‘’Shepard is my partner at work yes, but in everyday life she was so, so much more. She is the light leading me through all my darkest days, my best friend, my life and the other half of my soul. I will never be worthy but I will live each day trying to prove that to her.’’ He rumbled with deep longing and affection._

_‘’I see. As a fellow Turian, I have to ask Mr Vakarian. Have you tied yourself to her? These are the things of legend, only very few couples have found this peace, this love in another and usually it is always within the same species. Do you not find it… strange... to have tied yourself to a human?’’ she asked._

_‘’Does she not breathe like us? Does she not feel, bleed or love like the rest of us sentient races? No, I see no difference. Her heart beats when I place my ear against her chest and in return… I… feel my heart beat in rhythm with hers.’’ He muttered in embarrassment while his sister snickered in the background._

_The camera zoomed around to get a profile of him as he shut his eyes, the expression on his face warm and loving as he trills a tune of longing for his mate._

_‘’Mr Vakarian, your wife is currently sitting in a holding cell in C-sec and from what I hear she is being denied bail. Are you not at all concerned for her wellbeing?’’ the reported prodded._

_‘’Never! Sabine… is in that holding cell due to committing one of the most heinous acts in our culture Ms N’hara. She forcibly marked me when I had made it clear to her that I would not cease contact with Shepard. She followed me home and assaulted me and unfortunately Shepard witnessed the act and I… think she misunderstood the situation.’’ He keened out his regret at her having been there to see it._

_‘’That is terrible Mr Vakarian, my apologies to you and your human mate. Will you be pressing charges against her and how will the Primarch respond? Not only to the scandal that this interview will cause but also the shame it will bring upon his family’s name?’’ Trusha popped out one question after each other breathlessly._

_‘’To answer your first question: No, unfortunately I find it is in my best interest if I do not press charges against her at this time. As for your second question, I find no fault nor do I harbour any shame in talking to you about truthful matters and I apologise to the Primarch for the repercussions that will no doubt ensue after this airs but I can’t keep quiet about something like this.’’ He said as he drew in a breath and released it in a puff._

_‘’The truth Ms N’hara is that approximately two to three days ago Shepard was attacked by two armed men in the wards of the Citadel. She took two bullets and managed to fight them off, her attackers dying in their attempts to murder her. She has since d-disappeared. She is gone.’’ The reporter trilled her shock and hesitantly reached out a hand as if though she wanted to comfort him but pulled back in time and composed herself as the camera circled to get them both in the shot._

_‘’Mr Vakarian, the reason why you are not pressing charges… is it because your wife may have been involved in the attempt on Shepard’s life?’’ she asked gravely._

_Garrus looked up at the camera, his eyes a steely blue, mandibles drawn tight to his face as a hiss escaped his mouth._

_‘’I intend to find out. When I do, I will find the ones responsible behind it and invoke Turian law as a bonded mate to exact justice upon those who dared to harm my mate, my one true mate. ‘’ Garrus said in a dangerously low voice and the reporters hand shook as she smoothed down her pleated suit._

_‘’I see. Mr Vakarian, thank you for taking the time to speak with me and for laying these rumours to rest. Is there anything you would like to say, in the event that Shepard may somehow see this?’’ she asked one last time._

_Garrus eyes softened as his mandibles slowly relaxed, the earlier frosty atmosphere suddenly melting._

_‘’Shepard… come home to me. Come back to me if you can. We can face all this together. There is nothing we can’t do together. There is no Shepard without Vakarian. If you can’t come back to me, I will find you. I don’t care how long it takes. I will find you.’’ He said determination and purpose in his eyes._

_‘’This is Trusha N’hara from Palaven News Daily. Thank you for tuning in.’’ the reporter said as the bot switched off._

************************************

Shepard was covered her face with her hand as she cried hysterically between her fingers. Her sobbing and moaning making her chest constrict with the sounds she was producing.

_Why? Why Garrus_?

Even if she wanted to go back to him after the child was born… even if she wanted to go back to him right now, he had effectively just given an interview making that impossible. The datapad dropped from her hand as she fell into a foetal position, pulling her knees high up as she cried into the pillow. She missed him so much, she wanted him so much, she _yearned_ for him as his voice replayed through her head on a loop. Now that he had made sure that entire galaxy knew what she looked like, how was she going to stay in hiding? How was she going to get away with keeping the father of her child a secret should anyone ask on Tuchanka? How would she keep any information from falling into the wrong hands and reaching the Primarch? Shepard balled her fist up under the pillow she was pressing her face into and somewhere deep down she scolded herself for getting this upset as it could harm the baby. She cried for what felt like her to hours and when she heard the familiar sound of Nihlus rumbling in concern, she did not stop him as he curled up behind her and drew her into his arms.

She cried herself to sleep in another man’s arms, visions of Garrus floating behind her eyes as she whispered his name in her sorrow.

******************************

His talons raked through her hair and she moaned as his breath rasped in ear, she rocked her hips on him. Slow, deliberate movements as she took him as far inside of her as she could. She laced her hands behind his head, her nails digging into the plates beneath his fringe and his hips jerked with the new sensation. He mewled as she thrust down hard onto his cock, her own voice coming out hoarse as she cried out from the feeling of him filling her. His three fingers wrapping around her waist as he helped her ride out wave after wave of the orgasm she was in. He rolled them over smoothly and continued to thrust into her as her arms were held down by him above her head and he snarled as she purposefully clenched her muscles around him.

‘’Shepard, I can’t wait anymore. I won’t last.’’ she heard him rumble as he quickened his pace.

‘’Mark me. Touch me. Make me yours. ’’ She said as she turned her neck to the side and he gave a pitiful moan as he saw her submit to him completely.

‘’You are mine Shepard.’’ He purred before burying his face in her neck, teeth sinking in as his body went rigid, pumping his seed into her.

‘’Shepard, I lov…’’

Shepard came awake with a gasp, hand flying to her heart which was beating loud enough to make the sound of the ship’s drive core seem quiet in comparison to the noise in her ears. She moaned as she moved her hand down to her stomach. Such life to come from such passion. Her face scrunched up as she quickly looked up, denying the tears that had formed, the chance to fall over her cheeks.

‘’I miss you Garrus.’’ She breathed out, sucking in breaths to calm herself from the achingly sweet dream of him she had just had.

‘’Shepard… saying another mans name while in my arms is really rather rude.’’ She heard Nihlus mumble from behind her and she squeaked as she suddenly processed his presence, how his arms were wrapped around her and his arousal evident on the small of her back.

‘’Nihlus…’’ she said, trying to move away but his hold tightened.

‘’I only meant to comfort you Shepard… but somehow in the last hour you started making delightful noises in your sleep and well… as your body moved… you can see the result for yourself.’’ He whispered into her hair.

‘’I don’t expect anything from you Shepard. I just… wanted to hold you. To make you feel better. Apart from my …ahem… attraction to you, I would like to think that we have become friends. And friends, I hear, comfort one another when they are in pain.’’ He said.

Shepard slowly lifted his arms off of her and tried to sit up but he pulled her down again so that she was flat on her back.

‘’You saw it then? I had hoped… well, to be honest I didn’t want you to see it.’’ He smoothed her now short hair off her face.

‘’I s-saw it. And it hurts Nihlus. God, but it hurts.’’ She whispered back at him.

‘’Do you want me to take you back?’’ he asked, propping his head up on his arm to look down at her.

‘’No, you need to take me to Tuchanka as soon as you can. There is no more time, now that everyone and their mother know what I look like. Who I am and what I’ve gotten myself involved in.’’ she said sadly.

‘’My father will be so worried when he sees it and I’ve practically just been caught lying to his face about where I am and how I’ve been. I am in danger Nihlus and I’m sure Garrus thought by giving that interview that he was doing all that he could, that it would somehow … fix… all of this but in reality he has made the situation a hundred times worse. So please, Nihlus, help me. Help me keep the ones I love safe. From Sabine, from the Primarch. From my actions.’’ She begged him, her hazel eyes staring up at him.

‘’I promise. I will do what I can for you. We will leave Palaven tonight. It should take a week to get to Tuchanka. We’ll take it from there once we set foot on Krogan soil. Hush now, ‘’ he said wiping a stray tear with his finger, ‘’ go back to sleep. When you wake up it will all look a bit better.’’ He rumbled soothingly as she closed her eyes against any more tears escaping and she shuddered out a shaky breath as he purred to her while she fell asleep.

********************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update. I will once again be travelling down to see family. Its a baby shower tomorrow so i will try and mentally take notes of little things my sister-in-law will be given. I have no children of my own... my partner goes pale when i mention kids, so if you see something that is hideously incorrect please do feel free to comment and i will take it under advisement to see if it fits with my story or not. Thank you all once again for all the support and i do hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Much love and aprreciation to all of you!


	30. Disbelief

_One week later_

Garrus had been holed up in his apartment all day, hiding out from hordes of cameras and reporters that been stalking him, since his interviewed aired. He snarled again as they pounded on the door screaming his name to get him to come out and answer their questions. An hour after it had aired his parents had called him and given him a stern talking to about how reckless, idiotic and rash he was for talking to that reporter. Garrus sipped on his glass of Horosk, the burn in his stomach only slightly taking away the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he thought of Shepard.

_Had he made things worse?_

All he could see when he  had spoken to Trusha was a chance to reach out to Shepard, to somehow get her to come back to him. The fact that he was also ingeniously getting revenge on Sabine had made it all the more satisfying to him. Hindsight was a bitch he decided. Tossing his drink back, he refilled his glass and stared into the amber liquid, hoping that it somehow contained all the answers to his questions. He didn’t know what was right, wrong, grey, backwards or forwards anymore. Nothing so far in his life had given him the skills needed to deal with this. Nothing could have prepared him for bonding, tying and loving a human. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He had resisted the urge to drink since she had left him, but tonight sitting all alone in his home, a full week since she had left, he relented and allowed the alcohol to mix with the hundreds of memories of Shepard that he had of her in this place. He settled his head back on his couch, fringe awkwardly dangling over it and he placed his legs straight out in front of him. He looked down to the floor and noticed the absence of his coffee table. He growled when that particular memory flashed through his mind.

His eyes closed as he brought his drink up and sipped. He could do no more for now. According to his parents he had personally screwed all chances of them getting the Primarch to renegotiate his marriage contract and that if Shepard didn’t return after all this nonsense he had created, well then, that was entirely his fault. His parents had shown a united front on the matter and Garrus had been awed at the sight of his parents standing together, even more so when he caught on to the fact that his mother was cradling his father’s hand in her own. My, my, my how things changed he rumbled sarcastically in his head. His mind flitted between memories and when the word spectre popped up; he opened his eyes and groaned. The training was going to be hell tomorrow; it would take all of his time, all of his energy away from finding his mate. He needed to find her, he needed to feel her soft skin against his own hardened plates, her breath on his neck, his hands in her hair… stopping his thoughts before they took him to an altogether different place he sat up slowly.

Rolling his eyes as the banging on his door continued to echo through the house, he had obviously tried calling security but somehow as soon as the hallway in front of his door was cleared, it magically refilled again. So it had been for days now. He looked at the bottle of Horosk and contemplated just necking the entire thing to avoid dreaming tonight. His omnitool chimed with an unknown identifier code and he hissed. He dearly hoped that someone hadn’t been stupid enough to give out his number to the press. He hummed as his finger hesitated over the answer button, but in the end he decided that if it was the press he could just hang up. He answered the call, mood sour and tiny snarls of impatience bleeding from his mouth.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Garrus… it’s me.’’

‘’Shepard?! Where are you? Are you safe? Come - please, _Spirits_ , just come back to me.’’ He jumped from the couch and walked over the window, palm against the glass and heart beating like a hammer in his chest.

‘’I want to Garrus but – can – hear me?’’ she said as the line crackled, a buzzing sound coming through his omnitool and he thrust his wrist in the air as if though that might help with the signal problems.

‘’You’re breaking up Shepard-. He growled back at her, worry making his subvocals shriek in distress.

‘’Garrus, is that better? Were, uh, flying too close the relay, signal keeps dropping.’’ He heard her say and his heat leaped again.

‘’Turn around now Shepard. Come back to me. Come home, whatever is wrong, we can fix it. Please Shepard... please… please, come back.’’ He keened, eyes wide as his talons scratched the glass pane as his hand balled into a fist.

‘’I asked you once to run away with me Garrus… Is your answer still the same?’’ he heard her ask quietly and he sucked in a breath as his forehead came down to rest on the cool glass.

‘’Tell me what’s going on Shepard. Why did you leave me? Spirits, how… how you could leave me?’’ he begged her.

‘’I had no choice Garrus. I wasn’t going to call you, I didn’t know how to tell you, but things have changed now….’’ The line crackled and he cursed as he waited for her to speak again.

‘’Garrus… I didn’t want to leave you but it was for the best, I’ll admit that seeing that woman mark you hurt me more than I realised and Nihlus…’’ He roared down the line at her.

His talons flexing and his teeth baring menacingly at the empty room.

‘’How could you run away with Nihlus? You are MY mate Shepard. I love you! How could you leave with no note, no explanation and just run off? It’s been a week! If I didn't know better through my tie with you, I would have thought that you were dead!’’ he shouted.

‘’How dare you make me love you, make me bond to you and then up and leave as if though nothing we had together meant anything?’’ he yelled again, his anger at her leaving him, the despair of not being able to find her and the crushing loneliness eating him up inside.

‘’I didn’t make you do anything Garrus! I was prepared to move on when you said you couldn’t love me back but you were the one who came after me that night at Chora’s! Where do you get off blaming me for everything that’s happened?!’’ she yelled back at him and he swore loudly as he paced his tiny lounge.

‘’You don’t get to blame me here Garrus, I asked you to leave with me. To fight harder against your marriage to that bitch who tried to have me fucking killed and what do you do? You give a fucking interview making sure that I can never show my face again without being recognised as your mistress!’’ she shrieked and he heard her sniff loudly as a sob escaped her throat.

Garrus stumbled over to the couch again and he sank into it. He didn’t want to fight with her. Why was he fighting with her? None of this mattered unless she was coming back.

‘’Garrus, I wanted to come home to you . I would have apologised for behaving the way I did... and I can try and understand that you were just trying to find me when you spoke to the press, but this complicates things.’’ She half-sobbed through the line and his already broken heart clenched tight in pain at the sound of her suffering.

‘’I love you so much Shepard….’’ He whimpered softly, his head in his hand as he hunched over.

‘’I love you more.’’ She whispered back and his mouth opened on a moan as her words reached him.

''Garrus, I need to tell you something.’’ She said again.

‘’I’m pregnant ’’ she said but her words were drowned out by the ship’s VI.

 _‘’Entering mass relay, brace for entry in five, four, three, two…’_ ’ The line cut out.

Garrus stared at his wrist, the static from the other side washing over him, his blood pumping in his veins and his body shaking as he grasped his other hand like a lifeline.

‘’Shepard…?’’ he asked, hoping that she was somehow still there.

‘’Shepard? Please…’’ he begged.

He dropped his hands into his lap as he sat back and looked at the ceiling, she was what? Pre…?

_What?_

That damn VI had blocked out most of what she was saying dammit! Maybe she would call back after they had gone through the relay? Hope intermingled with the sorrow in his chest. He didn’t know how long he sat there staring at his omnitool but when he glanced up to check the time it was well into the early hours of the morning. He fought the heavy wave of exhaustion as he made his way to his bedroom. He could do nothing. Her line was untraceable and he would have to wait for her, until he was capable of finding her himself.

_He would always wait for her._

He went to sleep alone, clutching her shirt, blankets pulled over his head.

****************************************

_Three hours earlier_

‘’Shepard! Get some decent clothes on quickly. We are being boarded.’’ Nihlus hissed in annoyance.

‘’My line cut out Nihlus, I was just speaking to Garrus… I need to call him back.’’ She gasped as he shoved her into the room.

‘’Get dressed Shepard. This is serious. Krogan have been at peace for over a hundred years now with the other council races but they are extremely suspicious and guard their borders ferociously. You won’t get any calls out. They are jamming all our communications.’’ He said, throwing her a black jacket and a pair of combat boots that he had bought.

He handed her a pistol and she flicked off the safety, keeping her hand firm around it. She felt her heart leaping in her throat when Nihlus grabbed onto her arm and marched off to the airlock with her. She fidgeted and Nihlus scolded her, muttering that she needed to keep her chin up and pretend to be brave. The airlock hissed as the air pressure normalised and Shepard couldn’t stop her eyes from widening as three large and heavily armed Krogan stomped through to stand directly in front of them. The wide mouth of the krogan leader who removed his helmet split into a grin as he looked down at them.

‘’Grunt, long time.’’ Nihlus said warily and Shepard quirked an eyebrow at the exchange.

Grunt walked closer to Nihlus and cracked his head into Nihlus’ as hard as he could, sending him sprawling over into the wall behind them.

‘’Still sore over that bet I won then?’’ Nihlus grumbled, seeing stars and righting himself to stand next to Shepard again.

‘’My varren was superior to yours, there is no way that you won without cheating.’’ Grunt rumbled and looked over to Shepard, acknowledging her presence for the first time.

Shepard braced herself for a similar greeting and she wrapped her arms around her stomach to protect her baby in case she went flying in to the wall as well. The krogan, with his grey and silver hide, stepped into her personal space and took a deep, deep breath of her sweet scent. His blue eyes widened and he barked out a laugh, mischief shining in his eyes.

‘’Does he know?’’ he asked Shepard who shook her head minutely.

_Oh god, how does he know?_

‘’HEH HEH HEH.’’ Grunt laughed before shaking his head at Nihlus who looked utterly perplexed at the question.

‘’Always full of surprises aren’t you Turian?’’ he chuckled again.

‘’Now that our… greetings… are done with, you need to state your business before my shotgun decides you’re trespassing.’’ Grunt’s deep gravelly voice booming through the small ship.

Shepard flinched and Nihlus took a step forward to stand in front of her.

‘’We, my companion Shepard and I, are here to speak to Urdnot Wrex. We have a favour to ask and as a Spectre I would like the chance to owe him one, should he feel gracious enough to grant us ours.’’ Nihlus said trying to convey as much respect as possible in his voice when talking about their clan leader.

‘’Enough with the fancy talk Turian, you need something and he will decide whether you deserve it or not. Urdnot Wrex is in talks this morning with the Garvog’s. You will have to wait to see him. Until then you can come down to our home, but I’m warning you now Turian and you too human, behave yourselves.’’ He grunted and walked back to the airlock.

As the doors hissed shut signalling their departure, Shepard let out a breath she didn’t know that she had been holding and looked over to Nihlus.

‘’Friendly bunch…’’ Shepard mumbled.

‘’Yes, aren’t they just.’’ He chuckled as he rubbed his now aching forehead.

Shepard frowned and turned him around, inspecting the slight scuff on his plates and he went rigid underneath her hands as she breathed onto him. He put his head in her neck and sniffed, the sweetness travelling to his groin and he let out a small moan as he pushed her away and held her at arm’s length.

‘’Shepard… you’re not helping me keep my hands off you, when you keep coming into my personal space so willingly.’’ He said, voice low and seductive.

Shepard blushed and stepped away from him, clearing her throat. She mumbled a ‘sorry’ and walked back to his quarters.

‘’Have you been crying again?’’ he asked when he finally noticed the faint red tinge to her nose and eyes.

‘’Well speaking to Garrus was bound to have that effect on me wasn’t it?’’ she snarked. What was with him and his desire to see her become better at handling her emotions?

‘’I only ask because I worry. Never mind then. Pack your things for an overnight stay. We’ll set a course to land on Tuchanka within the next two hours and hopefully speak to Wrex about you staying with them for a while.’’ He said, sitting down on the bed while she bustled about room packing things.

‘’How did it go?’’ he asked so quietly that she strained to make sense of what he had said.

‘’I-I… can you believe that the first thing we do, after not speaking to each other for over a week, is fight?’’ she shook her head and folded a pair of jeans while he sat there and watched.

‘’What do you and the Krogan know that I don’t?’’ he asked her and she dropped the jeans into an untidy mess on the floor in shock.

‘’Uh…’’ she stuttered. ‘

’I’m getting sick of this Shepard. You need to tell me.’’

‘’And I will Nihlus. When I’m ready.’’ She said a little bit more forcefully than she had meant to, her back ramrod straight as she turned around to continue packing.

‘’Could you give me a minute … I need to call Garrus back.’’ She asked

‘’No can do. Check if you don’t believe me. Krogan are a suspicious lot and until we speak to Wrex, I doubt he’ll let any communications through until he knows were trustworthy.’’ He said and she sighed.

*****************************************

Liara had packed all her things from Shepard’s apartment and she now stood inside the cargo bay of a ship that was bound for Illium. She had bought a small office there and she needed to get her business up and running. Her body glowed blue again as she thought of Shepard and Garrus. Well, they should’ve known better. She had warned them both about getting involved. Liara was hurt that Shepard had left her behind, that she hadn’t sought her help when she had been injured. She had called all the medical practices she could and finally found Dr Michel’s clinic who confirmed that Detective Shepard had indeed been treated there for gunshot wounds as well as various lacerations and bruises. What stunned Liara the most was when she had later contacted a source to get hold of Shepard’s medical files and she cursed more than prayed to the Goddess when she confirmed her suspicions.

Shepard was indeed pregnant and had left all of them for the safety of her unborn child.

In the days that had passed Liara had done copious amounts of research into statistics and variables regarding the safe birth of hybrids. Liara had shuddered at some of the documentation that she had come across. It was all bad news, all terrible news of the infants not surviving. She kicked her trunk full of clothes and huffed. She would help find Shepard for Garrus. Technically she should tell Garrus about the pregnancy but she reasoned that if Shepard hadn’t told him about it she must have a valid reason for not doing just that. So Liara decided to keep quiet. She would set up shop, build her network and obtain power of her own to track down her friend and keep her from harm.

‘’Ms T’soni, would you kindly return to your seat as we are preparing a jump through the relay.’’ The VI stated mechanically.

Liara took her seat and fastened the safety harness. She was quite sad to be leaving the Citadel as she had enjoyed staying in the hub of galactic civilization. She looked out the window as the ship came up next to the relay, it pulsed and whirred. So, so large and intimidating she thought. And as she has always done and will always do before she travels through one.

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and offers up a prayer.

************************************************

_Three hours later_

‘’Tenzin, you are cleared to land. Keep all weapons stowed away and we won’t have a problem.’’ The docking control officer grumbled out.

‘’Finally.’’ Nihlus huffed as he sat in the pilot’s chair, taking over for the landing procedures.

He felt Shepard come up behind him and he shivered as she bent down to get a look at the planet. His hands tightened on his knees and he looked up to see wonder on her face. He followed her gaze to the planet and saw why she could be having that reaction. It was quite similar to earth really, what with all the blue, greens, purples and whites swirling together in the atmosphere. He navigated his way through and upon entry he coasted his ship to the landing zone and when they touched down there was only a minor jolt as they made contact with the ground.

 _Not bad at all Nihlus_ he hummed internally.

‘’Shepard, let me do the talking okay?’’ he said cupping her face to give a quick kiss on her cheek, enjoying her gasp of surprise every time he did that.

‘’Just… thank you Nihlus. If it doesn’t go well, I want you to know that… thank you.’’ She said and she smiled at him.

His heart skipped twice in its rhythm and he cleared his throat as he nodded to her.

‘’Come.’’ He said holding out a hand and he took her luggage from her, glancing down to check that he had all his weapons strapped on securely.

He kept a careful watch on Shepard as they left the ship and they were greeted by escorts that would take them to the main hall where they would wait to see Wrex. He sniggered when he saw the round-eyed human gape as she saw the majestic pyramid like structures that graced the green valleys and jungles as they boarded the shuttle. He loved that she could appreciate scenery; that she managed to get excited over the small stuff. He had wondered whether the planet would be too warm for her but he could see no signs of her struggling for breath. He ran his eyes over her body for the hundredth time that day and noticed a bead a sweat drip down her face, disappearing into her collared jacket.

Shepard caught his eyes and he winked at her. Shepard took off her jacket moaning about how she felt stifled and he had the pleasure to watch another bead pool its way down in between her breasts.

 _Spirits, this woman_ … he muttered to himself and looked out the window as they approached the coordinates for the Great Hall. Touching down, he helped Shepard off with a small jump and trilled in delight when she landed in his arms, he briefly held her close before brushing it off like it never happened. The escorts led them to a chamber where a few seats were dotted about and they sat down next to one another and waited.

An hour later they heard a commotion from behind one of the old wooden doors and it burst open.

‘’Nihlus, my old friend, what brings you back here?’’ Urdnot Wrex boomed as he shook hands with Nihlus who had quickly stood up pulling Shepard up along with him.

‘’Can't a friend come visit for old times’ sake?’’ he laughed and Wrex shook his head.

‘’I hear you need something from me? You know we Krogan don’t give our time easily so spit it out and get on with it.’’ He rumbled and Nihlus motioned to Shepard.

‘’Urdnot Wrex, this is Shepard. She is … well she is someone who I care for and she had found herself in a dangerous position. We need your help in hiding her.’’ Nihlus said sombrely, grasping Shepard’s hand.

‘’It’s a pleasure to meet you Urdnot Wrex. Thank you for giving us your time.’’ Shepard said respectfully.

‘’HAH! I like this human, she knows how to show respect and she’s certainly brave enough if she came all the way over here. But I have a question for you Nihlus?’’ he rumbled and Nihlus looked at him curiously.

‘’Why did you bring a pregnant human woman to a world full of creatures that could kill her?’’

Nihlus opened his mouth… closed it… opened it again and turned to Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ive got a really sappy song that accompanies this chapter... ''I MISS YOU by Incubus.'' Yeah, dont hate me. I like it. 
> 
> Enjoy the short chapter!  
> Also, i cannot believe im on chapter thirty?! How the hell did that happen?
> 
> Much love and appreciation from me to you as always.


	31. Desperation makes one do strange things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more i listened to this song.. the more it kind of became Nihlus' theme song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2HSHHf37eQ
> 
> Earned It from the Fifty shades of Grey movie.

Shepard clapped her hands over her ears as the shrill shriek of shock from Nihlus combined with Wrex’s booming laughter in the tiny room made her ears ring. She closed her eyes and counted to five. Opening her eyes slowly, she lowered her hands and dared to peek at Nihlus. He was standing utterly still. Not a muscle twitched, not a plate shifted nor did his chest show any indication that he was breathing at all. She ran her eyes over his form, her mind trying to find the best way to explain herself as she ran through various scenarios in her head. When she caught his gaze he let loose another trill of anxiety and confusion at her and the green of his eyes faded to black as his pupils took over and he glared at her.

‘’Fuck… Nihlus… I didn’t…’’ Shepard stuttered, taking a step closer to him.

She saw him step backwards automatically, almost like a reflex movement and she cringed at how much that small little action hurt her. He was her friend, someone she trusted to look out for her. Would he abandon her now too?

‘’Shepard, how can you not tell the poor bastard that he’s going to be a daddy?’’ Wrex rumbled between his laughter.

‘’That’s because I’m not.’’ Nihlus hissed.

Shepard gulped down her excuse as his eyes narrowed at her and she looked away, guilt eating away at her.

‘’I didn’t want to say anything… as… it’s very likely that my body wont a-accept this child and I’ll lose it.’’ She said softly and Wrex’s laughter died immediately.

She saw a grim look plaster itself on the Krogans face as he stepped towards her. He towered over her and she knew that somewhere deep down she should be frightened at his close proximity but she felt a sense of calm wash over her as she heard a rumble from his chest. He lifted his giant hand and gently lowered it to her shoulder, patting it twice and giving her a nod in some small understanding.

‘’Human, you may stay here for now. Any friend of Nihlus’ is a friend of mine. We’ll get you settled in the woman’s camp as soon as I’ve spoken to them. For now, you and Nihlus can stay in one of our Great Halls’ chambers. It’s not what I would offer to a pregnant female normally but it’s all I can do for now.’’ Wrex said to Shepard and she mumbled out a thank you.

He grunted and turned to Nihlus.

‘’Bit of a shock eh Turian? Tell you what, you know our history, you know how we feel about children, regardless of whether it’s yours or not, you have temporarily become part of that human’s life and in doing so she and her unborn whelp are in some part YOUR responsibility. Until I convince Bakara to let her into the camp you will stay here and watch Shepard.’’ He rasped out and Nihlus hissed in protest at the order but clamped his mandibles tight to his face when he heard Shepard gasp.

Wrex left the room with his lackeys and motioned for them to follow. Shepard walked behind Nihlus with her backpack and she could sense that she was being avoided. Nihlus wouldn’t even look at her and she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she felt a small headache make an appearance. Reaching their new quarters for the night, Wrex bid them good day with a nod and left the two alone. Shepard awkwardly sat down on the bed, not knowing how this confrontation was going to go. She saw him from the corner of her eye kick a small rock with his foot as he huffed out -his no doubt- high levels of agitation.

‘’Ok Shepard, I get why you didn’t tell me… I do, really. But part of me could throttle you in your sleep. You really don’t know anything much about our culture do you?’’ he said irritably.

‘’Nihlus, if you’re going to continue to insult me, I’d rather we not speak at all.’’ Shepard retorted, eyes taking on a fiery sheen of irritability.

‘’Spirits Shepard!’’ he yelled and she jumped.

‘’You know how recently I’ve been complaining about your scent? How you smell so good that I can barely control myself around you? Well guess what, I finally figured out that it was your goddamn pheromones signalling to me that you’re pregnant! And how did I find out? By a fucking Krogan. Spirits, my ancestors would roll in their graves if I knew any of them.’’ He muttered, kicking more rubble around the room.

‘’I don’t understand… pheromones?’’ she asked.

‘’Yes, your body is telling my body- that wants you so, so badly-that some other turian has gone and well… what’s the human phrase… knocked you up? Anyway, back in the day Turians used to fight for the right to lay with females or females would select multiple partners of the highest standing and breeding to makes sure her offspring would come from the best male, be the strongest and survive . My clever… and I’m being very sarcastic here… body has been demanding that I sleep with you because of it.’’ He ranted.

‘’But I’m already pregnant Nihlus, why the hell would that matter? I can’t get pregnant again while I’m already pregnant.’’ She huffed at the ridiculousness of it all.

‘’Do you think that mattered back in the day when we were all savages? If a female was pregnant already, the new turian would well, as horrifying as it was, force himself upon the female till she lost the infant she was carrying. That way, the male would then impregnate her and then HE would be the father of her offspring. He would be the dominant mate.’’ He rattled out like reading from a textbook.

Shepard swallowed at the vulgarity of it all. She certainly never looked this far back into Turian history.

‘’Uh, I g-guess it’s a g-good thing were all civilized these days then.’’ She muttered avoiding his eyes again.

‘’Shepard, apart from the brutality, the irrational rage and violence when a female is pregnant, they also bring out a side to Turian males that isn’t often seen. Being over protective, bonding, caring, nurturing and f-feelings. Feelings which I can well do without if all I’m currently experiencing is just a reaction to your pheromones.’’ He grumbled taking a seat across from her.

‘’Ah. I see.’’ She said softly, biting her lip and staring at the ground.

‘’So you don’t actually care for me at all. It’s all just… what? … biology? Instinct? Warped evolution?’’ she whimpered sadly at this new unexpected hurt.

‘’Spirits no Shepard. I may be confused and I feel like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner… but it’s not like I go gallivanting across the galaxy with pregnant women often…’’ he rambled on and Shepard couldn’t help a her lip twitch in a hidden smile.

‘’My point is, I genuinely do care for you…’’ he huffed, ‘’But I can’t stick around now.’’ He trilled sadly, mandibles pulling tight when he heard her once again make a small noise of pain.

‘’Oh, so you’re leaving?’’ she asked looking up at the great ceiling adorned with finger paintings, which slowly started to blur together.

‘’Yes, as soon as I’m able and you’re settled... I have to leave. I don’t want to keep coming onto you Shepard; I don’t want to ache for you. I don’t want to… end up loving you because I know you love Garrus. But most importantly, if you... if the baby... survives’’ he swallowed quickly, ‘’ then I don’t want to risk the chance of loving that little one too.’’ He said, standing up and walking towards her.

Shepard let him pull her up and he wrapped her in his arms, his face tucked into her neck as he breathed in and purred, a small whimper escaping his throat as he pressed himself harder against her. He withdrew slightly and placing a hand under her chin, he tilted her head up to stare down in to her hazel eyes. She tightened her hold on him, afraid that if she let go of him, like everything else she had held close in her life, it would all disappear. Her body was humming with desperation, fear unknown to her at being left alone to fend for herself. She startled when he leaned down to kiss her, soft plucks of her lips with his own rough mouth plates, his tongue sweeping across her bottom lip with each pass.

She closed her eyes and sank into the feeling momentarily. The feeling of being wanted, the feeling of someone wanting her above all else. Of being kissed by someone who would have up until an hour ago stayed with her regardless of what she needed or demanded of him. Someone so unlike Garrus. She returned the kiss, her tongue winding with his own and she felt him trill as he backed her into the wall next to the bed, deepening the kiss. He moaned with the pleasure as her hands moved up from his back to encircle his neck. She needed… she didn’t know what she needed to be perfectly honest she thought to herself. She needed stability. Something to ground her, to keep her rooted as surely all this drama, this pain, this emptiness that would soon come upon her at being alone, would break her. She clutched onto his shoulders and leaned back when he nibbled her ear, his talons now biting into her thigh, as he lifted it slowly to grind in to her.

***************************************************

Nihlus mewled again as her nails found purchase in his neck, his hips thrusting into her on impulse now and he groaned as he fought internally with himself. He needed to stop this, she was hurting, she was frightened, he could almost sense her fear at being left alone, but the more her soft body pushed into his, the more he found excuses as well. He needed this because he too, was hurting at the thought that what he had been feeling recently, had all boiled down to a biological response. He had no family to speak of and had certainly never ever loved anyone before. So every time his heart fluttered when she smiled, when he thought that he might burst from hope and desire when she let him touch her in small ways… well, now all he felt was a resounding sadness that all of that wasn’t real. Now that he had her in his arms, he didn’t care if it was selfish. If it would hurt a bit more later, he would live with that.

He looked down into her eyes again, panting hard, her cheeks flushed and he knew he had to have her. He brought his hands to hers around his shoulders and lifted them above her head. His talons ran down her wrists, her arms, down the sides of her stomach and reaching the bottom of her shirt he slowly started to pull up, taking her shirt off in one swift movement. Neither of them spoke, either too afraid to break the spell, too afraid that one word could stop them both, so instead he made sure to keep her mouth occupied by kissing her again. She moaned into his mouth as his talons left faint red lines down her back till it reached her bra. He unhooked the contraption and slowly pulled the item down her arms, exposing her nipples to the air, which puckered under his gaze and he growled as the bra dropped to the floor. His breath sped up as she turned her head to the side, her neck an open, inviting temptation. He snapped his eyes shut as he saw her mates bond mark and instead he bent down to lathe his tongue over her nipples one by one. She clung onto the back of his cowl as he quickly unclasped his own shirt, throwing the thing behind him and he bit at her softly, his teeth scraping across her skin. His tongue left a wet trail down her stomach as he reached her jeans and his hand come up to pull down the zipper in front.

‘’Nihlus…’’ she whispered into the air and he thanked the spirits for small mercies. At least it was his name she had muttered.

He pulled her jeans down and the more he exposed of her lower half, the more he lost himself in that sweet scent. He swallowed as his mouth started to water the closer he got to her groin. She lifted her legs to kick her shoes and jeans away and he traced the borders of her underwear with his tongue, lapping at her through the cloth, rasping his teeth teasingly against her mound and she moaned when his hands came up to land on her ass, talons digging in. He stood back up slowly, divesting himself of his own trousers and boots, freeing his cock from its confined space. Through his lust addled brain he noticed her eyes widen when she took in his size and he snarled with want when he saw her tongue come out to lick her lower lip. He stepped towards her, cock trapped between them as he rubbed himself on her and nipped at her shoulders and neck.

He lifted her carefully and turned around to drop her onto the bed, climbing over her as she continued to breathe heavily, eyelids lowered and a flush all over her beautiful body. His keen eyes took in all the scars, the talon marks from her mate, the healing bullet wounds and he once again shut out the images. He placed a finger into the band of her underwear and tugged it down her body, seeing her lift her ass of the bed to help him remove it. He suckled in as much as he could on her breasts, before lying down on top of her. Her legs opened to let him in and she linked her ankles behind his back. Kissing her again her positioned her correctly and with a three fingered rough hand underneath her ass he trilled at her for permission, remembering suddenly that she wouldn’t understand his subvocals.

‘’Shep… Shepard… say it. Please?’’ He begged.

‘’Touch me Nihlus.’’ She murmured shakily against his throat.

He sighed and sank into her.

*******************************************************

‘’Urdnot Bakara, apologies but Urdnot Wrex has asked for your presence.’’ A young female krogan tittered.

‘’What does he want now.’’ She grumbled to herself, huffing beneath her mask as she made to stand up.

A krogan toddler waddled up to her and stretched out his arms indicating that he wanted to be picked up and she obliged. Snuggling the youngster close to her chest and she soothed him with a rumble. She smiled as he let out a small gurgle, playing with the beaded necklace on her chest. She walked through the camps slowly, accepting the nods of respect and greetings and giving her own in return. It was by choice that the females who had young, chose to live apart from the men. It gave them some peace of mind to know that they wouldn’t be influenced at this young age to be violent from the start.

Their young would learn what it meant to be a krogan through education and understanding first, only then would they start training and partake in the rite to join the clans. Hopefully when they succeeded they would be wise enough that if the time came for violence, they could use judgment and wisdom in their actions. Only a few krogan were born every year, one female only being able to give birth every twelve years, which really wasn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, considering they could live to well over a thousand. Luckily, the woman chose their mates wisely and population control was entirely in their hands. She patted the youngster in her arms on the back as he choked on her beaded necklace, making him spit it out and scolded him gently for his idiocy.

She wondered what Wrex wanted, it was rare that he came down the camps unless it was for breeding purposes and as she looked at their son in her arms she knew for a fact that it certainly wasn’t because of that. Reaching the border which was patrolled by the few krogan female trained in combat, she nodded at Wrex as she saw him leaning against the Tomkha that he had used to get here.

‘’Urdnot Wrex. To what do I owe this visit?’’ she politely inquired and she saw him smile as he looked down at their son.

‘’Feisty little thing isn’t he?’’ Wrex said as he ran a thick thumb over the child’s crest, causing the little bugger to turn and try to bite his finger.

‘’Wrex…’’ Bakara impatiently murmured.

‘’What? Oh, yes. Ahem… I need a favour from you.’’ He grumbled and Bakara stopped herself from smiling.

‘’Well, well, well. This is indeed a surprise.’’ She said, eyes shining with laughter.

‘’Don’t let it go to your head.’’ He spat, annoyed that she was taking pleasure from this.

‘’A human female needs somewhere to lay low, she is a friend of a friend and I said I would help.’’ He muttered

‘’Humans have no place here Wrex.’’ Bakara said seriously and turned to leave.

‘’Bakara, she is pregnant. And by the smell of things, it’s a hybrid she’s carrying. She wouldn’t have come to a planet full of creatures that could kill her and one full of hostile Krogans if she wasn’t desperate. Surely as parents we can try and understand the need to protect our young?’’ he asked, a whirr from his chest pleading with her.

‘’I shall speak to her when I able. Until then, keep her where she is. I need to discuss matters with the Shaman and the other females here.’’ She nodded to him and he smiled one last time at his son before clambering back into his vehicle.

‘’That is all that I ask.’’ Wrex shouted from the top of the vehicle before he drove away.

The trees blew in the wind, the humidity rising and Bakara drew a deep breath into her lungs before making her way back to her home. Her son wiggled and squirmed and she threw him in the air as she walked, delighting in his soft giggles every time she caught him. As she looked into the beady red eyes of her child she tried to picture what it would be like for her son to grow up with a human influence, or that of a hybrid. Expanding her child’s horizons and education him and others on different species... well, that certainly would fit the concept and give her a valid reason for her allowing the human woman to stay here.

However, the others had to agree first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm expecting a few of you to go 'WTF? how could she?
> 
> I'll answer any questions as long as they are reasonable. It was bound to happen. Lol..
> 
> Enjoy!


	32. Strength...

Shepard recounted the night’s events calmly; a small smile flickered over her face at thought of how gentle, how loving the experience with Nihlus had been. Soft, throaty growls and moans of completion that made her toes tingle. Shepard pushed her short bangs out of her face and realised that while she had indeed slept with someone that wasn’t Garrus, she felt no guilt. Her heart, for all intents and purposes had been un-swayed by Nihlus’ desperate pleas in her ear to love him.

_To give herself to him._

She had done so bodily, physically… but her heart remained allocated to her turian with blue eyes.

_She doesn't regret it._

Everything that can or has happened, was in her eyes, what was meant to happen. Shepard was a firm believer in fate; she had no regret for taking comfort when it was offered. She felt no guilt for having sex with Nihlus, as she could remember in painstaking clarity just how many girls Garrus had brought home or back to the training barracks when they were younger. She had cried herself silly for days each time and somehow ended up avoiding him for longer because she was prone to picturing them together whenever she saw him immediately after.

_No. Why should she feel guilty?_

She wasn’t married. They hadn't even had a real relationship before everything turned to shit. And he certainly never asked her to marry him did he? He didn't choose her above all else. No, Shepard hummed. She would not feel guilt or regret about Nihlus. She was not going to allow herself to agonise about this. Last night with Nihlus... She had no words that could sufficiently express the inner peace, contentment and comfort that she received from him as he whispered into her ear all night. She took what was offered and gave what little of herself she could to a male that had gone above and behind her expectations in terms of helping and caring for her. And while Shepard felt the keen sadness of his absence, it could never compare to the crippling grief and despair that washed over her whenever she thought of never seeing Garrus again. That type of sadness Shepard tried desperately to keep buried within the confines of her heart.

She sighed as she looked at the pillow next to her, the indentations from Nihlus’ body cold, as she placed her hand on the material. She patted the pillow twice and struggled to sit up, giving a groan as she leaned back against the wall. Bringing her knees up, she winced as she felt a combination of sensations run through her. Her wounds from being shot still gave a residual ache every once in a while but regular doses of medigel had taken care of most of that. She widened her knees a fraction and felt the familiar muscles clench in her nether regions. Signs that she has put all her best muscles to good use last night. She snorted at her train of thought. This was no time to get lost in what was, now was the time to plan for what could be.

She sat silently for a time, listening to the thunderous boots of various Krogans stomping outside her door and she blew out a long deep breath as a flicker of fear crawled up her spine. The overwhelming feeling of being suddenly and truly alone bubbled up from her stomach, leaving a foul taste in her mouth. Shepard dropped her feet to the ground, amazed yet again that she was on the planet Tuchanka of all places. She was refusing to even acknowledge the fact that if Nihlus had not just left the room, but the planet itself, that she was now incredibly and utterly left alone to fend for herself. She would face that emotion later. For now as she padded over to her backpack she had brought with her and rifled through to get some clothes for the day, she spotted a holopad propped up on one of the chairs. A flashing light in the left hand corner indicated a message had been left and she froze in place.

Okay, so maybe she would have to face her demons earlier in the day than planned. She walked over slowly to the holopad and picking it up, she took a seat and sucking in a breath she opened the message.

_‘’Shepard… I wanted you to have this PADD in the meantime; it has extranet capabilities and communication devices installed. It should be untraceable. I’ve gotten Wrex to lift the order blocking our communications off world so I hope that helps. I will also be sending you your new omnitool as soon as I can. For now, Wrex should be help with you any other matters you need such as food etc. I’ve gathered by now you’ve come to the conclusion that I am obviously not there._

_Last night… suffice it to say I will never forget it. You are everything that I want, wanted, and more. And for all the whispers of my name every time I made you writhe underneath me, it was unfortunately not my name you mumbled just before you fell asleep. I have always known that you could never be mine and as much as it hurts now, I want to thank you for letting me in. For showing me that maybe the possibility of loving someone is not as altogether scary as I once thought it was. The life of a spectre is a dangerous one but perhaps having someone to share it with will make it more meaningful._

_Shepard, I know you will never love me; however I do also know that what you feel for me can never be considered as merely platonic. I left Tuchanka this morning as the thought of having to face you after -what was in my mind, a wonderful glimpse into a life I could have had- would have made me reluctant to leave at all. You silly, wonderful little human, you seem to know how to wrap me around your fingers._

_I will be back to see you… I hope you understand why I left... You will see me again and you will never truly be alone. I have left all my details on the PADD so if you ever need me, if you’re in danger… I need you to call me at once okay? No arguments, I will come rushing back to you._

_Be strong Shepard, know you have friends who do care for you and I will see you soon._

_Yours_

_Nihlus''_

Shepard placed the PADD back down on the chair, a small smile playing across her lips as she thought of her cocky stranger. He really was a good male. She made her way to the small bathroom, the barest of amenities and basically just one backwards-step away from shitting in a hole in the ground. She wrinkled her nose at the thought and turned on the make-shift shower, watching the water spurt and splutter. Looking down she rubbed her stomach affectionately and hummed as she checked herself over for bruises or scratches thanks to Nihlus’ talons or teeth. She found a few, but nothing that required medi –gel and as she brought her hand up to her neck she was relieved to find that no new scars would join the ones Garrus had given her. The only mark she wanted on her neck was the one that came from Garrus.

She derailed her thoughts deliberately away from him as she stepped under the pathetic spray of water to wash her hair and climbing out she was grateful that she had chosen somewhere warm to live. Shepard hated the cold; she always had, ever since she was young. Her mind betrayed her by thinking of what little she could remember of her mother. She blinked, blocking out yet another unwelcome memory and feeling. Once she was dressed, she walked back over to the PADD. She needed to call Garrus again, but somehow after their fight she felt rather reluctant about the whole thing. What good would it do if she told called him? It would only make him worry more about her.

What good could it possibly do in telling him where she was when he had made it abundantly clear that he was frightened of being exiled if he left behind his life for her? She swiped her thumb back and forth over the screen absentmindedly and tried to come to a decision. Opening up the message icon, she set up the camera to take a holovid and sat down on the edge of the bed.

‘’Garrus… I want to start by saying I’m sorry….’’

**************************************************

‘’Bakara… it is not wise to accept aliens into our folds. We have had very little to do with humans in our lifetime, other than fighting with them.’’ The female shaman said sternly. The embroidery and beading on her head tinkling together as she shook her head.

‘’And that is precisely why I think we should allow it. Shaman mother, do we as Krogan, not hold all life dear? Do we not embrace those who can give and sustain life? This human has no kin of her own to turn to. She is carrying a child of two worlds and will face numerous hardships. Is it not wise to bestow upon her, our own traditions and strengths when it comes to keeping that small life alive? Is it not wise to learn from her as well?’’ Bakara questioned.

‘’I am not happy about this Bakara. However since you are Urdnot Wrex’s mate, I feel that no matter what I say, you will get what you want in the end.’’ The shaman muttered. ‘’I will allow this human to enter our camps, however she better be prepared for the training and rules that all our females eventually have to face. This is no place for the weak and only the strong survive. If she cannot adjust after her youngling is born, she will leave this place. Every woman here needs to provide in some small way.’’ The elder krogan said, turning away from Bakara and walking back up the mountain hill to her temple.

Bakara breathed a sigh of relief as she made her long journey back to camp. She needed to speak to the other females and it would go much better now that the Shaman had voiced her -albeit reluctant- approval. An hour later, she stepped through the threshold of her camp and smiled as she watched a few children chase each other, roaring in their tiny voices, trying to imitate the stories that they were told before they were sent to sleep. It was such a peaceful life here, serene and tranquil. Everyone had a part to play. From fetching water, to cooking, to cleaning, to child-minding to teaching, every woman played a role. The few female guards they had were selected by the shaman to undergo the rite like the men were made to do; even Bakara herself had been chosen as a fighter instead of a potential mother. She was thankful to Urdnot Wrex for seeing potential in her, for choosing her above all other as his mate and mother to all children in some way.

Speaking to the other females did not last long, each mumbling their own concerns but keeping quiet when Bakara threw a level red-eyed beady stare at them. No one would cross her and if she was an evil person, or even an unkind one, she would have used that power without question. This is another reason why she is also grateful for this camp.

_She has learned much here._

She made her way through the throngs of females who were attending to their duties and commed Wrex to tell him to bring the human over. It was time. Even if she was pregnant, she would be taught their ways. She would become strong, she would thrive and if Bakara had anything to do about it… this human would be feared as well as respected by the time she was done with her.

******************************************

_*Citadel*_

Sabine stared at the wall her eyes bloodshot and twitching in time with her talons. Time and space seemed to have blurred together before her very eyes. She didn’t know how long they had kept her in this cell, with this tiny bed, that tiny toilet in the corner and the even tinier floor space which she restlessly paced. She showered, she slept, she ate and above all she screamed her frustration and anger throughout the night. The coarse blanket provided snagged on her plates which had dulled with the lack of attention, her talons chipped in several places as she had clawed at the objects in the room. She had to get out of here for fear that she would surely lose her mind if she didn’t.

‘’Sabine Crassus, step forward please and place your hands together.’’ A voice said from behind her and she snarled at the Asari guard.

She did as she was told, hoping that she would get an hour to just sit outside and breathe in air that didn’t smell like piss and vomit. The Asari used her biotics to place a pair of stasis restraints around her wrists and she was led out into the hall. She ignored the other prisoners as they cat called and screamed, holding her head high and baring her teeth to anyone who dared to make eye contact with her. She was herded into a small room with a metal desk in the middle and was ordered gruffly by the Asari to sit down and shut up. The guard removed her restraints and Sabine grumbled and sat down, automatically leaning on the table with her hands and laying her face against the cool metal surface. An officer by the name of Harkin walked in and she bristled as he smiled. She could see the tiny cogs in his mind churn as he judged her. He walked over to the desk taking a seat opposite her and slammed a book down on the table, making her flinch from the unexpected noise.

‘’This a rule book Miss Crassus. In here you will find over one hundred and twenty-two regulations prohibiting you from several actions. We have spoken to your uncle who has paid your bail and secured your release for the moment. ‘’ he snorted at her when he saw the relief and hope in her eyes.

‘’Don’t get too excited. Essentially you are restricted to the Citadel. Any attempts made to leave during your probation period will immediately be grounds to raise your status as a fugitive. C-sec as well as several Spectres will be alerted to this status and they will hunt you down with force if necessary to bring you back here. Prosecution is working on your case and as soon as they have enough evidence you will stand trial for the attempted murder of detective Shepard.’’ He stated whilst rapping his knuckles against the table.

‘’Every week you will check yourself in here at C-sec to insure that you have obeyed said rules and regulations- or- once again, you will face the council’s wrath. Now, please stand against the wall.’’ He said scooting his chair back to rifle through his pockets.

Sabine was flabbergasted; her mandibles slack as she tried to process all of this information. Rules? Regulations? Spirits forbid! She was related to the Primarch, there wasn’t any chance in hell of her adhering to this stupid book or the council’s laws!

‘’What is that?’’ she asked as Harkin pulled out a bright orange contraption from his pocket.

‘’This Miss Crassus, is a tracer. You will be required to wear it around your ankle for the remainder of your stay here on the Citadel until you face charges or are cleared of them. This will send us your location periodically so that we can track your movements. Any attempts to tamper with the device will once again, be seen as a breach of your probation and you will spend the rest of your time here back in that cell we just pulled you from. ‘’he snarked.

Sabine hissed, her chair clattering to the floor as she stood against the wall. She narrowed her eyes as he bent down to place the tracer on her and she shivered and hated his odd human hands against her plates. An overwhelming urge to gouge out his jugular with her talons consumed her and she trilled with effort to keep herself from following through with it. She needed to keep it together. Sabine saw the tracer flicker to life the moment it clamped down around her.

‘’You are now free to go back home Miss Crassus, stop by the collection booth to retrieve your belongings and please do remember… we will be watching you. You have managed to piss off every cop in this place by attacking one of our own. We do not forgive easily and we never forget. Oh and one more thing… I wouldn’t go anywhere near Detective Vakarian if you know what’s good for you.’’ with that Harkin smirked at her discomfort and left her alone.

Sabine twisted her ankle back and forth to try and get used to the extra weight and she smoothed down her dress as she walked out the room after him. Collecting the things they had taken from her, minus her omnitool which she assumed had been taken in for evidence- she arranged for the guard to call her chauffeur to come and pick her up outside the station. Trying to make her way through the exit, she stood still in the centre of the foyer as she heard the whispers, growls and shocked gasps as she was recognised by the officers on duty and the civilians in the room. How in the spirits did everyone know about her? Surely there was a clause in police work that adhered to confidentiality? She didn’t need this shit she hissed and marched off with purpose through the waves of hate and disgust that surrounded her.

As soon as she stepped through the doors she was assaulted by nearly thirty people crowding around her as they thrust their camerabots into her face and screamed out various questions in her direction.

_‘’Sabine! Sabine! How do you justify forcibly marking your mate?’’_

_‘’Miss Crassus, what will you do now that you are facing charges regarding the disappearance and attack against detective Shepard?’’_

_‘’Miss! How do you think your uncle will respond to the shame you have brought upon your family’s name?’_ ’

Questions flew back and forth across her, around her, behind her and she grasped the nearest wall, cowering under the onslaught of the media frenzy taking place. She heard a few reluctant officers say ‘ _now now, let’s give her some space’_ however she could hear the humour in their voices, the smug satisfaction of her suffering.

A dark, sleek back limo sky-car appeared ahead and Sabine bolted to it, pushing and elbowing past the different species in her way. The door swung open at the rear and she dove inside as fast as she could, she opened her mouth to scream at the driver to close the door and leave, instead she started screaming for another reason entirely.

There, in all his glory, an aura of darkness and sadistic torture surrounding him was her uncle. He sat nonchalantly in the back seat, knee crossed over his leg, arm over the back of the seat and a drink in the other hand. His talons scratched with a squeak against the glass as he flexed them. His cold, infuriated eyes looked at her. The white markings painted over his plates swirling and dipping to resemble horns and tridents as they flared over his fringe.

She whimpered as he smiled at her, heart quickening to the point of pain.

‘’No… please uncle… I didn’t mean for any of this to happen…!’’ she screamed in defence and shrunk back into her seat as the door closed and the interior fell into darkness.

*****************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks. I seem to have gotten side tracked by all the wonderful Star trek stories they have on here. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	33. The complexities of women

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... I wrote this chapter at work. Our internet went down monday 9am and wont be fixed for a while, hence all the updates. Lots and lots of free time at work. 
> 
> Please do feel free to leave comments...

*******************************************************************************

Garrus scratched the back of his head in annoyance, the broadcast of Sabine being let out on probation having circulated the galaxy. He had hoped that the media would now leave him alone and pay attention to her in stead of him, but he found that they were even more relentless, to the point where he had just decided to pack a few belongings and go and live on the Spectres training grounds in one of the dorms there. He stood with his hands on his hips in his lounge, nodding his head at his internal checklist of things to do, trying to think of anything that he might need, when he gasped and walked swiftly to the bedroom. Shepard’s torn shirt was lying on his side of the bed and he snatched the material between his hands, his thumbs rubbing over the silkiness of the shirt. He fought the urge to breathe in Shepard’s scent only to trill with worry when he realised that the more he handled it, the more he clutched it desperately to his chest each night before he went to sleep, the more her scent faded and was replaced by his own.

_No… this was not acceptable._

He started to panic, shirt clasped tightly in his hands, if her scent disappeared, he would feel like he had lost her all over again. Right now it was the driving force behind his training, behind his willpower to find her, the reason he still breathed. He folded the scraps of material, tucking it into the bag he had brought with him and decided to make a stop at Shepard’s house. He had avoided her place since she had disappeared, as he had found the thought of being alone around her things too much to bear. Walking to his front door, he realised belatedly that there would no doubt be a wave of reporters somewhere nearby, so he called a skycab to pick him up directly outside his building. Riding the elevator down, his mind flashed back and forth to Shepard’s expression the last time he saw her. He still couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she had left with Nihlus.

If he ever got his hands on that Turian he would remove each spike of his fringe and shove them into every available orifice on his body to make him suffer. He growled low in his chest with anger and the elevator beamed back the sound around him. Training had officially started a while ago but he had yet to meet Spectre Jondam Bau. At the moment he had taken on the mandatory training of getting up at five each morning, running the various obstacle course to strengthen his agility, hand-to-hand, hours upon hours at the shooting range to work on his already pristine sniping skills, although he would admit that he was rather rusty with shotguns and heavy weaponry such as missile or rocket launchers but also to get his body used to the routine of functioning like a well-oiled machine. His heart was at war with itself, the all-encompassing grief, sorrow, love and yearning he felt for Shepard waged battle with the excitement, happiness and awe he felt at joining the Spectres. His emotions were in flux and changed his mood constantly. He dearly hoped that he could get a handle on them before he met his mentor as the Salarian would surely take notice of that and call it a weakness.

As he had predicted, the minute he stepped outside of his building the swarms of over eager reporters looking for their big break, all but ran him over in their haste to shout out nonsense in his ear, demanding he answer their questions. He didn’t have time for this he huffed. ‘ _No comment_ ’ left his mouth so many times that by the time he climbed into his skycab the words had lost all meaning to him. He breathed a sigh of relief as the doors closed and he asked the VI to take him to Shepard’s place. One quick stop there before he started training, he was running a little late already but he would make up for it by staying later. Setting a brisk pace up the hill to Shepard’s building he nodded to Theon who he passed, not stopping to talk. He would stop by later.

He entered the building, the security clerk waving in recognition and he was grateful that no paparazzi had been seen so far. He rode the elevator up to her floor and hesitated briefly as he entered the code for her apartment. It had changed a little since he was last here. The furniture seemed to be covered in plastic, the dust in the air apparent as he breathed in, but so was Shepard’s scent. As if she had made it her goal in life to leave some small part of her in each room. His knees threatened to buckle as he made his way to her bedroom. The bed had been made and once again, various plastic sheets covered a few things to protect them. He sat down on the bed, his hand roaming over the covers and he fell to his side. He could smell them, together, scents combined and he closed his eyes as he once again felt the chasm in his chest open wider.

Not one to mope for long he righted himself and went through her bedside drawer, various knickknacks littered the bottom and he smiled as he rooted through it. A bottle of cream for the chafing he had always left her with, a pair of nail clippers he had forgotten here, receipts for takeaways – she always wanted to claim back on everything- bags of earth sweets which revolted him and a small silver picture frame. He took the frame in his hand and his smile wavered as he saw the two of them side-by-side, no more than sixteen years old in the photo. He remembered this day; they had just had a particularly tough day in the field. The two of them were covered in dirt, armour haphazardly falling off their small frames, arms in the air holding their rifles with pride above them, arms clasped around each other’s shoulders, laughing as her dad took the picture to commemorate them passing their field testing. How strange to keep this in a frame, in an original paper photo and not a holopic. It must have some meaning for her. He took the frame and put it in his bag for safekeeping. His curiosity got the better of him and he felt vaguely guilty about invading her privacy like this… but she was his mate.

He wanted to know all he could about her. He went through a few boxes in her cupboard finding more photographs, he took a few single ones of her where she was always smiling or laughing and the ones of them together, he banded together and placed them all in his bag. He walked in to her bathroom, noticing her toothbrush and ‘girly-products’ as she called them still lying exactly where she had left them. How desperate must she have been, how distraught to have left all her possessions behind… to leave him behind. He walked out the bathroom closing the door behind him. He picked up her bottle of vanilla perfume from her dresser and slipped the bottle into his pocket. He hummed as he looked at one of her pillows. Would he be considered an utter sap if he took one? Fuck em’ he didn’t care. He took the pillow and picked his bag up, striding towards the door and switching off the lights as he passed through.

One last look at her home and he closed the door, activating her locks. Feeling a prickle on his neck, he remembered that he still hadn’t gone to the clinic to pick up his medication. It’s been a week and Solana would surely either try to kick his ass or irritate him to death with her nagging. He glanced at the time and rolled his eyes. He was so late for training, not exactly a good way to start his spectre career. He left her building and bypassed Theon’s shop altogether as he saw the Salarian glare at him through the shops windows. He hailed a cab and watching it descend to the ground, he hopped in when the doors opened and set the destination for Dr Michel’s clinic.

*******************************************

Arcelia looked down at her mate who was sitting in the recliner outside in the garden, the Palaven rays beat down on her and she folded her arms while she looked at him. Maybe age was catching up with him she thought, as she watched him snore his way through her silent musings. He was nearing fifty but still… she sighed and uncurled a single finger towards him, his mouth gaping wide open while he slept. Using a sharp talon she childishly stuck her finger in his ear in and wiggled. Hearing his roar of shock and outrage she fell in to a fit of giggles on the lawn next to him.

‘’Oh _spirits_ , your face!’’ she laughed pointing to him.

‘’That’s twice now you’ve woken me up like that? Do you want me to have a heart attack?’’ he yelled shrilly at her.

Arcelia spluttered again through her laughter and stuck her hand out towards him.

‘’Oh, my dear husband, help me up. I fear I’ve lost the use of my legs.’’ She giggled as he gripped her hand and pulled her up.

Things between the two had slowly been getting better. Now they seemed to almost be friends, their teasing and pranks becoming more elaborate the more time they spent together. After being denied countless times by the Primarch when they tried to see him, their hopes had been splintered and it was only by leaning on another that seemed to get them through it at all. Garrus had ruined all chances of getting a separation from Sabine and there wasn’t much the pair could do for their son and his missing mate.

‘’Is it Garrus?’’ he asked her, trying to ascertain why she woke him up, still mildly annoyed with her latest trick.

‘’No, but Sabine has been released. There are a few holo’s circulating now with news of her. Garrus sent me a message saying that he is being hounded by the media so he’s packed up his things and moved on to the base where he is training. Hopefully he can keep himself out of any more trouble.’’ She chirruped, swaying their hands back and forth.

‘’He’s training to be a Spectre, wife... of course he’s going to get into trouble.’’ Veridian rumbled haughtily. He still wasn’t happy about his son throwing away his career at C-sec to essentially become someone’s personal guard dog. Not enough rules. Not enough _anything_ to stop his son should he get in over his head.

‘’I know you don’t like it dear, but this is the only way he can be free to look for Shep…’’ she trailed off as she saw his flinching reaction to her name.

‘’Don’t look like that Vakarian. You said that you have accepted our son’s mate.’’ She hissed.

‘’Technically I have. Spirits woman, don’t suddenly expect me to love the idea of her after only a few weeks. These things take time. ‘’ he hissed back.

Both of them sighed, not wanting to be drawn into another argument. Arcelia slipped her hands into his cowl and clasped them behind his neck.

‘’I am sorry. I don’t want to fight with you, especially since we’ve been getting along so much better recently.’’ She purred as she flicked her mandibles against the soft skin of his throat.

‘’Move back in with me.’’ He blurted and she froze.

‘’What… now?’’ she asked eyes confused.

‘’ _Spirits_ woman, don’t make me repeat myself. Come home. Move back in with me.’’ He trilled quietly, returning her affections.

‘’I… are you sure? We did agree to live separately because we never found any common ground unless the children were involved… so what makes you think this time will be different?’’ she questioned him earnestly.

‘’Back then we had bigger things to worry about. Duty. Family. Obligations. Neither of us took the time to get to know one another. Now that the kids have left the nest we can take that time. You are my wife. Move back in with me. ‘’ he pleaded bringing his head down to hers, pressing gently against it.

‘’Very well Veridian.’’ She hummed against him and his sub vocals gave a squeal of happiness akin to a teenage girl. He coughed to try and hide it but she chuckled anyway.

‘’But can we move in to my house instead? I have spent the last few years cultivating and growing things in my garden and I would hate to leave it all behind.’’ She said, talons now riding up to the plates beneath his fringe to scratch and claw at him.

‘’Keep doing that and I swear I’ll give you whatever you want.’’ He trilled with his eyes closed, his body swaying into hers.

She laughed at him again.

**********************************************

Nihlus threw his boot against the wall of his ship. He was frustrated and he burned with the need to go back to Shepard. Stupid pregnancy pheromones! His body was resisting the distance he had forced between them and a keen sense of ‘ _want and own_ ’ kind of feelings settled in his chest. He wanted to go back there, to lay claim, to mark, to bite, to claw his way so deep into her that they could never again mistake who she was truly meant to be with. He was superior to Garrus. He was smarter, stronger, better looking, older and wiser and no one turned him down! He grumbled and cursed again, kicking his other boot against the same wall and when it fell pathetically to the floor with a thump, his restless energy calmed down a degree.

Just like that boot that had just been kicked and discarded... that is exactly how he knew he would end up if he went back to Shepard. He pointed to the boot.

‘’You are an idiot if you think you can have her again.’’ he chanted to the poor boot.

_No, no, no… he wasn’t crazy_ ; he just needed someone to talk too. He had gotten so used to Shepard and all her little quirks of curiosity. Her constant questions, her laughter, the sounds her stomach made when she was hungry, how she screamed the first time he had walked in on her when she was taking a leak. He smiled like a fool and immediately cursed upon catching sight of himself in the mirror. Poor _besotted_ idiot he chided himself.

Spirits he _ached_ to go back.

Who would make her eat when she was hungry? Who would hold her hair out of the toilet when she was sick? Who would hold her hand when she was upset? He roared again with his uncertainty. Indecision driving him mad. He knew that by now she would have read the message he had left her and she could possibly be crying right now. His need to protect her, a constant irritation in the back of his mind and he had to force himself to sit down on his bed to reason rationally with himself.

‘’You are only acting this way because she’s pregnant, it’s not yours, you dont want it to be yours. It's just your twisted body demanding it of you!’’ He repeated this line to himself several times.

Ten minutes later and he had a small amount of his control back and he shook his shoulders to rid them of the tension that had been building up. You’d think that after last night he would be walking on cloud nine. Sex with Shepard had been amazing and while he didn’t have the chance to explore other things he wanted her to do to him and vice versa, it was still one of the most intense experiences he’s had in a long time. But when he had snuck out of bed this morning and left the room, it felt like someone had tied a small horde of Krogan on a string around his neck, each step had felt heavy, forced and a little painful. When he had reached his ship, barely able to breathe and recalled his two-man crew back to work he hissed out instructions to take them to Omega Nebula and to hurry up about it. He needed to concentrate on his mission. Stopping by Omega to speak to his quarian contact about Shepard’s tool was…

_No, no, no…_

He needed to go there to speak to his other contact- _dammit_ -about the Batarians. Spirits, he couldn’t even think straight anymore.

_This! This is why he never dated. Women! Liabilities! Each and every one of them!_

He picked his beaten and discarded boots back up and pulled them roughly back on to his feet where they belonged, talons almost slicing through the buckle straps. He hissed his way into the mess hall and when he found all Shepard’s left over rations he cursed again, slamming the small refrigerator shut. He grabbed his food from the cupboards instead and plonking his ass down on the seat his eyes narrowed as he looked at the empty chair opposite him. Oh spirits come on… he grumbled.

_He needed a new ship._

***************************************************

‘’Wrex!’’ Bakara shouted across the hall.

‘’What?!’’ he shouted back, reluctant to get off his stone throne. The thing was as uncomfortable as hell but the minute he got off of it some pyjack would push his luck and sit in it, not realising that Wrex could see them. Three Krogans he’s had to send off to the pits for punishment. It was bloody ridiculous. The men here needed to learn their place. He was Leader! He was the ultimate Krogan.

_Father to one and all._

Hearing his mate call to him again, he brought up a pudgy, rough clawed hand to smack into his head as he lamented the fact that she had so much sway with him. He grumbled under his breath and with an exaggerated moan he made to stand up off his throne and walk towards her.

‘’That female knows not her place Urdnot Wrex.’’ Gatavog snarled.

Wrex turned slightly to look behind him, his red eyes narrowing as he turned completely, standing to his full height and walked back to the other Krogan. Gatavog stared at him in disgust for following the commands of a female and Wrex smiled. He launched his head into the other Krogans, the crack echoing across the valleys as birds took off in flight at the sound and he watched his enemy fall.

‘’It is you Gatavog Nubar that doesn’t know your place. That female, is my mate and mother to one and all. She alone has the privilege to order me around like a lovesick pup. But make no mistake Gatavog, even pups have teeth and if you continue to test my already limited amount of patience you will regret it.’’ He snarled.

Gatavog’s companions helped him up and Wrex snorted at the display of weakness. Can’t even get himself off the ground without help. What kind of Krogan was he?

_Weak._

_Pitiful._

Walking over to his mate, he saw her glare at the display of violence he had just shown within the sanctity of the great hall and he rumbled out a laugh when she huffed.

‘’Bring the human. We shall take her… for now.’’ She said and inclined her head at the silent request.

‘’I’m surprised you managed to come to that decision so soon… normally you females take so much time with all your _talk, talk, talk._ ’’ He muttered opening and closing his hand in time with his joke.

‘’Lucky for you, I only have to speak _once_ and they listen. A trait I have found most useful in my current position. Shall I teach you the finer tricks to it?’’ she remarked and he scowled at her.

‘’I’ll have you know I was defending your honour!’’ he barked at her.

‘’I can take care of myself Wrex.’’ She rebuked him and he groaned again.

‘’The humans name is Shepard. I had a talk with Nihlus this morning before he put his tail between his legs and fled, apparently she has already had someone try to kill her, so we need to keep an eye out.’’ He said.

‘’The father left his mate and unborn child alone? Coward.’’ She hissed.

‘’No, Nihlus isn’t the father. But you remember Turians back in the day… and they dared to call _us_ barbaric. No, Nihlus isn’t the father but I can tell he wishes he was. That spiky pyjack has it bad for this human.’’ He rumbled scratching his chin as he remembered the trill of sadness coming from Nihlus this morning.

‘’This human… Shepard? Does she have any training in defending herself?’’ Bakara asked him, crossing her arms and looking over Wrex’s shoulder to the Krogan currently attempting to sit on his throne.

‘’Yes and no. She was an officer on the Citadel. She was trained in the Academy when she lived on Palaven and she has biotics, but I’ve never seen her in a fight so I wouldn’t be able to say if she was a worthy opponent. But on the other hand… she’s still alive isn’t she?’’ he said and snorted when he caught Bakara’s lack of interest in his answer.

He followed her gaze and whipped around in time to see the teenage Krogan sit in his throne and he bellowed a warning. The youth scampered off in fright making Wrex chuckle. He was in a good mood today. No need to send anyone to the pits to teach them a lesson.

‘’I’ll bring her to you at the camp. Give me an hour to sort out that bastard Gatavog and his endless complaints. I need to speak to Grunt as well. You know how he loves drama. Damn fool will love to protect a pregnant human female who has people trying to kill her.’’ He chuckled and Bakara shook her head at her mate’s excitement.

‘’Very well. ‘’ she said, nodding her head in farewell.

‘’Ah… before you go… any chance I can come round tonight? I know you females don’t like for us to spend a lot of time with our offspring, being the brutes you women paint us to be, but I would like the chance to bond properly with my son.’’ His tone of voice relayed that this was more of an order and less of a request but he softened it with a broad smile.

‘’I never said _you_ were the brute Wrex. I would never have accepted being your mate if I thought you would be a bad influence on our children. It’s _everybody else’s_ children I worry about. ‘’ she had given her permission and a compliment in one sentence and Wrex’s mind was blown as his mouth hung open.

_Huh. First time for everything he supposed._

‘’Close your mouth Wrex. You’re attracting the flies.’’ She said walking off.

_Aaaand it was gone…._

He suddenly felt drained after talking to his mate and he kicked a few rocks in his path, grumbling about the complexities of women. He walked as silently through the halls as he could till he reached Shepard’s door and knocked.

‘’Shepard… you up?’’

****************************************************


	34. Getting to know you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only got the internet back on at 4:30pm this afternoon... Nooooooo! Now i actually have to do work tomorrow. Enjoy this chapter as its back to regularly scheduled ''episodes'' after this one. I.E. twice weekly updates.. maybe. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading, commenting, Kudo'sing? Huh, not a word but whatever. THANK YOU!
> 
> P.S. dont kill me for the cliffhanger.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Sabine lifted her hand to her face and looking, but not seeing clearly, caught a glimpse of her middle talon. Having it half-ripped off had hurt. No more than being repeatedly kicked and beaten had hurt, but still… outwards appearances and all that. Her uncle was a wise man, a cunning man and if he ever got upset enough to punish her himself, he would make sure to do so by beating her in places where no one would see the bruised skin between her plates, the scuff marks from boots and fists on the plates themselves. The only reason her talon had been ripped off is because at one point she had reached up a hand and begged for mercy, her talon being caught in the crossfire and crushed underneath a heavy heel.

She sat back against the wall, the hardened knobbly concrete surface digging into her cowl and back and breathed a sigh of relief that at least they had left her face alone. She gave her body another once over as if she was viewing it from an outsider’s perspective. She was detached… almost floating. Having been through numerous incidents like this since her parents had died she was almost blasé about the whole thing.

_But only ever after it had happened._

She always hated the gut-clenching fear of that first initial punch, the toe curling nausea as she saw a well-aimed boot approach her body at rapid speed. She was prey to her emotions beforehand but always vastly and surprisingly calm afterwards. While being the Primarch’s niece naturally had its perks there was also coincidentally a massive downside to it as well. If her parents had lived, her father would most likely have been Primarch by now. Her father – she had heard- was a charismatic leader, who had a strong sense of justice and compassion for his people and who regularly took part as a candidate in the Palaven elections. She couldn’t remember much of her parents other than a vague memory of her mother singing her to sleep and her father reading to her on the occasional days he had off from work.

_This is what she hated. This….blasted ‘self-reflection’._

She seemed to always find herself sitting here after a beating, revaluating her life, playing the ‘’what if’’ game, judging her actions and naturally wallowing in self-pity. Sabine snorted… well it wasn’t as if anyone else would offer her sympathy or understanding. She only had herself to rely on. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

_Garrus…_

She pictured his pretty blue eyes, the markings that matched the ones currently on her face and purred in delight. He was her ticket out of here. She couldn’t pinpoint why she was so obsessed with him. She shrugged subconsciously, he was just… everything she wanted. If she had ever bothered to actualy go to see a therapist, she would most likely be hearing her drone on about how she wanted a normal family, love and all that other crap and how she thought that Garrus would give that to her. She was essentially projecting her ideals and expectations onto Garrus. She refused to believe that he was actually soul tied to that whore Shepard. She was nothing compared to a turian woman and certainly nothing compared to her, she rumbled angrily to herself. She needed to find a lawyer – which would prove difficult unless she looked outside her own species, as no doubt her uncle had his meaty claws attached to all the Turian ones – and get on with making sure she couldn’t be prosecuted for those two idiots mistakes when they failed to get rid of Shepard.

She didn’t believe they could actually prosecute her, all the evidence so far was circumstantial or hearsay. She thought about the media clusterfuck that happened outside of C-sec HQ and she snarled as she remembered what happened. No, she would have to counter this by giving a well worded interview of her own and make up for the scandal that had been caused by Garrus opening his big mouth. She quirked a brow plate when she realised that her uncle would expect her to appear in public anyway and play the whole ‘ _wounded wife who had been jilted for a human whore by her husband_ ’ thing.

_Ugh, she hated playing the victim._

She almost laughed when she became aware of her surroundings; well technically she was a victim. But only ever to her uncle, no one else could get her to act this way. She stood up slowly from her corner and walked over to the door, she knew it would be locked but she jostled the door anyway to check. They would leave her in here for a day or two to recover and then she would be let out to do damage control for the messes she always caused. Her thoughts led her back to Shepard as she walked aimlessly back and forth inside the tiny room, peering out the window to look over the wards. She wanted Shepard gone like she wanted her next breath. What was that old saying again?

_Ah, if at first you don’t succeed try, try, try again._

Fundamentally the relationship between Shepard and Garrus was taboo and she knew of a few groups who would love to separate the couple… some even permanently. Speciesism was rife against Turians by a group called Terra Firma. Their belief system went along the lines of them being adamant that aliens were nothing more than talking animals. If she could get word to one of them and somehow convince them to get involved – if they weren’t already- then she could just leave it to them to get rid of Shepard. The group could label her as a traitor to her species. However she was hesitant to contact them as they could very well turn their attentions on Garrus instead with the idea that Garrus had somehow brainwashed or tainted Shepard.You never know what you’re getting with these people she hummed.

_So many plans, so little time she huffed._

The door creaked, a gust of fresh air coming through and she breathed deeply at the scent of food that wafted along with it.

‘’The Primarch wishes for your presence miss Sabine.’’ The servant said and dipped low in a bow.

‘’So soon. My, my he must be feeling generous. Very well, take me to him.’’ Sabine snapped and nodded to him to lead the way.

‘’Uh Miss, apologies, but you may wish to change your attire before your audience with the Primarch.’’ The servant dipped low again; fear emanating from him that he would get the same punishment as her for speaking out.

Sabine felt a flash of irritation before going over his words again. She looked down to her tattered, torn and blood speckled clothing and sighed. Of course… ‘ _appearances_ ’ she mused.

‘’Thank you. If you could summon my attendants to help prepare me I would be grateful.’’ She said and walked by him.

The servant let out a trill of shock and gratitude for her mercy at his outspokenness and tripped all over himself in his need to keep her happy. Sabine walked silently through her corridors of what she now recognised to be her uncle’s guesthouse here on the Citadel. She reached the room that she had stayed in previously and walking through she immediately gravitated to the bathroom. The last week or so of dirt and grime clung to her and she ached to be clean. Clapping her hands together, wincing slightly as she caught her talon, she shouted to the attendants that had formed in a line behind her.

She had a long day ahead of her.

*****************************************************************************

Garrus had arrived at the training grounds, an hour late, hands full with his possessions. Shepard’s pillow tucked up under his arm and his backpack weighing his arm down with the amount of stuff he had forced into it. He looked around the grounds – he still found it quite amazing that he was on the Citadel and not some backwater planet with the amount of space laid out in front of him – and headed to the largest building on the east side where he knew the dorms where being kept. He had shared a room with Shepard during their military training and even though they two hadn’t seen much action till they joined c-sec, he was confident that he knew his way around a gun and that he would blend in with the other recruits reasonably well.

Striding around the corner, trying to convey his confidence through his posture, he stood up even straighter and scooted to the wall closest to him when THE spectre Saren Arterius marched pass him. He lowered his eyes to the floor respectfully. Any other spectre and he would strike up a conversation, maybe even crack a joke with them. With Saren? He shook his head; it was more likely that he would get shot just from making eye contact than suddenly having a chat with him. Saren snarled at him as he noticed his presence and Garrus squished himself against the wall and only when Saren had passed by him, did he puff out a breath he had been holding.

He eyed the guns strapped to the back of Saren and he practically drooled over the M-98 Widow. He would give his left nut for one hour shooting at crap with that beauty. He shook his head again to clear it from the gun-lust that had just overtaken him and carried on with his walk. He wanted to finish his training and just get on with it. He wanted to get on a ship with Jondam and prove himself worthy of the title of Spectre. Then and only then, could he look for _her_. He wondered idly when he would meet the crafty salarian and as he approached the Asari behind the reception counter and got himself assigned to a room after providing his credentials; he walked the five minutes to his new home and upon entering he was happy to note that he wouldn’t be sharing the room with anyone.

He looked at the single bed and depositing his bag on top of it, he unzipped it and started to unpack the various brick-a-brac inside of it. The silver frame of him and Shepard he placed on the desk across from the bed, her perfume joined his toiletries in the small en-suite and he unpacked his clothes in the cupboard next to the bed. Unpacked, he looked around the room that would be his home for the foreseeable future and wished Shepard could’ve been here to reminisce about their days together in the academy. He checked his omnitool again, praying for a message from Shepard. _Nothing_. Not one single ping from her since he had last spoken to her. His concern for her spiked again in his chest and he bit down on the trill that threatened to escape him. He chose to distract himself with the news, activating the small TV in the corner and his eyes immediately narrowed when he caught a flash of Sabine and the words ‘’suspicion of attempted murder’’ pasted below her picture.

He barked out a laugh when he saw how she was swarmed and overpowered by the media and felt the knot in his heart ease that at least he had caused her some small discomfort. It irked him to no end that she was wearing his clan markings and he was still in shock over her little stunt when she bit him. He didn’t think he’d ever forget that… This reminded him for the _hundredth_ time that week ‘ _to go get his bloody tablets’_ he grumbled to himself and he rolled his eyes at how easily he got side tracked recently. He snickered one last time at the broadcast of Sabine which kept replaying the look of horror on her face when she had first spotted all the reporters and he stretched with a smile as he shut the TV off.

An hour later, having decided that his training was well and totally fucked for the day, he stepped out of the cab he had taken to Zakera ward. Taking the insufferably slow elevator down to the lower levels he rocked back and forth on his toes, impatient and getting more annoyed every passing minute with the stupid jingles that kept playing in the background. Why was he so quick to anger? Since he had woken up this morning, something… some little niggle in his chest was outraged at …w ell, something. He had no clue what it could be and he smirked when he remembered Shepard saying that feelings like these are what she calls a ‘ _disturbance in the force_ ’.

He had no clue what that little saying belonged to, only that he laughed every time she said it, as she would adopt a serious scowl on her face each time. Muttering under his breath as the elevator finally pinged open; he avoided the equally impatient people on the other side who wanted to get on and hurriedly made his way to Dr Michel. He stepped into the clinic and wrinkled his nose as the antiseptic wafted over him. He hated hospitals with a passion. Never could understand why. He just did. Passing by the pillars he saw a familiar figure hunched over a desk and he chirruped a greeting.

‘’Naomi? Surprised to see you here. Thought you only worked nights?’’ he questioned.

‘’Garrus, nice to see you too. Yes, well… some idiot decided to play dodgems with his car this morning and rammed into a few people down in Tayseri ward. Five people seriously wounded so Michel called me in to cover for her while she went out. She should be back soon though.’’ She said and he hummed.

‘’Well since you’re here…. I have a prescription for these tablets. Think you can help me out?’’ He asked and smiled when she nodded.

‘’Thanks.’’ He muttered as he watched her enter a key code into the medi-dispencer and the machine spluttered until it was done creating his tablets. She separated them into tiny packs and boxing it up she lobbed them across the room and he caught them one handed.

‘’No more than two a day okay. That’s some pretty strong stuff and you could end up knocking out your entire immune system if you’re not careful.’’ She warned him.

‘’I uh, no I’m not supposed to ask, but about a week or so ago... were you working?’’ he asked.

‘’No, Dr Michel had a quiet week, apart from one woman who came in half bleeding to death.’’ Naomi snorted and Garrus stilled.

‘’Was she human?’’ he asked again, his hand tightening on the box of pills.

‘’Yeah, I had a quick glance of her medical files, just to update myself you know, and she had various bruises, cuts and can you believe she was shot twice and she still left the same day she came in? Ridiculous the amount of pain some people can withstand.’’ Naomi shook her head in wonder.

Garrus’ heart rate picked up a notch and he reminded himself to breath.

‘’Naomi, is there any chance you can tell me more. The woman who came in, her name is Shepard right? Well, she’s my mate. Practically my wife, really. She’s missing and I need to find her. Any information you can give me would be greatly appreciated.’’ He begged and Naomi’s mouth fell open.

‘’Aw shit Garrus. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of it all. I can’t officially give you any more information than I already have as Dr Michel has encrypted the rest of, uh, Shepard’s file. You would need to speak to her if you want to know more as she treated Shepard’s injuries.’’ She placed a hand on his shoulder as they sunk once again in defeat.

‘’So when did you get married? I can’t believe I wasn’t invited.’’ She tried to joke with him.

‘’Well…..’’ he suddenly closed his mouth. He was _Turian_. She was _human_. Did Shepard even consider them married if he didn’t do it the human way?

‘’Naomi… when humans get married, what exactly does it involve?’’ he asked sceptically, prepared to hear that he was idiot for jumping to conclusions of his own making.

‘’Well, there’s normally a big poufy white dress, a ceremony where you exchange rings and all your family and friends are invited to the reception where you dance and eat and make memories.’’ She hummed thinking back to her Asari bondmate who had given in to her girly demands.

‘’However, it all comes down to what type of wedding the bride wants, really.’’ She said.

Garrus swallowed down a swell of unease. _He_ had married her. _He_ was mated to her. But apparently _she_ was a free agent. Sure she considered him – hopefully- as her boyfriend, but why didn’t he think to ask her what humans do when it comes to pledging themselves forever to one another. Was he so wrapped up in his own feelings that he had forgotten that she would have different customs or traditions? Seeing as how though she was a different species he should have bloody well remembered but when he looked at Shepard he didn’t see human, or Turian, or anything other than what she was. His mate. Pure and simple.

He was such an idiot he moaned as he palmed his forehead and rubbed the headache forming behind his plates.

‘’I take it you forgot to ask your mate if she wanted a wedding? OH… _wait..._ Did you even _ask_ her to marry you?! Like, you know, going down on one knee and proposing?’’ she squealed when he shook his head.

‘’That’s not good Garrus. Humans don’t bond the way Turians do. You really need to do some research if you want to understand your human mate.’’ She tutted in reprimand.

‘’I thought I knew her. We grew up together and questions like these were never on the forefront of my mind. _Spirits_ … humans… do they, uh, stay loyal? Or I mean… f-faithful even if they’re not married?’’ he stuttered and leaned against the desk as she came to stand next to him.

‘’Once again, that would depend entirely on what type of person your Shepard is. Humans are fickle in the sense that some can separate sex from emotion, some become obsessed with just the one experience – leading to stalkers- or there are those that want stability and remain steadfast. However, in extreme or highly emotional situations - circumstances can force some humans to look for comfort in all the wrong places. We are creatures of affection and we constantly seek out validation or a pat on the back for a job well done. We don’t always think things through.’’ She hummed thoughtfully.

‘’I’m sure you have nothing to worry about Garrus.’’she patted his arm again.

‘’Thanks. Hey, I better get going. I’ve screwed with my entire schedule today by making this stop and I don’t want to push it with my instructors. Could you ask Dr Michel to give me a ping when she’s free. I really need to talk to her.’’ He said walking backwards toward the door. Naomi waved in acceptance of his request and he turned around, connecting with a short red headed human who promptly deflated as she made contact with his hard blue armour.

‘’Oof, lordy loo Garrus. Please watch where you are going.’’ She muttered rubbing her head where it had connected with his keel bone.

‘’Ah, Dr Michel… I was looking for you.'' he said a hint of desperation now seeping into his sub vocals.

‘’Please give me access to Shepard’s files.’’ He begged. ‘’I know you treated her wounds and I also know that you know that’s she’s currently missing.’’

‘’Well if you hadn’t come around here today I was going to go and find you. I can’t get hold of her and I assume you cant get hold of her either then?’’ he shook his head in response.

‘’Reckless woman… in her _condition_ … I wanted to keep her for a few days to heal properly but she insisted that she wanted to see you as soon as possible. Did you meet her the night she was shot?’’ Michel asked.

‘’Yes.’’ He said, not wanting to go into specifics.

‘’Oh good. Can i assume she told you then? I mean about the _condition_ she's in?’’ she asked again.

‘’What condition?’’ he asked, cocking his head to the side with curiosity.


	35. So close yet still so far...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont hate me.... ;(

************************************************************

‘’What condition?’’ Garrus asked, cocking his head to the side with curiosity.

Michel gasped and looked at the Turian in front of her. Now she had _really_ gone and put her foot in it. He was the father of Shepard’s baby, he deserved to know. But medical law had _strict_ policies on giving out information. Shepard had not declared Garrus as her next of kin or husband or even ‘other’ on her AMA form when she had left the clinic. She could tell him that he was going to be a father but if Shepard or the medical board found out she could lose her license to practice medicine. Michel sighed and the Turian in front of her huffed in his impatience and she bit down on her lip.

‘’Ah. Never mind. As long as you were aware of the severity of her injuries?’’ she asked him.

‘’Well, a lot happened that night so I couldn’t really talk to her and then she upped and left that same night. I’ve only heard from her _once_ since she’s been shot. Do you really not have any other information? Any small clue? Anything at all that you can tell me?’’ he pleaded with her and her heart flip flopped in her chest as she felt a spike of guilt creep up her neck for keeping this from him.

‘’No, I’m sorry Garrus.’’ She hummed apologetically. ‘’However, Nihlus was here that night and the two of them spoke for quite some time before they left together. I managed to overhear him say that he was leaving for Omega when I went to check on Shepard. I don’t know if that helps.’’

Dr Michel watched the contradictory emotions flash through Garrus’ eyes. _Hope_ \- for the new lead he had been given and _furious and irrational anger_ at the mention of them being together. Her brief ‘relationship’ with Nihlus had lasted only a few weeks. She only knew Nihlus on the surface and when she had tried to pry deeper into the male himself he had always shut her down. She had ended their relationship when she realised she wanted more. She was now currently dating a marine by the name of Kaiden Alenko. He seemed to genuinely care about her and it was going well.

‘’Why was Nihlus in here? Did Shepard c-call him?’’ she heard the insecurity in his sub vocals and quickly jumped to Shepard’s defence.

‘’No, no Garrus. Shepard limped in here making jokes and a mess of the place. I asked her if she wanted me to call someone and she said no. She must not have wanted to bother you. She did mention you briefly but I knocked her out with a sedative so that she would stop moving. ‘’ she griped and she saw a flicker of amusement pass over Garrus’ face.

‘’Nihlus came by for his own medical reasons. Purely a fluke that he came in when he did.’’ she said.

‘’That sounds like Shepard. Never was one to just sit down. Always needed -needs - to be moving.’’ He mumbled softly with a small smile on his face.

‘’Garrus… correct me if I’m wrong but you and Shepard are joined correct? Bonded I mean.’’ She asked him and his shoulders drooped as he rubbed the back of his head, humming his way through his thoughts.

‘’I am bonded to her. As for her feelings for me… well, I know she loves me. But I’m having a hard time trying to find a reason that would justify her actions in leaving me all alone here.’’ He grumbled.

Dr Michel sighed again. She knew perfectly well what the reason was. Okay, she decided she would help him out just a little bit.

‘’Garrus, there are things in Shepard’s file that I am not at liberty to discuss with you as it could result in me losing my license. However there is a clause somewhere beneath all that medical jargon that states that I am by law, allowed to give out information of a medical nature to an inspector, judge or detective if they need it for a case. I am allowed to divulge this _information_ without risking my career. So…. If you know anyone who holds any of those credentials – other than yourself of course - then you would be wise to remember that they can access her files. I can’t give you much more than that.’’ She hoped that he would take the hint and ask the prosecutor in charge of Shepard’s case to come down. She had seen the news; she had pieced together the small details of how and why Shepard got shot.

‘’Thank you Doctor. Really… thank you.’’ He thrummed deep in his chest. His gratitude enthusiastically expressed in the brightening of his eyes.

‘’Now… I really need to get back to work. See you around Garrus.’’ She quipped.

‘’You too doc.’’ He said and she watched him all but sprint out of the room in his haste to no doubt get to C-Sec HQ as quick as possible.

********************************************************************

Sitting cross-legged on the ground Shepard was amused at the tiny infants and toddlers that had gathered near her in curiosity. One came close to her knee and when she shifted slightly the poor little sod gave a wail in fright and bolted back to his mother. She wondered if her little one would have that much energy. She really didn’t know how much about being a mother and running around after children, as she had only ever had her father do it for her. Earlier this morning Wrex had hollered through her door and interrupted her message to Garrus which she had cut short- she would send it when she next got a chance- and Wrex had chattered on aimlessly in the tomkha ride – explaining the layout of the land and the great battles and histories of various temples they had passed and Shepard had soaked up the knowledge- intending to put it to good use later.

She had felt a brief tightening of her stomach due to nerves when they had reached the women’s camp. The stares and whispers and gasps of alarm from the women and their children made her swallow uncomfortably and wonder if Nihlus had been mistaken in bringing her here. The tension in the air was thick and as Wrex’s booming voice had filled the grounds she had shivered.

_‘This human is under mine and Baraka’s protection. Harming her will be the same as harming one of us. Know your place and treat her right.’_

She thought back to the words and she was grateful that the looks of suspicion and contempt for her presence had lessened – even if the whispers hadn’t. Well, she huffed… nothing was perfect. The reason as to why she was suddenly sitting on her ass in the dirt was because Bakara had convinced her that if she wanted to integrate properly into the camps she needed to get the affection and attention of the children as they would in turn, convince their parents that she was harmless. So there she sat, laughing at the childrens bravery or lack thereof when it came to approaching her. It turned into a game of sorts where one would sneak up behind her and tug on a piece of her hair or poke her in the shoulder before screaming madly and running away.

She laughed every time and rooted herself more firmly into the ground as she remembered Baraka’s instructions to stay seated. Apparently if you approached children from their own level, down looking _up_ , at them,instead of looking _down_ at them, you appeared less intimidating and more approachable that way. She glanced up in time to see Bakara standing in her sunlight, her large shadow falling over Shepard.

‘’You are doing well. It went from fear to fun in an hour.’’ Bakara huffed.

Shepard didn’t know how she felt about Bakara. On one hand Shepard could feel the wisdom and experience of the older female flow through her whenever she spoke to her but she also sensed a raw power hidden beneath her warmth. She would never dare cross this female and she would pity the fool who did.

‘’Thank you. I really do appreciate you taking me in. I know I am a stranger, not just to your species but to your beliefs and traditions as well. I will do all that I can to get to know them while I am here so as not to offend anyone.’’ Shepard said to Bakara, offering a smile in tentative friendship.

‘’Hmm.’’ Bakara hummed watching her son come up behind Shepard with a devious smile on his face. So like his father she mused.

‘’At first I was reluctant to allow you to enter this camp and only gave in because of the life you carry within you. However, now that I have spent a little time talking to you I can see you have the respect and intelligence needed to make you and your young one thrive here. ‘’ Bakara said and side stepped as a female toddler flew past her legs and into Shepard’s lap.

‘’Oh.’’ Shepard gasped as the young Krogan head butted her collarbone and clung to her shirt with her tiny three fingered hands. She patted the girl on her crest and rubbed down the bridge of her noise causing the little girl to coo with affection and nudged repeatedly into her to get Shepard to repeat the action.

‘’That little one is called Umi. Her mother did not survive the birth and the father has not been seen since her death. She is a wonderful child – as all children are- but we give her more encouragement than most, as ultimately she will end up alone one day to fend for herself.’’ Bakara drawled and leaned down to rap her knuckles on the girls crest.

‘’She is beautiful.’’ Shepard said looking into the green eyes of this tiny little thing, her red-brown plates interwoven over pale silver skin beneath.

‘’Stand up if you can Shepard.’’ Bakara said and Shepard climbed awkwardly to her feet, Umi hanging on to her neck and wrapping herself around Shepard’s still slender hips.

‘’This youngling requires a surrogate parent. I am naming you as her guardian until your own young one comes.’’ Shepard’s mouth gaped open in shock.

‘’B-But I know n-nothing about taking care of Krogans!’’ Shepard hissed hysterically.

‘’What is there to know? Umi needs to eat, sleep, play and learn. Oh and not die of course. These are the fundamentals of looking after children but the most important thing is that she needs support, encouragement, laughter and all the love you can give her. ‘’ Bakara said loudly, the other females stopping to listen.

‘’In addition to your role as Umi’s guardian, you will also be attending to some of the lighter chores here in the camp. Every female must do her part. As you are with child we will not ask you to do anything that could endanger that but we will not tolerate laziness. You will rise when we rise, you will teach what little you know to those who are willing to listen, and you will mend clothing, clean and cook. Once you have had your young, your duties will increase and when you are comfortable enough to leave your child in our care, you will also begin training and learn how to defend yourself properly.’’ Bakara turned her back to Shepard and continued on with her speech.

‘’Here in this camp, we women are beholden to no man. We learn to look after ourselves and our young. We fight to live, to survive and we will teach you _human_ what it means to be strong.’’ She ended her speech with an almighty roar which was joined by the other Krogans as the ground shook with their voices.

Shepard looked around the camp and gave a sigh… well; she wanted to become stronger didn’t she? She just couldn’t see right now how learning to mend clothes could possibly help her protect her child if someone came after them again. Umi wriggled in her arms and buried her short snout into Shepard’s neck making her squirm as the child cuddled into her.

‘’Come Shepard... I will take you to your new home. It’s a small dwelling but you should have everything you need. For now it will only be you and Umi. Keep her as safe as you can Shepard. There are creatures that lurk about in this world that would love to get hold of her and you.’’ She said to Shepard who muttered something like _‘no shit’_ under her breath and continued to walk after Bakara.

Reaching their small home, Shepard took in the house. Simple, brown stone walls, windows with wooden shutters and an arched door that opened into a surprisingly large circular room. More than enough space for the two of them Shepard realised.

‘’Take some time to familiarise yourself and then have a wonder about the camp. Speak to the other women. Do not be afraid if they growl or hiss. They are testing you. Never show fear Shepard.’’ Bakara said and nodded her head in farewell.

‘’Guess it’s just you and me kid. God, but you are heavy for a two year old.’’ She huffed as she switched Umi from one hip to the other.

Umi gave a giggle and blew raspberries with her little wide mouth before promptly sticking her finger in Shepard’s mouth. Shepard spluttered in shock, only for Umi to try again and Shepard relented, giving in to the little girl’s exploration of her lips and mouth, with wide eyes. She rubbed the girls back soothingly and adjusted her again with a groan, stepping inside her new home and shutting the door behind her.

***************************************************************

Garrus had reached Chellicks’ office in the blink of an eye after he had left the clinic. He gasped for breath with a hand on the wall next to the door, he stepped away quickly when the door in front of him opened and a surprised chirp came from his boss at his presence.

‘ _’Spirits Garrus_! Why are you always popping up in front of me so out of breath? Haven’t you heard of calling someone when it’s urgent?’’ he chuckled and Garrus swallowed and shook his head.

‘’I need you to ask Dr Michel for access to Shepard’s medical files. It could give me a reason as to why she left so suddenly. The doctor wouldn’t tell me anymore than that.’’ He huffed and stood up straight, clearing his throat as he caught his breath.

‘’I had intended to do that anyway Garrus. Her injuries and any holo’s or audio logs the doctor made will be used in the case I’m building against Sabine.’’ He said and ushered him through the door with a wave.

Garrus walked over to the table in the corner and poured himself a glass of water, gulping greedily as the water cooled his burning throat. Chellick huffed in amusement.

‘’It’s never a dull day with you is it Vakarian? Anyway, what are you doing roaming about here when you have Spectre training?’’ he asked him.

Garrus put the glass back down and leaned against the wall folding his arms and sighed.

‘’I am aware that I have training but this is more important. I can’t concentrate properly until I figure out why she left... She called me yesterday.’’ He said quietly.

‘’And?’’ Chellick’s trill urged him to continue.

‘’We did nothing but argue over stupid shit. And then the line disconnected and I haven’t heard a word from her since.’’ He grumbled as he left the wall and slumped down into the chair in front of the desk.

‘’Spirits, sounds like a normal relationship to me then… ‘’ Chellick drawled.

‘’Well it would be if no one was trying to _kill her_ or _ruin our lives_... Oh and if she hadn’t just _left in the middle of the night without telling me why_.’’ Garrus cursed and crossed his leg over his knee.

‘’It’s eating me alive boss. I need to find her. So please, the moment you get those files, if there’s anything in there that you think I should know about, even if you aren’t allowed to tell me, I need you to tell me anyway okay?’’ he pleaded and Chellick nodded.

‘’I will. I’ve met Dr Michel a few times and being human she won’t really understand the bond that Turians form with their mates. It’s not right that she’s keeping information from you.’’ He agreed and chirruped his understanding.

Garrus watched as Chellick typed into his omnitool and sent off for the request for all files pertaining to Shepard.

‘’How are things coming along with the case?’’ Garrus asked only to laugh a split second later, ‘’Ha! Did you see the broadcast of Sabine? _Spirits_ but it felt good to laugh.’’ He rumbled and Chellick smirked at him.

‘’She’ll get what’s coming to her sooner or later Garrus. At the moment we’ve nailed down the identity of those two scumbags that went after Shepard. Small time crooks, out of their depth obviously when it comes to killing... a few hints of them having connections with the Batarian Hegemony - _slave trading, arms deals_ – but nothing too concrete. We’ll keep digging. Their omnitool’s are surprisingly hard to crack – a lot of encrypted data on there. Hopefully it will lead us back to whoever called them initially for the hit and we’ll take it from there.’’ He said and Garrus nodded in understanding.

Feeling unexplainably tired all of a sudden, Garrus leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His body was suffering from an adrenaline overload at the prospect of new information regarding Shepard, the bone crushing tiredness that came from dragging himself around everywhere and the restless nights of sleep that he had been having without Shepard next to him.

‘’How much sleep are you getting Garrus?’’ Chellick asked concerned for the mental state of his friend.

‘’Enough to get by, but not as much as I’d like. Spirits, I didn’t actually realise how tired I’ve been until now.’’ He mumbled and sitting up straighter in his chair, shaking his head from side to side and rolling his neck with a wince to lessen the tension there.

‘’Training will do that to you and this whole thing with Shepard will add to that as well naturally. It will end one day Vakarian. Just keep looking for that ‘ _silver lining’_ as the humans say.’’ Chellick patted him on the shoulder.

‘’Lock up when you leave. I have another meeting to attend to.’’ He asked Garrus who lifted his hand in acknowledgement of the request.

Left alone in the office he breathed deeply, fighting off sleep that threatened to claim him. His hands balled into fists as he suddenly ached to feel Shepard in his arms, the way she had always soothed him into a fitful sleep by humming and rubbing a hand along his cowl.

Soon… he rumbled.

 

_S_ _oon._

**************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the very very short chapter but more is coming soon...! Thank you for reading.


	36. Worth the effort

Shepard huffed and rolled over onto her side and patted the girls back for what felt like twentieth time in the last hour. She was in a word… _exhausted_. She had ‘familiarised’ herself with her small home as best as she could. A table in the middle of the room with two chairs, a few cupboards to hold personal items and clothes and a hollowed out section in the wall which she assumed must be for cooking as it had a hole leading up in the shape of a chimney.

And to the side was one double bed… which was technically just a mattress on the floor made from what she assumed must be hay, foliage and other soft materials except for the fact that it reminded her of a futon she had once slept on. The lumps and bumps probed and prodded at her ribs and she could already feel that her back would be protesting loudly in the morning. Add to the fact that she had been carrying around a baby krogan as well while she had walked through the camps earlier, she was definitely going to suffer tomorrow. Shepard continued to soothe the little one who gave a few kicks and jolts in her sleep and thought about the ‘village’ that was now her home.

The walk through the camp had proved useful. She was approached by a few women who wanted to know things about humans or what kind of life she had been living before she had gotten here. The rest of the women – the elders – avoided her and scowled if she came to close to their homes. She had stopped by a small market where meat and other goods were traded and got chatting to the krogan behind it about stock and delivery dates. She learned many useful things, such as the fact that it was a four mile walk to retrieve water from a spring down in the valley, that going into certain shrines were forbidden unless you were a shaman and to never allow a male into the camps unless it had been discussed with the elders. Little titbits of information floated through her ears and she smiled and nodded at all the questions and curiosities but after an hour she was desperate for some privacy.

She had made her way back to her home and Umi had then decided to test Shepard’s limits by demanding a piggyback ride all the way back up the hill and Shepard was gasping for breath throughout the entire experience, while Umi cackled out her _joy_ from behind. She had finally gotten the kid to eat a few scraps here and there between tantrums of an unholy sort – where Shepard had ended up wearing her dinner – and Umi had finally settled into the bed with her at round about eleven that night and had promptly fallen asleep.

Shepard came out of her musings with a start as the padd Nihlus had given her, beeped with an incoming message. She slowly and carefully extricated herself from the sleeping girl and tiptoed to the other side of the room. She picked up the padd and taking the two steps to the ‘kitchen’ she poured herself something to drink and read through the message. It was from Nihlus –naturally. He wanted to know if she was alright. She messaged him back saying that she had become a mother sooner than expected and explained about Umi and how she was now living with the women in their camps. Five minutes later she received another message.

‘ _I miss you Shepard.’_ The message read and Shepard choked on her water.

While it was true that she missed his company – what with having spent every moment together for a week on his ship, but she didn’t know how to answer his message. She didn’t want to lead him on. Their night together was just that… one night. She bit down on the inside of her cheek and hummed. She decided to ignore the message. She could always feign that she had fallen asleep again. It may be cruel of her but she wouldn’t respond to him if he ever became too emotional… too attached. The feelings of love and commitment she had inside of her stretched only far enough to reach Garrus and to her unborn baby. Shepard checked the time and groaned.

Bakara had told her that all the women get up at five each morning and walk down to the stream to get water and upon returning, attended to the chores for the day in the camp. Shepard didn’t understand how this species could be okay with having star ships and weapons of mass destruction but the thought of using a _fucking dishwasher_ was somehow frowned upon. She had asked the female at the market why the camp was run in such an old-fashioned way when there were machines and technology that could do everything required of them in a blink of an eye and with no effort on their part at all. The female’s response had been that _‘nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort_ ’ and that ‘ _Life was never meant to be easy_ ’. Shepard had given a small laugh at that but quickly controlled herself when she saw the look of disappointment in the woman’s eyes.

She harrumphed again in a snort. She might as well stay up now as it was half four in the morning and any chance of getting back to sleep had gone out the window long ago. She wished that she had kept her omnitool purely so that she could look at all her holo’s that she had stored on it. Holo’s of _Garrus._ She would give anything just to hear his voice again, his nervous stutter, the feel of his chest that vibrated when he purred. She wanted to bury her face into his neck as he played with the strands of her hair, letting them fall through his long fingers. Her stomach growled loudly and looking down at it she lifted an eyebrow in question. Better to eat now rather than later when she may not have the time… she didn’t want to keep her baby waiting.

Her mouth twitched in a small smile and she wondered – not for the first time- what her child would look like. She hoped beyond hope that he or she would be mostly Turian, with bright crystal clear blue eyes like it's father. If she could never see Garrus again, she at least wanted to be able to look into her child’s eyes and see him there in some small way. She leaned the padd upright on the table in her line of sight while she prepared a small breakfast for herself and Umi who would no doubt also wake up soon and selected the news channel to play softly in the background.

‘ _’In an astonishing report, we have footage of Sabine Crassus, wife of Detective Vakarian- being released from jail today. An inside source has revealed to us that she has been confined to the Citadel as her case continues. The allegations are severe and we can’t help but wonder what the outcome will be. Sabine is closely related to the Primarch of Palaven and according to Mr Vakarian’s interview with PND it started off as an arranged marriage between the two families which quickly turned sour._ ’’ The reporter in the video stated and Shepard stood numb in front of the padd.

She turned the volume up, not caring at this point if she woke Umi up and stared hard enough to make her eyes hurt at the clip of Sabine being rushed by the media and fleeing the scene. The reporter droned on and on about likely scenarios, outcomes and resorted to playing clips of Garrus speaking in between each point she made.

 _‘’But the real question, ladies and gentlemen, is where is Shepard? Where is the human who let a soon-to-be-married turian mark her? Where is the human who was allegedly attacked by Sabine? We only hope that she is safe and that the Alliance and all its human counterparts will keep an eye out for her. This is Khalisa Bint Sinan al-Jilani from Westerlund News. Back to you Shaila._ ’’ The dark haired women said and the clip stopped.

Shepard stood perplexed and worried at all once. She couldn’t believe that Sabine had been released that quickly! It was a only small comfort that she was confined to the Citadel, but she probably still had access to all her connections and Shepard sneered as she pictured that Batarians hands all over her. She needed to be ready, she needed to learn and quickly, how to properly defend herself. Shepard was no idiot and she knew Sabine would order another attack on her as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

‘’Shep… Shep… foooood!’’ Umi squealed from the other side of the room and Shepard was embarrassed to admit that she may have levitated a bit in fright.

‘’It’s almost done Umi. Wait a minute ok?’’ she told the girl, who rolled over onto her belly and wiggled as she laughed.

Shepard turned her back and continued preparing their food on the small hob she had been given – having no idea how to properly cook food over a fire- and she cringed when a loud crash echoed from behind her. Turning slowly with one eye still closed in a wince she saw Umi had knocked over several of the pots and pans that had been neatly piled next to the table against the wall.

‘’Now how the hell did you get from the bed to over there in one minute?’’ Shepard muttered and walked over to pick the girl up and placed her back on the bed only to groan as Umi wriggled off of it and started running around the table in circles with her thick chubby legs, kicking the pots and pans all over the room in her excitement.

‘’Seriously kid, we have got to talk about a few things…’’ she scooped the girl up for a second time and looking around the room she spotted an extra blanket. A flash of inspiration later and the girl was neatly bundled on her back, tied to her by the blanket in a knot in front and Umi squealed at the confinement.

‘’Tough luck Umi. You want to eat right? Then you need to stay still there on my back and let me finish this okay?’’ Shepard asked, not expecting an answer but getting one in the form of a grunt of acceptance.

‘’Good girl.’’ Shepard cooed and taking the food off the hob she used a ladle to scoop the slop into a bowl.

Untying Umi from her back proved to be easy, as the child all but slid down her legs, sharpened claws dragging down her sleeping pants and causing Shepard to hiss in pain. She turned and lifted the krogan into the air and seating her down at the table she cautiously nudged the bowl towards the infant, not wanting a repeat of last night’s events.

‘’Eat.’’ She said to the young girl.

‘’No.’’ Umi said.

‘’Eat.’’ Shepard insisted again, getting impatient as her own food cooled and started to resemble concrete in her bowl.

‘’No!’’ Umi shrieked and Shepard thanked her reflexes as she gripped the edge of the bowl before Umi could tip it everywhere.

‘’You _just said_ you were hungry Umi.’’ Shepard said exasperated by the whole ordeal.

‘’Look, here…. I’ll have some... _Mmmmm, tasty_. You see, it’s not so bad.’’ Shepard lied through her teeth and with effort swallowed the lumpy gruel down. She really needed more cooking practice.

After almost ten minutes of coaxing with a spoon, Umi took her first bite and although she wrinkled her nose at the taste, Shepard decided that she can’t have hated it that much, as Umi had just stuck her whole face in the bowl, slurping and licking away at what was left.

‘’Geez kid, you’re covered now.’’ Shepard grumbled and snatching a rag, she wiped the girls face and cursed silently as she tried to get between the plates on her face where the food had lodged itself.

‘’I hope to god we won’t have to do this every morning.’’ She muttered standing up and throwing the bowls into a small bucket to be washed later. Keeping an eye on the child, Shepard got dressed and smoothed her hair down. She had no mirror in her small house and she shrugged.

_Not like she had anyone to impress anyway._

Hearing a knock on the door Shepard half-wished it would be someone to relieve her of baby-sitting duty. Bakara stood on the other side of the door, hands clasped behind her back.

‘’Good morning Shepard. I trust you slept well?’’ Bakara asked stepping in to the room and laughing at the site of her destroyed home.

‘’Uh, yeah, thank you. We had a few… incidents. Nothing I couldn’t handle of course.’’ Shepard said by way of greeting.

Bakara rumbled again in laughter and picked the small girl up, nudging her head to the little one in greeting.

‘’Come. It’s time to go get the water. It’s a long walk and I expect that you will be quite tired after. So gather what little strength you have and let’s go.’’ Bakara said, passing Umi over to Shepard who quirked a brow.

‘’Do the children come too?’’ Shepard asked her.

‘’Naturally. Exercise is good for little legs and they get to see more of our world this way. It will also give you some much needed experience as well Shepard.’’ Bakara’s eyes shone with amusement as Shepard sighed.

‘’Brace yourself for a long day ahead Shepard.’’ The elder krogan said with a slap to Shepard’s back making her stumble forwards.

‘’Great.’’ Shepard mumbled and looked longingly back at her uncomfortable bed as Umi’s finger made its way into her ear.

******************************************************

Garrus cringed as his alarm clock blared through his room. He fumbled with getting his hand out from under the blanket and lifted his arm with his eyes closed and slapped the table next to him. The sound continued to assault his ears and he slapped the table again.

_Oh… right…_

He realised belatedly that he wasn’t in his room, in his home and that’s why no matter how hard he slapped the table next to his bed, his alarm wouldn’t shut off. Because it wasn’t on the bedside table to begin with. He cracked open a sleepy eye and saw the offending machine across the room on his desk and as the sound continued to grate on him he stood up, cursing as the sheets tangled in his legs. He switched the machine off and yawned, his jaw cracking with the effort and he scratched his fringe which tingled from the blood rush in getting up too quickly.

He revelled in the silence of the room and getting his training clothes laid out on the unmade bed, he stepped into the bathroom for a quick wash. He dried himself and pulling on his clothes he grabbed his Stiletto pistol from the draw in his desk and clipped it on to the side of his pants. It’s not like he was in any imminent danger here on the Spectre training grounds but he felt naked without his weapon and never, ever left home without one. He locked the door behind him as he left his room and headed to the gym. An hour of cardio to should wake him up and as he entered the gym he was grateful that no one else seemed to be using it. There weren’t too many candidates that actually stayed on the grounds here and Garrus loved that he didn’t have to make idle chit chat with people when all he wanted to do was run his problems away on the treadmill.

Climbing on and setting the speed to a casual jog to start off with, he programmed his ear piece to play music while he ran. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the music and the feel of his feet hitting the machine. His pace increased dramatically and he got to put his full Turian stamina to the test. Rivulets of sweat started to stain his shirt and he grew annoyed as the beads dripped from his neck to pool into his cowl. He huffed and checked the time. Two hours had gone by and he had thought of nothing and everything in the space of those hours. He was tired but his body felt good - _apart from the hollow feeling in his chest that he could feel with each breath from Shepard’s absence_ \- he was actually tempted to say that he was feeling fine.

Stepping off the machine, he wrapped a towel round his neck and began a routine of stretches to cool down his body. His fringe tingled again and he looked up to see a Salarian leaning against the wall, watching him. He cleared his throat and stood up straight, clasped his hands behind his back and formed a perfect military pose of attention.

‘’Spectre Bau.’’ Garrus said in greeting, nodding his head.

‘’Candidate Vakarian.’’ Bau returned the greeting as he approached Garrus on the mats.

Before Garrus had time to ask questions, Bau advanced on him with a punch and he barely blocked it with his arm, before spinning and crouching down, countering with a jab at the salarians stomach from the side, which the salarian also avoided by side-stepping.

‘’Hmm, reflexes not bad. Co-ordination needs work.’’ Bau muttered in that fast paced Salarian speech.

Throwing his one hand on the ground, Garrus’ eyes had just enough time to narrow before the nimble Salarian’s body lifted off the floor and his boot connected with the side of Garrus’ face, the thwack from the hit sounding extraordinarily loud in the room. Garrus fell to his knees before rolling forward to stand and face the Spectre again, holding his face in his hands and a growl escaping him.

‘’That was a cheap shot Spectre Bau.’’ Garrus hissed and squared his shoulders, feet apart as he braced himself for the next attack.

‘’Just because I am not your enemy does not mean I will not resort to dirty tricks. Your enemies will certainly do it so why can’t I?’’ the salarian questioned and smiled, the corners of his mouth pulling up as his oval eyes slanted down as they closed.

‘’Very well, I have learned much. Spectre Jondam Bau. Pleasure to meet you recruit.’’ Bau said and stuck out his hand to Garrus who took it.

Bau gripped Garrus’ hand and flipped him over his shoulder making him slam onto the mats with his carapace cracking against the blue material. Garrus groaned as the air rushed out of him, temporarily winded.

‘’You have skill Vakarian. But your weakness lies in you not knowing how to predict your enemies’ movements. You have good reflexes but you are still of a frame of mind where you would rather rely on defence and diplomacy to get what you need. Working with me should _cure_ of the notion that not everyone who smiles at you is a friend.’’ He said and once again reached his hand down to Garrus.

Garrus looked up at the Salarian with narrowed eyes and grunted, unsure as to whether or not he should take the hand being offered. He sighed and gripped the hand and Bau chuckled, pulling him upright.

‘’Then again, I hope you will look upon me as a friend until your training is done. I am your teacher and I have much to _teach_ you. When the day comes that you are named Spectre, that will also be the day when you and I will cease being friends, as with most of the recruits I have trained.’’ He said and Garrus detected a hint of sadness.

‘’And why is that? I mean, why aren’t you still friends with your recruits after they pass?’’ Garrus asked, rubbing at his chest to try and coax it into breathing properly again.

‘’Ego? Jealousy? Competitiveness when it comes to getting the better cases? Who knows? I haven’t trained anyone in a long time. You are somewhat famous these days so I suspect that you and I will have our work cut out for us.’’ Bau said again and Garrus shrugged at the’ _famous_ ’ bit of the conversation.

‘’Understand Vakarian. I am well aware of the _bond_ between you and your human, but know this, if I ever feel like you are doing _this_... becoming a spectre I mean, for the wrong reasons, I will do everything in my power to make sure you won’t succeed.’’ He rasped and Garrus’ eyes widened at the warning.

‘’I will try my best to not let my _bond_ with her interfere in my duties, however I do ask for a small modicum of understanding as well. She is my mate. If she dies, I die. And I very much want us both to continue living. If I ever hear news of something or someone wanting to harm her, I will rush to her side because in the end I will be _saving us both from death._ I can’t very well do my job or be of any use to you anyway if I’m dead.’’ He said to Bau, who inclined his head and agreed with what he just said.

‘’Very well, I will open all channels on my side as well, to ensure that she is found.’’ Bau stated and Garrus spluttered from the sip of water he had just swallowed.

‘’Y-you will?’’ he asked the Spectre.

‘’Of course you twit. Didn’t you just say that if something happens to her that you would die as well? Can’t have my first recruit in four years dying now can I? Saren would never let me live it down. Smug bastard… just because Nihlus turned out so great…’’ Bau huffed and then turned his head to the side as Garrus hissed his disgust at once again hearing that bastard’s name again so soon.

‘’You don’t like Nihlus then I take it?’’ Bau asked, folding his slender arms over his sinewy body.

‘’He’s trying to fuck my mate. So no, I don’t like him.’’ He snarled and walked over to the android console, programming three mechs to continue his hand-to-hand training.

‘’Ah. Problematic then that I hear Shepard has left with him. Sure she just isn’t interested in you anymore and that’s why she left?’’ he asked Garrus, who roared in anger and struck the nearest mech with such force it short circuited and fell to the floor in a metal heap.

‘’No! Definitely not. I would sooner die than believe she doesn’t love me!’’ He hissed pointing his finger at Bau.

‘’Of course, of course… but I have to caution you… that was _another test_ Vakarian, to see how quickly you could be goaded into losing control. You failed _miserably_ by the way. Be sure to work on that.’’He smiled and left Garrus alone.

Breathing hard, Garrus gripped his fringe with both hands and yelled, kicking the downed mech repeatedly until his frustration went away. His toes ached from the constant bashing he had just given them and he sank down on his ass into the blue mats and leaned back on his arms. _Well fuck, this was going great wasn’t it_ he thought to himself.

He stared at the empty gym for a time and his eyes flickered to the door as they opened and a few recruits came in. He sighed loudly and dragged himself up with a curse. Time to move on he mused as he grabbed his towel from the floor and made his way back to the dorms for another shower.

**********************************************************************

_Later that evening_

‘’Detective Chellick?’’ he heard a voice say and he cursed out loud wondering what _fresh hell_ he was in for now.

Reporters had been hounding him as much as they had been hounding Garrus and Sabine. He turned around intending to tell whoever it was to politely fuck off when his words died in his throat. Her pale plates glimmered as the city’s lights reflected off of them, her dark blue familiar markings sweeping gracefully over her face making her baby blue eyes stand out all the more and his gaze travelled to her waist and back up again. His mandibles fluttered in the face of such beauty and he heard a snort come from the woman who had obviously just clicked on to his appraisal of her.

‘Detective Chellick right? I’m Solana Vakarian. I believe you know my brother.’’ She said and he found himself nodding but still unable to speak.

Spirits, what was wrong with him. He was thirty years old and he had discreetly slept his way through numerous amounts of women since leaving the military. He wasn’t some fledgling on a first date…

_Speak you fool... Speak!_

‘’I, uh, yes. Yes, that’s right. I’m actually Executor Chellick. I run the division your brother used to belong to.’’ He rumbled and he felt himself stand up straighter and he tilted his head forward so that she could get a full frontal view of his elongated fringe.

‘’Is there any way you can spare me a moment of two? Garrus is quite busy with his training and he messaged me earlier on asking if I could come round and find out what’s happening with the case.’’ She said and she smiled at him, her mandibles fluttering over her jaw as she spoke and she pointedly looked up at his fringe, before her eyes caught his again.

His breath hitched in his throat.

_She was interested._

He purred down deep in his chest as he took a step towards her and she met him halfway.

‘’Would you like to discuss this in my office… or would you prefer to discuss this over dinner?’’ he drawled and he sucked in a breath as her fingers climbed from his hand up to his arm, one finger at a time before she linked her arm with his.

‘’Oh, I think dinner will do nicely for now.’’ She purred back and he was shocked to see her wink at him.

 _Winking_ , he had found out was predominantly a human trait, expressing humour or interest, depending on the topic of conversation. As he replayed her action in his mind he became aware of the last few words of her sentence.

_‘For now’_

He huffed and covered her hand with his own and led her out of the building, extending his hand to help her into the cab he had ordered to be there waiting for him.

‘’I’m surprised I’ve never met you before Miss Vakarian.’’ He said and was awarded with a small laugh from her.

‘’Oh, I don’t usually come to the Citadel all that often. Besides I just got out of the military myself so I’m exploring my options. Apart from this whole mess with my brother, I’m quite enjoying myself here.’’ She hummed.

‘’Ah, that would make you… twenty? Maybe twenty-one? _Spirits,_ I feel old now.’’ He grumbled and she giggled at his exaggerated moan.

‘’You are only as old as the woman you _feel_ Executor Chellick.’’ She purred and lowered her hand to his, giving it a small squeeze before releasing it.

He spluttered and cleared his throat as his wide eyes took her in. She was bold… he would give her that.

He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the thoughts running through his mind. She was Garrus’ sister; he had to tread carefully here.

‘’Please, call me Chellick. No need to be formal.’’ He said softly and she smiled and nodded at him.

Arriving at the restaurant, he walked in feeling proud to have such a beautiful female on his arm and she swatted at him half-heartedly as she saw his pleased grin. Sitting down at their table, he was amazed to find that the night seemed to blur. They had a lot in common and those things that they didn’t agree upon were discussed at length through heavy debate and breathless rants which ended up with them both laughing at the other. The restaurant had grown quiet and the two realised they were the last diners in the establishment. Hastily making apologies, they left arm-in-arm.

‘’We didn’t do much talking about the case did we?’’ Solana muttered and Chellick snorted.

‘’No we certainly didn’t.’’ he said.

‘’Ah, well. I’m sure if you had anything to add you would have told me by now.’’ She hummed and stepped away from him.

‘’I better get back now, it’s getting late… ‘’ he frowned and closed the gap between them.

‘’Can I see you again… Solana?’’ he purred into her ear and she gasped as his forehead slightly brushed her own.

‘’Yes. I’d like that Chellick.’’ She said and he watched a blue flush ride up her neck and he squirmed as he fought off the impulse to wrap her in his arms.

His smile was wide and his face showed every expression of happiness that one could think of as he waved her off, watching the cab fly her away. He had gotten her personal contact numbers and she had promised to come by the office. If only Turians could whistle, he mused… he was that stupidly happy with how his night had turned out. He checked his messages on impulse and saw a response from Dr Michel. Shepard’s files were attached with a warning underneath.

_‘I would suggest you tell Garrus in quiet place, with a bottle of brandy or two at hand.’_

He furrowed his brow-plates at the message, wondering what it could all mean. He would wait till he got home to read the full report.

**************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the others... hope you dont mind. Enjoy!


	37. Ties upon tangles upon knots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something i threw together in the mixing pot... this chapter was hard to get out... *Sigh* I blame Batman... been playing it on xbox all week.
> 
> Enjoy!

‘’Sir. You asked to see me?’’ he stood to attention, hands behind his back, his black hair hanging over his face as he lowered his eyes to the floor.

‘’I have a mission for you. It normally wouldn’t be something I look into, but I see an opportunity. A human woman and a _Turian_ ,’’ he spat the word, ‘’have made their relationship public.’’ He puffed on his smoke, his inhale loud in the small room.

‘’Sir?’’ he asked, confused as to why this would peak his boss’ interests.

‘’We received a message a while back, outlining their relationship. As _disgusted_ as I am that human has turned to an alien for a relationship, it’s all about _who_ the alien _is_ at the end of the day. He’s connected to the Primarch. Now, I don’t go around killing every traitor to our species, frankly I’d never have the time to kill all of them, but this human’s death could open doors for us.’’ He said.

‘’You wish for me to eliminate her?’’ he asked.

‘’Yes, but make it look like an accident. Like the Turians were involved. Spin a story after she’s dead, implicating the Primarch in her death. Humans will be in an uproar and hopefully this will get the ball rolling in securing human domination.’’ A large cloud of smoke wafted over his face and he smiled.

‘’I will do as you ask.’’ He said and gave a small nod.

‘’I’ve put out feelers across the galaxy, even one hint of her, will come back to me. Thessia, Sur’Kesh, Tuchanka, Khar’shan, Rakhana and even the hanar home world… all of the worlds you could think of, is where I have planted my spies, and each planet associated with their homeworlds will let me know if they see or hear about her. Each planet has their difficulties or at least something they want. We’ll know soon enough where she is.’’ He smirked at his subordinates raised eyebrow.

‘’Don’t fail me in this Kai Leng. Take care of it.’’ He said, watching the man’s sword glint as he walked away.

****************************************************

Days seemed to blur before Shepard’s eyes. She had fallen into a routine so simplistic she wondered how her life had suddenly gotten so… _boring_.

_Get up at the ass crack of dawn; make food for her and Umi._

_Argue with Umi about said food and clean up afterwards._

_Taking the four mile walk to collect water from the stream with the other women, trying to keep an eye on Umi who insisted on dive bombing into every puddle of mud she clapped her little eyes on, and making the journey back to camp with litres of water in both hands and a grumpy,tired toddler clinging to her legs._

Chores were the bane of her existence, the monotonous sewing of clothing that had been ripped, learning to cook properly and cleaning. She had made ‘friends’ with a few of the women there but she struggled to make any connections that went deeper than that. It didn’t bother her much as Umi kept her busy enough when she wasn’t napping or irritating the hell out of her. Maybe she would be more tolerant if it was her own child Shepard wondered. Did she even have a maternal bone in her body? Any idiot could take care of kids but did she enjoy it? Was she supposed to enjoy it?

_Not like she could ask her own mother about it…_

Shepard had been on Tuchanka for two weeks now and while she couldn’t say that her body had changed all that much, she was well on her way to entering the end of first two months of pregnancy. She couldn’t avoid going to the doctors anymore and technically she knew she should have gone earlier but things had just become so busy here that she kept finding excuse after excuse. She had called Dr Chakwas last night and had arranged to meet her on Illium within the next two days for her first check-up. Shepard looked down at her body, first noticing the weather beaten trousers she was wearing, covered in all manners of mud and dirt from Umi.

All the clothes Nihlus had left behind for her… Shepard didn’t even want to wear them for fear of ruining them forever. Her stomach had started to protrude a little bit but nothing too noticeable unless you looked closely and while she wouldn’t say that her breasts had gotten bigger, they definitely felt more sensitive. Thankfully, the nausea had seemed to be less severe and the only cravings she could think of would be for endless cups of coffee, which was something they didn’t have or drink on this world. Should she even drink coffee whilst pregnant? Shepard shrugged subconsciously; it seems she would have a few more questions for the doc than planned.

Having dropped Umi off at Bakara’s – so that she could watch her while Shepard travelled to Illium- she had a quick shower, towelling herself off and jumping on her heels to pull on a pair of jeans- _which she would swear blind_ \- fitted her perfectly when she arrived. Managing to do the top button with a lot of grunting and straining she added a black hoodie to the mix, before slipping on her shoes. Maybe she should buy a mirror when she was there? It’s been a while since she had seen more of herself other than a reflection in a glass or water. Patting her hair down she nodded in self-acceptance, she wanted to be as comfortable and as prepared as possible for her trip. She picked up the PADD Nihlus had given her and went to sit on the step outside. Ten minutes later a Tomkha came screaming into the camps and swerved to stop outside her home.

Shepard blinked up at the large vehicle and watched in mild shock as someone jumped from the top of the thing down to the floor in one graceful move. Eyes widening at the sight, she gasped when she recognised the Krogan to be the one who head-butted Nihlus when they had been boarded. She warily got up from the step and folded her arms across her chest, doing her best to show that she wasn’t afraid of this grey-silver beast who had a sly grin plastered to his face when he approached her. Before she could take her next breath, the krogan enveloped her in a hug and she gave a startled squeak causing him to boom out in laughter, placing her back down on the ground when she wiggled.

‘’Uh... not that I don’t appreciate the warm welcome…’’ Shepard trailed off, quirking an eyebrow and demanding a silent explanation.

‘’Shepard, on the off chance that we run into Nihlus on Illium, I will take great, great pleasure in the look on his face when he smells my scent all over you.’’ He rumbled and placed his large clawed hand on her head and ruffled her hair. Shepard swatted his hand away and glared at him, trying to smooth down it all again as he continued to chortle.

‘’I see. This… childishness, has it been going on long? Between the two of you I mean?’’ she asked with a slightly exasperated tone to her voice.

‘’For as long as I can remember.’’ He grunted and she scoffed, clicking her tongue at him.

‘’You just want the chance to head-butt him again don’t you?’’ she asked and he nodded enthusiastically.

‘’Makes my day every time I have good enough reason to do it. Getting him jealous is something I’ve never tried. Should be fun.’’ He shrugged.

‘’Ugh, fine. I doubt he will get jealous though. Now if you tried it with Gar..,’’ she shut her mouth and her eyes grew sad. ‘’anyway, wrong Turian to try and get a reaction from.’’ She simply said and walked towards the Tomkha and he followed her quietly.

‘’Your mate… does he know you’re with young?’’ he asked and noticed her jaw clench as she blew out a breath.

‘’Well I did tell him two weeks ago when we first got to Tuchanka, but I’m not sure whether he heard me or not,’’ she hummed as he helped her into her seat, boosting her up with two hands on her waist. ‘’But thanks to you guys blocking my comms when we first arrived… and since then I just haven’t called him again.’’

‘’Why? Surely in the last two weeks you could send him a message or call him?’’ he asked as he started the engine, the loud roar of the vehicle making her jump as her seat vibrated and the metal shook from the force.

‘’Yes, but will you understand if I tell you that I just really don’t know what to say to him?’’ she asked, her voice rising in order to be heard over the noise of the Tomkha as they sped away back to the space port.

‘’No, not really.’’ He shouted back and swore as he came upon a klixen roaming the roads, giving a whoop as it burst under the vehicles wheels, a ball of fire erupting as Shepard turned to look through the rear window.

‘’Well anyway, the thing about my baby’s father is that he is rather unpredictable at the best of times. I try and go into hiding and what does he do? He gives an interview and plasters my name all over the news. If I tell him I’m pregnant he could very well drop out of the Spectre program to come and find me and then we’ll be even more screwed than we already are.’’ She said, rubbing her small bump.

Grunt watched how her eyes lit up as she talked about her mate, how they softened at the corners when she directed her gaze to her stomach and he sighed. _Love,_ huh?

‘’Well, you won’t find me giving you shit about it. If you feel it’s best not to tell him, then don’t. Anyway, the moment your young is born, I have asked Wrex for the pleasure in kicking your ass around Tuchanka and getting you battle-ready.’’ He roared and she laughed.

‘’I hardly think I’ll be going in to ‘battle’ any time soon Grunt.’’ She snorted as he rolled his eyes and leaned back into the seat, one hand on the wheel of vehicle.

‘’Shepard, from what little I was told about your situation… you need all the help you can get. I’ll get that scrawny human ass in shape and soon you’ll be butting heads with the best of them.’’ He rumbled.

‘’Not that I’m particularly _thrilled_ at the thought of all the concussions you plan to give me, but yes, I suppose a little more training wouldn’t be a bad thing.’’ She said and turned her gaze to watch the jungle views pass by in a blur.

Reaching the docks a little while later, she grinned when she noticed Grunt had jumped out first and was waiting for her on the other side, arms in the air, so that he could help her down. She gave a small jump and felt his arms wrap around her as he helped lower her to the floor.

‘’You’re a big softy inside aren’t you Grunt? All that bravado and you’re really just a puddle of fluffiness and goo when it comes to women.’’ She teased and he pretended to head-butt her, making her jump back on instinct. He roared with laughter and grabbing his gun from his back, he checked the surrounding area, nose in the air as he sniffed for trouble.

‘’Why are you acting like we're about to be attacked?’’ she asked, scanning the docks herself.

‘’Clan Urdnot has dominance here, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have enemies Shepard. A few scattered clans are all vying for leadership. Having you here, goes against a lot of their beliefs about aiding aliens. It never hurts to be prepared.’’ He said, a hand on her lower back as he walked with her to the ship docked in the distance, his gun aiming from side-to-side as he kept watch.

Once they were safely on board their small cargo ship, she breathed a sigh of relief as the tension drained from her body and Grunts expression turned back into a mischievous, boisterous one. Luckily they were only a few jumps away from Illium and Shepard settled herself in to one of the chairs and watched Grunt and his small crew shove and needle each other as they talked. She flicked through a few news articles on her PADD, not seeing anything of significance and couldn’t stop herself from returning to Garrus’ interview, which she had bookmarked. She swiped a thumb longingly over her Turians picture and brought up her messages, intending to send him some sign that she was still alive.

_‘I love you Garrus. We’re okay. Please don’t worry.’_

She quickly typed out and sent it to him before she could change her mind. There was no reason she couldn’t keep in contact with him now and then, as long as she was careful. As long as she didn’t give in to the _overwhelming_ need to tell him where she was, as long as she didn’t tell him anything that could land them both in more danger… she frowned as a thought crossed her mind.

_Was she being cruel by sending him these cryptic messages?_

Surely he would rather receive messages from her saying she was still alive, than not receiving any at all? She didn’t understand all that much about the soul tie but from what little she managed to glean from the extranet, it was pretty damn serious. Her mind betrayed her again as Nihlus’ moan of ecstasy in her ear replayed through her memories. She winced and shook her head. No, no, she’s been over this. No guilt remember! She slapped both hands to her cheeks to get her head in order.

‘’Shepard! You hungry?!’’ Grunt shouted at her from across the room.

‘’Yeah, I could do with some grub.’’ She shouted back and he pointed his finger to the mess hall. She made her way over to the kitchen and watched him rattle about inside the fridge, his moans at the lack of proper food apparent in the disgruntled tone of his voice.

‘’What? No varren leg for you to chew on?’’ Shepard huffed, hiding a smile.

‘’Watch yourself Human. Nothing wrong with varren. Plus, it’s not like you can talk, what do you think you’ve been eating since you arrived?’’ he asked and Shepard gagged.

‘’Oh god, I thought you guys at least had the equivalent of chicken or beef or something on your planet.’’ She felt sick. It was like eating a dog. She shivered.

‘’I don’t suppose you have any vegetarian options in there?’’ she asked hopefully as she leaned forward to stick her own head in the fridge along with his. He shoved her playfully away and she hissed in a mock-glare.

‘’Your child needs meat Shepard. _Protein_! In order to grow strong and healthy!’’ He boomed and a nearby Krogan shouted in agreement.

‘’Yes, but my child also needs vegetables. To _nourish the brain_ and all that.’’ She waved a hand as Grunt snorted.

‘’Who needs brain when you have brawn that comes with a shotgun in hand?’’ he laughed.

Throwing her hands in the air, she turned around to take a seat with the Krogan who was munching happily away on a juicy, bloody piece of meat. She swallowed down her bile at the site and cleared her now blocked throat.

‘’Just give me what you got, but don’t tell me what it is. I don’t need to be throwing up all over the table.’’ She said.

Grunt placed a plate in front of her full of various cuts of meat and some purple _thing_ which she assumed must be a vegetable. She turned a bit green at the sight of the undercooked meat, but decided not to ask him to fix it. She didn’t want to push her luck so soon in their ‘friendship’.

‘’Eat.’’ He said.

‘’Yeah, yeah. Give me a minute. My stomach is misbehaving.’’ She replied and watched him sit down, his larger, armour covered body making the chair creak in protest.

‘’You know where were going once we get to Illium? I love surprises usually, but I’d hate to go back to Wrex and tell him I got you killed because I didn’t plan security properly.’’ He said, now watching her play with her food.

‘’Uh-huh, yeah, just to the hospital and back… Might get ambushed by a _seriously_ pissed of biotic while were there, but other than that, hopefully no one will know I’m there.’’ She said with a hand over her mouth as her jaw worked overtime in chewing the piece she had just braved to eat.

‘’Huh. I hate Asari’s. All biotics and no brute force.’’ He grumbled.

‘’You realise I’m a biotic right? The only reason I haven’t used my power is because I don’t know what effect it would have on my baby.’’ She said again, her jaw aching and she fingered a tooth with her thumb as she bit into a bone.

‘’No shit?’’ he said and saw a gleam in his eyes. ‘’I can’t wait till your young is born. Wrex will want to train you up on Biotics. You know how to reave?’’ he asked and she shook her head.

‘’Well imagine this… there you are… faced with a terrifying enemy... no heat sinks left… when all of a sudden… _BAM…_ he’s on his knees screaming like a little girl in absolute agony….’’ He wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. ‘’It was the most _beautiful_ thing I’ve seen in a long time.’’ He smirked.

‘’You’re a special brand of _weird_ aren’t you Grunt?’’ she muttered as she sipped her drink to take the taste of blood out of her mouth.

‘’Aw, thank you for the compliment Shepard.’’ He said and she snorted into her drink.

‘’Take a nap or something after you eat,’’ he pointed to the room across the hall, ‘’we’ll be there soon and you need to have your guard up and be prepared.’’ He said in all seriousness, standing up to slap her gently on the back as he walked past her and left her to her breakfast.

‘’Thank you for the food!’’ she shouted at him and heard his tell-tale laugh.

************************************

Nihlus looked down at his arm as the chime started to get on his nerves. He scowled as the batarian in his grip wriggled and he tightened the hold he had on the creatures neck, slamming him into the wall with a deafening crack to his skull. The man screamed in pain as Nihlus’ talons drew blood and snarled in his face. Deadly sharp teeth shining as he smiled.

‘’Sorry about this, I don’t suppose you could give me a minute?’’ he asked the batarian who looked shocked and beaten, blood oozing from the corner of his mouth.

Nihlus activated the message with his voice, only to punch the man in the stomach when he tried to get away, he lifted the scumbag off the floor so that his feet kicked the wall as he struggled.

‘’Seriously, I need to read this message Dar’faan. Don’t make me kill you. ‘’ he drawled and the batarian trembled. Glancing down, he saw the message was from Grunt.

 

_‘Heading to Illium with your human. You know she really is soft and squishy all over. Heh heh heh.’_

 

Nihlus growled in his irritation and Dar’Faan squealed as he was dropped unceremoniously to the ground, landing in a heap.

‘’So, this is unfortunately, a bit of a _bad_ thing for you. I am now _highly_ irritated… tell me where Astor is?’’ he hissed.

‘’N-no… I wont. He’ll kill me!’’ Dar’Faan shouted.

 _‘’He’ll kill you?!_ Stupid boy, _I'll_ kill you if you don’t tell me what i want to know.’’ He said, giving a swift kick into the guys stomach.

Crouching down so that he was on eye-level with him he asked again.

‘’I’m asking very nicely… _Where_ is he?’’ he snarled grabbing the batarian's chin to turn his head upwards as he stood.

‘’I think he was going to I-Illium. There is a s-shipment that needs to be collected t-there.’’ He whimpered, coughing up blood in his hand.

‘’Ah, finally. Thank you Dar’Faan.’’ Nihlus smiled at him, delighting in his wince.

‘’Y-you’re not going to kill me?’’ he asked the Turian who had backed away from him, gun still in hand as he looked around the room.

‘’Well not unless you want me too? Come on, I’m not a _monster_ , you gave me what I wanted and so I’ll let you live. However, if I see you again or hear your name mentioned in any more of these ‘child smuggling’ schemes… well, let’s just say you will have missed the chance of a quick and painless death compared to what I’ll have in store for you.’’ He grinned; tongue running over his sharp teeth.

Nihlus left his ‘victim’ in the room, locking the door then shooting the mechanism. Someone would find him. Eventually. He had no love for people who profited from children’s misery. If he starved to death, then so be it. Exiting the way he came, stepping over the various bodies lying dead on the ground, he hummed in agitation as he re-read Grunts message.

_How the hell does he know that she's soft and squishy? Surely he wasn’t touching her… Surely…_

‘’I’ll fucking kick his ass.’’ He spat as he realised that he was being goaded into a fight. _Pfft,_ nice try Grunt. Shepard would rather die than fuck you.

He closed the doors of the complex behind him and signalled for his pilot to come pick him up, he walked to the clearing in the fields, breathing in the fresh air and his mind drifted back and forth over the mission and Shepard. He would get to see her again. It was _too soon_ , he knew. He should stay away from her till his feelings calmed down but he would go to Illium and let whatever happens… happen. If he bumped into her then he bumped into her, if not... then he would be disappointed but most likely grateful in the long run. Either way, he had a job to do. Astor that Batarian dickwad was the local ‘manager’ on Illium, when it came to their trade in slavery. He would put a bullet right between that fucker’s eyes and smile over his corpse once he had gotten the information he needed.

Seeing his ship drop down and land, he wandered over and sat through decontamination deep in thought, planning his next move.


	38. Far and few between

_********************************************************************_

_Four days later_

In the two weeks or so since his ass had been  officially handed to him by Spectre Bau that first day, he had committed himself to the rigorous and extensive training with the Salarian. His days were filled with technical mumbo-jumbo such as hacking and the painstaking studying of schematics of various weapons, ships, comm stations and mechs, so that on the off chance he needed to assemble a weapon from scratch or fix a ships’ drive core, he would at least have the most basic knowledge to fall back on.

His afternoons were nothing but one _long_ ass-kicking session - with him being the one to get his ass kicked- with the Spectre and Garrus had quickly learned how to counter and predict some of the nastier moves that Salarian was so fond of using. He could feel the bruises beneath his plates twinge with every movement and he gritted his teeth as he fell into a prone position. His evenings, however, were what he hated most. His training from five pm to eight pm each night would normally be considered a breeze compared to the rest of his day. He scoped through his weapon, lining up his shot with the figures he could make out three hundred yards away. He took a deep breath, aimed and upon exhaling pulled the trigger.

The dummies head exploded _spectacularly_ in a mist of white cotton and Garrus let a small smile flit across his face. He loved weapons training. It was methodical, logical and his hands were always occupied. However, it was times like these that he realised just how truly alone and miserable he felt. During the day, he could kick the depressing thoughts back, the feelings of despair to the farthest corners of his mind as he listened to Bau drone on about whatever he was teaching him at the time, but here… _now_ , while he lined up his next shot, when nothing could be heard except for the beating of his heart and the gust of air from him exhaling, this was when he felt _utterly alone_.

With another crack, the dummy exploded and Garrus stood up slowly from his prone position, grumbling slightly as he adjusted his shoulder. The kickback when he first fired this beautiful gun, had all but dislocated his shoulder, but in a matter of two weeks he had built an extra layer of muscle, his skin tighter over them, his bones feeling more insulated beneath. His plates had stretched to accommodate his new build and as he glanced at the image of himself in the windows reflection he cocked his head to the side and huffed.

 _He was definitely going to be an imposing and intimidating figure, the more muscle he put on_ … he mused as he stood there wearing a set of blue and silver armour. His eyes swept the room again, the _nothingness_ , the emptiness echoing all around him and he hastily set about cleaning the weapon, placing it back in the case and letting out a sigh as he scratched his fringe, his hand coming down to rub the side of his face which still stung from the kick he had received earlier from his mentor. He needed to get out this room, it was unnerving really, just _how quickly_ his emotions overwhelmed him every time he stood still for too long.

An hour later, after he had showered, he checked in with Bau who was reclining behind his desk, feet on the table, humming to himself.

‘’Spectre Bau, I’m done for the day. I’m heading out to the wards for a walk.’’ He said and Bau looked up at him with a smile.

‘’Vakarian, what do you know of Terra Firma?’’

‘’Uh… unofficially, they’re a bunch of idiots who hate aliens and petition loudly for human dominance.’’ He rumbled and leaned against the wall next to Bau’s desk.

‘’Officially, that is incorrect. Unofficially I wholly agree with you.’’ He nodded at Garrus in agreement.

‘’We’ve heard a rumour that TF is now targeting individuals who openly back or support interspecies relationships and they have even taken to targeting human businesses, who they label as traitors to the species. Several well-known businessmen have mysteriously disappeared out in the traverse, whilst on said business and a few of those men and women’s alien partners have also disappeared.’’ Garrus walked over to Bau and took the datapad that was offered and he read through the first few paragraphs.

‘’Sir, why are we investigating it? They aren’t known as terrorists... yet. The group seems to only target certain individuals or business, it’s not like they’re blowing things up or kidnapping people for ransom.’’ He said and Bau shook his head.

‘’Vakarian, for somebody as clever as you, it still amazes me how incredibly stupid you can actually be sometimes.’’ He laughed and Garrus bristled.

‘’Vakarian, is your mate not in fact a human? Did you not openly tell the entire galaxy that you support inter-species relationships in doing so?’’ his oval eyes now shutting briefly as he heard rather than saw the gears turning in Garrus’ head as his thoughts churned away.

‘’Sir, I know Shepard left by her own choice and I’m positive that Sabine Crassus was behind her attempted murder… but I fail to see how Terra Firma fits in with all of this.’’ Garrus said as he walked the expanse of the room in a circle.

‘’Terra firma will take notice of you, you stupid yet clever Turian. You are bonded to a human and you are in training to become a spectre. You are in a position to be a role model to millions. If they think that you are capable of influencing the new generations into finding love or companionship amongst their human species …well… You can be sure that you and your mate are on their radar and that they will have plans for you.’’ Bau said.

‘’Why is this so complicated?’’ Garrus groaned rubbing both hands over his head in his agitation.

‘’I want to keep you alive Vakarian, so I’ve decided that until we find your mate, we will take it upon ourselves to investigate the string of murders that have yet to be solved. Somehow I think it will lead us to your Shepard and that we can also get to the root of the problem if we stick our noses into their business.’’ He said and Garrus looked at him sceptically.

‘’Oh?’’ he asked, still failing to see how they could do anything while they were both on the Citadel.

‘’Your training has come along nicely and you’re doing better than expected even if it’s only been two weeks. A few more months and I’ll even let you take on a case solo if I feel you’re ready for it. Now, how about you go back to your room, pack whatever belongings are essential and meet me tomorrow morning at docking bay B23.’’

‘’Sir?’’ he asked as his body filled with adrenaline at the thought of finally leaving the Citadel and finding Shepard.

‘’We’re leaving tomorrow Garrus. Time for some field training, see how you do in real life or death scenarios and we can take it from there.’’

‘’T-thank you Spectre Bau. I… I didn’t think that we would leave the Citadel until I actually became a Spectre.’’ He said and hummed as he fought to hide a smile.

‘’Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll still come back here from time to time, but nothing productive ever gets done sitting here on our asses. We need to get out there and actually do something with all this training. I’ll send you over details of what to brush up on regarding the murders and when to meet me tomorrow. Dismissed Vakarian.’’ With that, Garrus nodded and stepped out of Bau’s office.

His heart thrumming and his blood pumping at the renewed hope that filled his chest and he took to jogging the rest of the way back to his room.

‘’I’m coming for you Shepard.’’ He chanted as he started to run.

***********************************************************

Shepard thanked the gods out there when they finally reached Illium. _Four whole days_ of being on a ship with men acting like children. As fun as it was playing cards with a bunch of Krogans, listening to them squabble and roar as they heat butted one another into oblivion, she couldn’t help but exhale loudly in relief at the sudden lack of noise. Krogan men it seems, did not know how to be quiet or even how to give someone privacy… or even the _illusion_ of it. It seems that Grunt was intent on following her around like a shadow, never letting her out of his sight even when she slept. He took his bodyguard duty just a little bit _too seriously_ Shepard thought to herself as she was herded down the platform and into a queue for a skycab. She glanced around the port and she realised that she and her krogan companion stood out like a sore thumb.

The Asari all looked her over like she was carrying a disease and Shepard bristled as one sneered at her. She pulled her hood up over her head and Grunt snarled at one Asari who dared to comment a little too loudly that they didn't belong here.

‘’Shepard, we’ve arranged accommodation, nothing fancy but you’ll be sharing a room with me. It’s the cheapest place I could find and hopefully we can go to your doctor and leave without too much happening.’’ He said and she would almost swear that she saw a brief flicker of annoyance pass through his eyes at the thought of not fighting anything during their stay here.

‘’Thank you Grunt.’’ Shepard said and he grinned at her.

The two of them headed to their hotel after passing through inspection and she moaned in bliss when she stepped into the shower. God, how she missed indoor plumbing. She was reluctant to leave as the warmth of the water eased her tense muscles and she glared at the door when Grunt banged his fist on it.

‘’Stop using all the hot water pyjack. I want to shower as well!’’ he yelled and she flipped him her middle finger, even though he couldn't see it.

‘’I’ll be out in a minute. ‘’ she called back as she heard him walk away.

She rubbed a hand lovingly over her little bump and hummed in delight as she felt a brief but obvious movement inside of her, like butterflies. She couldn't wait to see what this little guy looked like. How much he could have grown since the last time she saw him on a scan. He must be growing rapidly by now as she was going into her third month of pregnancy with only three months left to go. She got dried off quickly, cursing when she realised she had forgotten her clothes in the room and she opened the door a bit to shout through the crack at Grunt to bring her her bag.

‘’Humans. Who cares about _modesty_ these days? I don’t understand your species, it’s not like im going to jump you at the first sign of you naked. Frankly the thought of a human naked makes me want to barf.’’ He said handing her the bag as she stuck her hand out through the gap.

‘’Yes, well, I can gladly say that you don’t do it for me either you overgrown turtle.’’ She snapped and he laughed at her.

‘’Get dressed will you. I want to get this done and come back and sleep. It’s been a long four days. Being in command isn't all it’s cracked up to be.’’ He rumbled and left her alone as she peeked through the doors at him, quickly widening the gap to get the bag through.

After they had both showered, they headed out to the hospital where Dr Chakwas worked and Shepard wrung her hands as nervousness pumped through her.

‘’Miss Hallaway, Dr Chakwas will see you now.’’ Said the receptionist as Shepard jumped a bit at the use of her grandmother’s maiden name.

‘’Uh… yes, thank you.’’ She mumbled as she made her way through the halls to the door.

Before entering she took a deep calming breath and gave herself a pep talk. _No matter what you hear or find out about your child, you will not give up hope. You will love this child regardless._

She knocked and the door swished open to reveal a human woman, sitting behind her desk and Shepard was immediately lulled into a sense of security and safety at the sight of the greying hair and warm eyes that smiled up at her.

‘’Miss Hallaway, thank you for making the long journey here. You and I have much to discuss.’’ Chakwas said and she smiled gently at her standing up to shake Shepard’s hand.

‘’Please doc, call me Shepard. Hallaway makes me feel… odd.’’ She said and took a seat opposite her.

‘’Now Shepard, from what I’ve been told you need my help to bring your child safely into this world.’’ She said and Shepard nodded.

‘’Dr Michel was quite insistent that I terminate and that it was a hopeless case.’’ Shepard said quietely and looked up quckly as the doctor scoffed.

‘’Don’t listen to her. You are just a carrier my dear. There are plenty of you out there and I think the reason that Dr Michel was so,’’ she hummed as she tried to find the right word, ‘’ _negative_ about your pregnancy is that she doesn’t in fact know what the hell she’s talking about.’’ She laughed at the look of shock on Shepards face.

‘’B-but... I-I don’t understand.’’ Shepard said.

‘’My dear, I have been a obstetrician who specialises in inter species pregnancy and hybrid children for over twenty-five years now. You are not the first and you will not be the last carrier. You are simply put, more biologically capable of keeping parasites or viruses – or in this case your foetus- inside of your body and finding a way to adapt to it, instead of getting rid of it.’’ Chakwas said.

‘’ Krogans, Batarians, Drell…. you name it and I’ve dealt with it… I even had one case where a vorcha was involved. While it is true that sometimes the foetus can develop deformities, it’s nothing a little gene therapy can’t fix. So I want you to relax Shepard. Your child will live and if I have anything to do about it, he or she will come out perfectly.’’

Shepard felt a rush of emotion as her mouth opened up on an ‘ _oh’_ that she didn’t mutter as her tears cascaded down her cheeks in relief. She let out a sob as she brought her hand up to her mouth and a laugh joined in through her crying when the doctor smiled at her in reassurance.

‘’My baby… it will be alright?’’ she asked not daring to believe it just yet.

‘’Yes Shepard.’’ Chakwas said and led her over to the examination bed, ‘’Would you like to have a look at your child and then we can talk about altering anything if its needed.’’

‘’Please…’’ Shepard said and lay down on the bed while Dr Chakwas scanned her abdomen for signs of life.

‘’Aha, I found you,’’ she said and Shepard craned her neck up to look at the magnified holographic scan of her child, ‘’ it’s a cute one already I see.’’

Shepard looked on in awe at the sight of her small child portrayed in black and white. A perfectly formed fringe and cowl, three long toes on each foot and five fingers on each hand. Her child’s head was a little rounder than normal, it’s neck a little shorter and fatter and she gasped as she watched it’s tiny little hand move around inside her womb. His little legs with a small nub that would later lead to spurs as he grew older…

_Her son… Oh, god.. She had a son growing inside of her. Garrus’ son._

She couldn’t help but stare at the baby as it curled in on itself and brought his tiny hand up to its mouth.

‘’Is he sucking on his thumb?’’ Shepard asked incredulously. ‘’Should he even be doing that with those sharp teeth of theirs and their non-existent lips?’’ she asked in concerned.

‘’Shepard, your son is half-human remember. From the babies I have delivered like yours, they do share similarities with human babies. They do not have teeth when they are born and can be breastfed until they start teething – which my dear, really is the best time to stop as it will be quite painful if you continue- and because your baby is part human it’s lips and facial plates will be more malleable, more pliable and flexible, which means they can at least purse their lips together at the front to suckle and are able to display emotions more easily on their faces.’’ She said and Shepard laughed at her.

‘’That was a nice speech Doc. You say that often?’’ she asked as Dr Chakwas read her readings on the scan and hummed.

‘’More than you will know. _Really…!_ I don’t know _why_ Dr Michel would push you for an abortion when there is medicine and technology out there now to virtually fix any defects.’’ She hissed.

‘’I can’t believe I'm having a boy.’’ She said and she pictured Garrus’ blue eyes. ''Are there any mental or physical defects that you can see?’’ she asked the doctor.

‘’None apart from the hands and feet my dear. Do you want me to leave them as they are? It will only take a small operation to correct the issue if you want the child to resemble other Turians. Your son is still young enough to do the procedure, that it shouldn't affect him at all.’’ She asked.

‘’Hmm, I _absolutely love_ his hands Doc, but what about his three toes? Turians only have two… won’t he be _unbalanced_ when he walks considering the bending of the legs…’’ she trailed off and Chakwas shook her head.

‘’No my dear, its shouldn't affect his balance, if anything it should make him sturdier on his feet… he will have trouble finding shoes though, but such things are easy to order or make if you know who to ask.’’ She said.

‘’Would you like to listen to your son’s heartbeat?’’ she asked and Shepard nodded.

The sound of her son’s heart beating made Shepard ache for Garrus to be there with her to hear it. He should be here… _dammit_ … he should be here! She started to cry and lifted both of her hands to her face, covering the evidence of her emotions behind it.

‘’Shepard, the father of the child….’’ She said and Shepard hiccuped.

‘’His name is Garrus. He’s… uh… married.’’ Shepard said and another round of tears started in on her.

‘’Married or not… I need to know, if he does ever come looking for you… do you give me permission to tell him?’’ she asked and helped Shepard sit up as she blew her nose on a tissue she had been given.

‘’I.. uh, I'm keeping it from him for now Doc. He needs to become a spectre first.. it’s the only way I can see my child be safe… have you… have you watched the news recently?’’ she asked the doctor.

‘’No, I'm afraid not. Why?’’ and Shepard dug out her PADD, clicking on her favourites bar and playing the interview of Garrus.

As the doctor watched, listened and read the articles, Shepard rubbed her belly in circles with the palm of her hand and she sniffed occasionally as a stray tear appeared.

‘’Are you in danger of being killed Shepard?’’ Chakwas asked bluntly and Shepard nodded.

‘’It’s dangerous for me to come here doctor ... or leave where I'm currently living. I have a few friends who are trying their best to protect me…’’ Shepard said and hopped of the table to take a seat again at Chakwas’ desk.

‘’I see. Would you tell me more or as much as you can regarding your situation please? I need to know what I may be up against.’’ She said and Shepard’s heart sank.

‘’Please don’t drop my case Dr Chakwas. Your'e all I have when it comes to medical know-how and I-I p-promise that nothing will happen t—‘’

‘’Stop crying dear girl. I only ask because I will need to see you atleast once more before the birth, but in your situation I wouldn’t mind bending my policy I have on home visits.’’ She said and Shepard shook her head in numbness.

‘’I couldn’t ask you to travel so long and so far just for me Doc.’’ Shepard said.

‘’You are now my patient Shepard. Your wellbeing, as well as that of your son, are now my concern. I will do what I must.’’ She said and placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder giving it a squeeze.

‘’T-Thank you… thank you doc.. I don’t even…’’ she stuttered and stood up to hug the Doctor who froze initially and then sighed as she patter the younger woman on the back.

Shepard chatted for a while, explaining what she could to Chakwas about where she was living, her condition, Garrus, the Primarch, everything she could think of and when she realised that Chellick would soon find out about her pregnancy because he was the head investigator on Sabines case, she frantically opened up her PADD and sent him a message, ignoring Chakwas' concerned questions and hit send. Wiping her eyes again with the back of her hand she explained that she was doing all she could to keep them _all_ safe.

''Shepard, you are very brave.'' Dr Chakwas said and Shepard shook her head in denial at the statement.

‘’Now, I'm going to write you a prescription for all the meds you have to take. Keep track of your blood pressure and iron levels. Come back in two days and I will give you more details on the biology and make-up of your son, once I've studied the scans a bit more that is.’’ She said and walked with Shepard to the door.

‘’See you soon Doc. Thank you again… f-for everything.’’ Chakwas nodded and Shepard closed the door behind her.

Reaching reception she watched Grunt snarl and hiss at each person who invaded his space but she was gratified to see that when a pregnant woman made that mistake, he would be the first to apologise or move out of the way.

‘’Grunt…’’ she called to him and he looked up, his eyes looking over her body and lingering on her red eyes.

‘’Who made you cry?’’ he hissed bringing a meaty hand up to her chin and inspecting her face.

‘’I made myself cry you big softy.’’ She asked and patted him on the cheek as he huffed.

‘’Pregnant women shouldn't get upset. It’s bad for the young-ling.’’ He muttered and led her out of the hospital, keeping her hidden behind his larger frame and making sure no one came to close to them.

As they exited the building,Shepard was quick enough to turn as she saw a flash of blue come hurtling towards her from across the way and Grunt roared as he saw the figure run towards Shepard at increasing speed. Grunt unclipped his shotgun and raised it at the woman running towards them.

‘’Grunt! Put that thing away. I _know_ her!’’ Shepard shouted at him and she growled when he ignored her.

She gave him a swift kick in the shin and he grunted at what was most likely felt to him - like a fly landing on his nose. An irritation and nothing more. She watched Grunt lower his weapon and he stood behind her, one hand draped over her shoulder as he swung the shotgun menacingly back and forth across her body. The figure stopped when she saw the gun.

‘’You utter bitch!’’

‘’Oh boy….’’ Shepard huffed and scooted out from under Grunt’s arm and he growled as she walked closer to the Asari.

‘’Liara… uh… fancy seeing you here?’’ Shepard said meekly, hands opening up as she nervously smiled at her friend.

‘’If you weren't pregnant….’’’ Liara growled while she glowed blue and Shepard dropped her smile.

‘’How do you know?’’ she asked, now backing away from Liara, back to the safety of Grunt’s body.

‘’Come with me Shepard, this is _no place_ to talk.’’ She said and Shepard glanced up at Grunt who shook his head and when she smiled at him as if to say ‘please’ he sighed and grumbled under his breath about reckless pyjacks.

***************************************************

Sitting in office, his assistant prattling on about their ever-increasing workload, Chellick cupped his hands beneath his chin and grinned. He had yet to stop smirking like a fifteen year old fledgling since his meal with Solana. His assistant stopped and stared at him, giving him an exasperated eye-roll and tutting that he looked like an idiot and that he should get back to work. His mandibles and cheeks ached from the constant smiling and lack of movement and he snorted in laughter at his assistant, who threw her hands up and left him to it. He had so much work to do.

He needed to speak to Kronos about a lead, review Shepard’s medical files, manage his incoming and outgoing messages and still take care of anything that cropped up unexpectedly in his department. And yet he couldn’t stop smiling. He looked at his omnitool and hit refresh on his messages, hoping to see some small word from her and he rolled his eyes at himself in consternation. He huffed and dropped his arm back down as he picked up the PADD containing Shepard’s files, he typed in his authorisation code and he growled when he saw the extent of injuries she had suffered. He looked at the holopics and shook his head as a wave of sadness came over him. Shepard didn't deserve any of this. Halfway through all the medical jargon, he saw an audio file attached and he jumped as his chime went off alerting him to a message.

_’Boss, whatever you find in my reports, please don’t tell Garrus. It won’t help him or me if he knows. This is my decision boss, to keep it from him. Please, look after him if you can._

_S’_

His eyes widened in shock at the message from Shepard and he immediately hit reply only to find out that there was no senders address. He couldn't respond. _Dammit all to hell_ he thought as he snarled in anger. What the hell was she playing at? Couldn’t she just decide one way or the other to come back or not? All these games were starting to give him a headache. He looked at the message and back down to the PADD on his desk and hit play on the audio file.

_‘’My initial observations on Miss Shepard’s injuries can be found listed in the pages above. I have decided however to record my other findings and encrypt the data, as it is a sensitive topic. Miss Shepard is currently three weeks pregnant. The father is a Turian and in this case she has asked that I not inform him, as is her right to do so.’’_

Chellick opened his mouth waiting for the scream of horror to come out of his mouth that he could feel building in his chest at what he was hearing, but he could only sit there and gape at the news. _Pregnant?! Shepard is pregnant? Spirits!_

_‘’I have done all that I can, medically to stabilise the foetus she is carrying, however the shock to her system from the wounds she has received, puts her at great risk of miscarrying. I have also informed her of the fact that her case is one that will most likely not end well. She vehemently denied all suggestions I offered in terms of abortion and she has opted to go ahead with the pregnancy regardless.’’_

Spirits! H-how was this even _possible_ Chellick shouted in his head as he listened to Dr Michel explain in more detail about chromosomes and hereditary genes and complications that could occur and he could only sit there and gape, his jaw clicking shut and open again every few minutes.

 _‘’Shepard has left my care against medical advice and I have done all I can for her. She has promised to contact a specialist, who will hopefully forward me any new details and information, seeing as how I am her primary physician.’_ ’

The recording ended and Chellick leaned back in his seat, eyes closed and his breath stuttered from his chest as his subvocals went wild in their shock. His assistant came back in and he chirped at her, rather rudely, _to get the hell out_ \- without actually using any words. No one can know about this he thought as he opened his eyes again and re-read Shepard’s message. Yes, he knew exactly why Shepard didn't want him to know. Garrus would drop out of the Spectre program and in his desperation to find her; he would probably get himself _killed_.

He suddenly felt reluctant when it came to seeing Solana again, as her face flitted through his frazzled mind. If the child lived, she would be its aunt. How was he supposed to live with himself in keeping this information quiet? His omnitool chimed again with a message and he narrowed his eyes in wariness of its contents. He had had enough of a shock today _thank you very much_ he grumbled internally.

Instead he groaned out loud as he saw the message was from Vakarian, informing him that his training was going well and that they were headed out into space tomorrow and could he please keep him informed of anything new in the case against Sabine… and did he find out anything regarding Shepard’s files? Chellick cursed in every language he knew how to, as a litany of words rumbled passed his mouth plates and he stood up and paced restlessly. He hit reply and once he had written his response, he hovered his finger over the send button.

‘ _’Be safe on your journey and I will keep you informed if anything happens. No new information in Shepard’s files. Spirits be with you.’’_

He hit send and hung his head in shame at the deception.

**************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in chapters ... i work as temp, sometimes three to four different companies a week and my hours are irregular. Also i seem to suffer from a lack of motivation when it comes to writing this story recently... I hope you enjoy and thank you for all comments and Kudo's etc that i have been getting lately. I am still amazed that it has reached over 5000 views and over 200 kudos. 
> 
> Thank you all again!


	39. Breadcrumbs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have lost the will to write... or rather, i can see my story perfectly in my head, like a movie being played out behind my eyes. Touches, feelings, battles, movements... all of it is seamless and effortless in my head but the moment i try to write about it...i seem to shut down, words are difficult to get out, like I a have a vocabulary of a five year old. It's frustrating me to no end. So here is a very short chapter.. me essentially throwing you breadcrumbs to follow because even i dont know where im going with this. I may be better suited to one-shots. 
> 
> Ever feel like you've bitten off more than you can chew?  
> ********************************************************************************************************************************************

‘’So… uh, it’s good to see you again.’’ Shepard said meekly, her hands folding in her lap as she sat in Liara’s office.

She watched the painted-on eyebrows of Liara’s rise considerably higher than normal and how the scowl on her face pulled her cheeks tight. Shepard really wasn’t in the mood for an argument. After seeing her son on the hologram and listening to his tiny heart beating, her mood was for the first time in a long time – just wonderful. However, the longer she sat here, with Grunt pacing the floor behind her and Liara muttering curse words under her breath, a sort of uneasiness slowly creeped up on her, dampening her wondrous mood and she found herself frowning along with her friend.

‘’Shepard… I just don’t – ‘’ a long suffering sigh came from her friend as she ran a hand over her crest, ‘’I mean I understand that you left because you found out you were pregnant. I understand that you left because there are people who want and _have_ tried to kill you. But surely you could have taken Garrus along with you… or me.’’ She said softly and Shepard winced at the hurt in her voice.

‘’If I had taken you or Garrus, what would that have solved? I would have still had to go on the run to protect myself. Neither Garrus nor I, are in a position to effectively protect our child if we had stayed on the Citadel. You may have a bit of power with your connections, but are you capable of taking down the Primarch of Palaven or his niece? No… I did what I had to do.’’ She said firmly.

Shepard watched her friend sink into the soft plush sofa against the wall, her expression now more tired than concerned and she walked over to take a seat next to her agitated friend. Placing a hand on top of the blue one, she squeezed and Liara lifted her head to meet her eyes.

‘’It’s not that I didn’t want your help Li. Or that I don’t trust you. I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt. When I found out I was pregnant, I went to Garrus to tell him… but Sabine was with him… and she... she... ’’ she swallowed the pain back down again as the memory resurfaced and Liara returned the squeeze to her friends hand.

‘’She marked him. I know how serious this situation is Shepard, but I need you to promise me that you won’t keep me or Garrus in the dark anymore. _Call him_ Shepard. Tell him where you are. Tell him to come meet you. Even if you can’t be together, that idiot loves you more than any words in any language that I can explain. You are _hurting him_ Shepard… you’re hurting _me_ by not letting me help you.’’ Liara whispered and circled her arms around Shepard’s form, hugging her tightly to her chest.

‘’Have you got a place to stay while you’re here?’’ Liara asked and Shepard nodded her head, while Grunt… grunted. Shepard could tell that he was not happy with this situation. His endless mumbling and rumbling was evident and as she caught his eyes he snarled quietly.

‘’Shepard, would you like to stay with me? I have an apartment. It should be big enough for you and your… companion.’’ Liara said and her eyes narrowed as she saw Grunt run his hands back and forth over his shotgun.

‘’Huh… I don’t like this Shepard.’’ Grunts gravelly voice rumbled through the room.

‘’Who are you anyway?’’ Liara spat, her dislike for the krogan bleeding into her voice.

‘’I am Urdnot Grunt!’’ he roared and both the women flinched in surprise.

‘’I see. You always did know how to pick them Shepard.’’ She said turning her attention back to her friend.

The walk back to Liara’s apartment was thankfully short and Shepard felt a weariness seep into her bones as they entered her home. Neutral colours of varying shades and hues of creams, browns and whites decorated the inside and Shepard was surprised that her friend’s home wasn’t as flamboyant as she had pictured in her mind. She was expecting the inside to be as extravagant as her friend.

‘’Goddess sake, I know that look. You’re questioning why my interior décor is so dull and drab right?’’ She asked and Shepard nodded while grunt just huffed, not giving a shit in the least about the furnishings.

‘’Look here.’’ Liara said and pressed a button on the wall which raised the shutters from her windows and Shepard gasped in delight as the neon colours from the city practically invaded every surface of her house.

Pinks, green, yellows, garish bright purples and blues now fell over the dull carpets and walls and came alive in a way Shepard could never have anticipated.

‘’I don’t see the point in colourful décor when the lights here can make my home look like this.’’ Liara said and she led them through the hallway, pointing at a door on the left which Grunt took to mean was his for the time being.

He hesitated in the doorway, looking between Shepard and her friend with distrust. Shepard heard his silent question… _will you be okay_? She nodded at him and he huffed, stepping through into his room and the door clicked shut behind him.

‘’Not very friendly is he?’’ Liara murmured and Shepard snickered.

‘’That’s exactly what I said the first time I met him. He really is a good guy, very protective of me and even if he comes across as a bit of an asshole I promise you he means well.’’ She said.

Liara looked unconvinced but kept her mouth shut. ‘’Here is your room. It will always be here for you Shepard. Whenever you need it.’’ She said and Shepard passed through the doorway, Liara following behind her.

‘’Shepard I need you to do something for me.’’ Liara said as she watched her friend take a seat on the edge of the bed.

‘’Yes?’’ Shepard warily replied.

‘’Please Shepard? Do this for me… _call him._ ’’ She begged.

Shepard nodded and clearing her throat from the emotion that had lodged there suddenly and uncomfortably, she pulled out her PADD and entered Garrus info from memory.

‘’What happened to your omnitool?’’ she heard her blue friend ask.

‘’I had to get rid of it in case they were able to track it.’’ She muttered and taking a deep breath she hit call and the silence of the room amplified the connections dial tone.

Shepard drummed her fingers on her knees in agitation.

_Why was she listening to Liara?_

_This wouldn’t change anything!_

‘’Vakarian here.’’ She heard through the line and her heart beat dramatically in her chest as her breathing raced alongside of it.

*******************************************************

‘’Garrus, it’s me.’’

Oh spirits!

His mates’ voice washed over him like a calming wave, the warmth of it making him lose the ability to think, the gut wrenching fear and concern for her, easing slowly as he heard her breath down the line.

‘’Shepard….’’ He purred, not able to form any words as his mind fought with his heart over control of his emotions.

‘’Garrus… are you there?’’ She asked him and he felt his mind clear as her worried tone pierced his ears.

‘’I’m here Shepard.’’ He said softly and he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, hoping that she would continue talking.

He had never thought that he could miss someone’s voice, the musical rise and fall of her words, how she ended her sentences on a higher note than normal when she asked a question. How her breathing changed during words depending on what she was saying. He took in these small little things. He wasn’t sure that he would get another chance to with the way she had been actively avoiding him.

‘’Shepard… where are you?’’ he asked tiredly, resigned to hearing her once again tell him some bull shit line. He cringed as he realised that he had asked himself and her that question so many times that the words had actually lost all meaning to him.

‘’Is your line secure Garrus?’’ she asked again and he looked down at his omnitool in surprise, knowing that she would be tracked through him if he wasn’t careful.

‘’It should be Shepard.’’ He trilled sadly, the weeks of feeling her absence, of losing part of himself made hearing her voice almost unbearable the longer he heard it. He yearned for her deep in his core and he shuddered out a breath as he heard her hum down the line while she was thinking.

‘’Do you remember the night at Chora’s? Who did I go with?’’ she said urgently to him and his immediate response was to snarl loudly as a memory of her and Nihlus penetrated him.

‘’I don’t want to talk about that _bare-faced bastard_ Shepard! ‘’ he snarled furiously.

‘’No you _idiot_! Who else?’’ she persisted and he was momentarily shocked at being called an idiot.

He clamped down on his subvocals which were screaming in indignant fury and willed himself to calm as he remembered that night, flashes of taking her against the wall, her blue corset dropping to the floor.. _blue_! That was it...

_Liara!_

‘’Are you with her now?’’ he asked desperately.

He knew where Liara was, she was on Illium. He was only two systems away and he could be with Shepard within four days if he asked Bau to really push his ship.

‘’Yes, Garrus. I’m here with her, but I can’t stay in one place for too long, it’s dangerous Garrus. Did you hear what I told you last time we spoke before I entered the relay?’’

Garrus was almost hysterically happy at finding out where his mate was at long last, that he could barely contain himself as he jumped up from his cot and made his way to the cargo bay where he knew Bau would be training.

‘’Shepard, it doesn’t matter what we said last time. _Promise me_ that when I get there that you will still be there. I know it’s dangerous; Spirits, I never ever want anything to happen to you. I love you Shepard. I would die if anything happened to you… literally. So please, _promise me_ that you will stay safe until I get there, until I have you in my arms again. This time I am never letting go. Fuck everyone who wants to come between us Shepard, I will give up everything to be with you.’’ ke keened to her.

‘’ _No_ Garrus!’’ she screamed down the line and he halted in his tracks, confused as hell as to why she was suddenly so angry.

‘’Shepard?’’ he queried and he could have sworn he heard a small growl come from her end.

‘’If you give up everything, especially now, I will leave here and I will make sure that we don’t cross paths again. You need to become a _Spectre_ Garrus. You are the only one right now who can change our fate. Do you even realise what our life will be like if you suddenly up and quit the program? We’ll be on the run forever, constantly looking over our shoulders, waiting for attacks that may or may not ever come. It’s not a life I want with you Garrus and it is certainly no way to raise children.’’ She hissed at him through their connection and he choked on his own saliva as she said the world children.

‘’Ch-ch-children?’’ he squeaked and embarrassment flooded his veins, a blue flush rising higher than even he thought possible, all the way to the tips of his fringe.

‘’I told you Garrus…’’ she said softly, her anger now diluted and he could hear a smile form on her lips, ‘’ I told you didn’t I … that I’m pregnant.’’

His knees gave way and he hit the ground, his hands barely coming up in time to block his path, face-first into the floor as he stared at the surface in disbelief.

‘’Preg…. you’re what?!’’ he gasped, trying to sit back up, hand clutching tightly on the end of his fringe as his eyes swivelled from left to right in panic.

‘’I’m pregnant Garrus. I found out the night… that Sabine…’’ she trailed off and he cursed.

‘’ _Fuck… oh fuck, Shepard_. I- I… what do I do?’’ he said, a bubble of incredulous laughter escaping him as his mind reeled from her news.

‘’What do you mean… do you, do you not _want it_?’’ she said and he heard the start of what could be a sob slip past her mouth.

‘’Spirits no! No, I mean yes! I want you and our child Shepard.’’ He yelled back, adrenaline giving his system an ass kicking like never before.

‘’O-oh, good. Because if you didn’t… I would have kept it anyway.’’ She said and he heard a suspicious sniff.

‘’You’re pregnant? Really? Its… it’s mine, I mean, I’m turian and I got you..’’ he rambled on and was rewarded by a small laugh.

‘’It’s yours Garrus and _fyi,_ don’t ever ask me that again, next time I’ll take it the wrong way.’’ She laughed softly and he groaned as he scooted over the floor to a nearby wall, his armour scraping hideously against the metal flooring and he leaned back against it with a sigh.

‘’You’re pregnant.’’ he stated again.

‘’I think we’ve established that fact now Garrus.’’ she snickered.

‘’Fuck, Shepard. I’m sorry it’s just a lot to take in... I mean, I expected kids one day... _someday.._. but now? When there are people trying to kill you? _Us?_ ’’ he shivered as something locked deep down in his soul. His bond to her, his tie to her soul, had been sluggish and weak since she had left and he felt it solidfy, hardening with the knowledge that she was healthy and carrying his child.. it made the blood in his body thrum as conviction and purpose set in. He was more determined than ever to be with her, to protect her, to love her.

‘’You are my mate Shepard. My wife. _I love you_. I swear to all the spirits out there that no one will ever touch you again. I know you don’t want me to leave the Spectres and a part of me understands that but please… I want you to know, that when you ask me again, to run away with you, to leave everything behind, I will follow you _into hell_ itself if I have to.’’

‘’Garrus, get here as soon as you can. We have a few … _things_ … to discuss, before we run off into the sunset and live happily ever after.’’ He heard her say and he smiled at the thought of them growing old together, surrounded by their children.

‘’I love you Shepard.’’ He purred to her and he heard her sigh.

‘’I love you more Garrus.’’ She replied and his subvocals hummed loudly at the happiness coursing through him.

‘’Stay safe and I’ll see you soon.’’ He said, reluctant to terminate the call and he sensed her hesitation as well.

‘’Oh, Garrus… it’s a _boy_ by the way.’’ She giggled and hung up.

His mandibles parted widely as his whole face lit up with a shit-eating grin and he brought his hand up to hold the side of his face which had started to hurt the more he continued to smile.

_A son…_

_His son…_

_My son..._

_Our son…._

Spirits, he was going to be a father! He had a mate, his wife, his Shepard and their son… his little boy.

Spurred on now with greater purpose than before, he rushed to make his way to Bau. He marched through the sliding doors and Bau looked up from his exercises to cock his head to the side questioningly.

‘’Spectre Bau, you want to keep me alive right?’’ he asked the salarian who snorted.

‘’Yes, that is the plan Vakarian.’’

‘’Then if you could kindly take me to Illium to meet my mate I would be most appreciative.’’ He said and his earlier smile came straight back to his face and Bau cursed.

‘’Wipe that smile off your face Vakarian. It’s giving me the creeps…all those teeth…’’ Bau pretended to shiver in disgust and Garrus chortled at his superior, his grin broadening as his mandibles fluttered cheekily over his face, blue eyes shining with excitement and love for his mate.

He was going to see her, he was going to get to hold her in his arms, feel his son growing in her belly, run his hand through her hair and bury himself inside of his mate. He was going to be exactly where he had always belonged.

With his family.


	40. Fight-or-flight

_Four days later_

 

The vibrating snores coming from Grunt had kept Shepard awake the last few nights, a constant source of background noise in Liara’s apartment. Whilst comforting when she struggled to fall asleep, it also however bordered on being downright irritating. He was an entire room away and yet somehow those vibrations travelled through the floor, under doors and straight across the hall into her room, into her very bones. She had been awake for a while now, just lying there on her bed, her hand idly caressing her bump back and forth in a soothing motion as she let her thoughts drift from one image to the next. She bit the inside of her cheek as a sudden swell of pure adrenaline lit a fire throughout her body at the thought of seeing Garrus tomorrow.

Shepard rolled over onto her side, the blanket tucked between her legs and her arms buried beneath the pillow. She sighed and flipped back over onto her back. No matter what position she tried to lie in, she immediately became restless and uncomfortable. She grunted and giving up on the possibility of more sleep, she swung her legs off the bed and she made it to her feet with a small groan. She yawned, her eyes watering with the effort and she padded quietly out of the bedroom to the kitchen for a glass of water. God, but she missed coffee… _damn pregnancy_ she mumbled to herself.

She checked the time and saw that she had a few hours at most before everyone else woke up. Apart from Grunt’s snoring, the house was deathly quiet as she made her way silently through to the lounge, only to end up staring out of the windows. Now that Garrus was coming to get her, a fear like no other gripped her heart. What if something happened to him because of her? Worse… what if he died because of her? She knew well enough that he would give it his best shot in trying to convince her that the two of them being together, staying together would be the best course of action and she also knew that she would have to fight _equally_ as hard to convince him that leaving and carrying on with his training was in her opinion – the only chance they had.

She bent her head forward, pressing against the cool surface of the glass as she peered down to the streets below. Movement caught her eye and she focused on it, trying to discern what exactly she was looking at, as the figure once again moved and she caught a flash of something long and silver. _Holy shit_ she gasped as the figure looked up and even though she knew that the man could not see her behind the glass, he never-the-less smiled up at her and her blood ran cold as she automatically stepped away from the window. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle at what her mind subconsciously perceived as a threat and when she timidly stepped forward again to peer back down…he was gone.

_Was that a sword he was carrying?_

She wrapped her arms protectively around her bump. Her body now chilled to the bone, heart thumping in her ears. Shepard knew better than to ignore this so she walked around the house, checking doors and windows, vents and any other entry points, making sure that the only surprise she was expecting was that of Garrus showing up at her door. Her nerves were shot by the time she had done her third sweep of the apartment and she contemplated waking up the Krogan in the other room to take over in her place. Was she being too paranoid? Was this really how she wanted to live her life, looking over her shoulder and inspecting every shadow for hidden enemies? She shivered as she made her way back to her room and climbed back in to bed.

She pulled the blankets up and over her chest and without giving it a second thought, she reached over to the bedside drawer and opened it. Inside lay a gun that Grunt had given her for protection. Not as shiny and not nearly as large or as powerful as his shotgun, but in tight corners it should definitely cause enough damage to at least give her a moment to escape if the chance presented itself. She hummed thoughtfully to herself as she remembered Grunts threat that he was going to kick her ass into shape once they baby had come. She definitely wanted to become stronger, not just to be able to protect herself, but also those that she loved.

After an hour or so, when the sky had become brighter than the neon lights of the city outside, Shepard had calmed herself enough to get out of bed with a bit more confidence. She wasn't afraid to admit that she had been frightened by that eerie figure that had smiled up at her from the street. She couldn't see his face at the time as it was shrouded with a hood and his all back clothing had only come into focus as he had swayed that sword to and fro in front of him. A niggling feeling crawled up her spine again as she went to wake up Grunt.

‘’Hey big guy. Get up. I need to be at the doc’s in half an hour for more tests.’’ She said walking into his room cautiously.

 _‘’Piss off_ Shepard. I'm sleeping.’’ he mumbled into his pillow and his loud guttural groan made the bed frame shake.

‘’Fine, but later on when you wake up and realize that I'm not here, don’t even _think_ about giving me shit about leaving without you.’’ She hissed to him.

‘’Mm.’’ was all the response she got from him. Shepard rolled her eyes and shrugged as she turned to scribble a message to him on his data pad about where she was going and what she had planned for the day.

‘’Li? You up?’’ she asked as she knocked on Liara’s door.

‘’Yeah Shepard.’’ She heard a muffled voice and heard her friend get up to cross the room and open the door for her.

‘’I don’t suppose you want to come with me? I could do with some company of the female variety.’’ She smirked at her friend.

‘’I’d love to Shepard, but my business is just getting started …’’ she said guiltily trailing off and avoiding her eyes and Shepard sighed.

‘’No worries Li. When the lump of Krogan back there wakes up tell him to read his PADD.’’ She shrugged and headed to her room to get a jersey.

The chills that had crept up her spine from earlier that morning hadn't left her entirely. With the soft white woolly jersey now adding an extra layer of warmth, she grabbed the pistol, checked the safety and tucked it behind her back into her jeans, making sure that her jersey concealed it. Carrying weapons on Illium was a sketchy business and could end up getting you into a world of hurt if you were caught violating their laws. Stepping out of the building, the cool air circled around her and she wrapped her arms instinctively around her belly, foolishly wanting to keep her son warm. A small smile tugged at her lips at the ridiculous action and she walked to the far side of the road to peer over the bridge.

The world here was just waking up, skycars and shuttles all making their rounds, taking people to and from their boring, mundane lives and Shepard stared wistfully into the traffic as she desperately wished for a slice of that monotony for herself.

_Garrus… I miss you so much…_

She was startled out of her melancholy by a beep from one of the skycars and she rolled her eyes. _So much for her one moment of peace_. She shook off her bad mood as best as she could and made her way through the markets, each vendor yelling loudly to come and buy their wares, trying to outdo one another.

‘Indentured services like no other! The perfect companion to suit all your needs!’ one shouted at her and Shepard sneered at the thought of slavery.

They could call it whatever they wanted here to try and make it sound more civilized but in her eyes they were no better than the Batarians. As she shuffled in and out of the gathering crowds she eventually reached the hospital, a little out of breath and very grateful that she would soon get to sit down.

 _God, I need to exercise more_ she huffed as she caught the elevator up to the sixty-fourth floor and asked the receptionist to inform Chakwas that she was here for her appointment.

‘’Ah, Shepard,’’ Dr Chakwas smiled at her as she walked into the exam room, ‘’how are we feeling today?’’

‘’Good thanks, Doc. A little out of breath from the walk here but even pregnant ladies need exercise I hear.’’ She said with a smile and the doctor nodded.

‘’Yes, but because you’re a _special_ kind of pregnant, let’s not overdo it shall we?’’ she motioned for Shepard to hop up on the bed and proceeded to get out all her instruments and Shepard narrowed her eyes at a particularly large needle.

‘’Uh Doc, no offence… but where the fuck do you think you’re going to stick that needle?’’ she hissed as the doctors eyes lit up with mischief and she waggled the four inch weapon in front of her face.

‘’We’re going to check the contents of your amniotic fluids to see if your baby is receiving all the proper nutrients, if so, I’ll need to consult with a dietician to alter your eating habits and if worst comes to worst I’ll prescribe you with some meds. But I’d rather try a diet change than pump you full of meds that could end up doing more harm than good.’’ Chakwas tutted in admonishment as Shepard visibly flinched as her jersey and shirt was lifted to reveal her baby bump.

‘’Lord Doc, please tell me you’re at least going to numb me up before you ram that thing into my skin.’’ She half pleaded half laughed in nervousness.

‘’Of course. I don’t enjoy causing pain Shepard.’’ She said but the smile tugging around her lips made Shepard raise her eyebrows in suspicion.

Applying a local anaesthetic cream to her belly, Shepard started to hum in anxiousness as she waited for it to take effect and when she looked down she could see the needle start to penetrate her skin and she lifted her head right back to avoid looking at it.

‘’Uh, so, yeah, my… the baby’s father is coming, he, uh… _Jesus_ , he should be here tomorrow. His name is Garrus…’’ she rambled as she heard the doctor pull up on the syringe as she extracted the fluid.

‘’Really Shepard, it’s only a needle. I've read your medical files; you've been shot at least half a dozen times but you’re afraid of something like this. _Ridiculous_.’’ She scoffed.

‘’Give me a bullet any day over something that sharp.’’ She hissed as the syringe was pulled out, she couldn't feel pain, only a small amount of pressure as her abdominal muscles clenched with the sudden withdrawal of the needle.

‘’OK, we’ll since I last saw you four days ago, _obviously_ not much has changed, but we’ll take another listen to baby’s heart and this time I’ll try get you a holo of him to take away with you.’’ She said now wiping down Shepard’s bump with a few tissues.

As Shepard lay on the table, the doctor fussed over the sample, bagging and tagging the fluids for analysis later when she suddenly remembered something.

‘’Doc, is there any chance I can get a recording of his heart beat as well? You know, for when Garrus gets here… I-I’d like for him to hear it as well.’’ She said almost shyly.

‘’You could bring him with you next time.’’ She offered but Shepard shook her head.

‘’No, I mean _yes_ I will, but I know that he will be desperate to hear it and it could be _days_ before I come back and see you again for the results.’’ The two women chatted idly about the weather, the shame and pity of all those poor unfortunate souls who were now indentured servants, how Illium was really just like Omega – here Shepard opted to keep from commenting, having never been – and how beautiful the city was despite its horrifically hidden crime rate.

Shepard listened once again in awe at her sons beautiful _thump thump_ of a heart beat and when she received an audio log and a holo of her son, she was beyond ecstatic at these objects that would no doubt be the most sentimental things she may ever own. Shepard left her doctor – fast becoming attached to this motherly figure – in high spirits and she fished her PADD out of her bag to comm Grunt. Three hours had passed and it was time he got his ass up and joined the world of the living- or at least the world of the _awake_.

‘’Shepard… where the _fuck_ are you?!’’ was the immediate roar as the call connected.

‘’Good lord Grunt, I'm fine. I'm in front of the hospital… and I'm armed so _relax_ will you?’’ she chastised him and he gave another growl and a crash could be heard and she prayed that he hadn't just thrown one of Liara’s antique vases at the door.

‘’Stay right there pyjack! I'm coming to you.’’ He said and he disconnected the call.

She chuckled at his little protective tantrum that he was having over her. It’s not like they were best friends all of a sudden, _hell_ she’d only known the overgrown teddy bear for a week or two now… once again she cursed her pregnancy pheromones for bringing out feelings that weren't natural to others. Would Garrus be like this? Did he somehow tie to her, bond to her because her pregnancy voodoo vibes made him? No, she didn't even want to think about that. Plus, according to her due date, she only got pregnant that night at Chora’s and he had chosen to come after her, before then.

Yes, she would believe that Garrus’ feelings were genuine and all his. A swirl of guilt hit her stomach as her mind flickered over to Nihlus. _Shit…_. She hadn't messaged him recently, didn't in fact even know if he was _okay._

 _God, she’s a crappy friend_ she mumbled and she scuffed her booted toe into the side walk as she waited for Grunt to come get her. But what could she really say to him now that she and Garrus would be reuniting tomorrow.

_‘Hey uh, Nihlus… thanks for the fuck but I don’t need your comfort any more because the male I love will be taking over now... so uh... thanks … we’ll still be friends right?’_

Shepard shook her head with a snort added in for good measure. No… that certainly wasn't something she could say to him… and even if she did she would try to use a bit more tact than that. What the hell was she going to tell Garrus? Should she even tell him? No, bygones and all that she decided. No need to cause any more drama. If he found out she would cross that bridge when she got to it. As the temperature started to drop, Shepard grew impatient as she still saw no sign of her krogan bodyguard and she huffed.

_Fuck this…_

She started to take a slow walk back to Li’s apartment, taking a different route than before, her curiosity getting the best of her as she came across a few baby shops. As she ‘ _oh-my-god-that’s-so-fucking-cute’d_ at everything in the store she walked in and browsed their wares. She walked out with very little except a few onesies – she didn't know how quick her little ray of sunshine would grow once he was born. She didn't need pacifiers or bottles so she felt quite disappointed and disgruntled as she left the shop virtually empty-handed. She spied an alleyway with some obscure shops but she halted in her tracks as she remembered her last trip down one.

 _Nope, staying in public was her best option_ she pronounced to herself and turning back around she made to go back the way she came, to familiar ground. A flash of silver caught her eye and her heart clambered up her throat as she recognized the man leaning against one of the walls across from her. He smiled at her and she shrunk back – her senses blaring that danger was imminent – and she saw him chuckle, his greasy black hair swishing over his black wrap around glasses and she watched him move his head from side to side. She followed the path his eyes took and saw another figure clad in black and when she looked to her left – there again, was another figure cloaked in darkness.

She was being herded she realized, her only option now unless she confronted them here in public was to take the alleyway that stretched out ominously behind her. She picked up her PADD and typed a message to Grunt...

_Get here now… R’ayla street - need help!_

Hitting send, she experimentally tested out her dormant biotics. Her powers had waned from lack of use and at most all she could produce was a feeble barrier around herself. But the concentration that would take was immense and she prayed that Grunt would get here before all hell broke loose. The four of them all stared at each other as the other inhabitants of the world all walked past not noticing the dangerous game of cat and mouse taking place in their midst.

_A few more minutes... please God, Grunt hurry up!_

She cursed as she saw Mr. Greasy nod his head in a silent order and the men started their menacing walk towards her, boxing her in from all sides and she took a step back, for every step they took forward. She bared her teeth in defiance at them, her biotics swirled around her form now and a few Asari stopped to stare and she knew without a doubt that these men wouldn't mind killing innocents if they were pushed into it. Now it came down to a choice she muttered in her head – _her baby_ , her innocent child versus the _forty_ or so people mulling about unaware here in the open. She took another step back and drawing her weapon from her back she flicked off the safety and raised her head, looking the leader in the eyes and praying with all her might for help.

She wouldn't be able to take them all on; the man’s sword was in its scabbard for now, only the hilt and an inch of the blade itself glaring at her as he grabbed it to show her he meant business. Without a second thought, she sprinted down the alley and her attackers followed suit. She cursed as she dodged and dived from the warps and shockwaves coming from behind her when she suddenly fell to her knees with an agonizing scream.

_Fucker was using reave!_

Her mind exploded with pure torture... more horrendous pain than anything she had _ever_ experienced. Her skin felt like it was exposed all the way down to the bone as what she assumed must be imaginary fire, licked its way up and down her skin, turning into a burning inferno as she felt her energy being drained from her.

_Shit, shit, shit this hurts!_

_Oh god, is my baby feeling the pain as well?_

_Hang on my sunshine; mommy will get us out of this… somehow…_

She forced herself back onto her feet and she spun as she aimed her pistol at the nearest human who came running up to her. The alleyway was mercifully narrow, only allowing two people to across side by side and she shot at the asshole who tried to reave her again. He deflected with a barrier and Shepard raised her own shields again as she continue to run, their shots thankfully not penetrating her barrier but weakening it enough to worry her.

_Oh fuck, if the guy with the sword reached her she was done for._

Guns she could stop as her barrier repelled energy in the form of heat sinks... but a sword? She heard laughter behind her and she snarled loudly as it pierced her adrenaline filled body, her eyes darting back and forth between her assailants.

‘’Thank you boys. I will take it from here.’’ Greasy said, the men slinking back and disappearing and she aimed her weapon directly at his head.

Her breath was pushing painfully out of her chest, her hands clamped tightly on her weapon, her hair dishevelled and she searched deep and hard for that last stash of energy hidden inside of her – picturing the perfect barrier and shield in her mind – and she formed it shakily around her body. A bubble of blue and white sparks running over the dome like electricity.

‘’Shepard, I regret having to kill another human. It is such a waste of life. _Human_ life I mean.’’ He said and withdrew his sword.

Shepard tried to control her breathing, the panic that flooded every cell in her body at the sight of the incredibly long and sharp blade making her tremble. He smirked at her and flipped the sword in circles with a flick of his wrist and she watched the motion with wide eyes.

‘’For fuck sakes, why are you trying to kill me? What did I ever do to you?’’ she hissed as she tightened her finger marginally on the trigger.

‘’That is none of your concern. It’s not a question for you to ask anyway, I do only what I must. What has been requested of me.’’ He said, the earlier smirk fading from his face.

‘’I don’t suppose I can request that you kindly piss off and leave me alone?’’ she said, raising her voice to try and convey a bravado that she didn't feel.

‘’No, I am truly sorry; you are indeed a beautiful woman. But you have tainted yourself by engaging in a relationship with an alien. A turian of all things. Have you no _shame_ Shepard?’’ he asked rhetorically and she laughed.

‘’So this is all because you think humans shouldn't love outside their own species. You _fucking_ bigot.’’ She spat acidly at him and he launched a warp at her at the same time that she ducked and fired at him.

His barriers fizzled and he shrugged – not an _iota_ of damage had been done to his defences and she continued to fire at him the closer he got. When he was ten feet away from her she realized that this _might_ be the end for her. She had two heat sinks left in her pistol and clearly nothing she did now could hurt him. She wasn’t giving up but she also couldn’t help bracing herself for the inevitable. She squared her shoulders and lowered her gun; she would fight with everything she had now.

_Fight-or-flight._

She couldn't flee; he would get that sword in her back before she could take two steps. No, she would fight and when her end came, when her baby _died._.. when Garrus… She only prayed it would be quick and painless for all three of them. Within a blink of an eye, he ran forward, sword tip scratching the ground as he drew near and she jumped back as the blade whipped up past her face. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realized she had been injured as she felt a warm sensation start to trickle down from her eyebrow, she did what she could as she dropped to her knees and swinging a leg out she managed to catch him at the back of his legs before he could counter and he snarled as he swung down, the sword slicing through her arm, the white jersey tearing audibly and staining red.

She launched herself at him, fist towards his stomach and she grunted as it connected with his shields, the impact making her knuckles crack from the force she tried to put behind the blow. He jumped back the moment her hand connected with him and he laughed at her as she righted herself to face him again, the two circling one another in the small space, him idly twirling his sword around arrogantly as she wiped at her bleeding face with her sleeve. He lunged for her and she wasn't quick enough. One hand wrapped around her throat as she was shoved into the wall. His implants and tech making him stronger than she had anticipated. Gasping for breath as he tightened his fingers, she hummed in fear as he scratched the tip of his sword against the wall next to her. The screeching of the paint being pulled off making her shudder.

He took a step back, holding her in place as she clawed at his hands and she saw his intentions through her fear filled mind. He was going to plunge his blade right into her stomach. He was going to kill her while looking into her eyes – he was going to take pleasure in watching her eyes grow dim, how her heart beat sluggishly slowed down and ceased to beat. She could do no more and she dropped her hands which had been clawing at the ones wrapped around her throat and she conserved what little oxygen she had left in her body. She watched, almost mesmerized as his arm pulled back and he brought the edge of his blade to her stomach, above her navel and she closed her eyes as she felt her barriers drop, the blade entering her skin.

_Garrus… I love you…_

_Mommy's_ _sunshine… I love you…_

_I'm_ _so sorry…_

*********************************************************************

‘’I AM KROGAN!!’’ she dimly heard a shout from somewhere and the blade that had started to pierce her stomach, was pressed in deeper than originally intended in his surprise. His sword had penetrated her stomach, a nasty six inch wound reaching far and deep into her body and as he let go of her neck he ripped the weapon out of her with a curse.

The krogan roared as he ran towards them. The alley echoing with his thunderous war cry and she sunk to the floor, clutching her stomach with both hands, her blood flowing between her fingers and she watched detahced - almost as if she was looking over herself from a distance as the colour became darker or brighter depending on what type of material it soaked into. She gasped and gave a cry as she screamed for her child.

_Oh god, please… not my son._

_Anything… anything but that…_

If she lived she would never forgive herself for losing Garrus’ son. She looked up, her head feeling heavy, her surroundings spinning around her as she continued to bleed out.

_Keep pressure…_

_Apply pressure…_

_Breathe…_

_Live…_

_Live Shepard!_

She shook her head to try and clear it from the fog which had descended inside of it and saw the krogan and human engaged in combat – her eyesight was blurring and she groped the floor next to her for her gun, her arms feeling useless, like they weren't attached to her at all. Feeling the familiar shape she raised her gun, her arm swaying and shuddering from the effort it took to raise it. She couldn't hold her arm up and it sank back down to her stomach. Grunt had managed to lure the assassin far enough away from her now that he could unleash the fury of his shotgun, without having to worry about hurting her in the blast radius. He cocked his weapon repeatedly as he fired shot after shot with roars, snarls and yells every time he pulled the trigger.

The Assassin dodged and dived, trying to flee, hoping his barriers would hold against the onslaught of this Krogans wrath. He managed to flip over the krogan and ran back towards Shepard who stuck her leg out causing him to stumble as he tried to navigate over it. It was all the hesitation Grunt needed as he charged and rammed the human into the ground with a thud so loud it _cracked_ like lightning when they hit the floor. Grunt was quick enough to level his shotgun at the assassins head.

‘’Deflect this!’’ he screamed and the Shepard observed the space of the floor where his head had once been.

Grunt jumped off the now decapitated corpse and rushed to her side, falling to one knee as she spluttered, her blood rushing up her throat as it dribbled out of the corner of her mouth. She tried to smile at him and he growled at her.

‘’Don’t talk Shepard. You _stupid_ pyjack... why didn't you take me with you!’’ he yelled at her and she coughed, her blood splattering against his armour. He picked her up in his arms as gently as he could.

‘’Grunt… you…have.., ‘’ she coughed and gasped for air in his arms, ‘’great… timing.’’

‘’Shut up Shepard. That’s an order.’’ He snarled at her, angry at himself for not keeping a better eye on her. His guilt at letting this happen to a pregnant female while she was under his care would haunt him all the way back to his ancestors. Grunt looked at the bleeding human in his arms as she struggled, fighting to stay alive and his respect for her grew into untold quantities. He was going to get her back to the doctor and they would fix this. There was no way he was accepting anything else.

‘’Grunt… I… think … I'm… going t-to die.’’ She whispered her eyes closing and opening as she battled to remain conscious. He ignored her and ran through the pathways, screaming loudly to get the people to move out of his way and he ignored the shocked gasps and screams that could be heard as they all clapped eyes on Shepard. He saw a reporter and her camera bot rush towards them and he roared in her face as she tried to take holopics for her next piece. He saw a skycar hovering in a bay and before the Asari couple could climb in he pushed past them and they jumped back in fright.

He placed her on the back seat and he watched her eyes roll into the back of her head and he cursed as her body started to shake in a fit. Her system was shutting down.

_Why the fuck didn't have humans have a redundant nervous system!?_

He threw himself into the driver’s seat and smashed into the console to remove the autopilot as he gripped the steering wheel and swerved out of the bay, nearly knocking the Asari couple over in his haste to ascend. He rushed almost blindly through traffic until he reached the hospital. She was so still on the back seat...

_So quiet…_

_He had never before heard such silence…_

He jumped from the vehicle as it descended and he wrenched the doors off in his haste to get her out of the back seat. He cradled her protectively to his chest as he barged through the hospital doors with an almighty yell for help as nurses and doctors immediately ran to his side, one pushing a gurney and yelling over the noise for him to put Shepard down so that they could treat her.

He watched her get wheeled away and he fell into the nearest chair with his hands on his head.


	41. Fix you - by coldplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to INSIST that if you want to know where im coming from in this chapter, you listen to FIX YOU - by Coldplay before reading. If you are familiar with it, then great. The words that i couldn't get out, the ones i couldnt type out to explain just how i felt - how Garrus is feeling at this moment - are all in the lyrics of this song. I know it's a short chapter after so long of no updates - but it's all i have in me at the moment. 
> 
> Thank you again for all your patience, support and love for this story of mine.

Taking his armour off piece by piece Garrus grimaced as he caught the back of his fringe, bringing a hand up to rub at the tip as it thumped painfully from the knock he had just given it. He shook off the pain and scolded himself for not paying attention. He walked over to the weapons lockers, carrying his armour and he spotted the rags and lotions used to clean them. Swiping them up with one hand and grunting as his armour’s weights suddenly shifted full force onto the other arm. He hobbled off balance to a corner of the room and spotted a crate on which to sit while he cleaned everything.

Dropping it all onto the floor with a clang, he sighed and flexed his arm to gain back some sort of sensation in it other than pain. As he methodically cleaned piece after piece he couldn’t stop his face from contorting into the dopiest smile imaginable – his mandibles stretched so wide he was in danger of dislocating them. _Spirits_ but he couldn’t wait to meet his son. He wanted to place his hand on his mate’s belly and feel the life beneath flutter and kick as he grew. He wanted to speak to his son while he was still in the womb, so that when he came out to join the world, he would know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his father loved him more than life itself.

He would teach him to shoot as soon as he was strong enough to hold a gun, teach him to defend himself from those that sought to harm him. He wanted to run his hand over his sons crest lovingly while he tucked him into bed at night, chirping his goodnights and conveying his love as all Turians do; through the use of subvocals. His smile dipped marginally as he remembered that the child may not be full Turian but could end up more human than hybrid or Turian. What then? _No matter,_ he shook his head. If his son couldn’t understand his subvocals he would spend the rest of his days telling his son – _in words_ \- just how much he was loved.

_And Shepard?_

He would never let go of her again. He would keep her in his arms for the rest of his life if he could. The two of them would get married the human way, move into a nice house somewhere where he could unleash his artistic skills in all its madness… fortifying it to the best of his wicked imagination so that no one could get near them without him being aware of it. He would spend his time holding her hand, _above all else_. After all they had experienced together sexually, he found that what jumped out most in his mind, what made him _ache_ , was the simple act of holding her hand between his, feeling her pulse through his palm, how her thumb would subconsciously rub along his finger as they talked.

The simple things in life he decided were always worth fighting for.

The two of them could have more children and they could watch them grow up as they themselves grew old. But none of that would matter, because they would be doing it together. He took a shuddering breath as the thoughts in his head of how their life could be, washed through him, leaving a longing in his heart that threatened to consume him.

_One more day Vakarian he chanted, one more day and then you can feel complete._

_You can sleep._

_You can eat._

_You can feel alive._

He chuckled once again at the very welcome notion that he was going to be a father and packing his armour away into the locker, he checked the time through his visor. _Huh…_ it was still quite early there on Illium. If he called her would he wake her up? The problem with being on a ship in space was that he easily lost track of time as they blitzed through one relay to the next. It’s like time had no meaning and he tamped down on a feeling of impatience as it filtered through his brain. _Soon_ he chanted again.

Picking up his rifle from its holder next to his locker, he sat back down on the crate and disassembled his rifle. The silver nuts, bolts and mods gleaming by the time he had cleaned them. Satisfied he picked up a few and placing them in correct order, brought them up to his weapon on his lap…

The pieces of his gun slipped between his shaking fingers, the nuts and bolts rattling across the metal floor, the sound echoing across the empty cargo hold. Ringing in his ears deafening him as his heart constricted in his chest. He gasped for breath as his hand came up to rub over his chest, his eyes widening in shock at the sudden pain that lanced through him as if though he had just been viciously stabbed.

He doubled over as the gun clattered to the floor and putting a hand on the floor in front of him...he fell to his knees, clutching his chest as a moan of absolute despair escaped his throat. He gasped… with an urgency he couldn’t explain, his mind racing as it fought to come to the right conclusion… _he was dying_.

His mate, his love, his whole reason for living, was somewhere out there and dying. _Alone._ And he was helpless to stop it.

_He had failed her.._

_He failed them.._

_His son… his wife… his own life…_

Panic gripped him, his body started to fight the unnatural termination of itself, his chest heaving, sucking in air desperately as his heart beat continued to slow. A sluggish beat, a painful thump – an ache of loss so overwhelming that he was suddenly filled with crystal clear clarity. He fell forward, his body making a dull thud against the floor as he gave a final shuddering breath..

_It’s ok!_

_It’s all ok now._

_It’s…_

_I never wanted to live without you anyway Shepard_


	42. Death is just the beginning.

‘’Vakarian! Vakarian, wake up!’’

He blinked…

_Wait, why was he blinking? Why was he even thinking? How could he do either if he was dead? No, no matter, his mate was dead… he closed his eyes again._

‘’Dammit Vakarian!’’

Garrus startled back into life, into his body, as a hard blow across his face forced him to inhale a steady rush of air through his lungs in shock. He gasped and wheezed as a coughing fit over took him and he clutched at his chest, his eyes wide and unfocused. Two Salarians walked over to his bunk and held him down as he started to thrash, his talons now lashing out, tearing the sheets. He growled and snarled as they placed restraints over his wrists.

‘’Vakarian, you need to _calm down._ I know this is unsettling but you’re only making it worse by struggling.’’ A familiar yet distant voice said.

His mind was racing, his thoughts flitting from one memory to the next as he _clawed_ his way to reality and he latched onto a memory of Shepard, as her face swam before his eyes.

‘’Let me die.’’ He whispered.

‘’Don’t be absurd Vakarian. Do you know how long it took just to bring you back in the first place?! For over an hour we’ve struggled to get your heartbeat back and now you ask me to just let you die all over again. _Ridiculous!_ ’’ Bau huffed and walked over to the window in the small med-bay, leaning against it as he breathed a sigh in relief and weariness.

‘’Then kill me…’’ Garrus rasped again, ‘’I can’t live without my mate… You… you… You had _no right_ to bring me back to live without her!’’ he suddenly screamed, a crazed look on his face as he fought the restraints holding him down, an agonising moan of sadness erupting from his throat as his subvocals hummed a song of pain, echoing up from his soul.

‘’Garrus… Your mate may be dead, or like you, she may have gotten help in time. If the ships VI didn’t alert us to your vitals dropping you would have been well and truly dead. Gone forever. I did what I had to do, what I thought was right. You are to become a spectre Garrus, if nothing else, now that you are alive again you _owe it_ to your mate to at least try and do some good in the universe.’’

‘’There _is_ no good in the world without her. My child, my mate… they are both _dead_ … and I’m here alone… all alone, with nothing but bittersweet memories. That’s not living Spectre, that’s existing. I don’t want to do either without her.’’ He keened, closing his eyes again and turning his head into the pillow as shudders passed through his body, his emotions choking him.

Spectre Bau watched the turian all but cry in desperation for his mate and he swallowed pack the words of condolence or pity that threatened to spill forth. _Empty platitudes_ \- that’s all they would be. There was a high chance that his mate was dead and that he may never be forgiven for damning this now broken Turian to a life of sorrow… and yet, he somehow still held out hope that she was alive. He knew that she would have had to been severely injured and died, for Garrus to have followed after her but he had also been witness to man’s resilience when it came to survival.

‘’Vakarian. You said you spoke to your mate and that she was currently on Illium, yes?’’ he asked as he shuffled about in front of the window. Bau saw a barely perceptible nod from the now silent figure.

‘’So we will go there and find her. Alive or dead Vakarian, you will get answers. If she truly is dead, I will not stop you from following her again and although I do not condone revenge, I will see to it that we bring the ones who caused her death to a swift and just end.’’ He said and saw a flicker of life in the Turians eyes at the _promise_ of vengeance.

‘’However, if she _is_ alive…’’ he trailed off and once again the life in his young pupil’s eyes dimmed.

‘’I _felt_ her die Spectre. The pain… was indescribable. The void in my soul right now… I would never be able to fully explain to you… I know she’s dead. I felt it. ‘’ Garrus repeated, a shaky breath making his mandibles flutter against his cheeks with the force of trying to contain it.

‘’Sleep now, Garrus. We will arrive on Illium within the next few hours. I have pushed my ship to her limits, but I think in this case she’ll forgive me.’’ He muttered before leaving the room, nodding to the doctor on his way out.

‘’This will help you sleep.’’ The doctor whispered as he felt a whoosh of air against his neck, a twinge… and then the sweet _bliss_ of darkness once more

*********************************************

‘’We’re here Garrus.’’ Bau said, walking into room several hours later.

His protégé had not spoken a single word since he had woken. He looked him over and noticed his defeated posture, the way he seemed to have almost caved in on himself as he sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes closed yet again, while his six fingers idly drew circles around themselves. Bau sighed and brought up a skinny arm to rub at one of his horns, a headache of part-frustration-part-sympathy forming behind his eyes at Garrus’ _apathetic_ attitude.

‘’Get your armour on and come with me.’’ He grumbled, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

‘’ _She could be alive you know!_ Now get your ass off that bed and sort yourself out. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but could you _really_ live with yourself if she was somehow still in need of help and you were still sitting here. Get your ass moving!’’ He hissed and grabbed the Turians elbow as he tried to drag him up.

Garrus snarled at him and pushed him away as he walked over to his locker in the room and proceeded to get dressed without another word.

 _Anger…_ Bau hummed. This was good… this was at least some sort of emotion compared to the utter misery he had been projecting. Anger he could deal with, channel and mould into focus like no other emotion. Bau leaned against the wall and crossed his arms as he saw Garrus activate his omnitool and start to type manically.

‘’What are you doing?’’ he asked.

‘’I’m…ahem, letting my family know what happened and that should I find out that my mate has not survived that I will not be returning to them. I have very few possessions and the little I do have... is all wrapped up in Shepard.’’ He said quietly.

Garrus sucked in a deep breath and pulled up Liara’s contact information. His finger hovered over the call button as his body started to shake in fear at the outcome of this call. He once again understood that his death would come one way or another – either through her words, her confirmation that Shepard _was_ dead or by him fighting to death to avenge her. Bau was correct in saying that it was a good thing that he was currently alive. This way he could do one last thing for her before he joined her and his son.

The connection crackled briefly as a link was established and beneath his feet he could feel docking procedures take place as they landed on Ilium’s space port.

‘’Garrus! _Oh, Goddess_ Garrus!’’ he heard her sob and strangely enough, in that moment, he felt no despair, no pain, no revelations, nothing - but the feel of calmness and acceptance wash over him.

_Ah…she was dead._

_He knew this._

_He knew that she was dead._

‘’Where are you Garrus? You need… Goddess, you need to get to the hospital… _right now!_ ’’ another muffled sob escaped her.

‘’I don’t need to identify her body Liara… I can’t... _Spirits, I can’t see her that way_. I know... I know she’s d-d… _Fuck! I know what happened._ ’’ He nearly snarled, only to have his breath hitch as he continued to listen to her sob.

‘’ _No, no no_ Garrus. She’s alive! I swear to the Goddess, she’s alive... she’s so hurt Garrus, so so _hurt._ There’s only so much the doctors here can do for her… You need to come right now. I’ll send you the address. Hurry please!’’ she begged and he could do nothing but stare at his wrist as the connection ended.

_No, he couldn’t believe._

_He wouldn’t allow himself to believe that she somehow lived._

_Dammit…_

_Fuck!_

He had felt her die, he had felt his soul being ripped apart… how the fuck could she still be alive when _he knew…_ what he knew… the bond... the _bond between their souls didn’t lie_.

It couldn’t.

Bau startled him as he felt his presence behind his shoulder and he turned around slowly to face the salarian, who had a small smile on his face.

‘’Not all hope is lost then Vakarian. You still have time. _Run…_ run and be with your mate. I’m right behind you.’’ He said and Garrus nodded once before his body moved into action, his feet echoing harshly across the ships steel floors as they landed and as soon as the doors to decontamination let him off he looked down at the message with the address and for the first time since he died... he felt a flicker...

A small flicker of … something, creep into his soul.

 _Life… love…_ his mind whispered and he ran to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good lord, where to begin since my last chapter... Ok, so yes, this one is morbid. I will freely admit to that. Heres a quick recap on my life for the past three months.
> 
> I found a temprary position at a respectable company three months ago, my contract was up for review at the end of october, looking in to be becoming permanent. I dabble across facilities, finance, sales and marketing and its the most responsibility i have ever had in a job and it fucking tires me out. I've had two days off for a chest infection since then.
> 
> Secondly, my partner and i bought our first house together and we move in November. STRESS!!
> 
> Thirdly and most importantly - last week my grandad died, unexpectedly from a heart attack whilst in hospital. He was there for a biopsy for his cancer and he goes and has two massive heart attacks and dies.. needless to say - i lost my shit. I live in the UK with my partner and my entire family is back in south africa. To be seperated from them at this time, missing my grandads funeral has fucked up parts of my personality that were already skewed to begin with. I am now walking about with alot of anger at this situation. We - they- cremated him on Thursday and i took two days off for compassionate leave this Tuesday. 
> 
> Only to find out that i wasnt entitled to compassionate leave because i'm a temp and i work through an angency so this means that i also lost out on money. To add insult to injury, when i asked my 'boss' for some time off to mourn my grandads passing she asked me - an i shit you not - how long this was going to take (my grief over him dying) and if this was going to be an ongoing thing because if i took off any more days they would not keep me on as a permanent member of staff in october because i had missed two training sessions. I got to work this morning to be told that they are choosing someone else for the role and that i have to find work somewhere else now.. 
> 
> Christ, i cannot explain to you how utterly dejected and hopeless i feel right about now when im not going around snapping a my poor partner - who doesnt know half the time whether comforting me or leaving me alone is the right thing. 
> 
> Suffice it to say - shit sucks right about now... and i know there are people worse off out there and i sympathise with them.. but seriously... *sigh* i am now tired.
> 
> Enjoy the short chapter if you can - next one Garrus and Shepard finally meet - lots of fluff (hopefully) and a small altercation between two men should make it mildly interesting.
> 
> Thanks for all the support and love so far!
> 
> And its my birthday on Monday. FFS

**Author's Note:**

> First time EVER writing anything. I prefer my nose in a book. Wont ask you to go easy because at the end of the day everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I hope a few people will enjoy this because i loved writing it.


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